Yingxin

That day, it was warm and sunny after Jingzhe had passed. The night’s spring thunder carried away the last of the winter’s raw cold. In the courtyard where fallen flowers drifted about, Yingxin was sweeping the yard as she usually did. When he returned from outside the house, his clothes were soaked from the night’s rain, and his hair was dripping wet against his face. Yingxin raised her head and saw him.

(TN: 惊蛰 – the Awakening of Insects, which indicates the end of winter and the ushering in of spring and vitality.)

She pursed her lips, her voice low and brows drooping. She seemed slightly aggrieved: “I simmered wine all night and did not wait for you to come and drink it.”

That’s right. The day before, they had agreed to meet on this day of Jingzhe to share warm wine inside the house and quietly listen to the spring thunder and rain.

But this day had passed, and next year, there would be no more today.

“Where on earth did you go last night?” She looked at him, appearing like she had some heartache, “You didn’t even take shelter from the rain. I’ll get you a face towel, you hurry up and wipe it.” She put down the broom, turning around and intending to enter the house.

“Yingxin,” he called out towards her. When Yingxin turned her head to the side, the sword on his waist was already out of its sheath, and the tip of it pressed against her back. The blade of the sword still had the night rain that had seeped into the sheath, reflecting the light of the morning sun and flashing a chilling glow.

“I came back to kill you.” He said this in a calm and flat tone. Yingxin stiffened slightly, and a beat afterwards, she slowly turned around entirely.

Her expression was much calmer than he had imagined it would be.

It seemed like Yingxin was always like this. When he told her terrible things that would horrify others, she would still accept them calmly. However, while he thought these things were nothing out of the ordinary, nothing more, she would often get red-eyed.

He had never been able to understand her.

“Do you have to… do it today?”

Her questions were always unusual like this.

She did not care that he wanted to kill her, but instead cared about the time he killed her.

“Mn.” He did not have the habit of asking too much. “It must be today.”

“Why?”

“Yesterday I realized that you fell in love with me. And my mission is that after you fall in love with me, I have to kill you.”

Yingxin laughed. “Then from the day you first met me, you could have killed me.” After she said this, she became silent for a while. “Can you… do it a day later? Today I… still don’t want…”

“My mission cannot be delayed.”

Once these words settled, he sent his sword forward without the slightest hesitation, the blade piercing her heart.

Yingxin looked at the sword in her chest and lifted her head to look at him. She didn’t have much of a grief-stricken expression, and even her suffering wasn’t much. Her body just slowly lost its strength, and she collapsed to the muddy ground from the night of rain.

Yuchen actually had not wanted to catch her. He just wanted to carve out her heart, so he had to hold her in his arms, making it easier for him to do so.

Before carving out Yingxin’s heart, Yuchen saw her always looking at him, with emotions in her gaze that he couldn’t understand.

Yuchen had always been someone who was unwilling to ask more questions. He held no curiosity towards Yingxin, and it could be said that he held no curiosity towards anything in the world. So whoever Yingxin was wasn’t important, why she fell in love with him wasn’t important, and why she didn’t want to die today wasn’t important. To him, the only thing that was important was the result.

But at this time and at this moment, returning Yingxin’s gaze, he suddenly became doubtful and curious. He asked: “What are you looking at?”

With the last bit of her strength, Yingxin raised her hand, touching his cheek with her thumb. She lightly grazed his face, and a wet feeling spread out across his skin. He thought it was raindrops, but Yingxin said: “Don’t cry anymore, I’ve long known that today would come.”

He was crying?

But he hadn’t felt any fluctuations in his emotions. Yingxin must have seen it wrongly.

“The wine on the stove is still warm; I’ll leave when we’re done drinking.” After saying that, she slowly shut her eyes, her breathing gradually evening out. “Northwards, the wind is cold.”

She knew that after he killed her, he had to bring her heart to the north, but how did she know?

Yuchen had no way to ask anymore. She died, leaving eternal doubts behind.

After Yuchen had carved out her heart, he fulfilled her wish. He took the warm wine on the stove and drank it all, then carried her heart with him on the road.

From this day onwards, he would turn his back on Jiangnan’s spring breeze and warm sun, traveling northwards, until he reached the still bitterly cold northern country. He would take her heart and give it to the hall master, using it to heal wounds and extend life. As if exchanging a life for a life.

***

The spring breeze followed his footsteps all the way north. Apart from Yingxin’s figure appearing from time to time, he did not feel that anything was wrong, just that it made him walk a bit slower.

His xiongdi from the hall had someone come to urge him to hurry up and go north, and that there could be no delay with the medicine primer. But for this mission, he felt as though his will was not as strong as one would wish. He couldn’t walk fast, and with Yingxin’s frequent appearances, it even made him start to doubt if he had really killed her.

(TN: 兄弟 – buddies, comrades, brothers, etc.)

She probably didn’t die. Otherwise, how could she be this lifelike everywhere he went?

By the time Qingming came about, in the drizzling rain, he passed by a tavern. The lady selling wine in the tavern was busying about, and in a trance, he once again returned to the autumn days of last year.

(TN: 清明 – Tomb Sweeping Day)

That was the day he found Yingxin. She was also like this, busy with work in the tavern, her hands and feet dexterous, her state of mind focused.

He purposely stepped forward, causing Yingxin, who was holding wine, to bump into him. Yingxin hurriedly apologized to him, and the moment she lifted her head and saw him, she froze. Her apologies were forgotten, helping him remove the wine stains was forgotten, and the calls of the customers behind her were all forgotten.

At that time, he had a mission, which was to make Yingxin fall in love with him. The instructions from the higher-ups had been given; he had to wait for her to fall in love, and then he would kill her and carve out her heart.

But Yuchen had no idea what the criteria for falling in love was, so he didn’t know that after Yingxin’s first glance at him, in that frozen moment, he could have taken her heart.

He stayed by Yingxin’s side, selling wine with her and accompanying her home. He didn’t know how to make someone fall in love, so what he did was staying by this lady’s side as much as possible. He helped her with lifting heavy objects, and when there was danger, he protected her safety.

At the beginning, Yingxin would shyly tell him:

“You… if you like me, you can go to my house to propose marriage. I don’t have a father, only a brother. My brother had gotten injured before, oh, well… if you just give him sweets, he’ll agree to anything.”

This equalled to her covertly giving him access to the back door.

(TN: 走后门 – to gain influence through connections and/or unofficial means)

Yuchen was at least clear on this matter. He analyzed the situation, thinking that a lady allowing someone to propose to her had to have fallen in love.

But his xiongdi from the hall didn’t think so.

They analyzed it for him and said, perhaps this wasn’t falling in love, but was dependency instead— a girl without a mother or father, living with her fool of a brother, wanting to find a laborer to be married off and delivered to their door. This was called for the sake of convenience, not falling in love.

Yuchen thought: there were always too many women to count by his hall xiongdi’s sides, and what they knew was probably women’s truest appearances.

So he believed them, thinking that Yingxin still hadn’t fallen in love with him.

But waiting like this forever was not the way to go, so his hall’s xiongdi arranged for people to kidnap Yingxin’s brother, wanting Yuchen to have a hero saving the beauty moment.

Yet who would’ve thought that since Yingxin’s brother had been injured in his earlier years, his brain wasn’t good, and his body was worse. Having been kidnapped for one night in the midst of the snowy winter, he actually died.

Yingxin and Yuchen “overcame all difficulties” and went to save her brother, but what they saw instead was a corpse.

Yuchen was someone who had never cared about others. But at that time, he suddenly felt a bit uneasy; he couldn’t say what kind of emotion this uneasiness was, but his gaze afterwards couldn’t help but stick to Yingxin.

He focused on her, his attention not diverting for a minute.

According to Yuchen’s understanding of people, at this time, Yingxin should be wailing and sobbing loudly.

But she wasn’t. She quietly looked at her brother’s corpse, walked forward, and hugged her brother close. She didn’t move for a long time, and didn’t speak either. It seemed like she had just calmly accepted this matter.

Later… the following days didn’t seem to have any changes. After Yingxin buried her brother, she still sold wine accordingly to pass the days; it was just that her expression seemed to be frozen stiff by the winter snow, and she smiled less.

The hall xiongdi came again to inform Yuchen, saying that Yingxin’s heart had to be feeling sad, making him take advantage of her weakness and to make her happy.

But how to make a girl happy? He didn’t know. He pondered over it for a very long time, then remembered something. Yingxin’s brother liked eating sweets, and Yingxin also liked eating sweets. This brother and sister duo liked eating the sweet osmanthus cakes of the neighbouring town’s Wang-daniang the most. It was just that after autumn, there was no more osmanthus flowers, and Wang-daniang couldn’t make sweet osmanthus cakes. And there was the closing of the mountain pass during the winter’s heavy snow; the road between the two towns couldn’t be cleared. Even if there were any extra cakes left, no one would bring them over to sell.

(TN: 大娘 – polite address of ‘aunt’)

The first time Yuchen separated from Yingxin was exactly one day. He overturned the snowy mountains, arriving at the neighbouring town. He knocked at the door of Wang-daniang’s shop for half a day, and as if he was committing robbery, he held a knife towards Wang-daniang to take out all of the sweets she had in stock in her home. He scared her entire family into handing him the items while trembling with fear. He tossed over silver ingots, turned around, and left, leaving Wang-daniang’s family to gaze at the heap of shining white silver ingots in a daze.

By the time he returned, wind and snow had covered his body. Yingxin sat in the icy cold courtyard; she wasn’t doing anything, and her fingers had already frozen red through and through.

When Yuchen entered the house, Yingxin slowly turned her head to look at him. With the turn of her neck, the sound of its stiffness could be heard.

Yingxin looked at him for a long time: “You didn’t leave?”

“I went to the neighbouring town to buy sweet osmanthus cakes.” Yuchen took the sweet osmanthus cakes out from his arms. Having taken half a day’s travel, even if the sweet osmanthus cakes were in his arms, they had frozen to a crisp.

Yingxin stared dumbly at the sweets, dumbly raised her head to look at him, then burst into tears.

Teardrops fell down, catching Yuchen off guard. She cried for a while, then unexpectedly turned her tears into laughter. She clasped the sweet osmanthus cakes, and cried and laughed like this, standing in the courtyard for quite a while.

Yuchen truly did not understand her.

Crying is sadness, laughing is happiness. Right now, was she happy or sad?

When her only relative passed away, she didn’t cry; but because of a box of sweets, she cried like this.

Although he didn’t understand, he wasn’t curious either.

***

After that day, his xiongdi from the hall told him that Yingxin had fallen in love with him.

He should have believed his xiongdi, but there was always a voice in his heart telling him no, not yet, it definitely couldn’t have been that fast, it couldn’t have been that soon.

He continued to accompany Yingxin, from the beginning of winter to the end of it. They stayed with each other throughout this winter and the exceptional cold; the heavy snow outside the house could often fall until it was as thick as knee-deep.

Yingxin was very afraid of the cold, while Yuchen really liked snowy days. On extremely cold days, he felt himself become increasingly comfortable. Sometimes, during the nights full of heavy snow, he would actually have dreams. In his dreams, it was as if he was in the cell of an icy and snowy cave, his entire body snow-white, his hair white, his clothes white, and even his eyelashes were white.

Outside the cell, there was Yingxin in ragged clothes, and she was often sweeping the snow nearby. She also often raised her head to smile at him, and that smile was like flowers blooming amongst the snowy ground, small and delicate, but it could make the desire to cherish it enter one’s heart…

But every time his emotions rose slightly, the dream would break, and he would wake up with everything dissolved into nothingness.

He rarely recalled his memories, and rarely dreamed. With only these few fragment-like scenes, it was hard to pique his curiosity.

He still accompanied Yingxin as usual, until a night in the middle of winter, when heavy snow surrounded the house. Yingxin had no way to go to the tavern, so she warmed the wine herself in the house, and drank several kettles with him. Yingxin drank herself drunk; she flopped onto the table, her eyes crooked as she looked at him with a smile.

She reached out her hand, using the tip of her index finger to touch the index finger he had rested on the tabletop. She said: “Everyone says the nerves of the ten fingers are linked to the heart, Yuchen, can your heart feel that I’m touching it?”

Yuchan felt nothing. The warm touch on his hand could follow all the way up his arm, but it couldn’t reach his heart. Once all the warmth arrived at his chest, there was no way for it to go any further.

“I can’t feel it,” he truthfully replied.

Once these words left his mouth, he then remembered what his xiongdi often told him— when it comes to women, don’t be too honest. If they asked you if you felt anything, then you had to say that you felt something.

He thought that he probably hadn’t responded correctly and wanted to change his answer.

Yingxin smiled drunkenly, and compared to her usual smile, it was even more beautiful.

She looked towards him, and gently touched his fingertip again: “Yuchen, you being like this is great, really great.” She spoke in a muddled manner, “You must continue being like this, and protect yourself well.” When she finished speaking, she promptly dozed off.

He glanced at the side of Yingxin’s asleep and smiling face, and felt that he truly couldn’t figure out this woman.

Her emotions, her words, and now including her death, made him unable to understand.

But no matter how puzzled he was and how much he delayed, he still reached the northlands.

Xueyan Hall.

The place he pledged his allegiance to.

In the main hall, he saw the hall master he had pledged his allegiance to.

The hall master wore entirely black robes, and his face looked much paler than before. Yuchen presented Yingxin’s wrapped and layered heart as an offering, and the hall master lightly accepted it. He took a single glance at it, then casually threw it aside.

Yingxin’s heart, which had already turned black, rolled out like this from the cloth wrapped layers. It lay on the ground, like a piece of discarded and decayed meat that even dogs weren’t willing to smell.

Yuchen looked at the heart without saying a word.

“Why did I ask you to take this heart, do you know?”

“This subordinate knows. The end of tangzhu’s lifespan is approaching, and a woman who has fallen in love’s heart is needed to save his life.”

“Heh, a woman in love’s heart, what woman in love’s heart.” The hall master stood up, his expression shadowed, “This is just a piece of rotten meat!” He glared at Yuchen, fishing out a block of ice from his arms; the ice block was hard as stone, and it simply reflected the faint light from outside, shining eye-catching colours. “What I want is the blood from your heart!”

The hall master threw the icy stone hatefully to the ground. The crash of the icy stone upon the limestone tiles made a crisp and clear sound, leaving a wandering echo throughout the main hall.

Yuchen looked at the icy stone quietly, feeling strange yet familiar. 

“Sealing your memories, banning your powers, digging out your icy heart, and even letting that sweeping woman seduce you. Having set up such a long game, what I want is the blood from your heart after a heartbreak!” The hall master was so furious that he was coughing at the height of the grand hall. “But you snow demons truly have hearts of stone, no matter what happens, you aren’t moved in the slightest! Even the person has been killed, but this heart of yours still did not move a muscle.”

Yuchen appeared as though he couldn’t understand what he was saying. He only stared at the icy stone on the ground blankly.

In the center of the icy stone was a flowing red dot, like the heart blood that the hall master was talking about.

“This heart of yours, I’ve chiseled and burned it over and over, there is nothing I can do about it! Let’s count it as your luck!” With a wave of his sleeve, the hall master turned to leave. “Take it and get the hell out!”

After the hall master left, Yuchen picked up the icy heart from the ground.

Up until this point, he still didn’t feel any heartache.

He took the icy heart and walked out of the main hall. With the heart in his hands, he pulled open his clothes slightly, and the flesh of his chest became snow-white. A crevice slowly opened up by itself, and Yuchen tried to put the icy heart inside. Without much effort, his heart returned to his chest by itself.

The skin fused back together, and everything was as if nothing had happened.

But it was also at this moment when many memories flooded his mind.

He came from a world of ice and snow and was held prisoner there. A girl came to his cell every day to sweep the floors and bring him food. The girl was an orphan with only a fool of an elder brother, and in order for her elder brother and herself to live, she went to make a living in Xueyan Hall. This was where she met him.

He asked her, what’s your name?

She said: “I’m called yatou.”

(TN: 丫头 – typical address for maids, young girls, etc)

“Any other names?”

“No one has given me any.”

“Then I’ll help give you one. How about calling you Yingxin?”

“Yingxin? This… this name sounds so nice, can I be called this?”

“Of course.”

“I have a name! Then… then I also have a birthday!” Yingxin said, “Today I got a name, so it’ll be my birthday, okay? It’s the day after Jingzhe, perfect! Easy to remember.”

The day after Jingzhe.

Yuchen walked out of the house step by step. The sunlight outside was dazzling and burned the eyes.

As if returning to that day again, the blade of his sword was cold, pierced into her heart. She asked him: “Do you have to do it today?”

He had given an affirmative answer.

Only today did he realize that everything had turned out to be a game. In order to get his heart’s blood, he had been made to purposely meet Yingxin, and his mission was to make Yingxin fall in love with him. The truth was that it was meant for him to have his heart broken for Yingxin.

But these mortals, with their hearts outside of their bodies, how can they be broken?

Only when the heart returns to the body, and the pain can be felt through it, will it be broken.

Yuchen took a step out, a dull ache in his heart. A mouthful of blood surged from his throat, and his heart’s blood choked out from his mouth.

Immediately, someone nearby shouted in surprise: “The snow demon’s heart’s blood! He spit it out! Tangzhu’s last gamble was indeed right!”

He turned his head to look. It was one of his xiongdi that he had met at the hall in Jiangnan. It was him that had told him, on that rainy night of Jingzhe, look, Yingxin invited you to drink wine and she mends clothes for you. You’re indifferent towards her, but she still returns smiles to you. She must have fallen in love with you.

Everything was a game.

Yuchen fell to the ground. Instantly, people nearby gathered around him: “Hurry and cut open his chest, there has to be fresh blood inside!”

They cut open his chest.

“Where’s the heart?”

“His heart has shattered into powder, the blood on the ground is the last of the blood.”

Everyone cast him aside again, swarming towards the blood on the ground.

Yuchen gazed up at the sky. It would be summer soon, why was his chest so cold? This was the first time that he felt his body was this unbearably cold.

That day, was Yingxin the same?

She had fallen onto the cold and icy ground, and had her chest cut open by him…

How could he be so cruel, and how could Yingxin not even call out a word of hurt to the end?

It clearly hurt this much.

Yuchen’s world gradually sunk into darkness, but before the darkness solidified, there were never-ending sounds of wailing and shouting in pain from all directions.

When Xueyan Hall’s master heard that the snow demon had finally spit out his heart’s blood, he hastily rushed over to the front of the main hall. But he didn’t expect at all that, at the interval of spring, his own hall would actually be strewn with icy pillars, just like a hell of ice and snow. The pillars passed all of the surrounding disciples through their chests.

Xueyan Hall’s master took a step back in shock. But then he saw that in the center of a swath of white snow, was a spot of fishy red that was incredibly striking. He took another step forward; but it was also at that moment when an ice pillar abruptly rose from the ground, directly puncturing his throat, hanging him in midair.

Fresh blood dripped down. Only the warm breeze of the late spring blew past gently, blowing past the cut-open chest of the snow demon on the ground. The powder in his chest drifted with the wind and scattered in the air, just like a scene of crystalline snow.