The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

The moment I lose my guard, the little child will judge me to be useless, and then she will stop class. And those signs were visible all the time. As a courtesy to the tutor, she listens to the class diligently, but the little child looks bored throughout the class. She seemed to be contemplating when to say to stop.

At first, I asked Mr. Jeremy’s cooperation to act as if my skills were improving in front of the little child, but that didn’t work. She looked even more suspicious, so I was going crazy. Besides, at some point Mr. Jeremy said he didn’t have to act. So even that acting was stopped.

Then my anxiety amplified. It wasn’t that Mr. Jeremy’s performance was not particularly effective, but I seemed to be thrown into the whirlpool of anxiety as the last thread of my defenses disappeared.

So, I started studying blindly. It was not a problem to look cool to the little child, but now I had to work hard not to look insignificant. I thought I was going to die trying to study, which I didn’t enjoy. But it was harder because I felt uncomfortable.

Even though I desperately memorized the book, I couldn’t remember it. My studying results were too slow.

From one point on, I was anxious when I lay down, so I couldn’t sleep properly. If I was reading the book, I was still less anxious, so I only dug into the book.

Still, the teachers praised me once in a while, as if my efforts weren’t just imaginary. But the little child didn’t look satisfied. I felt like going crazy when I saw the expression on the little child’s face .

I don’t know why I’m so lacking. I don’t know why I’m so stupid. I’m such a useless human being. That’s why everyone doesn’t like me. The little child who loved me will soon get tired of me. The little child will leave me. I…..I will be thrown away.

Ugh, I squeezed myself into something. I couldn’t even eat properly because I felt like I was going to vomit. Mrs. Seryl looked at me with such concern that I managed to eat only the soup a few times.

I have always suffered from the feeling of something heavy weighing me down. No one scolded me, but I always lived in suffocating fear. I literally stopped breathing.

It was the little child who first noticed this change in me.

“Let’s go out.”

I didn’t even have the energy to get annoyed at the little child’s words wanting to go outside. I didn’t want to go out because I was anxious if I didn’t read the book. But the little child pulled me out. And she told me unbelievably kind words.

“It’s okay.”

“If it’s hard, you don’t have to force yourself to fit in.”

“Nothing. I just want to give it to you, that’s right. I want to.”

“So, let’s not overdo it. Studying hard is good, but let’s not do it too much. I will wait for you.”

The little child’s words calmly melted my anxiety. The feeling of being trapped in a world that was slowly closing in on all sides was instantly replaced by a sense of freedom. The pressure that had been pressing on me was gone. I was able to breathe.

Why is this little child telling me what I had wanted to hear? Because she likes me that much?

Despite acting bluntly, the little child always gave me what I wanted when I wanted it. I felt like I was about to cry. This is why I didn’t want to separate from the little child. I didn’t want to be forgotten by the little child. I wanted to stay together.

After that, the little child promised me one year. It was a short time, but it was a time where I did not have to tremble with anxiety. It was also a time to work hard enough. Let’s work harder.

I vowed to myself and strained my eyes not to cry.

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time feeling the proper taste, as if my senses had died. But now, I felt the scent and taste of sweet and sour lemon tea vividly. It’s so sweet and delicious. I was thrilled and slowly drank my tea.

The little child did something magical that shook off the anxiety that had been oppressing me with just a few words. After impressing people, she was soon distracted by the chocolate choux, and didn’t even pay attention to me.

The little child was completely absorbed in food to the point where I wanted to ask if I was worse than chocolate choux. She was busy eating innocently after shaking up other people’s lives. It’s not like she took someone else’s and ate it, but with her unique greed, she stuffed both cheeks and mumbled. She’s cute, but she’s also a bit cheeky.