The environment in which Estina grew up was very warm. Estina herself was rather cold-blooded but her family was kind of hilarious with their simplicity.The towel they put on my forehead was cold and my eyes were feeling heavy. My mind was slightly drifting and my body was trembling with cold chilling me down to the bones. I had heard others say that when the consciousness becomes blurry, the boundaries inside our memory begin to merge and collide. Perhaps, that was the reason the memories of my real-life slowly started flooding my consciousness…

 

I was a high school student born into an extremely ordinary family. I grew up in an environment that was neither too fancy nor too poor.

My family was just a normal ordinary family. Both my parents used to work and come home late at night. Since I was a high school student, the moment I came back home I just locked myself in my room and stayed busy by myself. Like any other families in our situation, we also had a lack of time to properly converse with each other and we had difficulty even find enough time to just sit down for a meal together.

Although it could not be said that my social life was a mess, there was this thing about it. I was not a loner but when I joined others in a conversation, it would instantly become kind of awkward.

My friends were also less talkative around me. I often felt like I was floating alone even when I was with everyone.

It was nothing out of the ordinary but I sometimes felt like I was all alone in the world. It made me feel really lonely at times.

During such a time, I started picking up romantic fantasy novels due to a friend’s recommendation.

From all the numerous works that I read, I was drawn to only one of the characters. It was my favorite character, Raon and I quickly fell in love with him.

To be honest, I had friends and it was not like I had problems with my family. I did not have any specific problems in my life.


I had one specific desire in my life which was to meet Raon and that desire kept getting bigger and bigger. At last, my obsession reached the borderline of delusion and I started daydreaming about Raon. So the moment I got struck by lightning, I lost all my hopes.

I thought, “It seems like my daydreaming of Raon has come to an end.”

Afterward, when I realized that the surroundings in which I found myself after waking up were not a dream and I had possessed someone, the image of Raon flickered through my brain and all of it clicked together in place.

‘Awesome! The moment has finally come. So I am really inside the book and currently possessing someone else’s body, right?’

“Hallelujah!” I even yelled out in joy.

‘So I won’t even think about going back to my real life. I will miss neither my parents nor my friends. No, I won’t miss anything or anyone! If possible, I will remove all memories of them from my head.’

It was not that I did not have any love for my family or that my friends were not precious to me, but above everything else, the person whom I wanted to see the most, Raon, was there.

Raon was my whole world.

My fingertips trembled as I moved them and I spoke with a small, weak voice to the people beside me who were taking care of me.

“Mommy………Betty…………”

“E-Estina! What’s wrong?”

“I…… I have a request.”

“I’ll do anything for you, so just tell mommy.”

“Please help me get better.”

‘…so that I can bake bread in the morning so that I can meet Raon.’

“Please……….Mommy……okay………?”

As the Duchess proceeded to hug me with a pitiful look on her face and drew me into her warm embrace, I became extremely sleepy.

‘I cannot fall asleep like this. If I don’t get up early to …..meet Raon….I……..’

***

“That’s not possible.”

“Why?”

“The Duchess has asked me not to let you go outside today, My Lady.”

“What nonsense is that! Look at me! I am fine! I even woke up at dawn today and baked bread.”

The bread was a bit weirder than usual and it got burned in some places, but it was true that I had baked it. Despite my earnest gesture trying to exaggerate how healthy I was, Sir Lerde shook his head.

“I am really going to stab those knights if you keep acting like this, okay?”

“……….Still, it’s not possible.”

“Then at least go tell my mother.”

“What should I tell her?”

“If she doesn’t let me go outside, I’ll torment the maids all the time I spend inside the house and I’ll make them quit their jobs.”

Sir Lerde quickly went his way with a worried face.

I knew that it would not take long, so I sat on the bed and waited patiently.

As expected, very soon Sir Lerde appeared before me again and told me that he got permission for me to go out, but on one condition.

“Lady Estina, we will not be practicing with our swords today.”

“No, I can’t do that.”

“And why can’t you do that?”

“If I do that, Raon will find out that I am sick.”

It was true that I wanted any kind of attention from Raon but at the same time, I did not want to get in the way of his practice. Right then, he needed to get stronger than ever.

Sir Lerde shook his head at my stubbornness. “I see you really can’t be stopped,” he murmured.

I replied to him with a devilish smirk of my own.

Even though he knew I had come, Raon did not look back at me even once. He made a slight bow to Sir Lerde and continued concentrating on his practice.

I was being treated like a ghost but that was something I expected, so I decided not to give too much thought to it.

When I looked around, Lucas was nowhere to be seen.

Lucas’s absence only meant that there was no way Raon would be voluntarily talking to me. Still, it seemed that he would at least eat the bread I baked since he had made a promise to Lucas. Raon was someone who always kept his promises unconditionally.

With Sir Lerde’s anxious eyes behind my back, I approached the wooden pole next to Raon and picked up my stick.

“Sir Lerde. How many swings today?”

“…..Let’s start lightly with ten swings.”

“That’s too easy! I’ll do it two hundred times as always!”

To be honest, my body still felt hot and my head was buzzing, but this was not a big deal. I had made up my mind not to succumb to it.

‘I can do it.’

“Ura-cha-cha-cha!”

I knew I could continue with my practice somehow.

For a while, I repeatedly swung the stick and rested, and then swung the stick and rested again while wiping away my sweat and controlling my breathing. Sometimes I spied on Raon’s practicing and seeing him hard at work made me blush and sweat even more.

Raon’s face maintained his usual straight look.

‘Anyway, look at this. I knew I could do this if I had put enough spirit into it. By the way…umm. I am really normal and fine right now but why am I suddenly seeing two wooden poles? Is this a magic trick that multiplies things? Hahaha……….’

The moment I realized what was happening, my head was already spinning like a drunken man.

‘This can’t happen. I can’t be a hindrance to him. Why can’t I at least control the direction where my body falls? Why do I have to fall towards Ra…..on………..!’

My body tilted to the side and I closed my eyes.

‘Huh? Am I feeling a person’s warmth…?’

It was cold at first but the heat emitting from the body started to make me warm. That was the first thing I noticed. I guessed Sir Lerde ran up to me and caught me. I felt thankful.

“…Lady Estina.”

Badump!

I did not expect to hear the soft low tone of a boy. My heart was pounding. ‘No way! Could this warmth belong to Raon?’

I wanted to ask who it was but I was so dizzy that my voice would not even come out.

“I think it will be better if you stop practicing for today.”

Is my everyday mantra “I won’t hurt you. I won’t bring you pain” working slightly now?

“I hate being interrupted in my practice.”

At that moment, I clenched my fists and made a decision.

‘Let’s work harder at brainwashing him more in the future!’

Raon’s body temperature was very unusual. Was it because his sweat was cold? Although it felt cold at first, it began to feel warmer and warmer and somehow he even started to smell sweet.

To the past me: good job getting sick!

“….Did you not even take care of yourself to get to this point?”

An infinitely cold venom rained down on me. But it was easier said than done.

‘I wanted to let you know the taste of good food and I wanted to practice together more…….. And I wanted to see you above all. I am really greedy when it comes to you. But I guessed I relied a little too much on my non-existent stamina.’

I desperately tried to get a hold on myself and stay awake but my head felt like it was going to burst. My consciousness became increasingly blurred.

Still I did not want to close my eyes and give in to oblivion just yet. I wanted to feel Raon’s warmth more but my head started to hurt too much. Dang it! Was it because my heart was beating so fast? The fever seemed to be rising too.

I knew that I had overworked.

My head hurt and I felt like I was just spinning round and round non-stop.

‘Oh. I don’t know anymore. I won’t think too much anymore. Raon, I just really…’

“Missed you…”

***

The feeling of lightness with the body floating in the air wrapped me. My mind was blurry, still I could feel it.

‘I am being carried by someone.’

I thought it was an enchanting dream as a distinct scent filled up my senses, the sweet and tickling scent of Raon which I would never be able to forget.

The probability of Raon carrying me was zero to none, so that was definitely a dream. I knew that but human emotions are really interesting. We want the good dreams to be our reality and our bad dreams to be just dreams. We want to use the dream as a medium of escape.

‘So let’s just go along with it. Snap. This is reality!’

“….Raon, you know…”

I thought it would be better to think that at least half of it was a dream. That way, at least half of Raon’s displeasure would be reduced in the coming conversation.

I felt a bit relieved though because whether in a dream or in reality, Raon would not answer me back. If he did, I might get confused.

‘Raon, whether it is in a dream or in reality, anywhere, anytime…’

‘I will always…be by your side.’ It was three days later when I woke up again.

***

“Sir Lerde! Quickly! Quickly! Walk faster!”

“My Lady! If you run like that, you will fall.”

“Then I’ll just get up and run again! So just hurry up!”

“My Lady, there’s something I have to tell you-….”

“I don’t have time to talk right now!”

I had been bedridden for three days. All I did during those three days was to sleep and I did not see Raon at all.

‘So how could I not be in a hurry? I am totally at my limit! I think I am about to die from missing Raon!’

I sprinted up and I reached the top of the familiar high mountain running out of breath. Right then, I saw two familiar men resting on a stone by the side of a wooden pole.

“Raon! Lucas!”

Lucas looked up with a bright face contrasting Raon’s cold one.

‘Raon, we haven’t seen each other in such a long time, so aren’t you being a bit rude to me?’

No, that was not it. It was all due to his past with me. I decided to remember that always.

After greeting them, I quickly went back to my normal routine like a fish back in the water and started swinging my stick non-stop. It felt very light as if the stick was made with feathers.

After that, it was time for a fun picnic. Raon and the rest were still practicing hard, so I started preparing the picnic ahead.

The wind was blowing gently. The cry of a bird could be heard. And, the smell of fresh fragrant bread was in the air.

Humming to myself, I picked up a piece of bread and checked its beautiful color.

‘Hmm…it’s perfect and the softness and moisture of it are just right!’

While appreciating the bread, I looked at my fingers and found out that my nails were split and were in a mess.

There were calluses on my hands due to my sword practice and constant bread making.

‘Betty is going to stir up a storm if she finds out my hands are in this state while talking about the dignity of a great and noble lady and whatnot. Dang it!’

While I was removing my split nails without hesitation……….

“What are you doing?”

At that moment, a shadow appeared over my head. A cold gaze fell on me from its shade.

‘Huh? Umm…Why is Raon like this again?’

I did not even do anything. Could I have done something wrong?

“Are you going to put your fingernails in that bread?”

“Huh?”

I was really taken aback by what I heard.

Yes, that was it. In the novel, Estina tried to put her fingernails in Raon’s food.

He was just questioning since there was a history of that.


‘Had I remembered this, I would have put down the bread before removing my nails! Ugh!’

‘Wh-what do I do? He is staring. He is clearly sending daggers with his eyes!’

“Umm…Raon! Y-you are mistaken! I really wasn’t trying to put my fingernails in the bread!”

He still looked at me suspiciously. His face showed zero trusts in whatever I said.

‘Dang it! What should I do?’

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With a disgusted face, Raon opened his mouth to speak again, and at that moment…

“Wow! Bread! Woah. It smells delicious. Thanks for the meal, My Lady!”

Lucas took a seat next to me looking really delighted. Sir Lerde sat down next to him as if it was very natural.

“Thank you for the meal. I’ll eat well.”

Sir Lerde graciously gathered his hands and accepted the bread and just like that, the flow of the picnic went back to normal again.

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