With You

(No.327—No.332)

No.327

When I was sophomore, I liked to think about it when I was free. If Yu Huai suddenly appeared downstairs in our dormitory, how would I react? What if he didn't come to me, but showed up at the high school reunion? If I didn't even attend the party, I just ran into him suddenly on the streets of Beijing?

The overall plan is divided into two types, "Slap farewell to youth" and "If nothing happens is the greatest revenge." Sometimes I feel sad for my lust, because in fact, Yu Huai and I are nothing. What he didn't say to me might even be "Would you like to help me pass this love letter to Ling Xiangqian". Perhaps the truth of the intimate and presumptuous from the telephone receiver may be my own imagination.

β They won't feel angry because Yu Huai's refusal to say goodbye, so why should I?

Just lying in the dormitory bed and thinking over and over again, on summer nights without air conditioning, one moment of a sticky sweat was excited by an optimistic idea, and the next moment was chilled by a pessimistic idea.

If you think too much, you will be tired, too tired to remember.

However, after many years, seeing him unpreparedly, I suddenly couldn't make any reaction.

Even the word "Yu Huai" could not be called out.

"Sister?" Lin Fan came out of the men's room and called me from behind.

I have never been so lucky that my parents are divorced. Otherwise, where did Lin Fan come from?

Lin Fan looked at me, then looked at Yu Huai, who was standing still, and suddenly lowered his voice and asked me: "Let’s meet again in another place, otherwise I can’t talk about it at the wedding. The first time I met with the groom was a man. The door to the toilet? What a shame."

"Did you also hit two steel nails in your head?" I laughed angrily.

After laughing, he finally came back to life.

In the end, I didn't say anything, didn't do anything, smiled and nodded towards Yu Huai, and helped Lin Fan to walk to our ward.

The only regret is that Lin Fan walked too slowly, and I always felt that my eyes were burning hot behind me.

I haven't looked back. Not afraid to see him, but afraid that he is not actually looking at me.

"Sister, what's the matter? Your spring is here?" Lin Fan was sitting on the hospital bed, reluctant to lie down.

"Sleep me."

"The man looks pretty good, but it looks like he is a college student like me. You must ask clearly, otherwise it will be more difficult. Women earn more than men, and old age faster than men, so the family is not stable."

I reached out and poked the gauze on his collarbone lightly.

Lin Fan fell straight down with pain.

No.328

Finally settled this stinky boy, I stretched my bones and picked up the bag with the empty soup bowl and walked out.

Yu Huai was standing at the door.

We stood facing each other stupidly for a while. He was wearing a black T-shirt and I was wearing a white shirt. The situation looked like an angel blocking the door of the ward and resolutely not letting death enter.

After all, I spoke politely first, in a very soft voice, afraid of waking up other people in the ward.

"I heard you went to America, why are you back?"

I haven't seen him for seven years, but the first sentence is so familiar.

Yeah, what else could be done, it's not a TV show.

We sat on the bench where I chatted with my dad in the afternoon. The hospital at night is much quieter, and the hustle and bustle of the day conceals its nature as a bridge of life and death, which makes people uncomfortable.

So when you look up at the Red Cross at night, you will feel your own insignificance.

"I have summer vacation," Yu Huai said, "I haven't been home for more than a year. My mother is sick. I can't rest assured. Come back and have a look."

Somehow, I felt he was a little nervous.

"What disease? Is it serious?"

"Uremia."

I was stunned, but found that I can't remember the aunt who only has one side.

"Then what to do, dialysis every week?"

Yu Huai nodded: "In fact, he has already changed his kidney once."

I blinked and said, "Will it get better? I heard that many people have been waiting for the kidney source for several years. Your mother is really lucky to be like this. The sky is endless. This only means that the future will become more and more. Okay, don't worry."

He turned his head to look at me, but I could not read his eyes.

Yu Huai looked at me for a while, then suddenly smiled and said, "Yes, it will definitely get better and better."

There was a short silence between us for the first time.

"I remember when I was in high school, your father seemed to have been working in Africa, and is now back?" I started looking for topics.

"Yes, I am getting older and I have applied for transfer back. I fell ill and was hospitalized last month."

Why is he so unlucky?

I am a little afraid to ask, "Is it serious?"

"It's okay, there is no serious illness, it's just too tired, I fainted once, just take a rest, and I was discharged long ago."

I took a deep breath and nodded.

There seems to be nothing to say.

Or, there are too many words, but because every sentence has settled for too long, the words fall apart and pile up together, messing up the meaning. They are all limp, even if the internal organs are boiling, they can't pierce the smiling face that I have cultivated in the past seven years.

"I heard that you opened a studio. You have a good one, you." Yu Huai suddenly patted me.

It made me feel excited. In the sultry summer, the palms were warm, but I did not escape.

I shook my head and smiled modestly: "Who do you listen to? It's just a little trouble, just to make ends meet, don't you come back only if you can't hang around in Beijing, it's not bad if you don't eat old people."

Yu Huai wanted to say something but stopped, just as if he was blocked by my words.

How many times has this topic been broken off?

The two high school students who talked all the time are now close to Ben San's age. After so many years, if you want to ask each other's stories, I am afraid that each other will be too lazy to tell.

Besides, does he really want to ask me? I smiled.

"How long are you staying back?"

He stared at his basketball shoes, as if thinking about something, and then replied after a long while: "Next week, next week."

"So anxious, it's hard work. Is life in America okay?"

"good very good."

I nodded.

I know what I should say next.

I should say, let's eat together if you have time, and wish your mother a speedy recovery.

I should say, take care, then I will go first, and then contact.

But I can't say it.

I was so greedy for the feeling of sitting side by side, reluctant to leave hard. Things that were once so common are so rare at this time.

It was his cell phone that rang first. He answered with embarrassment. It might be his father on the phone, asking where he is.

I motioned him to go back quickly. While listening to the phone, he looked at me as if he had something to say, and finally turned and left.

I sat on the bench and watched the familiar back disappear into the hospital building.

Now I have changed a lot, such as no longer curious about what he wants to say.

No.329

It’s just that I was calm, and when I got home, I rushed to the closet and looked in the mirror.

Today I actually wore a dark blue sportswear that was worse than pajamas! The kind of pants with white bars! What's the matter with this hair? And the sweat and oil on this face!

Fortunately, I'm too sleepy and tired, and I don't have the energy to be depressed. I took a hurried shower and fell on the bed before my hair was blown.

Half-dreaming and half-awake, this boring conversation with him was repeated many times in my mind: his complicated expression, dry words...and the sudden praise from the back.

I fell asleep while thinking.

Yu Huai's disappearance was like the first boot smashed downstairs. His reappearance dropped the second boot. An unspeakable stability swept over me.

I only woke up at eleven in the morning and started a busy day after eating two bites of rice. When people are busy, they are less likely to think randomly.

When editing the film, the assistant called and said that he had received a new order and wedding photos. The client would fly over from Beijing next week to negotiate and stay here before taking the photo.

"Come here from Beijing and shoot here? What good things do we have here, they are from the city?"

"I didn't ask. They said they would meet and talk later."

"Neither ask nor ask, what use do I want you to use as a microphone?" I almost dropped the phone.

She was not afraid, she was still laughing over there. My mother actually said that I was a handsome man in fortune-telling predictions. I now understand why most fortune-tellers are blind. Before others scold them, you must do everything yourself.

Aunt Qi is accompanying during the day, so my dad and I are the only ones eating at night.

Since the topic of Yu Huai received a fierce backlash from me last night, my dad was a little bit Liushen when he saw me today.

We were holding porridge in our mouths face to face, and my dad suddenly found a topic: "It's almost time for Lin Fan to go back to school after he is discharged from the hospital. The new house is almost renovated. We will move as soon as he leaves. Your house The old papers, textbooks, and so on are in such a thick pile. The other day I cleaned up with your Aunt Qi all afternoon before finishing them."

"Hmm." I nodded.

"You left a lot of things at your table." My dad smiled.

I was taken aback, and then I became angry from shame.

"Who told you to move my things!" I jumped up like being stepped on my tail, "Is it okay for people who are about to retire to take a rest? Just pack things up, why are you still looking at them! Can I go downstairs to do Tai Chi and jump "Can't afford to hurt"?!"

I ignored my dad's reaction and rushed into my small room at the speed of light.

The messy things I stuffed in the box under the bed were neatly arranged in drawers and cabinets by them.

For so many years, I haven't got a Doraemon from my drawer.

When I opened the drawer, I saw a covered math textbook lying on the top.

The corners have been frayed and turned yellow, and the cover of the book is about to hang up, so I taped it up carefully.

Just because of the six words above. Four are correct and two are incorrectly written:

"Five classes a year Yuhuai."

My hand flicked the book cover.

"Do you still use me to read it? Isn't that all written on the bright side?" My dad pleaded aggrievedly at the door.

No.330

Originally, my dad would have a rest tomorrow. Tonight he should be going to take over with Aunt Qi. But I insisted on going.

I didn't mean to want to see Yu Huai. I really feel sorry for my dad.

Really.

When I walked into the ward carrying my dad's newly cooked soybean spine soup, Lin Fan's expression was obviously about to throw up.

"This greasy soup in the summer, you really want me to die soon." Before Lin Fan finished speaking, Aunt Qi knocked on the forehead.

"Bone soup is good for you. It heals quickly. You think I'm willing to give it to you. There is a way to make you die. I can't make it with myself." I put the lunch box on the table.

"Mom, does my sister say that, you judge."

"What's wrong? You deserve it." Aunt Qi glared at him, then turned to ask me, "Should it not be your father coming tonight? I heard Lin Fan say that you didn't go home until two o'clock yesterday. I told him today The nurse said hello and asked them to start the infusion earlier, and you go home and sleep earlier."

"It's okay, I'm idle and I'm idle, you go home soon, it's been tired all day."

Aunt Qi told Lin Fan for a long time before leaving the hospital. I stared at Lin Fan and finished a lunch box of soup, and then walked out of the ward after he started the infusion.

In fact, I don't know where to go to find Yu Huai, but I always feel that maybe I can meet again by chance. I didn’t leave a phone call yesterday, and I won’t take the initiative to call again if I leave it, but a chance encounter is not too much, right?

Thinking of this, I stopped a nurse at the door and was about to ask her which ward the uremia patient lives in, when suddenly someone knocked on my head from behind.

It's Yu Huai, who seems to have just taken a shower, his hair is still a little wet, and his face is a little red, and it feels refreshing when he looks at it.

Yes, I laughed. He knows Lin Fan's ward, it is far easier for him to find me than I find him.

This is true now, and it was the same before.

No.331

He asked me if I had dinner, I thought about it and said no.

We sat down at a Lanzhou noodle restaurant opposite the hospital and ordered a bowl of noodles and a few side dishes.

"I haven't eaten Lanzhou ramen in a long time." I said.

"Me too," he thought about it very seriously, "the last time I ate...it seems like we should be together."

"what?"

"Go to New Oriental, remember, the one next to the Medical University."

I looked up at him. I will ponder every sentence he has now, for example, if he mentions the things we experienced together in such an understatement, is it intentional?

I nodded: "That one is more delicious, better than the current one."

Yu Huai was very puzzled: "Is there?"

Have. Because now I can't afford this one.

I changed the subject: "Did you have any contact with our classmates when you were in America?"

"No." Yu Huai shook his head.

"why?"

He had just eaten a large mouthful of noodles, lowered his eyes and chewed with his mouth closed, not knowing why he chewed so slowly.

"Not why. There is no need to contact," he smiled unnaturally, "but I guess you must still have a good relationship with Simple and Beta. How are they now?"

"Xu Yanliang went to Qingdao for civil service examinations, and now he is working as a clerk in the General Office of the Municipal Party Committee, and he has made great strides toward the path of corruption. He simply took the **** luck back then and actually got into Chinese politics and law. It's time to graduate. β is still studying in the UK, and is in London like Han Xu. Zhang Ping's son is four years old, and she finally gave up."

I told him everything I knew in my head.

Yu Huai nodded, never picking someone out to continue to inquire about the current situation. I don't know if he doesn't care, or if he knew it all along.

"Then how do you know that I am running a photography studio? Who told you?"

Yu Huai suddenly felt a little uncomfortable.

"Google." He said concisely.

Then what should I say? Ok?

"You searched for my name?"

"……Ok."

"why?"

He raised his eyes to look at me, and then stared at most of my remaining bowl of noodles: "Aren't you hungry?"

"Not very hungry."

"Then give it to me. I'm very tired recently and I'm especially hungry."

Before I had time to stop, he dragged my bowl over and continued to eat without disdain.

When I was in Tibet, Lao Fan also ate the highland barley cake I had already bitten, but my face was not as red as it is now.

My emotional intelligence is back in high school. This is bad.

No.332

After dinner, Yu Huai rushed to settle the bill, and I didn't fight with him. He answered the phone and hurried back to the hospital.

Before leaving, he asked me for my phone number. I watched him take out his iPhone, and suddenly a fire rushed to the sky.

"No need for PHS?"

"I changed it early." Yu Huai first smiled, as if I had asked a silly question, and then slowly reacted.

He pressed his lips tightly without saying a word, his eyes looked at me, and there was emotion that was completely strange to me.

It turned out to be a little pitiful. How could I feel pitiful for Yu Huai? This kind of perception makes me a little sad. Suddenly, I can't ask questions about the text messages and phone calls that have fallen into the sea.

I quickly reported a string of numbers. He still has a good memory of numbers, unlocking, pressing the keys, and asking me again without stopping.

In fact, I can do it in high school. When I don’t use a mobile phone in junior high school, I can even memorize more than a dozen frequently used landline numbers. But now it's not working at all. I forget a bunch of numbers. I often hold my phone to look for it, and look for it with the lens cover.

Time is really tolerant to him.

Then I think about it, people in the United States have to go to the laboratory every day, what can I do if my brain is not good, maybe people will die.

He smiled at me, opened the door of the store and just took a step, then turned around and asked, "Have you been filming recently?"

I nodded: "The day after tomorrow, go to the Sculpture Park and take a girlfriend photo of three newly graduated high school girls."

"Can I go and see?"

"Why do you want to be a girl?"

"It's better to bubble those girls..." He was already grinning, and suddenly realizing what he had said instinctively, his whole expression froze.

Why not soak? Soak what? talk! ! !

"Then call. Tell me the time and location, and I will see you." He left after speaking.

I stared at the slamming door, and I couldn't help but want to giggle.

But I can't.

What am I doing? Just like two old classmates reunited in such a silly way, chatting one after another, recalling the ignorant youth of the year, the ambiguity of the unfinished obsession, remembering whether to eat, then what? Next week, a talented student will fly back to the United States for further study. What am I doing? Are you immersed in the past to stay in the cold kiln for eighteen years? Wang Baochuan is also a married woman anyway, got the certificate! What am I?

Although the sadness caused by leaving without saying goodbye and the lack of news in the past seven years has faded beyond the original taste, but at least, I am no longer stupidly following him, moving the little boy around me. And the little evil girl is infinitely magnified.

Time has let him go, but not me.