Three Years and Three Years

Chapter 136: Ground to Dust

From a distance, there were flowers that were not very clearly red, and no one could tell whether they were roses or gardenias.

Two clouds floated overhead, and no one knew which one held the rain.

With a letter in his hand, Zhou Mushi’s body felt like it had suddenly been drained of strength. He felt sad, but couldn’t shed a single tear. His whole body was as dry as a mummy that had been left to rest for a long time.

Sometimes, when great sorrow strikes, one doesn’t feel much pain.

But that cannot wait, one cannot think about this matter while time slowly passes by.

It’s like sweet liquor that doesn’t feel like anything when you first drink it, but hits you hard when it kicks in.

Zhou Mushi sat motionless in his study, as if he had lost the ability to speak. If it weren’t for his faint breathing, people might really have thought he was dead.

Time seemed to stand still. There was no clock in the study, and everything was quiet. You couldn’t hear anything.

He kept thinking about a look, an embrace, and a person’s scent in his mind.

He didn’t know how long he had been thinking, and by the end, he didn’t know how long he had gone without food or water. His tormented stomach kept convulsing as he leaned on the table, retching incessantly in front of the trash can, but he couldn’t vomit anything out.

Zhou Mushi only knew one person who was different from everyone else in the world, and he was extremely attached to Jin Yang’s gaze.

Those eyes seemed to have opened their hearts and placed them in front of him, carefully smiling at him and reaching out their hands.

However, all this sincere emotion was crushed and buried in the mud, including flesh and blood and broken bones.

He thought he was very realistic, but in fact, he was very naive.

He always thought that once this matter was over, it was over. Occasionally, he felt guilty and sorry for Jin Yang, but that was all.

He had never truly understood Jin Yang’s feelings from his perspective. All the “I understand his feelings” were just lies.

There has never been anything in this world like truly understanding another’s pain. When a knife is not cutting into one’s own flesh, no one knows how much it hurts.

Even in his most difficult times, he never struggled at the bottom of poverty. He had a way out. People like him were probably never able to understand what it feels like to be in a desperate situation.

This wasn’t the first time he lost Jin Yang, but it hurt much more than the first time.

The misunderstanding then was that Jin Yang had found someone else, and he wasn’t a good person, so he abandoned him. Being abandoned by someone like that was difficult to endure, but he could always make it through.

But now, Zhou Mushi knew that he loved him, very much, even though he had never said it out loud. The deeper the love, the more painful it is, and the harder it is to get through this hurdle…

This one-sided breakup, without even giving Zhou Mushi a chance to fight back, is just like when his family beat down Jin Yang to the ground.

He’s not a heartless and unreasonable person, he can’t just shamelessly beg for something.

His mother loved him, Jin Yang loved him too, but his mother used Jin Yang’s love for him as a weapon, and stabbed Jin Yang and his heart to death. This is truly ridiculous!

. . . . .

Zhou Muxian reluctantly pulled his suitcase to the airport; the work at the company couldn’t be delayed any longer.

Jin Yuan bought a plane ticket with him, but on different routes.

Ranran’s exams were almost over, and Jin Yuan had to return to China to take care of the little girl.

Beforehand, the little girl had already chosen a boarding junior high school. It wasn’t Jin Yuan’s intention to let her stay in a boarding school, but Ranran had chosen the best school for herself based on her grades, which was a top-notch, enclosed and well-managed school.

The two sat together in the airport lobby. Zhou Muxian swore that he had never felt so sad sitting on a plane before, even though it was only a short two-month summer vacation that they would be apart. Jin Yuan said he would visit him after the child started school.

But even before they parted, they were already starting to miss each other.

No matter how reluctant they were, they still had to separate when the time came to queue for ticket inspection. They could only leave from their lover’s embrace.

There is still a lingering warmth from Jin Yuan’s palm on his fingertips. He watched him leave until he was halfway there, and then Zhou Muxian pulled his suitcase back and gave his lover a lingering kiss before returning to continue queuing.

Jin Yuan’s situation is slightly better than Zhou Muxian’s. Although he is uncomfortable, he is not afraid of separation because he knows they will meet again. Separation becomes a process that can make him better, and it can also pull their love into a long and dense longing. When they meet again, everything will be worth it.

They both boarded the plane, flying in different directions, thinking about each other, and didn’t feel too painful.

. . . . .

No one knows which great person said it: “The earth will still turn without anyone.”

Indeed, it is true. In the days when Jin Yang was not around, Zhou Mushi did not reach the point where he could not live.

Working is a very good thing. Once a person gets busy, there is no leisure time to deal with other things.

But when there is leisure time, it can be very frustrating. Every corner of the room constantly reminds you of the traces of another person’s life.

The cactus on the windowsill was planted by Jin Yang, and the money plant on the computer desk in the study was also put there by Jin Yang. The color of the bedsheet, the table lamp on the bedside table, the carpet in the bathroom, the towels and shower gel he used on the shelf.

When night falls, Zhou Mushi becomes like a pervert. He takes out all the clothes that Jin Yang did not take away from the closet and covers himself with them one by one. He holds the pillow that Jin Yang once slept on, eats half a sleeping pill, and forcefully falls asleep. He often wakes up crying in the middle of the night.

Turning on the light is absolutely forbidden. Once the light is on, the fact that another person is no longer there becomes even clearer and more obvious.

If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep, he puts on Jin Yang’s pajamas and leans against the bedside, studying French and difficult legal terms on his phone.

Even though he didn’t plan to develop in France and had no interest in becoming a lawyer, it didn’t matter.

What mattered was that he had to do something, otherwise the strong sense of oppression in his heart would make him feel like he was going crazy.

Zhou Mushi made a great effort to arrange his free time, and staying in the old house for a few days should be a good choice.

He could also go and see his stepmother, who married an old man while she was still young and naive, and see his blood relative who was still in her belly, whether it was his brother or sister. He could stay in a room that had nothing to do with Jin Yang.