The Prodigy Series

"You haven't decided yet?" Mrs. Rivers said with a sigh when I came to return her magazines and pamphlets. I nodded, wondering if it was okay for me to leave the classroom, or if I should stay put until she said otherwise.

"Okay, can you explain things to me. I'm having a hard time understanding what you want to do," she said, walking over to the nearest table before drawing out a seat and sitting down. She pointed at the chair across from her on the table, making me walk over to it before settling down.

"Okay, so I'm just going to let you talk," she said, folding her arms as she gave me a small smile. I looked away from her, feeling concerned. I knew she was trying to help me out, but it wasn't working.

"I don't want to work at my dad's tech store," I started, watching as she nodded, "but I don't want to go to college either," I finished, watching as she frowned in confusion.

"The thing is, I want to work with software, not hardware like they do at my father's place, but I don't want to sit through lectures and whatnot," I said, watching as Mrs. Rivers held onto her chin.

"Hmm..." I heard her trail as I fidgeted in my seat. She nodded suddenly, muttering an 'okay' under her breath after a while.

"What exactly don't you like about college?" she asked, making me crease my brows in thought. I bit my bottom lip, trying to put my thoughts into words.

"Paperwork, lots and lots of paperwork. I do fine with anything practical, I just simply suck at essays and the like," I said, looking up at her.

"How about a polytechnic? They're practical schools and they learn more about what you can do with your hands versus what you can write on paper." I shrugged. Many people looked down on practical schools, and I don't really see the point in attending a school for years and then coming out with a degree that people would question because of the type of school I attended.

"I don't know," I said, watching as she nodded.

"I'll let you think over it. Let me get you a late pass," she said, getting up.

"I don't need one, it's a free period now," I informed her, making her turn back to me before nodding. I got up from my seat, picking up my bag before heading to leave the classroom.

"Ben."

I almost jumped at the sight of Felix when I opened the door. I held onto my c.h.e.s.t, bending a bit as I tried to recover from the shock.

"Why would you just pop out of nowhere like that?!" I scolded him, standing up to find him looking at me with guilt in his eyes. I closed the classroom door behind me, before turning to look at him.

"What do you want?" I asked, my tone a bit harsh.

Felix opened his mouth before closing it and sighing. He shook his head, looking straight at me with his dark eyes. "I just want to talk."

I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what to do. He had bags under his eyes and looked like he hadn't had proper sleep in a while — well, that makes the two of us.

"Talk about what?" I asked, watching as he blinked before looking up at me.

"I don't know, anything? Sure you don't want to date me, but at least value me as a friend." His voice came out as choked, and I found myself looking away in guilt.

"Okay," I said. "We can go to the physics lab, it'll be free," I said. I watched as his lips twitched into a happy but tired smile. We headed up the stairs together and slipped into the physics lab before closing the door behind us.

I headed to sit on one of the stools at the far end of the room. Felix came to sit beside me, and he stayed quiet. I didn't say anything either, and we just sat in silence until Felix spoke up.

"So, how have you been?" he asked. I let out a pained chuckle at the question. What did he think? We both looked like shit so obviously, we felt like shit.

"Shit — obviously," I voiced, watching Felix smile softly before he ran a hand through his hair.

"What were you talking about with Mrs. Rivers?"

I felt my blood run cold at the question. Did I really want to tell Felix about my decision problems?

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me, we can change the subject," he said, making me turn to him.

I shook my head. "No, it's fine."

I bit my bottom lip, looking at him before I sighed. "We were asked to write our personal statements, and I couldn't because I don't know what I want to do with my life."

I could feel Felix's gaze on me, but he wasn't saying anything so I took that as a cue to continue talking. "Well, it's not like I don't know what I want. I want to so software engineering but I don't think I'm up for slaving away in college. I suck at theory and essay writing—"

"What about a polytechnic? It's mostly practical work there, and you know that when you do start working you'll be doing the practical, not writing essays," Felix said, mirroring exactly what Mrs. Rivers had told me. I shook my head, looking away.

"People look down on polytechnics—"

"So? If it works, it works," Felix said, cutting me off, and making me look over at him. He had a point — Mrs. Rivers had a point.

I sighed, nodding. "I'll think about it. I still have a whole year to think about college and the like."

Felix nodded, resting his head on the smooth wooden surface in front of him.

"Hey, Ben."

I looked at him, c.o.c.king my head a bit at the expression he has on his face.

"I'm in love with you."

The words make me look away sharply as my whole body warmed up. I could feel my hands shake, and I had to hold them in loose fists so that they didn't shake so much.

"I do, I really do," Felix continued. "I'm sorry that I can't be the kind of person you want — I can't do everything."

I can't do everything? I repeated his words in my head, wondering if they were some sort of clue about what he didn't want to tell me. I was supposed to be angry now, demanding that Felix stopped mentioning this almighty secret that he couldn't tell me, but the Felix sitting beside me looked broken, exhausted and conflicted with his own thoughts.

"What am I supposed to say to that?" I asked, the pressure I was feeling sipping through.

"Nothing..." he trailed, shrugging on the table. "I know you won't feel the same way — and even if you did you'd probably be second guessing it later."

"Felix..." I trailed when I spotted the red in his eyes. He was hurting and it was frustrating that I didn't know why.

I drew the stool I was sitting on close to him. Touching his cheek that was facing the air with my palm. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm confused too, but I hope you understand that I don't want to take chances. I don't want to get hurt — I know I'll get seriously hurt because I really, really like you — I think I love you — I'm in love with you, and that's why I don't want to get hurt."

"I know," he said as he sniffled. "I'm only good at hurting people so trust me, I know."

With every sentence he said I wanted to know what was bothering him all the more. It hurt to see him like this.

"Felix..."

"Ben, can I kiss you? I never got to — you don't have to say yes."

I blinked at the sudden question, realizing that Felix had moved his hand to hold on to the one I had on his cheek.

"Yeah, sure..." I muttered, watching as his dim eyes brightened up a bit.

"Thanks," he mumbled, raising his head so that he was face to face with me. I stared back, wondering why he wasn't doing anything.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my breath hitched.

"I—I'm just observing," he said as he cupped my cheek with his palm. "I love you so much."

I wanted to yell, I wanted to tell him to shut up and just get it over with, but at the same time, the words made my heart flutter. It was confusing — the way my heart was pounding from happiness and shattering from confusion and sadness at the same time.

When his lips pressed against mine I felt myself jerk into him from the shock of the feelings that rushed through me. It felt like I was getting filled with a tap. Felix steadied my face, pressing his lips against mine with a little more force before moving them. I was clueless, but I tried my best to mimic his actions which only earned a chuckle from him as he pressed his tongue against my lips, requesting a more personal open mouth kiss. I opened my mouth, whimpering slightly at the feeling of our wet tongues meeting.

Is this how kissing is? I asked myself. My head felt light — wonderful.

Kissing Felix was wonderful.

I'm not sure how long we were at it, but the sound of the siren sent us flying apart. Felix laughed when we calmed down from the shock, making me laugh in turn as I watched him. His eyes were sad but bright. I wanted to know what he was hiding — what was making him hurt so much?

As much as I wanted to know, I was afraid of touching fire and receiving a burn that I wasn't sure I'd be able to recover from.

"I guess I'll leave," he said after a while. "See you later — that's if you don't mind," he said as he got up from the stool he'd been sitting on. I watched him leave the physics lab, smiling sadly when he shut the door behind him.

I blinked in shock, not realizing when I'd started to tear up.

What's this? I laughed at myself, cleaning my eyes with the back of my palm in an attempt to look presentable for class. The rest of the students soon filled the lab, and Ji-Hun and Wyatt were soon sitting at the same table as me. Ji-Hun didn't make any comments about my mood, but the small knowing forced smile he had on told me that he knew I was struggling.

I didn't want to struggle, but I didn't want to be in a relationship where I was an experiment or put in the dark when it came to important information.