The Red Nights

" W-where are we? " Andre asked while turning around himself to observe the area.

" It's one of the zones of the city who have been abandoned by the people due to their closeness to the barrier and so to the outlaws " Volga answered while continuing her way without a second look at her surrounding as if it was not her first time coming there, " there is no one living in here and no one dares to come either so basically it's nowhere ".

The young man nodded his head while he still continued running his sight around but then more thoughtful. Around them was the typical frame of apocalypse one could see in the movies, wrecked and abandoned cars left here and there, he saw the many black spots colouring the streets and the pavements which were the signs that fire has been set there more than once.

The buildings, which were still high and steady were looking down on them as they were passing by, were testifying by their silence how lifeless that part of the city was. Andre also noticed more than holes on almost every wall he passed next to, [ as I thought this area has been the host of many battles in the past ] he thought while running delicately his fingers on the walls revealing the traces of a past gunfight.

" How did you come to know about this place? "

" Ah, I see, you wasn't there since you left very early so it's normal you don't know, it turned out that, yesterday, the festival was carried on until night. Don and I decided to come and a moment we skipped the party and he brought me here, he said that Lina was the one who showed this place to him " Volga continued to respond without really paying attention to what she was saying.

After a short moment thinking about what she just said, Andre asked " but for what reason Mr Donald would bring you in a desert place like this in the middle of the night? "

Volga, who now realized what she just revealed, dropped a little bit her voice embarrassed and said " I don't think it's necessary to respond to that question ", then after a few steps, she shouted as if she was trying to interrupt the run of Andre's thoughts " hey look, we've arrived. Come with me ".

" We have arrived where? And you didn't tell me yet what we're gonna do here " he said as he accompanied her inside an abandoned building which wasn't finished yet. There only some few rays of the sunlight were avoiding them to be submerged in the darkness, they walked through a hallway towards took the stairs to go on the next floor which brighter than downstairs since the upper floors were opened up.

" Isn't it obvious? " she said while spreading her arms. " We are going to shoot some shots and I will show you how to use that thing you're holding," she said before she pointed to the gun he was carrying.

Andre glanced down at his rifle before he spat " I know how to shoot ", he was a little annoyed by Volga's statement which was somehow insinuating that he didn't know how to use a gun.

Volga smirked " being able to put the finger on the trigger and pressing it doesn't make you a professional at using a gun ", Andre didn't reply so Volga said " you don't believe me? Alright, try to aim and shoot at me ".

Andre was surprised, he gazed at her with his eyes wondering if she's not gone crazy. She chuckled as she guessed his thoughts " don't worry, I'm not asking you to actually shooting at me the security is still on, I'm asking you to just act like ".

The man still couldn't grasp the real meaning of her instructions but he obeyed and lifted his rifle to aim at her with his finger on the trigger just like she told him. Volga suddenly moved swiftly towards him with a speed that didn't even let him the chance to move a muscle and before he realized Volga had thrown him on the floor.

" What was that? " Andre said while gazing at the roof not finished yet, his back resting on the floor and his two arms extend on both sides.

" Just wanted to show you that you're not so good to handle a gun as you think " Volga replied his weapon than on her hands, " did you get the time to pull the trigger, huh? Surely not ".

" But that was dirty I wasn't even ready," he said after he struggled to stand up.

" Because you think that the enemy would wait for you to be ready before jumping on you? " she shook her head, " while holding a weapon one has to always be ready for a potential attack ". She tossed the rifle at him and after he caught it in midair she said " again. We will see if you can do better if you are ready as you said ".

Andre stared at her for a short moment as if he was trying to focus or maybe he was just trying to figure out what Volga was thinking.

After a breath, he finally raised his weapon but the outcome was not much different from the previous one, him laying on the floor while Volga was holding his gun, victorious.

" Well, I admit it, you may be right, I'm not so good as I could think, and then? " he shrugged before he started cleaning the dirt on his clothes " What is the meaning of this? What is the relation between this and the reason why I came to you? "

Volga waited for him to lift his head and look at her in the eyes before she responded " just to let you know that you are not the only one who feels lost in this peaceful world, though I was looking for it I, too, can't yet accommodate myself to this current situation... just like you, don't get me wrong, I'm happy to live my life with Don but I can't deny that most of the time I do have the feeling that I don't have my place here and that's because I have lived almost my entire life in the battlefield, between violence and despair so much that I'm afraid that all this happiness I'm living now maybe just a dream that maybe it will vanish as suddenly as it came that's why I think that I should not enjoy it too much so that I would be less hurt when it would disappear " she paused, " that is how you're feeling too, am I wrong? "

Andre didn't say a word but just nodded. He understood that Volga also tried to tell him that his previous life must have been tainted by the blood and sorrow and though he didn't have any souvenirs of it that feeling remained in his heart.

" H-how did you do? How can I, too, get rid of that fear and live my life the fullest just like you or everyone? " he asked while trying to hide to Volga how desperate and lost he was, though at the same time he knew that it was useless since he was convinced that at that very moment that woman could know exactly how he was feeling.

" You can't " she simply said after she put a warm and reassuring hand on his shoulder, " one of the thing that Jamal has taught me during that journey is that there is no shame in being scared, whether by the night or by the possibility that we may lose all that happiness we have fought for so long to obtain. It's completely normal. What one should be ashamed of is letting that fear dominating us and holding us back. That is why I'm like this now because I don't want to let that fear stopping me to enjoy my life with the one I love, though I'm scared I refuse to let fear halting me to imagine a bright and happy future with Don ".

Though he knew she was right there was still something in his heart which was holding him to be completely convinced on what she said, like if there was someone who was whispering on his ear to not believe her.

As to pull him out from his daze, Volga patted his cheek and he suddenly startled like if she just appeared before him. " You came to me looking for advice and wisdom so whenever something is bothering you don't hold back and speak up your heart," she told him as she felt that there was still something he was scared to ask.

" You said that, though I may be scared, I have the right to hope to live a good and peaceful like everyone, huh? " he finally said after a short moment of hesitation, Volga nodded. " But if in my previous life... I mean before I lost my memory, what if I was on the wrong side... what if I was among those who were tormenting the innocent civilians? Would I still have the right to hope? "

Volga sighed, " that's your fear which is talking on your behalf again. Remember, you should not let it holds you back- "

" But what if? " Andre insisted, he clenched his fists and gazed down waiting for Volga's reply.

The latter stared at him with compassion, she could understand how it's difficult for everyone to cut ties or reconciled with their past, she also figured out that it must have been even more frustrating for him since he couldn't remember his past and so he couldn't properly turn the page.

She held his chin and lifted up so that their sights could cross again. With her eyes filled with empathy, Volga stared at that young man who was not older than Carla and so still somehow a child whose life had just begun but was, yet, full of regret of a past which is no more his actually. She revealed a tender smile before she repeated " what if you were one of the bad guys you asked, huh? " she paused, " that would mean that God really loves you ".

"... " Andre seemed to be a little confused.

" Look at the facts like this, I know people who would pay very much to forget even a small part of the souvenirs of what they have done because, even after the situation got better, they still feel ashamed of their actions. But you are different, you have been blessed because God allows you to no more remember all those actions which could have made you feel ashamed of your own person. So cheer, and be appreciative of that chance you have been blessed with, you can now restart a brand new life ".

" I-I never saw it like this " Andre muttered. Before he noticed he stopped hearing that voice whispering negative thoughts on his ear, his eyes were no filled with fear and discomfort, instead, a flicker of life started to gleam and his heart then was filled with hope. " Thank you very much ".

" You're welcome " Volga replied with a smile she couldn't take off from her face, she was just too proud of succeeding in helping that youngster.

" So why did you bring me here with this stock of ammo if you could just simply tell me that if I dare ask? " he surprisingly asked.

She chuckled, " that is because I can't find the inspiration to say good words if I don't have a" gun in my hands ". " But more is seriously, that because, though I told you that you can now live a peaceful life that doesn't mean that you have to stay from guns ".

" What do you mean? "

" That means that since today I'm gonna bring here to teach you how to a veritable master of fire weapons " Volga answered while crossing her arms below her c.h.e.s.t, proud of herself. " Don is always taken by his patients and can't stay at home, it is too boring so I'm going to use my time to teach you ".

" But what's the point? We have won the war there is no need to fight anymore " Andre made the remark.

Suddenly, Volga's expression changed and became serious, " I wouldn't be so sure if I were you ".

" What do you mean? "

" Though I'm just 32 years old I have fought more battles than it is necessary and in the sight of my whole career, the latest one was far the most fearful and difficult I ever fought " Volga explained while her eyes were closed as if she was replaying the souvenirs of all her battles in her mind.

Andre who still couldn't grasp the real meaning of her words tried to, at least, be positive " so it's quite a good thing that- ".

Before he could finish Volga carried on by exclaiming " but, though it was the hardest war we have all fought, doesn't it seem for you like we have won a bit to easily? ", Andre remained silent without knowing what to say after that, he who just found a new hope to continue living there in that city. " I'm not trying to scare you after all I have just said to you " she said as if she just read on his mind, " but it's the way I'm, I like to be honest whenever I can so that's I tell you this, I have the feeling that it's not the end ", she paused and stared at him it when he realized that though she said something quite scary her eyes and her entire expression were calm. " Don't worry " she said as she figured out what he was thinking, " God didn't forget us, I'm sure that Jamal is working on something to protect us all. Well, enough chatting let's go, your training won't be easy so prepare yourself " she said optimistically before she pushed Andre to the place where they would practice the shooting ".