The Law of Averages

"I must admit," Gregoir spoke into the cavernous abyss of the entrance hall, "that the interior is not quite as magnificent as the exterior." His voice reverberated off hard walls and floors, echoing back into the assembled group.

Dan glanced around at the shadowed surroundings, then back to his friends who were huddled by the front door. Their breath came fogged in the chilly air, and they all lingered behind Gregoir massive form.

Dan frowned to himself. It wasn't that creepy! Bunch of big babies.

"It's got charm!" he defended once more. His words were more indignant this time, having expected the hardened police officer plus two trainees to be made of sterner stuff. He waved a hand towards the stairs, stepping towards them. "There's nothing to worry"—The wooden floor let out a haunting creak—"about! Let's check out the upstairs."

Abby was the first to comply, glancing between Dan and the rest of the house, before quickly scuttling to his side. She wrapped herself around his arm, pressing against him for warmth.

"There's gotta be a light switch somewhere," she muttered, more to herself than anyone. A cold breeze drifted through the house, and her entire body shivered. "And a thermostat."

"Quite right, Miss Summers!" Gregoir agreed, regaining his vigor. He strolled confidently towards the stairs, ignoring the groaning wooden planks beneath his feet. Behind him, Graham and Freya followed like confused ducklings.

"Why the blazes is it so cold?" Graham grumbled out loud. He peeled himself free of his blazer, passing the cozy outerwear to Freya. She accepted it with a grateful smile, while Graham rubbed frantic circles onto his own shoulders, using the friction for warmth.

"Oh! There's the thermostat!" Abby called from the top of the stairs. She pulled away from Dan's side, skipping towards the ancient device. It was a sort of circular dial, and Abby carefully twisted it to the right. The heat kicked on with grinding screech of metal. Warm air howled through the air vents, and the entire house moaned.

Abby stared at the thermostat with widened eyes. "This is not an improvement."

"It's got charm," Dan repeated weakly. Above him, something began to loudly rattle.

Stupid house! Whose side was it on, anyways!?

Gregoir came up behind him, clapping him on the shoulder consolingly. "Of course it does, Daniel."

Abby made her way back over to him, shaking her head. "I think you'll probably want to fix that." She gestured towards the ceiling, where another air vent struggled against its casing. The flowing air had it vibrating unstably, metal on metal causing a racket.

"That's not the only thing," Freya said, arriving on the second floor with Graham. She glanced to either side, taking note of the long, dark hallway. "You'd need to install some lights as well."

Dan perked up, happy that he could finally address a concern. "Actually, the lighting is fine." He clapped his hands together, loudly. Thin strips of plastic, running along the corners of the hallway, flickered into life. Dan grinned happily. "It's a clapper!"

Three pairs of eyes stared at him, deadpan, while Abby's face rested in the palm of her hand.

"Quaint," Graham stated, after a long pause. "I do approve of the dramatic reveal, however. Nicely done, Newman."

"Ah." Dan cringed. "The sensor is up there." He pointed towards the ceiling, where a small receiver was bolted to the wall, directly above the peak of the staircase. "I noticed it earlier, but... it doesn't seem to register claps from the first floor."

"That's why you kept clapping?" Abby asked incredulously, turning to face him. "You said you were testing the echo!"

"I wanted it to be a surprise..." Dan offered weakly. He glanced around at his assembled friends. It was obvious that whatever good will the clapper had earned him had disappeared after his explanation. Probably better to just move on.

"Let's just keep looking around," he said with a sigh.

The group ventured deeper into the now dimly lit house. The sound of howling air and groaning walls continued as they moved, and a conversation arose in an attempt to drown it out. Gregoir, of course, initiated it.

"How did you meet Daniel, Miss Summers?" the jolly giant asked. He wore a friendly grin as he strolled along, radiating good cheer.

Abby smiled at the question, curling a lock of hair through her fingers. Her other hand found Dan's arm, and she looped herself around it. "My aunt set us up. Danny was looking for a personal trainer, and she recommended me."

"Oho! A personal trainer!? A fellow devotee of the church of fitness!??" Gregoir reeled back, eyebrows raising to his hairline. His grin widened as he straightened to his full height, fists clenched. His chest expanded, lungs the size of oil drums filling to their limit.

Dan, having known Gregoir for a while now, could sense what was about to happen. He had a decision to make. Save himself, or save the girl. With a heavy heart, he covered Abby's ears with both hands. She glanced back at him curiously, but did not have time to question the act.

Gregoir opened his mouth.

"Tremendous!" The enthusiastic bellow shook the hallway; dust and bits of plaster rained down from the ceiling. Graham squawked, hands leaping to cover his ears, and even stoic Freya flinched at the noise.

Gregoir continued, willfully oblivious to the destruction he was causing. "Such wonderful dedication in these troubled times! My heart weeps with joy!" Fat, watery tears gathered at the edges of Gregoir's eyes.

Dan smiled through the storm. Its not like his hearing could get worse at this point. He waited for Gregoir to finish waxing poetical, keeping his hands around Abby's ears all the while. His best friend had kept a polite smile up so far, but Dan could see the frozen incredulity written across her face. He slowly removed his hands once Gregoir's volume had fallen to a low shout.

"Gregoir," Dan interrupted the man before he could start truly bawling, "maybe try having a conversation, instead of just shouting praise?"

The blonde officer blinked, processing this suggestion. The tears disappeared and the wide grin returned. "Of course, Daniel! How could I be so insensitive!?" He turned to face Abby, whose own smile grew strained under the giant's gaze.

"What I meant to say, Miss Summers," Gregoir began, at a volume more appropriate for the indoors, "is that I greatly admire anyone willing to put forth effort into maintaining their body, or who helps others do the same. Especially these days, when simply buying a better body is seen as a viable option." The last sentence was the first time that Dan had ever heard disdain in Gregoir's voice, even if it was minuscule. The giant blonde crooked his arm, bulging muscles showing through his shirt. "As if an artificial effect could ever rival HUMAN SPIRIT!"

"I..." Abby seemed dumbstruck, searching for words. After a brief pause, her brow furrowed, and she spoke again. "I... agree completely. It's a shame how body mods have minimized the need for physical fitness. It's like people don't realize that it's about the discipline of the act, just as much as the health benefits!"

Gregoir brightened immediately. His upper body made a motion that looked like an aborted hug. His eyes flicking briefly to Dan confirmed that theory. The big fellow coughed into his fist, then said, "You are absolutely correct! I have had this argument with my fellow officers many a time! Though police issue upgrades are not usually compatible with over-the-counter body mods, there has been a strong push within the department to fund research in that direction."

"I assume that it would broaden our recruitment pool," Freya commented from the side.

Graham nodded along thoughtfully. "The physical requirements for officers are quite stringent." He glanced quickly to Gregoir. "That's not to say I disapprove of them, but I can see how one might argue against it."

The blonde viking waved his hand dismissively. "The APD has no physical requirements for recruitment."

There was a long, uncomfortable pause, as the two officer trainees stared at him skeptically.

"What?" Gregoir looked between them. "It's true."

Graham looked hesitant to argue, so Freya took the lead.

"That is not what we've been told," she said slowly. "Our teachers were very specific about the qualifications." She paused a beat, then added with minor irritation, "And very thorough in preparing us."

Gregoir shook his head in denial. "Saint George's is an elite academy. Simply graduating almost guarantees an A-class upgrade or higher. Peak fitness is needed to maximize the effect of these upgrades."

"Our professors lied to us?" Graham asked, bewildered. The two former students looked as if such a thing was inconceivable.

"I have never attended Saint George's, so I really couldn't say." Gregoir scratched his chin in thought. "Most likely, they simply implied the idea, and let your subconscious do the rest. Had you bothered to check our official guidelines for recruitment, you'd know that we do not restrict such a thing. It's preposterous to ask all personnel to maintain such a demanding lifestyle."

"Just the ones getting special treatment?" Dan asked dryly.

Gregoir shot him a thumbs up. "Exactly! If you want a powerful upgrade, you must be prepared to work for it! And therein lies my issue with the current research proposal."

"You'd probably have to weaken the upgrade quite a bit, as well," Abby pointed out. She had a relatively decent understanding of how upgrades and mods reacted with the human body. It was all but necessary for her job. "The stronger an upgrade is, the less wiggle room it tends to have for additions."

"Quite so!" Gregoir agreed happily. "However, we're getting off track." He fisted both hands at his waist, granting Abby his full attention. "Now, Miss Summers, how has Daniel been performing under your tutelage?"

"Oh hell," Dan muttered quietly. The last thing he wanted was for Gregoir to pick apart his workout routine. Especially if the thoughtless fellow inadvertently insulted Abby's competence by passing out unasked for advice. He could see that going very poorly.

But Abby seemed to jump at the chance to discuss her profession. That... really should not have surprised Dan. It wasn't like she had all that many friends, and Dan didn't have much to contribute on the topic of fitness. He generally just did whatever she told him to do. With a captive audience, however, Abby immediately launched into an explanation of her favored routines.

Soon enough, Graham and Freya joined in, each offering their own thoughts and personal habits. Advice was passed freely around, and Dan simply watched as his best friend bonded with his closest acquaintances. This was a good day.

Right up until they started mercilessly roasting him.

"He was so shrimpy when I first got him," Abby said, stifling her laughter. She skipped over to Dan, and pressed against his side, her warmth slightly blunting the effect of her next words. "Poor boy could barely do a pushup!"

His teeth began to grind, and Graham looked like Christmas had come early.

"I must admit, he was rather lacking, physically speaking, when we first met as well," Gregoir confided to the group, because he was a complete and utter jackass! "He accidentally interceded in a robbery, and found himself in a spot of trouble. A valiant spirit to be certain, but one not quite matched by his body!" The big man chuckled to himself.

"Please don't tell the story," Dan groaned, rubbing his brow. This couldn't be happening. He should've erased the camera footage, destroyed all evidence of his horrific failure! Then, at least, he could deny deny deny.

"Aunt Maggie told me already," Abby admitted with a grin. She prodded a grimacing Dan in the side. "You threw up on her shoes."

"I haven't heard the story," Graham piped up. The younger man couldn't quite keep the devious smile off his face. "You should absolutely tell that story."

Dan's returned smile promised bloody vengeance. "I don't think that's necessary, buddy." He made a mental note to go for Graham's face the next time they sparred. Hitting the boy's pride was just about the only way of doing real damage to him, and he'd probably be less of a pompous peacock with a broken nose.

"It's okay, Danny, you've gotten a lot better since then," Abby soothed, hugging Dan's waist affectionately. His grumpy frown receded at the pampering, but Abby continued to speak. "Now, you can almost hit me when we spar."

Aaaand the frown was back.

"Hah!" Graham exclaimed loudly. "He faces the same problem with me!"

"The two of you have been sparring?" Gregoir interrupted, delight sprinkled in his tone. "Wonderful!" He seemed to swell with pride and his eyes watered once more. "I am so proud of you both!"

Dan rolled his eyes, pushing Gregoir away before he could be wrapped into another hug. "That's nice, Gregoir. And you!" He jabbed a finger into Graham's shoulder. "I have trouble beating you without my power. I have trouble hitting Abby with my power! Don't even try to compare yourself to her."

Graham, taken aback, turned to Abby for confirmation. She smirked slightly, and nodded.

"Huh," Graham stated dumbly.

Freya eyed her betrothed, unimpressed by his reaction. "She clearly has training, dearest. You told me yourself, remember?"

Graham's turned to his companion, mulling over her words. Something seemed to snap into place, and he jerked back towards Abby. His eyes fogged over slightly, as he remembered the background of who he was talking to.

"A—ah, Miss Summers, I didn't mean to doubt you, I just..." His stammered apology was silenced by Freya, who simply pushed his jaw shut with a clack.

"What my intended means to say," Freya drawled, her hand firmly over the boy's mouth, "is that he is both unused to being outclassed, and suffers from a compulsive need to boast. I'm sure he'll take this experience as an opportunity for growth. Right, darling?" Her hand moved Graham's forcefully up and down, in a nodding motion. "Wonderful."

Abby was smiling at the couple, clearly amused. "I'm happy to hear it." She bit her lip, glancing around the empty hallway that they had been standing in. "Though, we've drifted away from our original purpose here."

Gregoir's eyes widened. "Of course! The inspection of Daniel's prospective home! How could we be so careless!?"

Dan, as thankful as he was for a change in subject, couldn't help but say, "I think that friendly conversation could hardly be described as careless."

The towering blonde considered it. "Hmm. You are correct, my friend." He turned to Abby. "It was a pleasure speaking with you, Miss Summers."

"Abby, please," she replied, her smile finally more friendly than forced. "Just call me Abby." With a nod to Graham and Freya, she extended the same invitation.

The group moved onward, slightly closer than they were before. Nothing brought people together faster than mocking a mutual friend. Dan would take the heat gladly, if it brought Abby more friends. She needed them just as desperately as he did.

"You know," Gregoir pondered, as they tromped towards the master bedroom, "I've never seen you fight, Daniel."

"Oh?" Abby answered in Daniel's stead. "It's quite a sight to see. He's gotten very talented with his... upgrade." Her pause before describing his power was barely noticeable.

"I do not doubt it!" Gregoir cried emotionally. "I simply lament that I've never witnessed it with my own eyes!"

An odd feeling tingled at the base of Dan's spine. Some deeply buried instinct told him that he wouldn't like the direction that this going.

"We could always do an exhibition match for you, Officer Gregoir," Graham suggested slyly. "Me against Newman first, so you can see him fight without his power, and another against Miss Abby, to showcase him with his power. It would be quite a sight, I'd imagine."

Yeah, Dan was definitely not okay with this.

But Abby's smile was blinding as she looked at him. "That could be fun! You wanted to find a place where you could spar, right? This is a great way to test it out!"

Hngh. Dan struggled not to instantly cave.

"...If we find a good spot, then we can do it," he conceded slowly. It wasn't so bad. He actually enjoyed sparring, and even if he performed poorly against Graham, Abby wouldn't laugh.

Well, she wouldn't laugh much. More importantly, she wouldn't look down on him for it. She knew his circumstances too well to ever do such a thoughtless thing.

This was fine. All was well.

He was still gonna punch Graham, though. Right in his smug, stupid face.