Wolf Barrel 5.56

2-08 The real meaning of breaking ahead

"Keep your head down first."

Saito's answer to my consultation was really simple.

But I wasn't convinced by the answer.

I objected to it.

Even I was told terrible things. They laughed at the scattered failure. There's got to be something wrong over there. Why do you have to break this one first?

But I did.

I know that's ugly.

But I couldn't help but excuse myself.

I don't know what kind of intention, or weird pride, makes me do that.

"Well, I know what it's like to think that," Saito said. "But..."

"While I'm thinking about later or later, I can't wait to break the relationship."

"Eh."

Mr. Saito pulled me into the back of the counter on the spot, surprised by the void. A few minutes later, I came back with two coffee cups that raised the hot air.

"It's been quite a while since I brewed it, but go ahead."

"Uh, I'll have it"

I sat down to head over to the counter chair and the two of us rinsed the coffee.

The store is full of aromatic coffee aromas.

Through a large glass window, I heard the shaky voice of a child running outside.

Mr. Saito is preparing something for his heart. I felt that way. I said nothing, tasted the brown liquid and waited for Saito's next words.

Eventually Mr. Saito opened his mouth, as he had decided.

"I'll say no first, but my female experience is alone, and I'm not breaking up in a beautiful way. Besides, I'm not sure I can tell you what I want to say well. I'm talking about that guy's experience, will you listen to me?

"Yes."

I put the coffee cup down and nodded strangely. [M]

And Saito talked about turning the album.

"When I was still in Japan, I was dating a woman.

We met in a college circle, stayed together, and lived together with momentum.

At that time, I believed it would work, without any basis.

At first, it was floating, so I don't think I saw them very well.

No, maybe he didn't try to see it.

But over time, we started to get into each other's eyes even though we didn't like each other's invisible parts. Then, as if proportionally, there's more and more conflicting opinions between us.

I'm a man who thinks with his head and then speaks words.

I'm nervous.

To me like that, her words and deeds were frustrating me every now and then.

As soon as the argument became hotter, I pushed all my emotions forward and didn't try to say anything that made sense.

To the theory I assembled, I bump my emotions.

That was unforgivable.

Somewhere in my heart, I was making fun of her like that.

I was looking down on you as a retarded woman.

That's a terrible story, isn't it? He told me he liked me. He was the first heterosexual. "

Mr. Saito drank his coffee as if he were forced to swallow the emotions he swallowed up.

And I put the cup on the counter.

I guess I was stretched. There was an unkind sound of cancer.

"Gradually, the heat was cooling down.

The one room I cherished so much seemed like a pest stealing tens of thousands of dollars from my purse every month. Being with me became painful and I couldn't hang out.

And then we got into a fight, bought into selling words, and I broke up with Clams.

I remember that day very well.

The day I broke up, I was feeling as refreshed as I was to be free of her.

We celebrated with the juice we bought from the vending machine late at night.

Without realizing what I made of myself and what I lost.

"How can you not understand!

Her parting words are still in my ear.

It wasn't until I came to this other world that I realized I had made that mistake. "

I can't hit the hammer.

Every word of Mr. Saito's pressure only allows me to shut my mouth and listen.

It's like penance.

I kept listening to Saito as I looked him in the eye. [M]

"I've come to this world and I've had a lot of hard times.

'Cause nobody's gonna give me a hand.

I don't have any money, I don't know anyone, and I don't have anyone to protect me.

Fish leftovers or go wild for days.

I didn't know living today was so painful.

I couldn't stand the delicacy. More and more, I lost my energy to live.

All I thought about was despair and killing myself.

But it was her emotional words that supported me like that.

That's crazy, isn't it?

When they said, "Why are you saying that now?!" "It doesn't matter now!" "Talk through the muscles, not the feelings!" I was angry, "but later I thought about it a lot, and I realized," Oh, that's what I meant. "

I didn't know until later. [M]

to her kindness. Sincerely.

Every memory of that word kept me alive.

I regret that I will never see you again.

He said I should have apologized first then.

And.

And behind her emotional words, she said she should have made an effort to figure out what was hiding.

It's too late, you realize. I can't even apologize anymore. "

Mr. Saito stares into the void as he looks at the water spilling out of his hand.

There was deep remorse in his eyes beyond that lens.

"Mr. Ogami. It seems that we, men and women, assemble our theories differently.

Someone didn't say that. That's what I learned.

I think fundamentally differently.

That's not ridiculous. It's a very nice difference.

But that's why we men shouldn't just look at women in one direction and make our own decisions. From all angles, I have to make an effort to understand.

The only way to do that is to break it.

Otherwise, we can't move on.

I have to break from myself and have the courage to walk over.

If you don't, you don't know what they're thinking.

If that person is important, you have to do it again.

I don't care if it's later or later.

It's not about winning or losing that matters in a relationship. It's a matter of understanding.

I didn't apologize because I was afraid to show her weakness.

I was theoretically armed, I poked my theory out, and I never tried to break it.

This is the result.

I couldn't even notice what she meant.

It might be different for me to say this. [M]

But I want you to keep it in mind. "

"If you were a man, you'd have to have the temper to bow your head first."

I snorted and remembered my father, who was in Japan for some reason.

Dad always apologized first when he fought with his mother.

Even in the eyes of the child, the father apologized "sorry" first, even when he could tell that there was something wrong with the mother. There was a time when I felt sorry for my father like that. He's such a weak father, so I guess he went well with his attentive mother, or something.

But maybe it wasn't.

Maybe my father was a stronger man than my mother.

I can't swallow my anger and apologize to them without so much patience.

In retrospect, indeed, after Dad apologized, he exchanged a couple of words, and that put the fight round. I saw in my eyes that it had decided to win or lose.

But maybe not.

Could that be...

"It's up to you to decide what to do.

I won't be forced to. Whether you're a man or a woman, scum is everywhere.

The moment I apologize, some people then step on their heads and laugh high.

It's up to you to decide if it's worth just walking over to that person until it breaks.

But if that Lucca is important to you, go apologize.

And there's only a few hours left.

You're not gonna get the next opportunity in your life, are you?

I stood from the counter chair and told Saito.

"I'm going to apologize"

That was a neater voice than I thought myself.