The Mad Rat’s Lab

Stay calm, stay calm… Don’t let my nervousness show… Wizardess has my back and a solid plan. I-I’m sure of it…!

I hate this! Why did we have to fight against these guys a second time? I had enough when we entered their dungeon in the preliminary phase.

No, no! This won’t do!

Before I break my character, I mentalize myself.

‘I’m the coolest rogue in the world, I never doubt. My actions bring certain death to our enemies. I’m a shadow. Nobody can see me unless I allow them. I’m the silent and eternal watcher. Always taciturn, never nervous.’

Hah… it looks like I managed to calm myself down.

It’s all because of this fucking dungeon!

Do you know what’s worse than a dungeon full of traps and random monsters!? A dungeon you know it’s full of traps and random monsters, but you haven’t found any yet! I’m bound to find them, but I don’t know when! Or how!

I hope the others can save me when the time comes…

I advance through the weird passage. My steps are silent. I’m a blurry shadow, moving from one corner to the next, unnoticed by the enemies.

There are no enemies in sight anyway, so it isn’t that difficult. But they wouldn’t notice me anyway.

It’s kind of gross... All those disgusting containers, filled with suspicious liquids and creatures... The worst are those that only contain organs…

And this, ugh… What the hell’s this thing!?

Inside a container, there’s a humanoid figure. A humanoid figure with body parts of different creatures added together in a monstrously hideous silhouette.

Flesh that shouldn’t match, stitched in weird places. A hand too small for the giant green arm. The right eye is popping out of the socket, but the left one is sunken in. A head that looks as if it would fall off if poked. 

I saw monsters like this one in the replays, but I never expected them to be this disgusting when seen in person! I hope this one is just a decoration because I don’t want to fight this shit.

It’s a good thing this creature isn’t alive. I’m not sure how did the enemy team do it, but it’s a decoration.

Uaaagh… I want to puke…

But I must stay calm! I can’t break my character! I’m imperturbable! Gore, viscera, and disfigured bodies are something I’m used to! That’s my rogue character!

Maybe I’ll have to reconsider my character after the tournament ends.

I turn my eyes away from the disgusting creature. I’ll need to bleach my eyes…

Hmm… Now that I think about it, it’s been some time since I saw the enemy team. At the start of the match, I saw them looking in my direction from afar. But now, I can’t see them anywhere.

Wizardess must have the situation controlled, right? I’m sure she’s watching everything from above right now.

I… I’ll have to rely on her.

 

The path splits into two. I first look around, but there’s no sign of enemies or traps.

I’m worried about the mushrooms that appear from time to time. So far they were only decorations, but who knows what will happen later on. I saw lots of players who suffered because of them, I don’t want to be one of them.

I choose the left path. No real reason other than it being the direction where I last saw the enemy team.

I leave a small green pebble on the ground, near the split point. It indicates which path I took. Green means everything’s ok: I didn’t find any trap or enemy.

I also have yellow, red, and black pebbles. Yellow means traps, red means enemies, and black means both.

I hope I won’t need to use a single black one…

Of course, Wizardess must be watching everything from above, so there’s no real need to use the pebbles in this match. Still, it’s another method she wants to use to deceive the viewers and the other teams, so I’ll use them anyway.

I continue moving until I find a group of those disgusting creatures, shambling through the passage. They’re still some distance away, and I’m hiding, so they haven’t noticed me yet. It’s thanks to the Shadow Veil skill.

Agh! I don’t want to fight them! In fact, I don’t want to get anywhere close to them! Not at all!

Ugh, what can I do…? They’re in the way…

Can’t I… ignore them? I can, right?

There are lots of similar passages, I’m sure I can choose another one and it will lead me to the same place. In the last fork, it looked like both passages met again after a few meters.

I leave a red pebble and move to the other passage.

I was right, they lead to the same place. I can now see the same group of disgusting creatures behind me, instead of them blocking my way.

Barbarian, I’ll leave you a present!

Don’t you think I’m cool? I’m the coolest rogue ever! And I always think about my teammates first, that’s why I’ll leave these monstrosities to you! Hahaha!

I leave the scene, a cool smirk on my face.

 

 

This is it, this is the place where they’ll attack me. I’m sure of it.

After a few more cluttered passages, I finally reached an open area. Here, a water canal intersects with another one and then merges with a third. They are too wide to jump over, so the only way to cross them is by using bridges.

This really limits my mobility. And if this wasn’t enough, there’s nowhere to hide…

There were almost no enemies in the way, only a few scattered groups of those disgusting monsters. This must mean they’re either used to invade our dungeon or the enemy team is saving them to throw at us when they find a good opportunity.

And what opportunity would be best than the one right here? A place where I can’t hide, and from which enemies can overwhelm me in numbers. It’s also a good place for ranged attacks since there’s no cover at all.

Sigh. I… must go into it.

I know it’s a bad idea, and that I might kill myself if I do this, but I must. 

I’m sure Wizardess is aware of the current situation and they’ll save me, so I’m not worried about dying. I’m more worried about breaking character or doing something shameful.

…Something I’ll never be able to recover from, like screaming like a girl…

I especially don’t want to find any disgusting or random mobs. I don’t know how I’ll react if a bunch of those grotesque monsters surround me and attack from all sides.

But there’s no need to hurry. I first take a look at the clock.

Hmm… it’s been almost eight minutes since the match started. If Wizardess’ plans work, we’ll finish this match quite early. A good thing because I don’t want to stay here any more than absolutely needed.

Before I enter the open area, I take a look around. I don’t see any traps, and there are no enemies in sight. They must be hiding.

Well… I’m tasked with being the bait. I know it’s a bad idea, but it’s my job. So far, Wizardess’ plans worked almost all the time, I’m sure this time won’t be any different.

There are several passages I can go to after this area. I’m sure I’ll get ambushed, which means I won’t be able to use them, but this doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to lure them out. I must think about this properly.

Taking into account how far I moved, and how big I think the room is… there’s a high chance the dungeon core is in that direction. In that case, that one is the passage I should use, assuming there’s no ambush. The best way to lure them out is to make them think I’m going for the core, and that’s what I’ll do.

Here I go!

I run in that passage’s direction, quickly crossing the gap until the first bridge. I have to cross two bridges to reach my objective.

How weird, they didn’t jump at me as soon as I came into view. Does this mean they’re waiting for me to be deeper into this area?

*Puff!*

“...eh?”

A surprised expression leaves my lips as my champion falls to the ground.

What is it!? I look around. There’s a bluish cloud around me that quickly dissipates, leaving only a very subtle greenish one in its place.

Aren’t these the visual effects of sleeping and poison mushrooms? They put them under the bridge so that whoever tries to cross it, falls prey to them!?

Fuck this shit!

I knew it! I knew there would be mushrooms somewhere!

Oh, how much I hate them! We suffered so much in the preliminary phase because of them… I really didn’t want to find any this time!

Well, here goes my hopes…

Also… Aaagh, my character! I made such a stupid ‘eh?’!!! It isn’t cool at all!

I want to complain, but I can’t. I must focus now, it looks like they’re taking action. From all the passages, except for the one I came from, lots of monsters pour out and quickly surround the whole area before coming at me from all sides at the same time.

They used the time I was asleep to cut all my options. The enemies are quite good, I’m now surrounded and I couldn’t do anything to avoid it at all.

As soon as the sleeping effect ends, I roll over the ground to get out of the poisonous cloud. I don’t want to suffer more stacks of poison than absolutely needed.

I can’t see any enemy champion yet, but I’m sure they must be close…

They must be waiting to see what I do before showing themselves. If I die to the mobs, it’ll be the best. But if I do something unexpected, they aren’t risking themselves by staying hidden. I’m sure they’ll only come out if they feel like it’s needed.

It’s a good plan. Not for me, but still, a good plan is a good plan, I must admit it.

Looks like they have a decent strategist on their team too…

Which reminds me of our own strategist. Please, Wizardess, come out now! I’m in deep shit, and I have no way to get out of here by myself! Help me!

The only saving grace is the monsters consist basically of zombies and imps. At least, there are none of those disgusting creatures.

Stifling a desperate cry, I cooly raise my two daggers and prepare for combat. I prefer the crossbow when it comes to combat, but it’s a bad idea when surrounded by melee enemies.

 

 

It started.

I return to my body once again, cancel Arcane Vision, and end the ‘thinking pose’. The ambush was successful and Rogue is about to die soon.

We must reach him before this happens.

The problem is I can’t see any of the enemy players. Their leader is smarter than it looks, he or she doesn’t want to risk everything to kill a single one of us.

But this poses a big problem for my plan. I was expecting to take them by surprise with our counter-ambush… I’ll have to change the plan a little.

We can’t waste time.

“Barbarian, what color is the next pebble?”

“Um… black. It’s black. Oh, and there’s another one that’s red.”

“Black and red? Let’s hurry! Rogue must be in trouble!”

This is the signal I asked him to send before the match started. To give us a ‘valid’ reason to know he’s in danger, I told him to put a black and red pebble before going into an area he believes is dangerous.

In this case, where he thinks he’s going to be ambushed.

“Do you mean…?”

“Yes, I mean it. He might be ambushed soon.” He has already been ambushed, but I need to feign ignorance. “We’ll run to catch up to him and save him.”

Druid stands at attention, his face showing high tension. A great contrast compared to his usual sleepy one.

“Finally, a fight! I’m raring to go!”

We quickly reach the open area with the water canals. After all, we were closely following him as I watched everything from above.

“This doesn’t look good… should I heal Rogue before he dies?”

“No. Don’t show yourself until I tell you.”

Rogue is surrounded by a bunch of zombies, and five imps are taking turns attacking him from his back. This is one of those tank + damage dealer combos that are quite dreadful: both the zombie’s resilience and the imp’s damage when attacking from behind aren’t a joke.

“Barbarian, you go first. Open a path for Rogue to retreat and kill the imps. You’re the only one who can jump over the water canals, so abuse it. But don’t get too excited and put yourself in a bad spot.”

“Yes! Aaaaaaagh!”

She rushes towards Rogue, shouting loudly. She believes this is a great way to show how strong you are, like an animal.

Really, what a musclehead…

“...”

Druid looks at me. I can almost see a question mark on top of his head.

“You and I will hide for now.”

“...why? I don’t understand.”

“Well… it looks like the enemy has a good head. I can’t see them, but I’m sure they’re hiding somewhere close, waiting for a chance to strike.”

“Then isn’t it even more important to come and make sure Rogue survives!?”

“No, no. This is exactly what they’re waiting for. We’ll first wait, and see how it goes and see if we can lure them out. I have a great idea in mind. I first need to lure all of them out, but if it works…”

I smirk. In fact, I’m sure that from a third-person perspective, it looks like an evil smile instead of a simple smirk.

“Ah, I understand. You want to lure them out by making them think we’re in a bad situation.”

“...Yes. More or less.”

You know, two can play this game of hide and seek. This might be the most interesting game so far. Whoever you are, the one who’s leading the other team… I hope you can make me enjoy this match a lot!

 

“MUSHROOMS!

Mushrooms on the ground, mushrooms hidden behind a wall, mushrooms hidden behind a rock, and mushrooms inside crevices.

Mushrooms on the ceiling, mushrooms under the bridges, mushrooms on top of mushrooms, mushrooms inside mushrooms, mushrooms that are creatures, and creatures that are mushrooms.

Giant mushrooms, mini-mushrooms, glowing mushrooms, mushrooms with faces, mushrooms that make noises, and mushrooms that laugh at you.

Poison mushrooms, Sleeping mushrooms, Paralyzing mushrooms, Fear mushrooms, and more Poison mushrooms.

Freezing mushrooms, Burning mushrooms, Exploding mushrooms, even more Poison mushrooms, Blinding mushrooms, Instant-death mushrooms…

…Did I forget the FUCKING POISON MUSHROOMS!?

Mushrooms! MUSHROOMS! MUUUUUSHROOOOOOMS! Mushrooms EVERYWHERE!

In this damned crazy dungeon, there’s nothing that even resembles a safe place!

Crazy!? YOU say I’M the one who’s crazy!? I’m not! Oh, but there are Crazy mushrooms too… I almost forgot about them.”

- Extract from the Chapter ‘Relearning exploration’ from ‘How to Stay Sane in The Mad Rat’s Lab’.