The Squire on a White Horse

Chapter 3.1. An Unhappy Marriage

I sat down at my usual table in the greenhouse and tried to calm my confused brain.

My parents were right. Stanley would not make me unhappy. I’m sure he’ll give me a happier life than if I stayed single here and married a man thirty years older than me. I said I was doing the best I could, but there were not many marriages that were as convenient for me as this one.

But why was this marriage so…

Before I had time to ponder, the maid Stanley had brought with him brought a pot, teacups, and a tea saucer, and in no time at all, the tea was ready on the table.

Stanley, seated across from me, waited for me to sip first.

“Stanley.”

I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t look him in the face.

“I… don’t want to marry you.”

I squeezed out the words, but he didn’t respond.

I clasped my hands tightly in my lap.

“I can’t have children, you know. Marrying me would be a pity for you…”

The only thing he didn’t need was an heir, not that he didn’t need children.

“I’d be happier marrying you than marrying someone else who’s in talks. But that’s just me. I’m sure you want children too.”

“My Lady, please listen to me.”

When Stanley finally opened his mouth, his voice was as calm as ever.

“I have given it a lot of thought, and I have accepted this engagement. And at that point, I decided not to have children.”

He shook his head.

Originally, he would have married a woman who could bear and raise children as a matter of course, and with his personality, he would have loved her to the fullest and lived a life surrounded by family.

He was a person I had looked up to and respected like my own brother. I didn’t want him to make such a decision not to have children.

“I care for you so much, and I don’t want you to have an unhappy marriage.”

“If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

It was a line he had heard many times before. Just like that line, he had served this family and me all this time. I have never doubted his loyalty.

But still, how could I dedicate my life, my private and public ‘self’ to him?

“…Just wondering, are you in love with me?

“I’m not the kind of man who would fall in love with a lady of a different status.”

Stanley made it very clear. That’s what I thought. I knew that I was not familiar with the love between men and women, but even I have never felt love or romance from him.

Stanley tightened his expression and straightened his posture.

“We had a long discussion, the Master, the Mistress and myself. We thought and thought about how to make you happy, and the answer we came up with was to marry me. I will meet your expectations with all my might.”

I felt as if I had been hit over the head with those effortless words. The reality suddenly dropped in my mind that he was serious.

I finally understood that my marriage to him, which I had been vaguely skeptical about, was actually something that was going to happen to me.

Stunned, I asked.

“…Are you going to be my husband?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to be your wife?”

Stanley chuckled.

“‘Yes, I am.”

I tried to envision my married life with him, but it’s kind of blurry and not very clear. I could picture my parents getting along well.

“Are we going to live together in your house?”

“Yes.

“Will we eat at the same table?”

“Yes, we will.”

“Will we sleep in the same bed?”

I looked up at Stanley’s face, who didn’t answer. He smiled his usual face.

“Yes.”

I can’t imagine any of this.

I lean back against the back of the chair and take a long breath.

“No, I can’t even imagine. You’re going to call me Florence and stop using honorifics, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know about that.”

“No, my husband will call me ‘My Lady’.”

“I’ll do my best.”