Too Much Pain

"Trials of Wuxia" - was musing to myself, as I parted the trees in front of me.

My stats didn't worry me in the slightest, don't get me wrong. This game sounded like an intergalactic survival Battle Royal or something.

What I didn't like was my complete lack of clothing, to be honest. Now, that was worrying. It was pretty cold, if I say so myself. And my better part didn't really appreciate that, that is for sure. If you catch my drift.

As I was roaming around, trying to find something living or at least something similar, I got a glimpse of something shiny at the edge of a clearing not far ahead. So far, I was feeling like an amateur scout, who had no idea how to even make fire.

As arrived at the place where I saw the light from my spot, my heart began to beat out of my c.h.e.s.t.

In front of me lay a c.h.e.s.t. A shiny, massive treasure c.h.e.s.t. Closed. With an aura of majesty, it gave off the feeling as if it contained the most divine item in the universe itself.

The c.h.e.s.t sadly didn't have an asshole, I mean a keyhole. Keyhole, it is.

I don't know why, but I felt like putting my hand on top of it. Slowly, my hand began to draw near it, as if a something was pulling it.

"Maybe it is my lucky day? Is it destiny?"- thought to myself elated. "Maybe my suffering is coming to an end, at last."

Yeah...

What a naive chap I was.

As my hand reached the top of the c.h.e.s.t, a sharp light shot out from the c.h.e.s.t, like a main character entering the stage with every reflector pointed on it. It blinded me and my n.a.k.e.d bottom, as warmth surrounded the clearing.

"It must be something good, please, daddy, gimme something good, pleaaassseeee..." - was muttering to myself, like crazy. If someone had seen me, they would have seen a n.a.k.e.d guy with sweaty a.s.s juggling, with a crazy look in his eyes. Drooling...

I just hope to this day, that nobody did.

The c.h.e.s.t was opening, slowly, enticingly, as if it knew what kind of effect it had on it's opener. With my heart beating fast, my hand reached inside to feel the contents up.

"Bamm" - the c.h.e.s.t closed hurriedly. Some pinkishness could be seen on its cover.

"Pervert" - I was sure I hadn't misheard it. But I had no idea where the voice-like cry could have come from as I was screaming my lungs out.

"Shiiiittttt!!!! Mo---f.u.c.kerrrrr!!!" - I screamed and screamed, but my hand still didn't budge from the stomach of the c.h.e.s.t.

"Khmm. Khmm..." - a sound of throat clearing could be heard and the c.h.e.s.t was slowly opening up again.

If I didn't know better, I could have sworn that the c.h.e.s.t had the character of a shy, little girl.

And it wasn't meant to act like that. Just a hunch.

Anyways, I timidly reached my hand towards the belly of the monster, I mean c.h.e.s.t. Felt something soft. Grabbed it, then took my hand out as fast as it was possible.

"Bamm" - thank god I did, cause the c.h.e.s.t closed again. Fast.

I felt bad a bit about grabbing it the stuff in it, no idea why though. "It is just a c.h.e.s.t" - I told to myself.

Now, I was really curious what kind of treasure I fetched. What invincible item I found.

I looked at it and I fainted from surprise.

— "Player Demeter found the Great Equalizer U.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r" —

Experience : + 3000 points.

Only equipable by the Human Race.

Armor - Rare

"It is a must for the human race, as it destroys the limits of humanity, elevating them into Godhood." " Well, almost" - thought to myself as I fainted again. Technicalities...

When I came around, a pair of black u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r was hugging my h.i.p.s, which filled me up with warmth and security. Then I remembered everything.

"Stats window!" - I shouted excitedly.

Player Demeter:

Attack: 0

Agility: 0

Defense: 0

Strength: 0

Skills: -

None...

It was a good day, indeed.