The Law of Averages

Dan was in Brunswick, on the coast of Georgia, sitting at a corner booth in an ocean themed restaurant. The seats were made of old surfboards, layered on top of each other to form a semi-circle. The table was an artificial clamshell, flattened out and missing its top. The walls surrounding him depicted majestic waves rising high into the air. A concealed speaker above him played the sounds of squawking seagulls and turbulent water.

This new Earth sure loved theming its businesses. Dan might've presumed it a brief fad had the trend not been going strong for over a decade. Themed restaurants, hotels, arcades, parks, if it had a theme it would have an audience.

Once again, Dan was forced to conclude that people were weird.

This particular restaurant had been recommended to him by Margaret, who had visited it some years ago with her niece, Abigail. Said niece would actually be meeting Dan at the restaurant. She was a personal trainer, and Dan desperately needed someone to hold him accountable for his physical fitness. In addition, he hoped to find another reasonable adult to socialize with, as his own circle was sadly lacking. Margaret had arranged the meet, chuckling to herself in an oddly devious way when he mentioned that distance would not be an issue.

A waitress approached him with a menu and a smile. Her skin was lightly scaled and tinted sea green. She seemed to almost sparkle in the light as she approached.

"Welcome to the Lagoon!" she said exuberantly. "My name is Galene and I will be your Nereid for the evening. Have you dined with us before?"

Her voice reverberated oddly, giving it an echoing effect. Fitting for a Nereid to sound as if she was speaking underwater, Dan supposed. Still, the extent that the woman was modified intimidated him slightly. He could see three thin lines along either side of her neck, where gills were concealed. Powers were permanent from what he understood. Did she love the water that much?

"I haven't," he told her, finding his voice.

Her smile widened, showing off stunningly perfect teeth. "Well I'm glad that you've chosen us! Here at the Lagoon we strive to bring you the freshest seafood available anywhere! We also provide an upgrade and modding service for any of your aesthetic needs! Would you like both menus?"

Dan wilted slightly under her hopeful gaze. "I'm already upgraded, ma'am, so just the food menu for me."

"Oh that's quite alright," she replied, bouncing in place slightly. "Our aesthetic mods are compatible with most mainstream upgrades. I can provide a complete list if you'd like to look it over?"

"Ah, no. I'm not interested in that," Dan fumbled about for a polite form of refusal. Mods were a concept that Doctor Mercury had been wholly unfamiliar with. While some powers came with bodily changes, such as the Purrfection upgrade that Dan seemed to see everywhere, the vast majority did not. This was seen as a problem to some, who immediately went about researching ways to safely add body parts to themselves.

They succeeded, wildly so, and a new industry was born.

"That's alright," Galene offered cheerfully. She put a thick binder down on the table. "I'll just leave this here for you to peruse at your leisure."

"Uh, thanks," Dan said awkwardly

"I can see that you are waiting for someone. Should I come back for your drink orders or are you ready now?" the girl continued.

"Just water. Please." Dan added.

"Of course! We love water here at the Lagoon!" She flashed another dazzling smile at him and sauntered off, hips swaying in a motion that would've been hypnotic if she hadn't looked so damn alien.

Dan felt like hyperventilating. This was not his idea of a relaxing meal Margaret! He really needed to expand his horizons if this was considered normal. Before this moment, cat appendages had been the extent of Dan's experience with upgrade aesthetics, and the internet had already prepared him for such sights.

A television screen flicked on in the distance. Dan could just make out the images on the screen. A woman swam through deep water without goggles or a wetsuit. Only her upper body could be seen, performing some sort of butterfly stroke. A dolphin passed her by, chirping happily. She latched on to its fin, and the sea creature dragged her body fully into view. Bare legs kicked at the water, imitating the dolphins manner of swimming. In mere seconds, the limbs fused together, forming a glittering mermaid's tail. She released the dolphin's fin, pumped her new appendage, and shot past it, smiling triumphantly.

"Experience life under the sea with the Little Mermaid Upgrade, only found in the Lagoon," a woman's voice issued from the wall speaker. The sound of seagulls returned moments later, leading Dan to wonder if he'd heard the advertisement at all.

He fidgeted uncomfortably or several more minutes while waiting for Margaret's niece to arrive. Dan's room on Mercury's space station was not particularly large, and he hadn't bothered to stock his closet with much in the way of clothing. This put him in a bit of a pickle, as the nicest outfit he owned happened to be the button-down shirt and slacks that he'd arrived in.

Hopefully Abigail's sense of fashion trended towards business casual. Regardless of whether Dan ended up using her services, he wanted to make a good impression.

As if on cue, a woman fitting Abigail's description entered the restaurant. She was built like an Olympic swimmer, tall and lithe with well-defined muscles. Her dark hair was pulled into a high ponytail that trailed down past her shoulders. A form fitting blouse and tight jeans completed the vision of perfection. Frankly, she looked like she could break Dan in half and he would thank her for it.

Her eyes fell on him in his little corner of the ocean. She approached him swiftly, her posture all business.

"You're Daniel, then?" she asked sharply.

Dan froze like a deer in headlights.

The woman who was almost certainly Abigail continued to stare at him, clearly unimpressed.

Daniel managed to find his voice. "I'm Daniel. You're Abigail— Er, that is, are you Abigail? Hi." It was a poor showing, but at least he'd got his mouth moving again.

"My name is Abigail Summers, Daniel," she said, lowering herself into a seat. She somehow made the act of scooching along a booth look both easy and graceful.

"My aunt told me about your particular needs," she continued, "and advised me to take a firm hand with dealing with you."

Margaret had failed to mention that. What tall tales had that old bat spun about him?

"Call me Dan," he implored. Dan appreciated formality in the workplace, but this just felt odd.

"Dan," Abigail tested the word, then shook her head. "I think not. I will be deciding the rules Daniel, and you will obey. I will be working you hard for the next month. Expect no mercy from me. I'll draw out every speck of endurance that you have and leave you begging for—"

"Let me stop you right there," Dan interrupted quickly. "I don't know what Margaret told you about me, but I was under the impression that this was just an initial meeting."

Abigail stiffened.

"You know, to feel each other out and maybe talk about a specific program...?" Dan continued carefully.

Abigail slowly flushed red. It was actually fascinating to watch; the cherry blush started from her shoulders and slowly crept its way up her neck.

"I wasn't even sure that I'd go through with the whole personal trainer thing," Dan finished.

He could probably bake an egg on Abigail's face. The girl tipped forward, all signs of formality leaving her body, and buried her face in her hands.

"Damnit Nan!" Dan heard her curse beneath her breath.

"Sorry," Dan offered. He didn't know why he was apologizing, but he found it was best to do so anyway, in these sorts of situations.

"It's not your fault," Abigail mumbled from within her hand fortress. "Nan was just playing a joke on me."

Dan frowned. "What exactly did she say to you?"

"She said you were committed to a workout plan but you needed your trainer to act a certain way. Then she... sent me a movie with the character I was supposed to emulate."

Morbid curiousity forced Dan to ask, "What movie?"

"Nevermind!" Abigail squeaked. "There was no movie, don't worry about it!"

"Okay," Dan agreed helplessly.

Abigail continued to weakly groan into her hands.

Dan grinned, trying to salvage the situation. "At least you don't have to be all stern, now? You seem much more approachable like this."

His companion's hands finally dropped away from her face. Hints of red lingered, but a tentative smile appeared. "That's right! I was worried about keeping it up, anyway."

Her eyes briefly flicked over to him. "And I'm sorry for thinking you were a pervert."

"What was that?" Dan asked. The sound of squawking gulls had drowned out her words.

"I said to call me Abby," she repeated with an innocent smile.

"Abby," Dan tested the word, and nodded. He held out his hand. "I like it. Let's start over, shall we? I'm Dan."

They shook hands over their clamshell table, both feeling a little bit more at ease.