The Squire on a White Horse

“Stanley’s been thinking about you the whole time. He’s always cared about you, and he’s always wanted you to be happy.”

“I know. I’ve been living in his good graces with my whole being.”

“Stanley’s feelings for you are genuine and real. If the loyalty he has for you now turns to love after you are married, there will be nothing more reassuring for you.”

My father’s kind eyes looked at me.

“You will be so happy that everyone will envy you.”

I stared back into his eyes. I’m sure that saying, “Yes, I will be happy,” with a big smile on my face was the best way to show filial piety. If I had done that, my father would have been able to send me off with peace of mind.

And yet, I couldn’t do that.

I couldn’t do anything but turn my head and hide my face, which had become distorted with anxiety.

“Marriage is… a very frightening thing, to have someone standing right next to you, who has lived as they pleased until now.”

I’ll do my best not to embarrass my hard-working future husband.

I knew that the words I had said casually when I was told that I would marry Stanley were now weighing heavily on my body.

I couldn’t have a baby. How much of a burden would this defective body place on him?

Would I be able to make up for it by doing my best in other things?

My father’s hand touched my head. He stroked my forehead like a child would and made me look up.

“You may still find it frightening now. But one day, it will be pleasant and lovely.”

“…I don’t know yet.”

“Take your time. There’s no need to rush.”

I nodded and turned my head again. The sound of a pendulum clock echoed in my ears.

The bell tolled three times. It seemed that we had talked for a long time. Dana must be getting tired of waiting.

“I’d better get going. I’m keeping Dana waiting.”

“Oh.”

I tried to stand up, but Father touched my arm.

“One last thing. One last thing: you’ve been overworking yourself lately, haven’t you?”

“Me?”

“Aishe was worried about you. You’ve been reading and studying until bedtime, and she’s afraid the sky will come down.”

“…I wonder if it’s me she’s worried about or the sun and moon coming down.”

He chuckled and stood up.

“I’ll be fine. I go to bed at ten and wake up at six.”

I stretched out the wrinkles in my skirt and looked up into my father’s face as I stood up.

“I’m more worried about Stanley than me. I know you’re busy, but please pay a little attention to him. He told me today that he was tired.”

“I’m more worried about Stanley than me. I know you’re busy, but please pay a little attention to him. I know you’re busy, but please give him some attention.

“…Stanley?”

With the most surprised look of the day, Father repeated.

“He told you he was tired? Stanley?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t know what he’s surprised about.

He looked dumbfounded, then chuckled, then looked complicated, and sighed the strange hundredth sigh.

“You two should talk a lot.”

“I do, Father. Stanley comes to see me every time he takes a break.”

“More openly, I mean. And remember this. You’re not even married yet.”

“…Yes.”

“You’re living under the same roof, but you’re not married yet. You know that.”

I finally understood what my father was trying to say. He raised the edge of his mouth in a grin.

“Can’t I kiss him too?”

“…Florence!”

“I’m kidding!”

I rushed to the door and put my hand on the handle.

“Florence, no kissing!”

“I’m kidding! That Stanley would never do anything to me…”

As I opened the door to go out into the hallway, I bumped into someone standing right in front of the entrance.

I held my breath as I looked up. Standing there was Dana, who I had expected to be back in the study room a long time ago.

As she cracked her whip against her palm, Dana spoke in a low voice.

“I heard some indecent words…”

“Dana, please educate that tomboy well.”

“Very well, My Lord.”

Dana grabbed my arm and all I could do was feel sorry for my situation after this.