The Villainous Emperor Is My Pet?

Harvey Cunningham opens his mouth wide while blinking his eyes slowly. His face turns pale as he turns his head to his left, avoiding my gaze. He lets out an awkward cough.

Why the heck is he reacting like this?

I follow his gaze and find myself looking at our reflections on the black glass wall. He coughs again. His shoulders tremble as he covers his mouth, lowering his head. I can't tell whether he's laughing or crying.

It's been a while since we became 'friends'. But I don't know much about this eccentric millionaire. The strange part is that he uses a formal tone with me. But his letters have always been super informal.

"Are you done laughing?" I ask him with a straight face.

"No." He clutches his stomach. "It's just that I would have never imagined that cold emperor to say such a thing."

"Tch!" I lean back. The emperor was abnormal. The amount of pain that he gave me surpasses all the troubles that I have received in my real life. Aloisia wasn't any better. All the missions were crap. But I survived. That's why I am here. "Well, I did eat a lot. After a month, my b.o.o.b.s were bigger than his balls."

"Wait!" Harvey places his hand on the edge of the table to support himself. "I just can't…"

I rub my arms. The temperature of the room has dropped. It's already winter. Does this guy want me to freeze? I should have charged higher for telling this story.

"You can censor the story." He says to me after two good minutes of laughter, "It also includes your honour. I don't need to hear the parts about balls, abs, and uh… b.o.o.b.s."

I scratch my chin. What would become of the story if I remove those parts? "Well, I will charge higher."

"How much?" Harvey gives me an expectant look.

"10000 dollars per hour," I blurt out.

He shrinks in his seat, watching me with disbelief. "Shouldn't I get a discount? Censored stories should be cheaper."

"Do you know how hard it is to censor an R-rated story?" I cross my arms. "Listen! The original story was an a.d.u.l.t story. It's not like you are a kid. You also made an a.d.u.l.t novel happen. What about those steamy scenes between Aloisia and Kaige near the end of the novel? That was BDSM and wrong since Kaige was not right in his head."

He scratches his head, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. "Well, I couldn't stop Aloisia."

"What makes you think that I could stop Dante, Aloisia, Kaige, or that airhead?" I glare at him. "I don't understand why I had such bad luck in the novel. I freaking got hit by a bolt of lightning."

"A protagonist must have obstacles. Bad luck is one of them," Harvey tells me lazily. "Well, how will the story progress if the protagonist doesn't have bad luck?"

What kind of shitty logic is that? "I thought that the protagonist was Viessa."

"She was a main character." Harvey raises his finger. "Along with three others. You have also met the hidden main character. Surprisingly, you gave a happy ending to all the characters."

I knit my brows. Actually, I am not sure if I gave happy endings to all the main characters. The journey to the end wasn't smooth. If I had a clumsy cheat, I also had sheer bad luck. However, the biggest obstacle was nothing other than the main characters themselves. Dante had a tongue that made me want to kill him all the time. Viessa was so stupid that I wanted to drown her. Aloisia was so evil that I wanted to bury her along with her undead friends. Lastly, Kaige was so frustrating that I wanted to stab him in the gut twenty-one times.

"Main characters gave me the blood pressure problem." I rub the back of my neck. But I am alive and kicking. "But it feels like my bad luck has followed me to the real world."

Harvey widens his eyes. "W-Wha-Whatttt d-d-do youuuu meaaaan?"

Can't he speak normally? I prop my chin on my hand. "I lost my job. I had to go through hellish physical therapy during a pandemic. I also got Covid19 once. There's still no vaccine. I can forget about getting a new job when the economy of the world is melting."

"Oh, that." He wipes the sweat on his forehead. "It's not bad. You are still alive."

"I heard that my heart stopped once when I was in a coma." I wrinkle my nose. "I was dead for fifteen minutes."

"Well." Harvey gives a charming but uneasy smile. "You are alive. That's all that matters."

The man is handsome. Unlike me, he has naturally blonde hair and sharp, exotic features. His deep-set brown eyes remind me of Alphonse.

Harvey Cunningham is beautiful, but he's not as unrealistically beautiful as Kaige, Dante, or Alphonse. Comparing him to the men in that novel is like comparing rhinoceroses with unicorns.

"That's true." I run my fingers through my ginger hair. I look nothing like my character in the book. Even the colours of my eyes are different. If Dante was real, he would have never recognized me.

I blink my eyes. Why am I thinking about that bastard? Do I want him to be real?

Nope. Absolutely not. Men like him are only good in fictional novels.