With You

(No.243—No.247)

No.243

At night, I shamelessly asked my mother to hug me to sleep like when I was a child.

It was really shameless, because I was four centimeters taller than her, but my mother was very accustomed to me today, and she agreed with a helpless smile.

I was particularly troubled when I was a child. I was always sick. I didn’t sleep well when I was sick. I also had a quirk. I had to be held in my arms before I could fall asleep.

For countless nights, my mother held me to sleep like this.

But I am tall and big now, she can't hold me like she did when she was a child. I just nestled in her arms symbolically, squirming and crying for a while and laughing for a while.

She still lingered around me as before, patted comfortably with one hand on my back, as if I was still only three years old, and I would die without her.

No.244

My parents formally went through the divorce procedures when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school.

Ironically, I didn't remember exactly what it was for. It may be that the word "divorce" has been mentioned since I remembered that they were arguing. The wolf came and shouted too many times, and they were numb.

So was it because my grandparents divided the house, or was it because my dad gave a colleague an indicator and was criticized by others? Was it because I was bullied by my aunt’s young lady, or because which relative on my dad’s side said behind the fact that my mom’s career is booming because I don’t know who is in the bank?

Nothing is really directly caused by them.

It was them who divorced in the end.

My parents have never talked to me about their divorce directly. Perhaps they avoided it because I was always stupid and lacking in explanation. I don’t worry about it anymore, I look so eager to think about it. ...

Maybe, just because they can't tell.

What about adults. I understood earlier than other children that my parents are not omnipotent, they are just two of the countless adults in this city who do not understand their lives.

During their separation, I had not yet entered the fifth grade of elementary school, and stayed at my grandparents’ house during the summer vacation. There were always some relatives who were mean-mouthed and asked me in a funny manner: "Geng Geng, this time your parents might be real. Divorced, do you want to be with father or mother?"

From "Do you like Dad or Mom" ​​to "Do you want to be with Dad or Mom".

I don't understand why I can't do the Lord's things at all, but I always choose.

This kind of dialogue ended with my cramped blushing every time, but it was my mother who really ended these boring relatives.

One day, a silly relative asked me whether I should talk to my father or my mother.

When I didn't speak, she curled her lips and said, "You, if you stay like this again, no one will want you. Your grandparents want grandchildren. You don't behave better yet, or else..."

It happened to be heard by my mother who just came in.

Of course, this relative may be deliberate.

I watched as my mother strode over from the entrance, pushed the old lady away and slapped her.

"You try to smash your mouth in front of my daughter again? You can train my daughter? Say I fan it once! I have to worry about my own family affairs? Her grandparents like men and women. What's the matter? I know that I'm here to eat rice and wind up the autumn wind without laying an egg, and look in the mirror without soaking urine. Do you have the **** face to take care of other people's affairs?!"

I only heard this passage of excitement and awfulness once, but I always remember it.

My parents are all cultural people. The educators are so anxious how many times the combat effectiveness of the old lady with long tongue is higher.

I don't remember what kind of relative was the relative she beat. Anyway, she resisted a few words later and was beaten by my mother again. In the end, it was her grandparents who ran out to fight.

My mother took me away, and then I don’t know what my dad did. Anyway, the final decision is that I live with my dad and I don’t have to choose anything.

From the beginning to the end, I never said "Don't you divorce, okay".

I don't know why I am so precocious about this kind of thing. Indeed, every quarrel is not the direct cause of the two of them, but they are so different. This difference cannot be tolerated by each other. Anything can widen the gap, and it is so wide that it can never be passed.

I can make so many mistakes in math problems, why can't they make mistakes? I understand.

I remember that I said a word to my parents.

I said that when I was in the second grade of elementary school, I especially wanted to marry the sports committee member of our class. Later in the third grade, I felt that the physique became ugly, and the personality was particularly annoying, so I didn't want to marry him.

However, if I really marry him in the second grade, will I be considered divorced in the third grade?

My parents actually cried and said the same sentence to me separately: "Geng Geng, are you stupid? It's not like that at all."

Why is it not that way, that's how it is.

No matter how uncomfortable it is, I understand it.

Although Yu Huai said that I am innocent, there are some things I think I know better than him.

No.245

Xiao Linfan woke up the next day. I heard that after waking up, he even ate two sesame seed cakes until the doctor came to stop him.

I'm really hungry.

He naturally told his mother and my dad the cause of the accident, and the culprit changed from me to my dad who bought fake firecrackers.

Xiao Linfan was discharged on the same day. My dad and he called me separately. Xiao Linfan apologized, saying it was his own bad luck, which made me worried, and asked me if I could go home early, and he wanted to play games with me.

I don't know if there will be a little bit of Aunt Qi's instruction here.

But I don't want to think about this cute little boy like this.

In the afternoon, Aunt Qi went downstairs to my mother's house and said she wanted to invite me out for dessert. She was wronged, and she wanted to apologize.

My mother was surprised: "She is interested, but don't you need it?"

She still doesn't know what happened between me and Aunt Qi.

"Do you want to go? Don't force it if you don't want to go. What are you going to pay for living together every day? It's a fake model." She said absently while drying her clothes.

I thought for a while: "I...I'd better go there, everyone will feel at ease in the future."

We went to Pizza Hut in the nearby commercial center. After we ordered the order, the waiter turned and walked away. Aunt Qi and I, sitting face to face, fell silent.

Aunt Qi's face is still faint, but a little bit more embarrassed.

"Geng Geng, Auntie is really sorry. I was really crazy at the time. I didn't push you because I blamed you or retaliated against you. I was really too anxious to care about anything."

"I understand. If it was me, my mother would do the same," I nodded, paused, and continued, "I mean, I will be as anxious as you, and rush down like you are crazy, but not necessarily Will push people."

Aunt Qi raised her eyes to look at me, smiled bitterly, and did not rush to defend herself.

"I know, it's useless to say anything. But my brain is blank and I can't care about anything. I will push away when anyone is in the front. I really didn't want to target you as a child. Geng, auntie anyway I have wronged you by doing something wrong."

I shook my head.

"I just didn't finish. I said that my mother might not push people, but if she knows that someone else caused me to be blown up or something, it is possible to turn her head and stab someone. Be a mother, I really Understand, my mother protects her calf better than you."

As soon as I finished speaking, I was amused by myself.

Aunt Qi's widowed expression finally loosened a bit. She looked at me gratefully, then dropped her head again, her eyes a little wet.

In the short, less than a second moment after Aunt Qi heard me say that Lin Fan had an accident, she might not even really know what she was thinking.

There is no point in holding on to it.

I don't know what she has experienced in her past life. She won't talk to me.

In any case, she will be the other half of my father's future life. After I grow up and leave, it is her who will accompany him, not me. Aunt Qi and I didn't expect more from each other. This is good, and everything is back to the original state.

Some boundaries have been drawn more clearly. It's really good.

No.246

My mother refused my dad's request to take me back. Although I didn't disclose a word and behaved normally, my mother's instinct still told her that something was wrong.

"Let her go back after the fifteenth of the first lunar month. I will be on vacation until the fifteenth, so she can be with me." My mother said on the phone.

So I lived with my mother for the remaining half a month until the beginning of school.

On the day I returned to my dad's house, Aunt Qi made a big table of dishes. When we chatted, it was like nothing happened, and everything was back on track.

The geng in my heart is a little different, I can feel it, but I don't know where it has changed.

Maybe it's a little bit closer to grown-up.

No.247

I have never looked forward to the start of school so much.

On the first day of the new semester, I got up early, carrying New Oriental's notes and a charged voice recorder, carrying a schoolbag and belongings, and rushed out of the house happily.

The spring breeze at the end of February still cuts the face like a knife, but the day is getting longer and longer, indicating the unstoppable pace of spring. I walked out of the community in the dim blue morning light and embarked on the road to school.

The schoolbag on my back was heavy, but I still ran on the empty road, open my arms, facing the harsh spring breeze.

The schoolbag was patted heavily on my ass, not knowing if I wanted to stop me from going crazy early in the morning, or to urge me to run faster and faster.

When I saw the Zhenhua ochre building again, I really missed it.

As soon as I opened the door of the classroom, a familiar smell came to my face. Among the classmates in school uniforms, most of them were immersed in reading, and the other half were laughing and playing; when they saw me entering the door, Simple, Beta, and Xu Yanliang all waved in exaggeration and ran towards me; on the first day of school, the windowsill was full again I added a variety of workbooks and debris, and seamlessly matched the mess of last semester, as if such things like house cleaning had never happened.

It seems that we never left.

However, looking at the classmates who are lying on the desk and taking time to read books, I will never ask like "Isn't school just starting?" What are they learning?"

Yu Huai said to me before that after entering high school, there will never be new semester longing, new teachers, new textbooks, new clothes and new hairstyles, new transfer students and so on.

At least not in Zhenhua.

There is no consistent pause, and no uniform restart. Because others have not stopped, so you dare not relax, take one by one, just keep running like this.

However, after all, spring is coming. The power of the season is powerful, it can make me depressed and sad in winter, and I have the ability to make me excited because of spring.

Facing the day that will eventually cover the night, facing the branches that will eventually be drawn, facing the streets where the ice is melting and snow-melting, he is unstoppably optimistic.

As soon as I put the things down, there was a female voice on the radio, reminding everyone to go to the square to form a team and prepare to participate in the flag-raising ceremony.

Even the harsh voice of this unknown class of female classmates sounded familiar and kind at this moment.

Through the window, I looked at the ocean of white, blue and green school uniforms on the playground, flowing from the teaching building to the vast flag-raising square.

I knew I was going downstairs soon and became a drop in it.

This is how the new semester begins.

Jian Jian and β called me downstairs from behind.

My tablemate Yu Huai has not yet come.

The notes I made have not been given to him.

But I will see him soon.

Although I haven't been reborn in a whole winter, I may still be unable to understand it during get out of class, and may still face endless troubles and self-doubt after class.

But anyway, I will continue to be with him and with them soon.

Suddenly, for a moment, I fell in love with Zhenhua.