Tired Of Death

"Pish, it's all the same," Percy replied. "Zombies and deep water. It's not a match made in heaven is it? I mean, what if I fell in? I can't swim. I'd sink and drown."

"You need to be able to breathe before you can drown," said Dreth. "The worst you'd face is a long walk to land, or possibly being nibbled by fish. I suppose we could lower the anchor and pull you up, but I don't know if I'd want to waste that much time."

"I could breathe if I wanted to," retorted Percy. "I'm just out of practice." He opened his mouth and attempted to inhale, making a strange croaking sound. A moment later he exhaled, producing a wheezing noise and a puff of dust. "See?"

"You call that breathing?" scoffed the little devil. "I can do better than that, and I don't have lungs even." 

"Was breathing so." Percy flapped his arms about. "It was invigorating too. I feel all pumped up and oxygenated. Good for what ails you, breathing is."

"Death is what ails you," said Dreth. "As well as maggots in the brain. I doubt one mouldy breath is going to do much for either condition."

"I'm surrounded by sceptics," said Percy, raising the telescope again. "Hey! A boat! It's coming towards us!"

"Where?" asked Dreth, snatching the instrument back and looking through it.

"Over there!" Percy said, pointing.

"It's a pretty small one," said Dreth, finding it. "Looks like a row boat"

"It has a pirate flag on it!" said Cuthbert. "Sprat, look! A pirate!"

"It's a bit small to be a pirate isn't it?" asked Frumble, distracted a moment from his sea-sickness. "There seems to be only one person aboard, and he's rowing."

"Avast there!" came a distant cry from the pirate boat. "Heave to and prepare to be boarded, arr!"

"That's pirate speak," Cuthbert informed Sprat, who looked on wide eyed.

Dreth leaned on the rail and watched, unconcerned, as the pirate, by dint of furious rowing, intercepted them and threw a grapple up. It wedged in the railings and the boat was dragged alongside.

The pirate shimmied up the rope and landed on the deck with a nimble flourish. 

"Blast yer all! This vessel now be under the control of Captain Mad Redbeard Hooks O' the High Seas! Surrender yer gold and yer women and I might just let yer live, aar."

There was a moment of silence as everyone examined the invader. Eventually Dreth cleared his throat** and spoke. 

"You're a bit small for a pirate aren't you?"

"What's it to yer, yer scurvy dog? I'll bite yer kneecaps off and throw yer floundering torso to the fishes, blast yer."

In truth, Mad Redbeard Hooks O' the High Seas was a less than imposing figure. The dwarf stood only a little taller than Frumble, who was so amazed he'd forgotten to be sick. The pirate did have a red beard though, an out of control mass of hair which tumbled down his c.h.e.s.t, resting on a stomach that didn't look like it was wanting for food. He also wore the traditional gear of a pirate, from the black hat with the skull and crossbones motif, down past the golden earrings, just visible through the shock of hair, to the slightly scruffy jacket and pantaloons. One leg was a wooden stump, the other was clad in a knee high black boot. The bird perched on his shoulder looked slightly shocked, and it took Dreth a moment to realize that it was actually stuffed. Not only that, but it appeared to be a raven painted to look like a parrot. 

"Well? What yer be gawking at?" demanded Redbeard, pulling out and brandishing a sabre 

Only then did Dreth realize that both the pirates' hands were missing, each sporting a hook in their stead. The sword had a specially modified handle to allow him to wield it.

"Hooks it is indeed," he said. "You appear to be a little down on your luck pirate, as well as just a little down."

"Scurvy dog! Yer be laughing from the other side o' yer face if yer don't abide by me demands!"

"Oh yes?" Percy stepped forward. "And how exactly are you a threat to us short stuff?" 

The dwarf smiled beneath his beard. "I be controlling a fearsome sea beast I be. If yer don't comply, I'll have to be calling it up and sinking the lot of yer. An' don't get any ideas! If something happens to me, me little monster friend will be smashing yer craft to smithereens it will, arrr."

"Oh dear," said Dreth, shaking his head. "I'm quaking with fear." He started to reach for his sword.

"Wait!" said Emerald. "What if he's telling the truth?"

"Him? Control a sea monster?" Dreth looked sceptical "Unlikely I think."

"Still, better safe than sorry, surely?" Emerald shrugged.

"You're not going to listen to this one legged dwarf are you?" sneered the little devil.

"I hate to agree with the red thing," said Dreth, "but I don't believe you control any monster short stuff. Prepare to die."

"Yer kill me, yer ship be driftwood pale man. It be easy to show yer the truth in any case," the pirate replied. 

"Go on then. Show us this so called sea monster," said Dreth, "before I become impatient."

"You, impatient?" muttered Cuthbert sarcastically. "Imagine that." 

The dwarf ignored the zombie and waved a hand, or a hook in his case, gesturing off the port bow. "Take a look an' see," he said.

They looked out across the sparkling blue water, which remained calm. 

"Not very impressive so far," said Cuthbert, after a few moments of non-activity. "Oh!" 

They watched as a gigantic tentacle, complete with crater-like suckers, broke the surface of the sea, creating a small tsunami. The limb rose into the air, water falling off it like rain, and climbed into the sky, uncurling all the while. Soon it was towering over the ship, casting a threatening shadow over the vessel and crew.

"Wooo, that is pretty big," said Percy. "Still, seen bigger." He shrugged dismissively and crossed his arms.

"Yer be lying zombie!" scowled Redbeard, shaking his sword.

Their gazes were drawn back to the monster as another tentacle followed the first, and then another and another, until six of them were waving slowly about high above. Finally a gargantuan form broke the surface, looking like a small island that had decided it wanted to go travelling It was vaguely pink, and covered with pot marks and smaller sea creatures, which were busy falling off. A huge eye opened and looked at them, an amber malevolence that seemed to pulse with fishy might.

"Okay then. One sea monster, present and correct. Check," said Dreth, steadying himself as the wake of the beast hit the ship, rocking it from side to side. Frumble m.o.a.n.e.d and began spewing again.

"Er, you can send it back now," said Tybalt nervously.

"Yer be believing me then?" asked Hooks, raising one bushy eyebrow. 

"Yes, I think you've made a point," said Dreth. "You can tell it to sit, or whatever you do to make it go away."

Hooks glared at him for a moment, but then waved an arm. Slowly the colossal creature sank back into the deep, causing more waves and several whirlpools. 

"So, yer ship be mine now…" started the pirate turning around, only to be brought up short by Darkblood, which was suddenly hovering a fraction away from his good eye. "Arr, what be this? Mutiny ye scurvy dog! Yer going to be walking the plank, mark me words."

Dreth leaned down to face the small pirate. "Mark my words little man, no one tells me what to do."

"You'd better believe that," said Cuthbert, a slight trace of bitterness in his voice.

"If yer be after me ship…"

"I don't care about this ship," said Dreth. "I'm only using it to get somewhere. Once I'm where I want to be, you can have it."

The dwarf's eye brightened. "Really?"

"Really. So you'd better call off your beasty."

"No deal." Hooks made to bring his own sword up, but thought better of it at the last moment.

"No deal? Don't you see this blade I'm wielding?" asked Dreth, wobbling the item in question a little, and making Redbeard flinch. "It will feed on your very essence to power its own."

"Bllooood," hissed the weapon, as if confirming the analysis. 

"I don't be caring," said Hooks. "Yer kill me, me beast will sink the lot of yer."

Dreth held still a moment, evaluating the small pirate, who stood still, defiant. "It seems we have a small impasse then," he said eventually.

"Aye, yer be right."

"What do you want?" asked Emerald, stepping forward and putting a hand on Dreth's arm, pushing the sword down. "Perhaps we can reach a deal."

"Hey, who's running this show?" Dreth complained.

"Hush," Emerald admonished him. "I don't want to be sunk thank-you very much. Some of us need to breath remember?"

"Hmmf," said Dreth, but allowed the woman to carry on. 

"If we help you Mr. Hooks," she continued, "will you guide us to where we want to go? You can have the ship if you like after that, though I would point out it is stolen, if that's a problem for you."

"I be a pirate woman!" declared Redbeard loudly. "Of course it 'aint a problem."

"So then. What do you say?" Emerald asked.

Redbeard sighed and scratched his nose carefully with his free hook. He looked at Emerald, and then Dreth and the others. Finally he shrugged. "'Tis' a shabby looking crew yer be," he said. "Still, me'be we can reach an accord. Aye, why not? Shake on it." He held out a hook, and Emerald shook it gingerly. 

**More for forms sake than real need.