The Light of my Life

Illyana certainly had a way of looking at things. How many years has it been since she's spoken to Nuki? He had been someone she called a friend. Growing up together they had learned each other's likes and dislikes. He knew how Illyana enjoyed her breakfast drinks and she understood the way he deeply prioritized his hobby. She had remembered it clearly. For a long time he was secretive about it, assured she would never understand its importance to him. In fact she never earned the chance to be brought into that world of his. It was a part of him he kept to himself and while Illyana never faulted him for it, deep down it hurt never being able to know every part of him. 

As they grew, so did the rift between them widen. 

Illyana never pushed the matter. She always asked about it in a polite, conversational manner, and he would be brief, quickly moving their talks along. All this served to do was to make her feel as if she was purposefully kept at arm's length. Soon she stopped asking and accepted it as part of him. He deserved his secret. She had her own, many she did not want to share. She kept at bay her desires as a Devil and Vampir to claim him, their closeness making her believe he wished to court her. He'd always flirt with her, make passes. 

She was young and it was endearing. 

She was slowly, but surely falling in love with the boy. He was adventurous, outspoken, rambunctious, and a little silly. Everything Tamotsu isn't. But one day Nuki would leave. Though he told others his reasons, she was told his regrets. 

"You never tried to join me on my hobby. It's a little creepy when you stare at me like I'm prey so it's uncomfortable. You're clumsy and let your mother tell you how to dress. You're not independent enough."

So he went to school overseas where Illyana couldn't go, leaving her behind. 

Her heart was hurt, quietly. The weight of his regrets and her hesitation pushed the love she carried deep into her psyche. It drained the color from her life. She wasn't sure, but it was probably about the time she began to go downhill and stopped taking care of herself in a way that mattered. She just couldn't function, let alone trust another. Never again. But after meeting Tamotsu and getting to know him as Nuki never allowed her to, she was starting to understand why one never says never. Tamotsu was quiet, cleanly, and was one who kept to himself, yet despite this the man always thought of her and even shared his hobby with her. While it was a little less willing, a wholly accidental process, he still somehow remained cordial, calm, and collected, explaining to her the finer details. 

This hadn't been what endeared him to her, but it was what solidified it. As he spent his days taking care of her he never found a reason to complain despite the fact that she was clumsy. Even if she was forgetful he never found a reason to scorn her and even as they became closer to one another in terms of their work relationship he only ever seemed to better understand her and talk to her in a way Nuki never did.

As she remembers it Nuki had treated her like a prize. Whenever she was around he'd always act silly among their peers. She was never sure if it was in a means to impress her or his friends. When she tried talking to their male friends he would always question her about what they spoke of, and even when it was something mundane he would prod, as if insisting there was something deeper to their talks on rice balls or magazine articles. This went on throughout most of highschool. In grade school it had been much less stifling and more aggravating as Nuki caused a lot of trouble playing pranks and hiding things like bugs, rats, and worms in her cubby. Many say that was how Tanuki showed they liked someone.

There was that--- Nuki, not his real name, was a Daitanuki, a type of greater species of Tanuki youkai. They were dogs and known for the stories of being slow and prone to falling into hunter traps. It was an issue when their young friends used it as a means to tease her for someone with such a slow face falling in love with her. She always brushed it off as a ridiculous thought. But the more they played together the more it was starting to become obvious. For a long time she pushed away the idea that she could ever fall in love with a dog. It was just a step down from a Werewolf, the natural enemy of Vampir. 

But those were nothing but prejudices she held from stories from her father. She had never known a Werewolf, but she did know a Tanuki and her affection for him grew as their bond did, but she quickly realized it was just a one sided love because she was a prize to be won, a treat at the end of the maze. Nuki had never loved her. He loved the idea of telling others they were together. He wanted that pride and prestige yet never made the effort to sit and talk with her. She knew nothing of his hobbies. She didn't know his parent's names, nor the name of his older brother. If Nuki had a license or a job, she couldn't tell her friends what it was. Nuki was always a private person not only to their friends, but with her. 

So she was like everyone else, right?

But then, one day, during their second year in high school, Nuki asked her out on a date. It was a public affair. They went to the Arcade and he would greet everyone they met at the plaza. He never once shied away from telling those strangers she was a famous model, and her mother and father were famous. Yet whenever anyone asked what it was he did, he would brush it off as an unimportant job that anyone could do. With everything up until that point Illyana realized it wasn't like any of her stories where childhood friends would grow up close and someday marry, or separate during highschool and realize their love for each other at graduation!  

Who was she going to meet on the street? At venues? Her parents were quite protective of her due to her fame and their names. Nothing she did was without their approval. Even her relationship with Nuki had been one they had tried to cultivate for the good of the family's business. She never knew anything about him or his family. All her father would ever tell her was that they were an old family and she should be so lucky.

Lucky how?

That she was being used as clout for his social media pages?

Lucky?

What, that she could be used like arm candy so he could get into places usually reserved for the business class?

What part of that made her lucky?

Or did it make him lucky?

Lucky she was lonely. Lucky she was vulnerable. 

Nuki was her friend and he had decided to take advantage of the fortune she would rather have been born without. Maybe then she would be able to experience life in a public school. Maybe had she been born part of a different family her own mother wouldn't have treated her like a mealpiece. Maybe her father would have remembered that she didn't have the skills to live independently and ended up under the vices of her mother and Nuki. He was the kind of friend that, so long as you could afford their ticket, they would do anything that made them look good. 

He was the kind of friend she never wanted again.

One night she had been talking to Tamotsu while they set up her new phone. She had left her phone on the bus, but they were able to pick it up as it had come into the hands of the local police station. No, the phone would lose its life that day on the road. Illyana was crossing and had been so excited she got it back, she ended up chatting with Tamotsu and stepped onto the road. Next thing she knew he had pulled her back from the street, but she dropped her phone and with a loud snap -- it was taken out by Truck-kun.

They went to the phone shop together to pick out a sturdier device, eventually finding something that could survive most of her accident prone traits. They were sitting in the living room of her apartment, pulling a backup of her contacts from the Cloud, but Tamotsu noticed that she had hundreds of contacts, many of which she did not seem to remember. He went through each contact on the list and helped her decide what was important to keep. After all Illyana was the kind of girl who received a number from a person and graciously kept it even if she had not seen them for years. 

It wasn't until they arrived at Nuki's contact did they run into trouble. The Vampir hybrid found herself on edge. She didn't want to keep the number, but felt it was wrong of her to delete her childhood friend's number.

"This is one of the things about you that can be frustrating Lily." Tamotsu wasn't rude with his words, but wanted to be clear that this show of behavior was one of the ones that got her in trouble. "You don't owe these people anything and yet you hold onto their numbers in hopes they reach out to you."

"I know, but -- what if they need my help?" She worried about looking like a demon, even if she was a youkai. "I can't turn my back on --"

"Have you ever seen their backs, but once?" He'd question.

It was what helped her make the decision to delete the number. They continued on that way for the rest of the night. 

Illyana raised her head and looked to her father. "Of course father. He hasn't sent me a message since he left, so when I recovered from the hospital a bit, I deleted many numbers that weren't beneficial to me." She put her foot down on the matter.