Tired Of Death

"What??!! Spit it out will you?" Dreth cried.

"There's nothing. Darkness there, and nothing more." Cuthbert pushed open the door, making Percy wince. Behind it was a standard dungeon corridor, remarkably empty of dragons, or anything else for that matter.

Dreth looked at Percy. "Dragons eh?"

"What? Look, I swear I saw him…"

"Him?" Redthorne moved forward and squinted down the passage. "Who's him'?"

The zombie looked uncomfortable, which wasn't easy for a rotten walking corpse. "Someone."

Dreth scratched his skull, which was itching. "Come on," he said. "We're wasting time."

They moved onwards, Percy looking around nervously, but this part of the dungeon appeared to be abandoned.

"I told you, it's closed for remodeling," said Smudge when they asked her about it. "The last occupant, a kind of giant snake I think it was, was hacked apart by a group of adventurers some time ago. They simply haven't got around to assigning someone new yet, that's all."

Dreth shrugged. "Fair enough," he said. "I suppose we shouldn't complain."

"Hey," said Percy from ahead. "There's a room here."

The others examined the chamber, which was b.a.r.e except for a few old bones in the corner. "Perfect," said Dreth. "We'll rest up here a while. Or at least the still living will."

Redthorne staggered over to a corner with Emerald. The two spread out their sleeping mats and collapsed into them. Percy put the Fearie down next to the wizard, making sure she was securely bound.

Sprat wandered into the room and poked at the bones.

"Any meat left?" asked Percy, shambling over and nudging a yellowing skull with his foot.

The little zombie shook his head. "Nufink," he replied.

"Leave the remains alone," said Dreth, squatting down in a corner. "No telling where they've been." He scratched at his arm.

"What's with you?" Cuthbert said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean with the scratching?"

"I'm itching, that's all."

"Oh, I see, and that's usual for a skeleton is it?"

"I…" Dreth paused. "Good point."

"Maybe you have fleas," the zombie said brightly, jiggling the baby.

"Don't be foolish."

Cuthbert leaned closer to Dreth for a moment. "Hey," he said. "I think you have some sort of growth!"

"What? Where?" Dreth patted the top of his skull.

"Where your hair used to be, and look, on your hands too!"

Dreth examined his corpse for a moment. "So there is. It looks like…tissue? It is! I think my skin's growing back!"

"Look," interrupted Percy from the back of the room. "There's another door back here. Maybe there'll be some treasure!" It swung open with a creak as he pushed at it. "Come on Sprat, let's go explore eh?"

"Be careful back there, don't fall into any pits," warned Dreth.

"See Sprat," said Percy, "Uncle does care."

"It's just last time we ended up lugging a baby about with us," muttered Dreth.

"Ha, who's lugging the baby?" said Cuthbert. He stuck his tongue out at the infant, who made a grab for it. "Oh no you don't," the zombie said. "That's genuine elf tongue, hard to come by."

The baby gurgled.

"Oh yes it is," said the undead, wobbling his head about, and speaking in the high pitched tones people often use when talking to the very young. "Elf tongue it is it is. Oh yes indeed. Elfy welfy to…"

"Please stop," said Dreth. "There's something very wrong about this scene."

Cuthbert was about to reply when there was a shout from the second door.

"Now what?" said Dreth, standing up and reaching for his sword.

He trotted towards the source of the noise, Cuthbert in tow, just in time to meet Percy hobbling quickly towards him, his clockwork leg hissing and whirring.

"It's him! I saw him for sure this time!" the zombie said.

"Who?" asked Cuthbert. "Who did you see?" He looked at Sprat, who merely shrugged.

"Him! Him! He's come back! I've been a naughty boy!" Percy rambled on madly.

"Shhh, you'll wake the living," said Dreth. "What are you babbling about? Pull yourself together!" He slapped the walking dead about the head, dislodging Percy's jawbone.

"Im! Ees ome ack!" Percy carried on, the lower half of his face hanging loose.

"For the love of Dreg." Dreth would have rolled his eyes if he had had any. He turned to Sprat instead. "What did you see in there?"

"Nufink Uncle Dref," replied the young zombie. "There was nufink at all."

"I think your friend has finally passed his 'best use' date," said Dreth to Cuthbert. "Time for a new brain or something." He turned around and went to sit back down again, scratching himself all the while.

Cuthbert helped the other zombie put his face back together. "Calm down," he said. "What did you see?"

"Him. My father! He wanted to spank me!" said Percy. "He always spanked me when I was naughty."

"Your father?" exclaimed Cuthbert. "Isn't that a little unlikely?"

"I saw him. Twice now," Percy reiterated, pointing behind him.

"Come on," said Cuthbert, leading the other zombie gently away. "Let's go and sit down, I'll get a rib for you to nibble on. It's been a hard day for us all."