Tired Of Death

Dreth moved steadily on up the mountain trail. Walking beside him was Adel, who was now dressed in a travelling robes and sporting a large backpack. Behind them the zombies lurched tirelessly along, muttering to each other randomly as long forgotten sights percolated through their rotten brains. Sprat scampered about, examining every new little thing excitedly.

"How much further?" asked Dreth.

"The cabin is near now," Adel replied. "It was the most out of the way place I could think of that wasn't too far away."

"Emerald better be all right," said Dreth. "I don't think Something will be pleased if I let her die."

The Head woman sighed. "I told you before, Tybalt knocked her out. The worse she'll have is a headache, he's good at what he does."

Dreth scowled. "He'd better be. If she's dead and her body wakes up to kill me, I'm not going to be happy."

Adel's obvious puzzlement at this statement was cut short as they rounded a sharp bend.

"Hold!" The figure blocking their way stood in the centre of the path, sword hilt in both hands, tip resting on the ground. The man had positioned himself so the wind whipping down the mountain blew his cape out behind him, achieving maximum visual impact. His elaborate black helmet absorbed the light, emphasizing the silver skull emblazoned on the front. The rest of his garb was also black, from his richly cut tunic down to the leather pants that were tucked inside knee high boots, complete with wicked looking spurs protruding from the heels.

"Wooo!" Percy exclaimed. "Cool threads man!"

"Oh no!" Adel put her hand to her mouth. "It's him." She took a step backwards.

"Indeed, it is I! The Violator! Terror of a hundred kingdoms! Dispatcher of a thousand souls! I bring thine doom to you, for none escape my wrath! I've been dispatched to hunt you down and make you pay for your traitorous acts. Prepare to meet thine end, for whilst… whilst… Yes? What is it?" He stopped, looking at Cuthbert who had put his hand up.

"It's thy end, not thine," the zombie corrected.

"Is not so!" answered the anti-paladin.

"Sorry, but it is, isn't that right Percy?" Cuthbert looked to his friend.

"I don't know, I thought thine was pretty hardcore myself."

Cuthbert shook his head at his companion's obvious linguistic ignorance. "No, you'll have to trust me on this one, it's 'thy'." He looked at the man standing in their way. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, please carry on."

"Wha…Oh. Ahem. Yes right. Where was I?"

"Thy end," Cuthbert reminded him.

"Thanks." Veronica paused for a moment, then took a deep breath and continued. "Prepare to meet thy end, for whilst I am pure evil I… I… I say! Are you paying attention?" He gestured to the zombies again, who had been muttering amongst themselves.

"Sorry, sorry," said Cuthbert, "but we were just thinking: why use 'thy' at all? Couldn't you just say 'your' end?"

"It's dramatic," retorted the anti-paladin, rather cross now.

"Oh I see. It's just… Oh never mind. Carry on." Cuthbert shrugged.

"What? Come on, you've interrupted me already, spit it out."

"Weeeell, if you are going to use 'thy' then you should keep using it, not mix it with 'you' and so forth. It's just untidy, grammatically I mean."

"Look, I've been using this speech for years, it's been perfectly good up to now!"

Cuthbert made a face. "Well, I suppose. Just trying to be a better class of victim. No need to be nasty about it."

"No need to be nasty? Of course there's need to be nasty! I'm a bloody Anti-Paladin! The antithesis of all that is good! It's my job to be nasty!"

"Alright then, keep your skin on," said Cuthbert, holding his hands out in front of him. "Just trying to give some feedback. I mean Dreth here," he gestured at Dreth, who was standing with a bewildered look upon his face, "has been at this Evil Guardian game for centuries. He's pretty much mastered it."

"Is that so?" asked Veronica, removing his helmet and shaking his long black hair free like an advert for shampoo.

"I don't like to boast," said Dreth, looking at his half regrown fingernails modestly, "but I think I know a few things about evil posturing."

"Go on then," said The Violator.

"Well," Dreth looked the man up and down. "I mean your stance is good, and I like the way the wind catches the cloak and all that…"

The Anti-Paladin looked smug.

"…but I think for really good visual impact you need a better position."

"Yes?"

Dreth glanced about. "Okay how about…" He stepped forward. "May I?"

The Anti-Paladin nodded.

"You see those rocks on the edge? See how the sun is slightly to the side? If you stand up there…"

"Like this?" The Violator clambered up onto a large boulder.

"Yeeees, but… look, I'll show you." Dreth scrambled up after him, adjusting the man's pose as he spoke. "You see, the arm should be like this, and I would hold your sword, nice blade by the way, to the side with one hand, there. Now you need to stand at a slight angle to us, yes yes, that's the ticket. Now turn your head a bit. Oh bravo! How does that look from there Cuthbert?"

"Excellent, the light really catches his good, sorry… evil side."

"Well, thank-you, I appreciate your help," said the Anti-Paladin.

"Think nothing of it," said Dreth. "Oh, just one more thing."

"What? The hairstyle? Should I tie it back? How about my expression? Stern enough?"

"I've never seen sterner," replied Dreth. "But I would just give a slight word of caution."

"Tell me!"

"Never let someone with super strength stand near when you are next to a cliff." So saying, Dreth gave the man a mighty shove, pushing him over the edge.

"Aaaaaaaahhh!"

Dreth peered over the side, wincing occasionally as the ever more distant form bounced off protrusions, eventually disappearing into some trees at the bottom with a faint crash.

"Nice one," said Percy, who had moved up to stand beside him. "Do you think he's dead?"

Dreth shrugged. "Possible, but I wouldn't bet on it. These anti-hero types aren't easy to kill." He turned around and climbed down off the rock.

"You should know," the zombie commented. With a final glance over the edge, he followed Dreth.