When We Were Perfect

Chapter 102

I am a refugee like a butterfly

I stop just for a moment and the next moment I fly off

I am like a narrow lane that is seeming for the path to heaven

Wherever you'll turn

I'll turn in the same direction

I want to be a part of your caravan

Removing my flaws, I want to be a better person.

Previously, 

She opened the white door letting Amy inside before closing it gently.

Amy eyed the plain yet monochrome office before her gaze settled on an old man sitting behind his desk, fingers entwined, posture firm and if Amy wasn't wrong the look on his face was telling that he wasn't a bit happy to have her there.

★★★★★★★★

Amy continued to look at the man who was staring at her rigidly though his gaze faltered a bit, eyeing the baby carrier.

"Have a seat Mrs Saritas!" He said in a decent tone pointing to one of the black chairs in front of his desk.

Amy walked forward awkwardly, giving him a small smile before carefully settling Ozan's carrier on one chair and taking the opposite one, crossing her legs.

"Thank you for….."

"Please don't say thank you! If you weren't Daniel's wife, I might not have attended to you especially without an appointment" He cut her off, leaning back on his large leather chair crossing his arms.

Amy felt weird under his scrutinising gaze; she could understand that she might have disturbed him in his potential working hours but still, does he have to act this way. She tried to remember having met him or having confronted him before that might have made him act so impassively towards her.

"I am sorry to bother you like this but I really needed to meet you!" Amy started but his gaze was still stern on her. Now, this was offending her.

"Have we met before!" She raised a question.

"Not personally but I have met you through Daniel's thoughts and countless words!" He replied, the stern look now wavering a bit.

Perplexed by his answer, Amy fidgeted in her place.

"He talked about me!"

Burak scoffed lightly, 

"You were the centre of our sessions always, in fact, you were the only one he talked about without losing his breath and getting into a dilemma!"

She felt a knot forming in her throat, 

"I hope you heard all the good things about me!"

"Do you think he would ever say anything bad about you? It was me who would tell him that you are toxic for him, that you would only trigger his situation but he never believed me!" Burak said without any hesitation, making her feel guilty.

"Do I have anything to do with his nightmares!" She questioned swallowing the knot in her throat.

"No, you aren't the cause but maybe you can be the one to trigger it!" He said spontaneously, reading her face.

"I know why you are here!" 

Amy looked taken aback by his revelation.

"How?" She blurted out.

"I am a therapist Amy, I can read people's faces and make predictions by their anxiety and way of talking."

"You are here to know about his past right!"

If this was another situation, Amy might have praised him.

"Then I hope you can tell me about him!" Amy said with a forlorn expression.

"What are your intentions Mrs Saritas?" He asked, now leaning forward on his desk.

"I want to help him, that's all!" She replied unrelently.

"You can't repair or fix his trauma, no matter how much you try!"

"I know I can't cure his trauma, but I can heal the wounds so that they become less a burning throb of daily pain and more a distant sorrowful memory!" She responded confidently.

Dr Burak stared in her eyes for a minute looking for the honesty he wanted and yes there it was sincerity and warmth for Daniel.

He gave a small nod.

"How much do you know Mrs Saritas!" He inquired, the sternness was gone from his face now, 

"Call me Amy and about your question I know about him suffering, getting bullied and beaten in the orphanage as well as in school!" She said with pity and empathy, lacing her voice.

"If you are feeling sympathy just by hearing that I don't know how you will react to the more bitter and agonizing reality of his childhood!" He retorted, a serious expression lingering on his face.

Ozan made a soft whining noise, shifting in his carrier. Amy immediately patted him, adjusting the blanket not wanting him to wake up. After making sure he was still in his slumber, she turned to Dr Burak.

"I don't share the personal information of my patients with anyone because they have trusted me. I am only telling you because I myself want him to get rid of it and as much as I don't want to say it if you are his pain and then you are his cure too!" He started as Amy clutched the hem of her shirt tighter as if bracing herself for something big.

Dr Burak sighed before starting, 

"All his childhood he had never received any parental love as a child should receive. He had been subjected to physical and mental abuse from his parents who were some addicted druggies, he got tormented for seven years until one day he ran away from them only to get saved and land in the orphanage where his situation wasn't much better. He was constantly mocked and reminded that he was a pathetic orphan who doesn't deserve to live and be loved and the timid child he was, he believed in that, not fighting for anything. He just accepted those things to be his fate until he got into high school and found friends or more like found you. You were the one to make him realize that he needed to strive not only for yourself but for you more specifically!"

"He had never witnessed what love is, what it is to be wanted and cared for. He loved only once in his life with you only for it to be unrequited. He doesn't love himself, Amy, he considers himself pathetic and unwanted and your behaviour made him believe that. His demons and memories torture and haunt him, he doesn't get it regularly only an overwhelming situation triggers them. It might be pain, agony, anger or overwork but he is a lot stronger to suppress this and come this forward. People with such tainted pasts end up being bad people or either in a mental asylum, he is lucky to survive!" He concluded.

By the end of his disclosure about Daniel, Amy burst into tears as countless tears began to pour down her eyes as she tried to stabilize herself. Dr Burak picked a tissue box from his side and placed it in front of her. Amy took it thankfully, sniffing her nose into it.

"I-I never knew about it!" Amy sniffed.

"That's one thing I can't blame you about. He never told anyone about it even it took me more than a year to haul it out from him and Amy don't make me regret telling it to you!" Dr Burak said.

"Is there a way to get rid of those nightmares and panic attacks!" Amy asked, no matter how much she tried the tears were still flowing out of her eyes. Burak could see the pity and empathy her eyes contained.

"Never give this look of pity to him, he loathes pity. As I told you before he has stemmed this thing in his heart that he is unwanted and unloved you have to prove him wrong. Make him accept those scars, make him love himself."

"How can I do that?" She asked trembling,

Dr Burak quirked his brow in disbelief.

"That is something you have to find yourself, Amy!" He replied only to leave her in tension again.

"You know Amy, whenever he came here for his sessions, I would see his drained eyes that made me feel sorry for him but still in those eyes there was a ray of hope he held onto and that hope was you. Even if he didn't get your love, he was content to have you near him as your best friend!" This time there was a small smile on his face but Amy on the other hand wanted to sink in the ground right there and then.

"I wish I could at least be a good friend to him!" She mumbled with quivering lips, scratching the skin of her thumbs in anxiety.

"You can still be that, this time you can become his friend and wife both. Just give him love and attention. Make him feel wanted, that he is not worthless!"  Burak replied, eyeing his watch, realizing that his clinic time was going to end in an hour.

"If we are done here, I would like to attend to my patients now!"

Amy abruptly wiped her tears, heaving herself up from the chair.

"No, I already have taken a lot of your time. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me about him, I can't describe in words how grateful I am!" 

Dr Burak also stood from his chair, this time with a small smile.

"Daniel is genuinely a good-hearted person, a gem rare to found and I would love to see him happy in his life. I hope you could do that!"

Amy swallowed the knot in her throat, holding Ozan's carrier before looking back at Burak with a guilty and forlorn face.

"This time I would make sure to make things promising, this time I promise with my life!"