When We Were Perfect

With each passing page, her heartbeat grew more irrational as tears began to flood from her eyes. From spending time with her to laughing for the first time, he mentioned her to be his angel and tesoro, his world. She felt the intensity behind those words like every page and every single thing written there was a witness of his love.

20 November 2001

Does it happen that someone's mere presence lights up your day, that you want to see them smile every day in front of your eyes? Does your heartbeat frantically when they hug you, place a kiss on your cheek. Have you ever had that warm fluttery feeling inside your heart? I could swear that this happens to me whenever she is close. Now I am sounding like a teenage girl but if that's what you call love then yes I am in love with Amy Moretti.

Daniel S

3 Feb 2002

Yesterday I laughed a full-blown laugh because of tesoro. I don't even remember the time when I laughed like this, maybe it was the first time I ever laughed properly. It was even surprising to hear my voice. I didn't have any nightmares about my past today. Maybe staying close to her wipes away my worries.

Daniel S

4 May 2003

Today was my birthday and Amy brought a cute sweater for me. Now I will also have something warm to wear apart from the thin sweaters that I have.

15 October 2003

My hands are aching today because I was overworked today at the cafe. But it's okay as long it is for her happiness. Tesoros birthday is close and I have to get her a worthy present. 

She finally reached the last page with trembling hands.

18 March 2007

Today I am nervous and happy at the same time. Happy because I made my first million today and nervous because today I will express my feelings to Amy. I hope she accepts my love. Today after gaining my first million, I got some strength that maybe I have made myself capable of for Amy because I want to give everything to tesoro. I hope everything goes well.

Daniel S

The diary slipped from her hand as she began sobbing. It was the same day he proposed to Silas, no wonder why Daniel wasn't himself that day. Old memories begin to flash behind her eyes after reading the diary. 

FLASHBACK.

Amy was sitting beside his father's grave. Today was his death anniversary. Although Amy had only three years with her father and only had few memories of him, she still missed him and yearned for his father's love. Not that their mother wasn't enough, she was the best one could ask, yet her father's untimely death left a void in their hearts. She was staring at her father's tombstone with glossy eyes when she felt someone's presence behind her.

She turned and glanced around only to see Daniel standing behind her with a sympathetic and concerned face giving her a warm smile.

"What! " Amy snapped.

"I just wanted to see how you are doing!" Daniel mumbled.

"I don't need your sympathy Daniel, leave me alone." Amy seethed and turned her face away.

"I didn't want to disturb you, Tesoro, I just wanted to share your pain and give you company. It's better to grieve with others than be alone. But if you want to be alone, it's okay I will go away!" Daniel muttered sadly turning away but Amy immediately grabbed his hand.

"No please don't leave me alone!" Amy said, Daniel, smiled before sitting beside her. His hand was still in her grasp.

"I miss him!" Amy said sadly and Daniel's heart constricted seeing her state.

"I know tesoro but crying is not the right thing. What would Vahide mom feel when she sees you like this? You need to gain self-confidence and become a wonderful person so that your father would be at ease and proud of his daughter!" 

"Aren't you 15!" Amy said, wiping her tears.

"Huh!"

"You are too intense for your age!" Amy said softly.

"I am flattered!" Daniel replied shyly.

"You look cute when you are shy!" Amy said, chuckling making him more embarrassed.

"Maybe I should leave!" Daniel said fake hurting. 

"No! stay with me. I feel comfortable with you." She mumbled resting her head on his shoulder sitting in comfortable silence.

"Me too tesoro!" Daniel whispered softly gazing at her face.

Flashback ends.

Every single memory was striking against her heart.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me tesoro!"

"I would even share my twinkies with you!"

"I will always be there for you!"

"You look beautiful in everything you wear!"

"I don't need birthday presents tesoro, your presence is enough!"

She felt as if he was whispering those words near her and for a moment she looked to the door but there wasn't anyone, she was alone all alone.

Suddenly her breathing became shallow as she ran out of the closet and then outside his room. Everything in there was making her guilt level high and killing her. Standing outside his room, she began taking deep breaths. After a while, she finally calmed her nerves a bit and numbly started walking but paused again when she came in front of Ozan's nursery. She quickly looked away but then again she gave in to her instincts and went inside. Her legs were shaking as she stood there glancing at the beautifully decorated pastel coloured room, it wasn't the stereotypical blue colour like she expected it to be. Everything was oriented and neat, gazing at the photo frames on the wall. She wobbled towards them and traced every picture with her unsteady fingers, it was Ozan's when he was born, then two months old, then of him and Daniel in his office and a recent photo.

Amy remembered the day she held him in his arms, it was such a surreal feeling seeing his little body mould into her arms, he was a replica of his father with only her black hair. Then she remembered handing him back to Daniel like he wasn't her child. How she refused to breastfeed him saying she was busy. Her heart constricted remembering every cruel thing she did as a mother, hell she didn't even deserve to be called a mother. Silas was right, mom was right, I was cruel and selfish to forget about my own. Her fingers then come in contact with a photo frame that was from their wedding day. She remembered how many cruel words she said about that day to Daniel and how he quietly listened to them. How he quietly took all the responsibility for their son and managed his work along with fulfilling the role of both parents.

She slumped beside the rocking chair, clutching the photo frame which had Daniel and Ozan's pic closer to her chest while sobbing uncontrollably. She wanted to run away somewhere far, cry her heart out and bang her head somewhere for being such a hostile, terrible and bitter person. Her shoulders were shaking as she cried and cried, she should have died in place of Ayla. She didn't deserve to live after what she had done, where the hell was she in these past two years, oh yeah running after a case with dead ends. Maybe this was her punishment for being so awful. How can she neglect her own son and Daniel like this? He was all but caring towards her, she even remembered the times he would come to sit by her side, trying to talk to her. Saying that he was ready to walk every path with her, that he would be there. He was there all along, waiting, hoping and being patient and what did she do. Kiss Silas in front of him, giving him the impression that even I could cheat behind his back. She cried and cried the whole night as her mistakes struck her with full force, eventually, exhaustion took over her and she let the darkness consume her.

Amy groaned as the sunlight hit her face, making her rub her eyes and sat up. She blinked her eyes only to realize that she fell asleep on the floor beside Ozan's crib, her back was hurting like a bitch but it wasn't comparable to the dull throb she still felt in her heart. Looking at her hands, she noticed that she slept holding the picture frame all night. Running her hand through it gently, a sudden determination riled up in her. Maybe Silas was right, this space was maybe good for everyone. She needed to evaluate her feelings and work to make herself better for Ozan and Daniel.

She couldn't say she was in love with Daniel but there was a part of her that said she would be there too.

It was an empowering thought, it made her capable of setting her life in order. She made a promise to herself at that moment. Either she will rebuild her life with Daniel or either she was going to die trying for it......