When We Were Perfect

The room was dark, curtains closed, an eerie silence filling the space. In the middle of the room, Amy was lying on the bed or more like curled in a bundle of sheets or more like drowning in self misery as she clutched the sheets to her chest. The last time she felt so helpless and broken was when Ayla died. She wanted to cry and scream, everything was just so much for her to take in, her mind was always giving her flashbacks mostly of Daniel as she tried to remember the times she overlooked everything just to be in her illusion. She thought she wasn't dumb anymore, she was practical, confident and intelligent but how ironic that she dismissed such an important viewpoint of her life. After a week of questioning, pondering and reprimanding she found herself guilty, truly guilty though not in every sense. Was she really that blind and defiant to ignore the obvious reality, to ignore everything she felt in Daniel's presence. The answer was yes! She certainly did that, she made him a victim of her frustration, anger and that buried her underlying feelings.

Warmth, comfort and solace were what she found in his embrace every time she ran to him. He was always there for her, in the day, middle of the night, at the office, and at home. She couldn't deny that there was always a sense of warmth, concern in his eyes for her, how his face would brighten seeing her. Was it really love that she misinterpreted as friendly behaviour? Silas never showed such emotions but then did she ever cared about what others thought. No, she was too busy in her own bubble. Thinking about this, she felt an overwhelming hatred for herself, wanting to bang her head somewhere.

The door creaked open, illuminating the darkroom. Amy didn't move an inch, she knew it would probably be their housekeeper bringing her food.

"Amy!" Vahide's troubled voice reached her ears, startling her as the former wasn't speaking to her for the past week not that Amy tried much, she shut in her room leaving everything behind. Amy peeked from the covers to see her mother standing by her side with a concerned face. 

"Moping around wouldn't solve your problems, Amy. Get out of this bed now!" Vahide chided pulling the covers away from her but she gasped internally seeing her state. She looked like a cavewoman with tangled unravelled hairs, swollen eyes and bags under the eyes that were prominent. Her normally pale skin looking dull, she wasn't anything like her sophisticated Amy. It made her feel bad for neglecting and not checking up on her but still, she couldn't forget what she did.

"M-mom!" Amy croaked, rubbing her eyes. Vahide sighed sitting beside her, hands itching to hug her daughter but she refrained herself.

"You haven't left this room for a week, look at yourself. Talia has called me a lot of times to know about you. Your cases are pending and here you are ignoring your work. Do you really think that this is the right thing to do? Haven't you learned enough about the effects of overlooking things! " Vahide chided once again.

Amy ducked her head down, biting her lips.

"I don't know what to do with anything anymore mom!"

"You have already done enough damage to yourself and the people around you, what else do you want to do?" She said in a low voice but her words were harsh. Amy turned to her mother hugging her suddenly, Vahide flinched but then after a few seconds placed her arm around her. 

"Mom, I truly don't know what to do anymore. There is so much to deal with, I don't even know where to even start!" Amy cried, hugging her mother tightly, trying to get some comfort.

"You brought this upon yourself, Amy. You thought of him as an obstacle whereas he was the life you wished to have. I don't even know how to speak to him after this. I didn't force you to love him but I didn't expect you to take him for granted when he had always been there for you. I shouldn't have forced you to get married in the first place. Your career and seeking revenge didn't mean you had to toss your family aside. Ayla would be more happy to see you working as a wife and mother, nurturing the relations that needed you instead of fighting cases."

The words that fell from her mouth made Amy's heart stop momentarily. Vahide pulled away from the hug, giving her a disappointing look.

"Stop sulking Amy. If you regret then you should repent for your mistakes. Go to him Amy, mend what you have broken before it's too late. Try to restore what you had previously. It wouldn't be easy but you have to make an effort because this time you have broken bonds, Amy and it is never easy to repair them easily." Vahide explained subtly, praying that her daughter tries to fix this before it's too late. Amy looked at her lap before nodding slowly.

"I don't know where to start from but I can't put anyone through this anymore. I will try Mom but please don't give me this cold shoulder." Amy said in a desperate tone. Vahide only smiled sadly.

"You have to do this for yourself, not for me. You have disappointed me, made me question my upbringing, it's not easy for me to forget this and the cold shoulder, haven't you been doing the same to Daniel and Ozan. You still need my affection, Amy, don't you think Ozan also needed his mother!" Vahide said sadly before leaving the room, not sparing her a glance.

Guilt struck her as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat only to burst into tears. What have I done? She whispered to herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather was windy today, describing how Amy felt as she pulled up her car outside the restaurant. Dressed in a black hoodie with white pants, her swollen eyes covered behind sunglasses although there was no need for it yet she had to dress to look normal. Braving all her courage she stepped inside the restaurant, the familiar smell of lasagna hitting her nostrils making her remember how Daniel would bring her here every time she felt low, to cheer her mood. The nostalgia made her want to cry her eyes out once again but she wasn't here for this. Glancing around her gaze fell on Silas who was sitting by the window, sipping his coffee while gazing at the weather outside. Taking a deep breath, she walked towards him and as soon as he saw her, his face turned into a pissed expression like he didn't want to be here in the first place which was true.

After Vahide left her alone again, Amy finally decided to leave her bed and pull this whole matter together. Thinking for quite a while, the first person who came to her mind was Silas, he was the only one who could help her at this time. She had been oblivious all these years but he knew more about Daniel and this time she needed to ask him for help but then she remembered the last time they met and was pretty sure that Silas wouldn't even listen.

Trying her luck, she called him and somehow made him come to meet her at the restaurant and that's how she ended sitting in front of him with eyes cast down while he glared at her.

Never in her life, she thought that she would have to be this embarrassed and nervous in front of anyone.

"Silas!" She started fidgeting.

"Don't for a moment think that I came here just because you asked me. The reason behind this is I don't want you to create more chaos than you have already done!" She had only seen him mildly angry once in school when someone was ridiculing Daniel but today he was really angry.

"Why are you acting all strange with me?" Amy asked, removing the sunglasses and revealing her puffy eyes.

"After all this, you still want me to treat you like a friend!" Silas said mockingly.

"Do you honestly think I am the only one to be blamed here, if all these years you couldn't tell me about your true feelings and then you should have rejected the marriage proposal! " Amy said in a broken tone. Silas looked away at this and shrugged.

"It still doesn't help much Amy, if I would have rejected you straight. You still had to think about marriage and then use Daniel in this. I swear I tried loving you but it wasn't smooth Amy, I always felt forced, like this relationship was just a worldly show. We were always into arguments, I didn't have the patience to deal with your stubbornness. I still don't understand how Daniel has loved you despite everything!" 

It wasn't meant to be harsh but it was like a sting....