The Heart of Gaia

==

*GASP!*

I awoke to the dark confines of my cell, a single Viscorr lamp hang above my head that dimly lit my prison.

*Hic!*

Tears streamed down my face as memories of my dying father eternally scarred my mind. His last words were as clear as the broad daylight. It replayed over and over in my feeble mind.

"L-Live."

His voice seemingly ghastly in my thoughts.

"Why?!" I said trembling.

How was I suppose to live without him? Why did I have to lose him? He can't be dead. He's the strongest person I know!

"He can't..." I told myself.

"He can't be dead yet! GAH!"

With a deep breath I screamed towards the rocky ceiling I faced. Why was he always so selfish, he left me in this world to rot, I just wanted him to be by my side.

Come to think of it, the first thing that I came to was this very confinement. Apparently from what Hackmann told me, I botched the operation and that costed a lot of lives.

"I didn't do anything!" I told myself.

They accuse me of all these things that I didn't even do.

Me? killing thousands of lives? I admit I killed once but it was to save my father!

"LET ME OUT!!"

I lashed at the cold metal bars pleading for my freedom.

It had been weeks since the last time I saw the sun, the darkness was driving me insane as images of my late father came with it was vivid.

His lifeless body laying on the unforgiving ground, that graying life deprived eyes which resembled a dead fish was traumatizing. His exhausted body was laid with deep and unrecoverable wounds.

Hard to fathom where he got those from.

*Tsk!*

"Get out of my head!" I pleaded with frustration.

"Son..."

His ghostly voice called out to me. How come I felt so guilty when I remembered his rugged face. Not even a slightest memory reminded me of what had happened before I saw his death.

Father, where are you? please help me...

I know you're still out there, I don't want to be here anymore.

Let's go home, back to Yorkburgen--I miss the smell of freshly baked goods from the nearby bakery, Those silly times with Jack and you, under the same roof I grew up in.

I squirmed like a worm on the floor holding my hands against my face that dripped with snot, sweat and tears. My eyes had already dried out, puffed up that couldn't release a single drop of liquid.

My clothes were ragged as there were no areas to relieve myself of sanitary needs--A spot inside the cell was drenched with piss and shit, it's stench roamed about that was absolutely dreadful to my nose.

"LET ME OUT!" I shouted.

Damn this place! how come this had to happen to me?! I just wanted to be free and be normal, to explore parts of the world like people my age.

All of this would have never happened If I didn't left home that day...

"IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" I shouted.

"You're right, it is your fault."

A familiar voice dragged me back to reality.

I stared at the shadow that crossed beneath the metal bars of my cage, I traced it back to it's owner and there I saw him.

I couldn't forget his aggressive look. He wore a down-right condescending gaze towards me that symbolized his apathy and disgust.

With a cold shoulder I turned my back against him continuing to wallow in my own sadness. What right did he have to judge me with those eyes.

"Look I don't care if you ignore me or not, I just want you to know that could you please shut the hell up?!" Hackmann said.

"You're not the only one locked up in here! and You're bothering everyone else!" He added.

I couldn't care less as the voices other than the one in my head constantly drowned it out.

"Do you understand?!"

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" He continued.

"I-It's not my fault..." I whispered.

"What?! did you say something?"

"I SAID IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I DIDN'T DO SH*T!"

I jumped against the bars with our faces meeting upfront.

"You're pathetic..." He sneered.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL!"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE SOMEONE DEAR TO YOU?!" I added.

His already aggravated face deepened further into displeasure at my sentence.

"Yes! I do! I lost a lot of friends and comrades because of you..."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied hesitantly.

"YOU DON'T KNOW?!" He shouted.

"YOU ALMOST DESTROYED AN ENTIRE CITY! INNOCENT LIVES WERE LOST! SIR HAD TO LOSE AN EYE BECAUSE OF YOU'RE INABILITY TO FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS!"

"W-what?!"

"Don't play dumb with me! You even killed your own father in the process!"

"N-no, I DIDN'T!"

"YES YOU DID! I SAW IT WITH BOTH MY EYES! I WAS THERE!"

"How can you forget all of that?! You f*ckin' psychopath!" He followed.

*Ack!*

My eye-sight starts to fade away, blurring the image of the man that stood in front of me--Visions started rising from my mind, each of it was vividly passing through my consciousness.

Floating in the sky, destruction everywhere, the voices of despair reverberating about, The large Viscorr and finally....

"S-son! snap out of it! I know you're in there!"

Huh? Where am I? this place seemed familiar.

"F-father?!"

He faced directly towards me while clinging to both my arms that were glowing intensely. Somehow I couldn't answer, my body wasn't currently responding as it moved on it's own.

The large Viscorr behind him was resonating, it's light grew brighter and weaker in that order. I felt it calling towards me, enticing me with it's vibrance.

"SON! COME ON!" He pleaded.

Try as I might, I could vaguely hear him as if my whole being was submerged in water. Ocean water that basked under the warm sunlight of midday.

It's as if I was in another realm, a plane of existence where the physics of my physicality couldn't manifest. I couldn't move my body as it was bound by tendrils of energy I saw around me. It's soothing effect made me feel drowsy.

*SHING!*

Abruptly a beam of light flashed before me. It woke my senses.

"Bleugh!"

What I saw was my father coughing blood from the wound he had just received. The flash of light that came from my chest, pierced through his unexpectedly.

With all my might I tugged at the ethereal chains that held me captive, but the unsightly horror that unfolded in my mind brought me back to reality.

"NO! NO! N-NO!" I exclaimed.

I curled up from where I stood, "What was that?" I thought.

"YES! YES! you want to know how he died?!" He said in spite.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! SHUT UP!"

"You killed him! with magic! it pierced through him like a sword!"

"NO! I DIDN'T DO IT! NO!"

Then those visions earlier? were all true?

I sobbed and wept again at the thought that I killed my very own father, the mixture of emotions was unsettling as my nerves couldn't calm down.

As a result I regurgitated from the guilt and disgust of my very own actions.

"I didn't want to deal with you but I was assigned to guard duty..."

I could barely hear his voice as my own mind was too preoccupied by my own despair. Tired was I of life, this unimaginable pain and suffering had affected my being wholly.

The guilt stuck to my throat making it dry and coarse, with a simple gulp I could choke to death from my very own saliva. The grief lingered within my eye sockets that uncontrollably leaked out liquid sorrow; if there was any left.

The disgusting ways of my actions stirred my stomach, causing my impulsive vomiting--Emotions of all kinds bound themselves within the confines of my mind.

"I-I can't stand this..." I muttered.

"What?"

Only my endless groaning and moaning answered him.

*Sigh*

"You know what? I really do pity you..."

"I didn't do it, I didn't, no, I didn't..." I kept uttering.

"Anyways, I have news for you whether you like it or not."

"Madame Cordelia will visit you at a later date, she's bringing the final verdict against you." He continued.

"You best prepare yourself..."

The fleeting sounds of his footsteps indicated that he left already. As he left I saw a small knife behind his back that seemed enticing to my current predicament; a solution.

"What do you think you're doing?" It said with worry.

A voice resounded in my head as I closed my weary eyes. In the darkness that came before me was a familiar entity.

"Why do you care?"

It remained silent. For a brief moment earlier I remembered everything, it added to my already decaying mental state. Then I realized...

"IT WAS YOU! IT'S YOUR FAULT! IF ONLY I DIDN'T ACCEPT YOUR STUPID POWER! MY FATHER WOULDN'T HAVE DIED!"

"All actions come with consequences."

"You said that you'll help me save my father! why did you lie to me?"

"I only gave you power to save your father and you accepted it, I did not lie."

"I NEVER WANTED THIS POWER! I JU-JUST WANTED TO SAVE HIM!"

"I cannot give something that you don't have."

"SHUT UP!"

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! DON'T EVER F*CKING SHOW UP!" I Threatened.

I carelessly swung my arms towards this non-existent being hoping, hoping that it'll know what pain feels like...

"As you wish..."

At the end of it's sentence, it vanished without a trace. With it was the large glowing orb of energy that we stood upon. What resulted was the endless void that epitomized the vast unbridled emotions that clung to my very existence.

I was finally alone, in mind and in body.

what ensued for the next week was me, swallowed by the monstrous being called depression.

It had consumed me from the tips of my toes, all the way to the top of my head.

*CLANG!*

"Your food!"

Another tray wasted for the likes of me.

Everyday trays of nourishment made it's way in between the bars below, it remained untouched as each time the thought of food made me feel uncomfortable and queazy.

Each of it had been stacked on one another, filled with spoiled and rotten food that radiated within the cell; it didn't bother me.

I was hungry, body and soul--but even the slightest smell of fresh food made me gag with disgust.

I didn't even touch the food, as my pesky companions already knew that it was theirs to keep. So instead I reached for the water.

It was the only thing I could stomach, each time it ran down my throat; I felt relieved. As if it took away the sins I carried with each gulp.

"Ugh..." I groaned.

As my weary arm was trembling towards the metal cup, I saw my body that had been reduced to skin and bones. My skin was pale as my father's lifeless corpse, my nails were dreadful which was riddled with dirt.

The cup felt cold within my feeble grasp.

*CLINK* *SPLASH!*

The water spilled in front of me as I tried to take a sip.

I saw my reflection in the water, my eyes shouted lifeless, as dark circles surrounded it. My bright ginger hair had been reduced into a sorry state, from bright orange that slowly decayed into brown.

My face was comparable to that of a skull, the paleness of my skin was white as snow...

*CLANG* *CLANG*

"HEY! YOU DIDN'T EAT AGAIN?!"

It was Hackmann, I knew. He came every now and then, making sure I ate but no matter what he did I always ended up barfing it up.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE AGAIN!" He said completely annoyed.

I remained staring at the puddle. Completely ignoring his demands.

*Sigh*

I heard the metal door creak wide open as his footsteps tread along ever closer towards me.

"That's enough Hackmann, let him be."

"B-but Madame? he's going to die at this point."

I crawled towards him as fast as I could, I reached for the blade that remained sheathed behind him.

"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

I took the entirety of the knife, unsheathed it and with a swift motion I aimed it towards my neck.

"STOP!"