Walk Into Your Good Night

05

Hekang Hospital was the best private hospital in the whole province. Both the medical facilities and the professionalism of the staff are top-notch. When my father was admitted there, a day of hospital fees costed tens of thousands of dollars.

Indeed, it was not a place ordinary citizens could afford.

I said, ”You don’t have to worry about it, you only have to let her recuperate in peace.”

I didn’t know how stupid I was when I said this, but when Tang Jingchuan looked at me, confused, I knew I had overstepped my boundaries.

From my perspective, he was someone I liked; but from Tang Jingchuan’s perspective, we were only neighbours who had met each other a few times without knowing each other’s names.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

When I spoke, I subconsciously stepped back. I rarely thought that I had done something wrong, overconfidence from over the years had made me conceited. This caused nuisance for others.

Before, I didn’t know that I was such an annoyance. After meeting Tang Jingchuan, I knew I was not as easy-going as I thought.

He looked at me oddly, and then turned back to look at the door to the emergency room.

He said, ”Sir, she is my wife.”

I didn’t know how to describe my emotions in that particular moment; it was like swallowing a whole lemon, very sour.

I didn’t say anything. I looked at him for a moment and left, then called my secretary to cancel the bed at Hekang Hospital. I asked him to find some way to make a bed available in the Third Hospital.

I still wanted to help him, but it was best to not let him know about it.

I watched that movie once more, and mulled over that line again.

Only attempted love was the most romantic. I disagreed; it was not romantic, but very tormenting.

I resisted the urge to think about him, while I uncontrollably wanted to know how was he doing. I suddenly realised, he would become slightly better only when his wife was doing well.

I was a psycho, pretending to be sick just to see the doctor at the Third Hospital, intentionally making an coincidental meeting with him.

I felt ashamed for my actions, but the thought of him had consumed me.

On that day, I was holding a bag of medicine I didn’t need when I bumped into him in the hospital corridor. Out of politeness, he greeted me; I used this opportunity to chat with him.

I liked his voice; it was better for relaxing than any music I had heard before.

I said, “After meeting for so many times, I still don’t know your name.”

He said his name as Tang Jingchuan. Jing for the Jing river, Chuan for river.

T/N: the actual words he used to explain his name are common 4-character idioms; didn’t use it because it didn’t read well. 泾[Jing], 泾渭分明, literal meaning: “as different as the waters of the Jing river and the Wei river”. The water for the Jing river and Wei river meet, but the water from both doesn’t mix well. It means two things with clear distinction. 川[Chuan] means river. 川流不息 is used to describe something which is continuous like flowing water.

He said, “My mother said someone read my fortune when I was young. They said I lacked water, so I was named [this].

I smiled and said, half-jokingly, “You lack water? What a coincidence; my surname is Shui.”

He looked at me surprised. I said, “My name is Shui Hang, like a route on water.”

T/N: Shui (水）meaning water; Hang （航）, the character for 航线, meaning route, specifically for planes/ships.

He smiled, and said softly, “That’s quite a coincidence.”

Because of this, I felt very elated in my heart, like an idiot.

After that, I went with him to visit his wife. It was only then I knew that she had cancer. It was in its late stage when it was discovered. She was admitted into the hospital because she tried to commit suicide when he was not at home. Coincidentally, he arrived back home earlier, and her life was saved.

I remembered about my father. Thought about how some people took 10 thousand dollars just to maintain their lives, while others are prepared to end it early just to save money.

It’s difficult to say who’s in the right or wrong; those are all lives after all.

When I entered, Tang Jingchuan’s wife still had an IV drip attached, but she looked well. She was shocked when she saw me, then politely greeted me.

Both husband and wife treated others the same exact way.

Tang Jingchuan said, “I bumped into Mr. Shui in the corridor. He came to see you.”

That afternoon, I sat down and chat with both of them for a long while. I knew why they moved to this area. Knew that they got married for 3 years, and when they prepared to have children, his wife was discovered to have cancer. I also knew, they were each other’s first love, and learnt how well Tang Jingchuan treated his wife.

I originally thought that I would feel very angry and very envious, but I didn’t. I only felt my heart ache. Perhaps, I did not expect anything between myself and Tang Jingchuan from the start, so I only wanted him to be well.

Tang Jingchuan said they were preparing to be discharged. The doctor had given them medicine, and they planned to do a conservative treatment.

I tried to inquire about when they would be discharged, and said, “When the time comes, I’ll come pick you both up.”

“No, thank you,” he refused, “I can’t keep troubling you [formal].”

When he spoke with me, he always used “sir” and “you [formal]”, making me annoyed by the formalities.

I said, “You should be more considerate for your wife. You might be able to endure some suffering, she can’t.”

Tang Jingchuan lowered his head and fell into silence. I watched his long eyelashes, heart aching slightly.

I really admit it: for the first time in my life, I was sacrificing so much for a person without asking for anything for return.

That was not exactly accurate; I still had something to ask for. I wanted Tang Jingchuan to live an easier life.

That day, before leaving the hospital, I went to see the attending physician in charge of Tang Jingchuan’s wife. I said I was Tang Jingchuan’s little brother, worried for my sister-in-law’s illness.

The doctor sighed in front of me, saying that they weren’t having it easy. A conservative treatment had not much difference from giving up treatment, he said. Moreover, there wasn’t much time remaining for her.

Logically, at my rival-in-love dying soon, I should feel happy, but I only felt heavy.

Some people were hard at work to make their lives better, only to lose everything in the end.

I thanked the doctor and left, passing the ward. I secretly peaked inside to see Tang Jingchuan using a straw to feed his wife water.

I recalled something my father told me. He said, ” You had a good life since you were young, so you wouldn’t know how to feel protective of someone.”

Now I did, but I still didn’t know how I should do so.