The Stranger’s Homeward Journey

Luo Shaoheng had invited Chen Zhan out to eat two days before Chinese New Year. The weather was cold, so he suggested eating hot pot. Chen Zhan had no opinion and the two agreed on the time and place to meet up.

On that day, Chen Zhan had unexpected patients to deal with.  Luo Shaoheng had nothing to do so he arrived early. He then ordered a pot of tea and patiently waited for his arrival.

City A’s winter was ice cold. As Chen Zhan entered, cold air swept in with him. He walked  towards Luo Shaoheng and sat down. While taking off his jacket, he said, “Sorry, something urgent came up, so I was late. Did you wait for long?”

“It’s okay, I just arrived too.” Luo Shaoheng poured him a cup of tea to warm up.

“Thanks.” Chen Zhan took it up to warm his hands and asked him, “When did you come back?”

“Two days ago.” Luo Shaoheng handed him the menu, “I ordered some dishes. You can order whatever you like.”

“Have you ordered drinks? What do you wanna drink?” Chen Zhan picked up a pen and ticked a few hot dishes on the list.

“Beer then.” Luo Shaoheng said.

“Beer?” Chen Zhan  lifted his head at this answer. Luo Shaoheng’s body fell ill a few years ago and he had been recuperating for the last two years, so the two rarely touched wine when they got together.

Luo Shaoheng joked, “Or do you like to drink Erguotou? Or hot pot with red wine?”

Chen Zhan looked at him for a while and found that although he looked a little haggard, his whole aura was much more vibrant. He tentatively asked, “You …… seem to be in a good mood?”

Luo Shaoheng touched his face: “You can tell it too?”

Chen Zhan nodded. After ordering a beer and a drink, he handed over the menu to the waiter and said to Luo Shaoheng. “Then drink less. You don’t look too good.”

Luo Shaoheng didn’t have any opinion on it, he just suddenly wanted to drink.

After the waiter went out, Chen Zhan took a sip of tea: “Tell me what happened. Did you meet your second love in Switzerland?”

Luo Shaoheng smiled. His expression was like the spring sun arriving after the melting of winter snow. “I met him.”

His gentle and bright smile made Chen Zhan a little lost in thought. He had known him for nearly ten years, but he had never seen Luo Shaoheng give such a heartfelt smile as if the dead in his backyard had been resurrected. He couldn’t help but feel curious about the person he was talking about. “Met who?”

After asking this question, he had an instant answer in his heart. Before he could say the three words, he heard Luo Shaoheng say, “Shen Mucheng.”

　–Yes. Only Shen Mucheng could be his salvation..

Chen Zhan did not believe it when Luo Shaoheng said that he had met Shen Mucheng the last time. But after seeing how distressed he was, even if he wanted to speak out “Are you sick again?” he was afraid that it might trigger Luo Shaosheng’s illness.

It took a full four years for Luo Shaoheng to live like a normal person, and now no one wanted him to regress back to the days when he was in the sanatorium.

Putting the cup aside, Chen Zhan looked at him and asked, “You said Shen Mucheng? What happened?”

Luo Shaoheng told him about his encounter with Shen Mucheng on the street in Bahnhofstrasse, and Chen Zhan was surprised when he heard it. “You said he had amnesia?”

Luo Shaoheng nodded, but Chen Zhan was not sure if he was telling the truth, so he thought for a moment and asked, “Are you sure it was him? Not his lookalike?”

“It’s not his lookalike, it’s exactly the same. No matter his name or his appearance, including the burn mark on his hands, they are all the same, it can only be Shen Mucheng.” Luo Shaoheng shook his head and used his finger to point at his chest. “And I believe in my intuition, it tells me that I didn’t mistake him for someone else.”

Chen Zhan had not met Shen Mucheng before, so he couldn’t comment, but he didn’t believe that a person who had been dead for ten years would suddenly reappear. “Then where is he now?”

“In City B.” Luo Shaoheng said that he doesn’t know the specific location yet. 

Chen Zhan also encountered this kind of situation for the first time, he was not sure if Luo Shaoheng was hallucinating again or if he really ran into Shen Mucheng, so he said, “Then what are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna go find him.” Luo Shaoheng said without hesitation.

Other than Luo Shaoheng himself, Chen Zhan was the one who best understood how deep Luo Shaoheng’s love ran and how big his attachment was. In the four years Luo Shaoheng lived in the sanatorium, Chen Zhan  was the closest to him. He couldn’t help being emotionally stirred after being completely exposed to Luo Shaoheng’s pain. 

So whether or not that person Luo Shaoheng said was really Shen Mucheng, Chen Zhan could not stop him, nor could he stop him. Perhaps this was the only way for him to really get out of the past.

Thinking of this, Chen Zhan did not dwell on whether that person was real or a mere hallucination. Instead, he raised another question that was worth deeper investigation: “If Shen Mucheng is really alive, then who was the one who had an accident that year? It was indeed Shen Mucheng’s name on the death report, unless ……”

He stopped at this point and looked straight at Luo Shaoheng. Both of them already had an answer in their hearts.

Shen Mucheng is still alive, so the truth must have been concealed that year. Something is definitely wrong with the death certificate.

The two were silent for a while. There are too many uprising suspicions from that year. Luo Shaoheng said, “I will go to the hospital to see if we can find some clues after the New Year.”

“But ten years have already passed, you may not be able to find it.” Chen Zhan said.

“I know, but I can’t be at ease until I figure it out.” Luo Shaoheng said. This was a thorn that had been stuck in his heart for ten years. He couldn’t feel at ease if he didn’t eradicate it completely. 

“If there is anything you need help with, feel free to call me.” Chen Zhan ended the conversation and didn’t continue. 

“Of course, I’ll certainly look for your help.” Luo Shaoheng laughed. There was no need to be embarrassed about it. He and Chen Zhan had been friends for many years now, and Chen Zhan could also assist him with needed connections in the hospital. 

The two of them left the hot pot restaurant after the meal. Chen Zhan asked, “Where are you going later?”

“On a trip to the mountain.” Luo Shaoheng wrapped himself up with his scarf. He meant going to the cemetery. 

“Didn’t you say that Shen Mucheng ……” Chen Zhan stopped his footsteps. 

“Yes, he’s back, but I still want to go and see.” Luo Shaoheng looked at the direction of the cemetery and smiled at Chen Zhan. “Feel free to give me a call whenever you want to come to the resort.”

“Okay.” Chen Zhan nodded, “Do you want a ride?”

“No, I drove here.” Speaking of which, Luo Shaoheng felt that the conversation was somewhat familiar. He recalled the time when he saw Shen Mucheng outside the cafe, he had chased him to the flyover but couldn’t find anyone in the end. Back then, he really had felt that his heart withered into ashes 1. Fortunately, God was on his side. 

“What are you thinking about?” Chen Zhan saw him lost in thought and asked.

“Nothing, I’ll go over first.” Luo Shaoheng waved his hand and went in the other direction.

Chen Zhan waved back and left in the opposite direction of him.

Although it was almost New Year’s Eve, the road near the cemetery was still very silent.  Unlike the city, there were no ribbons or small lanterns hanging on the surrounding trees. Unmelted snow had now accumulated on the empty branches, making it appear depressing.

When he arrived at the cemetery, it was just as serene as usual. The guard at the gate house was a little surprised to see him and came out with a hand warmer in his hand and asked, “Mr. Luo, why are you coming over at this time?”

“Zhang Dage2.” Luo Shaoheng smiled at the other party. “You guys aren’t on holiday yet?”

“Not yet.” The guard saw that his ears were red from the cold, so he quickly said, “You’re tired after climbing up the mountain, right? Warm up inside.”

“No, I’ll stay for a while and then leave.” Luo Shaoheng politely declined and went into the cemetery after chatting for a few minutes.

He was the only one in the cemetery, and the snow on the road had almost all melted into water, wetting the ground as if it were the tears of those who were left behind to mourn. The tears had dripped on the ground, but the dead could not feel such a thing.

Only half a month had passed since he last came to the cemetery, but Luo Shaoheng’s state of mind was completely different. The trip to Switzerland this time had unexpectedly given him a new life.

Once again standing in front of the tombstone titled “Shen Mucheng”, he felt very complicated. He had swept the tomb for ten years, but now he found out that the one lying underneath the tombstone was not his lover.

He was afraid to go near this place for a while, because he didn’t believe that Shen Mucheng had died. He had lived in his illusion for a while, thinking that he could be with the person in his fantasy forever; he also used to wish that he could stay at this place, because then he could be a little more closer to Shen Mucheng when he was awake, leaning beside him through the cold tombstone.

“Before I left, I said I would come to see you when I came back, and I didn’t break my promise.” Luo Shaoheng took down the wet scarf on top of the tombstone and shook it, shaking off the remaining snow on it. A small stone was pressed on the scarf , which should have been placed by the security guard to prevent it from being blown away by the wind. He put the clean scarf on instead, then took two steps back and quietly looked at the photo on it for a while. He had the urge to tear it off, but it was already framed.

Finally he reached out and wiped the water droplets off the photo, looked at the tombstone and said, “I don’t know who you are, but I will help you re-establish your tombstone. Rest in peace.” The breeze blew up the hem of his scarf, and the tassels underneath curled up in a small arc, as if waving goodbye to the past.

utterly disappointed

Dage: Big Brother