The Hero Who Returned From Death Quits

91 – EP6. The Great Transformation

Lena rose from her bed with dull eyes. She had managed to get up and look at the sky from the bed, but she still stared out the window with a dreamy gaze.

In fact, she had been in this state for the past few weeks. She couldn’t feel the light of the blue sky or the taste of food, and she had even forgotten where she was. Everything felt hazy and confusing. It had been the events of the past few weeks after reading all the records related to her and the warriors.

She was completely confused.

She resented the warrior because his hesitation had led to the death of her trusted guard. If he hadn’t hesitated, the guard wouldn’t have died.

But was it really a mistake that the warrior had hesitated? Maybe he hadn’t simply let them die out of hatred and full of resentment.

If that was the case, she couldn’t blame him for it.

In her own country, after facing death countless times and helping her country until the end, he had the right to demand justice from those who had killed him.

Then, what should she do? What should she strive for?

She clenched her head. The sky felt as foggy as ever, as if his essence was slowly pulling her in some direction.

She realized she couldn’t continue like this, swallowed in helplessness, but she didn’t have the strength to resist.

When she regained consciousness, that’s right. It was when she had helped Peria.

She had refused, saying she didn’t have the energy, but Peria had pleaded for her help until the end, and she couldn’t refuse.

And after helping her just once, she fell back into inertia.

It was as if she had been anesthetized or drugged; she couldn’t regain her senses.

She was consumed by the compulsion to do something. However, she didn’t know what she should do.

She walked outside absentmindedly.

The sun was bright. The overly bright sun felt unfamiliar.

She could sense the liveliness of the many people.

Here and there, it was so noisy.

Her clouded mind accepted the intense stimulation as pain. No, maybe it was just that she was feeling everything as pain.

In the midst of that, she spotted someone smoking on the street.

She too had her homeland’s tobacco, so she knew what it was, but the fairies considered the mind-fogging tobacco to be sinister, so they regarded it as a poison and did not touch it.

She felt a curious sensation, or perhaps she didn’t even realize she was deceiving herself into feeling that way. But such things probably didn’t matter.

She went to find a tobacco merchant. The merchant welcomed her with a cheerful voice.

“Welcome! It’s the first time I’ve seen a fairy like you in a place like this. Did you come because you’re interested in tobacco?”

Lena nodded slightly.

“hahahaha, I see. In that case, how about this pipe? It’s made of very fine wood…”

She understood the merchant’s rambling words with her foggy mind and nodded appropriately.

“When it comes to this tobacco, it’s from your homeland, Tirenthus. You may not know, but Tirenthus tobacco is considered the finest among the high-quality varieties.”

Lena had heard that her homeland was making a considerable profit trading luxury goods such as tea and tobacco, in addition to dispatching mages and soldiers. When she saw the tobacco, she thought of her homeland.

Her homeland. The homeland she had lived in since she was a child, the homeland she was proud of. And the homeland that had caused her pain by killing and killing, over and over again.

Was her homeland still something to be proud of? She couldn’t say for sure.

She purchased tobacco and a pipe from the merchant and then entered a deserted alley. It felt like she was doing something that shouldn’t be seen by others, a hint of guilt and curiosity.

She filled the pipe with tobacco and tried to light it.

In the process, when the fire didn’t catch, she tried to touch it with her finger and ended up burning her finger.

“Ouch!”

And that burn, that heat, that pain brought her back to reality from her haze.

She found her own appearance ridiculous. She realized that she had made an irreversible mistake, and she had laughed at herself for trying to do what adults had told her not to do and ended up burning her finger.

What would it matter if she became a Grand Master? What difference would it make if she became the strongest among the fairies, or if she became the heir to a kingdom?

All sorts of glorious titles followed her, but she still felt like she was at a standstill.

She chuckled and hesitated before putting her mouth to the pipe that had started to smoke.

Puff!

The hot smoke gave her a sensation as if it were scorching her prayers. She quickly removed the pipe from her mouth and coughed.

“Ugh, ugh…”

She had had enough, but she put the pipe back in her mouth once more.

A bitter and spicy smoke entered her mouth.

Tears seemed to well up. What was the point of smoking this?

She exhaled the smoke. The bitter taste still lingered in her mouth.

“Damn, it’s so bitter, damn it…”

She felt a hot liquid starting to flow from her eyes.

She sat down in the alley, hunched over, with her head down. The pipe she held in her hand was still emitting smoke.

Where does this bitter taste come from now?

Even though she had expelled all the smoke, a lingering bitterness remained in her mouth. The prayers were no longer fervent, yet it felt like a sharp sensation rose from the depths of her lungs.

She leaned against the wall and began to vomit. She hadn’t eaten anything since morning, and all that came out was bile.

It was only then that she realized she hadn’t eaten anything at all.

She continued to retch, expelling the empty contents of her stomach. It was nauseating.

The smoke from the cigarette was repulsive, her own nation that she had killed so many times, everything she had once proudly cherished, was repulsive. She found herself justifying her actions to herself, not knowing what had transpired behind her back. Despite excusing herself, she couldn’t snap out of it and was repulsed by her own actions, so she continued to empty her insides. She vomited tears. She vomited blood.

“This is why I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

She let out a bitter laugh and lit her pipe. She, too, knew a bit of simple magic.

She forced a sad laugh.

“…Should I die?”

Yes, let’s die. Her brother had died from the same inner contradiction that knew that rationally, it was a way to advance the nation, but he couldn’t forget his misery. She knew she didn’t need to worry about it rationally, as the heir to the kingdom. She knew she had to take responsibility, but she couldn’t snap out of her self-loathing and guilt, leading to her death. It wouldn’t be strange.

Seyne said she would meet him and apologize in person. Feria promised to examine his records and find out what had happened to him.

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And Lena, it seemed like she wouldn’t be able to repent or atone for either of them.

The fact that he had saved her, and her nation, wouldn’t change no matter how much she apologized. Apologizing wouldn’t change the past, and she couldn’t bear that fact.

So she made up her mind to die. Partly because death seemed to be the only way to atone, and partly because she couldn’t bear her irreversible past.

Just die. Can’t repay the blood he shed with her life.

So, she thought, she might as well pay for it with at least one death, even if it fell far short.

Lost in such thoughts, she stood up. The burns on her body from the pipe jolted her mind, and her mind turned toward the most intense act of self-destruction, just like her brother had done.

Lena began to move her body with a rustling sound. How should she die? Since she was a sinner, shouldn’t she die in the most agonizing way possible, falling into hell?

As she moved her body with such thoughts, someone grabbed her from behind.

Lena turned around. Sapphire eyes met her gaze.

It was Feria.

“…Feria?”

Lena looked at her and asked.

Feria spoke with a grave voice.

“Let’s go to the mausoleum as quickly as possible. Beatrice is waiting.”

“Beatrice? Why?”

Feria said with a stern face.

“You do know that the dark sorcerers have suddenly started to run rampant, don’t you?”

“Ah, yes.”

A few weeks ago, dark sorcerers suddenly appeared in the empire, causing tremendous casualties. Initially, the empire turned a blind eye to it, but then, as if startled by something, they hastily dispatched their military. From Saein to Debos Serindel, the empire’s forces suffered defeat at the hands of the dark sorcerers. The dark sorcerers extended their influence, even reaching other countries.

Of course, if Lenana Feria and Beatrice were to step in, they could quickly resolve the situation. However, they had no intention of acting for the empire’s sake.

“But why all of a sudden?” Lena asked Feria.

“It seems the influence of the dark sorcerers has reached near Angel’s hometown.”

“What!?”

Lena exclaimed in surprise. Could it be that the dark sorcerers were trying to torment him, who had already suffered enough? That was something she couldn’t tolerate.

“But the important part is what happened next. Large numbers of dark sorcerers appeared in the small villages around Angel’s hometown, kidnapping people… Angel stepped in and took care of them. With Saein, no less.”

Lena stared blankly at Feria.