Chapter 3 What I don't want to lose, what's left in my heart
Note: starting from this chapter, the mention of names between Misaki and Mizuki is without honor/without "-san", because they are officially dating. And translating chapter 3 made me cry.
"Wow! Mizuki, look! Very beautiful"
"Yes. It's completely different from what I've seen on TV."
The Christmas tree that entered the clouds let out a startling sound.
December 24. Christmas eve.
After finishing their usual behind-the-scenes work, the two walked home and stopped by to take a look at the lively lanterns on the street.
"Listen, Misaki. It is said that this tree uses 20,000 light bulbs. I don't know how much the electricity cost last night."
"Mizuki can you stop saying things like that that shattered my dreams. In that case, you could say 'Misaki, you are a thousand times prettier than a lantern.' Wouldn't that be great?"
"It's a bit shameless to say something like that yourself."
The two of them chatted happily and laughed at each other. And a scene like this has been like this since summer, and it hasn't changed.
However, something has changed.
After Mizuki and Misaki start dating as lovers, they appreciate the time they spend together even more.
After finishing the behind-the-scenes work after school, the two would go home together and spend their rest day together. Even if you don't do anything special or play anywhere, as long as the two of you stay together, you'll be satisfied.
However, no matter how satisfied the time was spent, Mizuki always felt restlessness in his heart.
"Oh, Mizuki! Look, the fountain is lit over there!"
"Ah, Misaki, wait. Don't be too impatient, the fountain won't run."
Seeing Misaki holding his hand and pulling him hard, Mizuki made a flustered sound and ran forward with her.
During this pause, Mizuki looked sadly at Misaki and took her hand.
Recently, Mizuki noticed that Misaki was losing weight. When he held her hand, when he held her arm, Mizuki felt that Misaki's body was gradually losing weight. This may be a real manifestation of Misaki's deteriorating condition.
The doctor said that Misaki could not survive until the age of 20. Not only that, but even a year in serious cases…. Even though this was a choice she made, it was no wonder that Misaki who refused to be hospitalized for treatment had reached the point where she was about to die.
"What is it? You look weird."
"Oh, it's okay. —By the way, Misaki, could you come over here?"
"Hah? Is it okay?"
Misaki tilted her head curiously, Mizuki gave a gentle smile. I hide my pain and anxiety in my heart...
Immediately, Mizuki took out a slim box with ribbon from his backpack.
"Merry Christmas. Here's a Christmas present for you."
"Wow! Thank you What is this, may I open it?"
Inside is a pair of mechanical pencils and pens designed to be paired.
"Initially, I thought about buying a small piece of jewelry or something, but I didn't know what to choose…. Then I thought that if I bought this, you could use it every day."
"Yes, I will use it at school. Thank you, Mizuki."
Misaki put both pens into the box and smiled.
Looks like Misaki is also very happy, Mizuki heaved a sigh of relief.
"Then it's your turn for the Christmas presents. Come on, scarf…. Although I didn't knit it myself, I only bought it from outside."
Misaki stuffed Mizuki's present for herself into her backpack, and took out a suitable package for Mizuki.
Mizuki picked up the package and opened it to find a cyan colored scarf that looked like it could be worn in school.
"I will appreciate it and use it."
"Yes!"
Misaki nodded happily when she saw Mizuki wearing a scarf and thanked herself. For some reason, not only the neck, but also the heart warms up.
After exchanging gifts, the two enjoyed the lanterns leisurely and left the city. After Mizuki sent Misaki to her house, he walked home alone.
Walking through the cold night streets, Mizuki twirled the scarf with his left hand, and looked at his right hand, looking at the right hand that Misaki's fingers had grasped until now...
The more Mizuki wanted to cherish Misaki, the more the anxiety in his heart swelled. He had spent many nights awake because of the fear of losing Misaki. Even though he knew that he didn't want this, Mizuki's mood was so strong that he hoped that Misaki would be hospitalized soon for treatment, which would prolong her life a bit.
But time is cruel. As if mocking Mizuki who was afraid of the passage of time, the hands of the clock continued to advance.
However, under such circumstances, December 26 was ushered in. The first day of winter vacation was a busy and busy day for Mizuki to the point that there was no fear.
"Then let's start cleaning up! I'll be cleaning the library today, so cheer up."
Misaki said to Mizuki after gathering at the library early in the morning. Today, the two of them made a promise to clean up the library as the end of the behind-the-scenes work.
"I haven't been allowed to use this library for a long time, but this is my first time cleaning it."
"Anyway, I have a lot of good memories here. With gratitude, let's clean even the corners."
"Hmm. Come on,"
Mizuki nodded in agreement with Misaki's words, and he looked around the library.
In December the first year of middle school Mizuki started going in and out of this library, so it was exactly one year. Thinking like this, the first time I talked to Misaki was in this library. Besides, the confession for Misaki is also here...
As Misaki said, even if it was only once, Mizuki wanted to express his deepest gratitude and clean up this place beautifully. Because this is the only way I can pay this library back.
Mizuki put on his apron excitedly and wore a triangular scarf on his head.
"Sorry make you wait. Let's get started."
"Okay--. Let's start by clearing the bookshelf."
Use a duster to wipe the dust off the books that line the shelves. Since there are quite a number of bookshelves in the library, it is a high-intensity labor.
"Mizuki, how about you over there?"
"Finally got the third row."
"Ah, looks like there's still a long way to go."
Due to the large number of workers, despite the cold weather, the two of them were still sweating profusely. But after noon, the bookshelf cleaning was finally over. Sweeping the dust off the last bookshelf, Misaki shrugged her shoulders.
"The bookshelf cleaning is finally over. Why don't we have lunch first, then we go to work."
"It's fine, but Misaki, can you still handle it? Today's workload is quite heavy… If you find it difficult, please let me know anytime. I'll do the rest."
Mizuki saw that Misaki was sweating a lot, and was worried about her heart, so he asked carefully.
And Misaki flicked her forehead with a "hey" at this worried boyfriend.
"Thank you for your concern, but if you treat me like a fragile thing, I will be very tired. I'm also a high school student, and if I find it really difficult, I'll definitely say 'Ah, no.' It might be a bit difficult for you, but if you can protect me until then, I'll be very happy."
Seeing Mizuki covering his forehead in surprise, Misaki gave Mizuki a smile that was enough to make him feel at ease.
So Mizuki was very embarrassed and blushed.
"That's right… I'm sorry. My job isn't just to worry about you."
"Yes,"
Mizuki answered Misaki with a smile.
As a result, until the afternoon, the cleaning of the two people did not end until almost afternoon.
And when she did the cleaning in the afternoon, Misaki didn't say a word of "hard work". Just focus on making the library pretty. It's almost like saying that when an opportunity isn't lost, it won't come again.
Therefore, Mizuki also didn't seem too worried about Misaki.
Actually, Mizuki was already worried. Even so, he still tried hard not to show his overprotective feelings.
However, towards the beautiful library, "Thank you very much for this year", and Mizuki was able to spend the New Year in a bright mood.
*
The coming New Year. Mizuki faced the biggest test of his life since the morning of the New Year.
"Let me introduce you. This is my boyfriend, Akiyama Mizuki!"
"Um, first, first encounter. I, my name is Akiyama… Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki. Today, that… Thank you very much for the invitation."
Mizuki was so nervous that his voice changed. He stammered in his words and his movements were as stiff as a doll, and he saluted the middle-aged man and woman before him.
This is Misaki's house. Then, Mizuki faced Misaki's parents in front of the entrance.
At the beginning of the new year, Mizuki goes to visit Misaki's parents.
By the way, although Misaki's mother looks like an old Misaki, her father and Misaki look very different. His face was gentle yet firm, he was probably working out, and he was very strong.
"Don't be too careful. The first time we met, Mizuki-san, I am Misaki's father, Kensuke, Fujieda Kensuke. It was difficult for you to come here today."
"I am Misaki's mother, Izumi. It's cold outside, please come in. Make yourself at home."
"Okay, okay! Excuse me."
With Misaki's parents' welcome, Mizuki lowered his head again forcefully.
So why did Mizuki visit Misaki's house on New Year's Day?
The reason for that was because he accepted the invitation from Misaki's parents who were standing in front of him right now.
"By the way, Mizuki, you are free on New Year's Day, right?"
"Although your insistence makes me feel a little strange, but I have plenty of free time."
"Then come to my house. My parents said they wanted to see you, so let me take you back."
"Oh, Misaki, your parents.... —Wait, huh!?"
Such a conversation took place on New Year's Eve.
After understanding in more detail, it seemed that Misaki's parents heard that Mizuki's uncle had not returned, and they could only spend the New Year alone, so they said, 'Then why don't we let him come over to our house to play?'
The chat in front of the entrance ended, and Mizuki was led into the living room. At Kensuke's urging, Mizuki sat across from him. Sitting across from my girlfriend's dad was really stressful. Even though the weather was still cold, Mizuki was already sweating profusely.
"Well, just think of it as yours, relax."
Kensuke said with a smile, probably noticing Mizuki's appearance.
Of course, if you can truly relax like at home, then no one will find it difficult. Mizuki sat with his back straight, and simply replied "Thank you".
So, the second test on Mizuki happened next.
"Then I'll make some tea for you."
"Ah, Mom, I'm going too."
Unexpectedly, with her mother who was standing in the kitchen, even Misaki disappeared from the living room.
So, that meant there were only Mizuki and Kensuke left in this room. ...he was so nervous that he almost fainted.
However, Kensuke's voice brought back Mizuki's realization that he was about to drift away.
"I really didn't think that one day, I would be able to meet Misaki's boyfriend like this... To be honest, this time of last year, I really didn't think about it."
Said Kensuke with deep emotion making Mizuki calm down again.
At this time last year, Misaki was probably still in the hospital. To Misaki's parents, not to mention her boyfriend, perhaps they didn't even dare to think about their daughter coming back to this house again.
After all, the time they could spend with Misaki in this house again must be irreplaceable time for them.
So, now, Mizuki finally understood one thing. He robbed them and Misaki of the precious time they could spend. Selfish to put his own feelings first, completely ignoring other people who value Misaki...
"...Forgive me."
Mizuki had already bowed his head to Kensuke and apologized. Mizuki realized that everything he did earlier was full of possessive selfishness, so he had to apologize.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"I've always felt that for the two of you, I was like a stumbling block that made you lose the time you spent with your daughter…"
said Mizuki honestly to Kensuke, who smiled calmly and asked a question out of his mind.
However, Kensuke shook his head "this is wrong" at Mizuki's unease.
"The time you spend with Misaki is very important. But, more than that, we want to see her happiness. If she can keep smiling till the very last moment... then we as a couple won't do anything anymore. I asked for it. If the time spent with you is precious to Misaki, then we have no complaints."
Kensuke insisted in a steady but strong voice.
Mizuki was taken aback by his attitude and couldn't hold his breath.
Even if I don't spend it with myself, as long as Misaki can be happy, then I don't want anything else.
With such awareness, Mizuki didn't know if he was lying. Because in his heart, he couldn't help feeling that he wanted to be with Misaki.
However, the father in front of him prioritized his daughter's wishes and happiness more than his own feelings that he wanted to spend with his daughter. He loves his daughter so much that he can even hold back his feelings, and is completely psychologically prepared for the future that awaits him.
In front of Kensuke's strong consciousness, Mizuki was speechless.
Looking at the silent Mizuki, Kensuke continued.
"I heard it from Misaki. You saved her two years ago. Thank you very much. I just wanted to tell you today."
"Ah no. I just do what I can. It's just a problem."
Seeing Kensuke bow his head to him, Mizuki responded sincerely and fearfully.
But Kensuke didn't stop there.
"To be honest, I can't fully trust you yet, since I don't know you very well, but, even so, I want to trust you. Although I don't know what will happen, she only talks about you."
"Well, that's what I have to do."
Mizuki answered sincerely to Kensuke who spoke sincerely.
When Kensuke heard Mizuki's answer, Kensuke showed a steady smile.
"Thank you, I'd be glad if you could say that. ——Ah, yes, I'm sorry to say such a heavy thing to you all of a sudden. Let's have fun as if it's the new year."
As soon as the words fell, Kensuke's serious mood broke.
Through the conversation with him, the somewhat relieved Mizuki became more relaxed.
So, Kensuke said "Tell me about Mizuki-san" and leaned away from the table.
"I have something you want to see today. I thought you would be very happy…"
said Kensuke, and hastily grabbed something from behind the TV table and placed it on the table.
At the same time, Mizuki's eyes became straight when she saw "that".
"This, this..."
"How. Do you like it?"
Kensuke asked with an evil smile.
In his smile, Mizuki saw Misaki's mischievous face. It seems that her smile and personality are inherited from her father.
However, Mizuki looked at the pile of "that" on the table——
"Of course. I feel deep down now that it's great to be here today."
Mizuki trembled with emotion, and shook Kensuke's hand tightly. That's when friendship between men was born.
So, urged by Kensuke to "open it and see", Mizuki was about to get "that" in his hands.
"What are you two talking about? —Wait, isn't that my photo album! Father, why did you take it out!"
I wondered if that strange premonition had arisen, and Misaki returned just in time. She took her photo album from Mizuki's hand.
Moreover, when Mizuki avoided Misaki and wanted to get another album on the table, Misaki immediately protected it. Even though the photos inside haven't been seen yet, it seems the fact that the album was taken out is enough to put her to shame.
"It's just a photo album, let me have a look. I'm really interested in what kind of child Misaki used to be."
"Even if it's Mizuki's request, it's unacceptable! If you read it, I will break up with you!"
Facing the protesting Mizuki, Misaki held the photo album against her chest and shouted loudly.
It seems that the appearance of the album made Misaki quite nervous. However, it's totally free to say that you're going to break up with each other. Even though Mizuki knew that she wasn't evil, that word still led him astray.
However, regarding that album, Mizuki really didn't want to back down.
On the contrary, the more she hid, the more he wanted to see her. That is human nature. In this way, Mizuki developed a fascinated urge to want to see the album no matter what.
Kensuke next to him smiled shyly, Mizuki looked at Misaki with a forced smile.
"Misaki, please think back to when you came to my house sometime in early December."
"...I do not remember."
"When I was fumbling in the closet, you found my photo album."
"That.… um, I just found out by accident…. it's definitely not a mistake…"
Mizuki counted the old accounts, coincidentally. Seeing the shocked expression of his father who was still listening, Misaki was clearly embarrassed.
And it's no different than winning. To Misaki, who was reluctantly still stubborn, Mizuki retaliated with a fatal blow.
"But aren't you very happy to see it. I could hear your strange voice coming from the kitchen just then, and I thought something was up. I rushed to take a look but I didn't expect you to be humming a song while flipping through my album, I almost fell there on the spot."
"I, I didn't make such a loud noise… I didn't hum the song… I had to…"
"Well, I'll let you hum. Compared to this, Misaki thought about something else. You said it yourself when you cleaned the library. 'Being fair' ...Is that a lie?"
"Liars are not lies. …But, this is different from that…"
"Let's be fair. Albums have to be fair too."
"...Okay"
Perhaps because she felt guilty that she was the only one who saw Mizuki's album, Misaki finally gave in under Mizuki's coercion.
For Mizuki, it was the first unforgettable victory in the war of words with Misaki. He quietly clenched his fists.
Immediately, Misaki looked at Mizuki awkwardly.
"I can show it to you. If you dare to laugh, I will never speak to you for the rest of my life."
"That was a bit of a joke that came out of your mouth, Misaki… sorry. I think I might laugh from beginning to end while looking at the photo album. When I saw Misaki's photo, I couldn't believe I couldn't laugh!"
"Ugh..."
Hearing Mizuki's sincere words, Misaki let out a strange groan, and everyone was shocked and numb. Mizuki's strong counterattack made Misaki's face turn red from the heat.
When he came back to his senses, Kensuke and Izumi, who came back at some point, seemed to be holding back their laughter, and their shoulders continued to shake.
"Are you always like this?"
"Well, it's almost always like this. But basically I was bullied by Misaki…. It's the first time today that I can say something about winning over Misaki."
Mizuki became happy for some reason, and laughed with them. So Misaki, who was abandoned in the end, probably felt stupid for being ashamed of herself. So after Mizuki. The room was filled with laughter from the four of them.
After laughing heartily, everyone started the photo album appreciation meeting. Misaki's parents explained each photo in detail, and every time they said it, Misaki would scream sheepishly.
And Mizuki, as he said, listened to Misaki's fun childhood stories with a smile on his face from beginning to end.
Mizuki didn't know how Misaki's parents thought of him in they heart. But even so, they accepted Mizuki into the family circle like this. Now in their warmth, Mizuki felt the faces of his dead parents. And Mizuki was happy from the bottom of his heart that he could have such a warm time in his life again.
After reading the photo album and enjoying the sumptuous New Year's dishes and stews at Misaki's house, Mizuki and Misaki went to Hatsumode together.
"...Even if it's a little, I hope Misaki-san will stay as healthy as possible."
Mizuki folded his arms and prayed desperately. He was not a doctor, so all he could do was pray to the gods. Mizuki felt very uneasy because of his own helplessness.
After waiting in line for about 30 minutes, the visit finally ended. Mizuki and Misaki bought crepes at the booth, and the two went home.
"If you continue to eat and drink good things like this, you will gain weight in the New Year."
"This is also an option. Eat more and build a strong body that is not inferior to disease!"
Misaki sighed while holding the finished Crepe wrapper. Mizuki echoed that it was a good idea. He really wished Misaki could eat more.
"Hmph, even though I know that I really need to eat more to increase my physical strength… But when my boyfriend laughs and says 'it's okay to be fat', I feel really complicated…"
It seems like Mizuki's answer as if something was wrong, Misaki muttered with an unacceptable expression.
A woman's heart, a needle under the sea. Mizuki still didn't understand what Misaki was thinking.
"Just forget it. The weather is very cold, hurry to your house, Mizuki."
"Yes. It's not good for the body if it's too cold."
The two had insignificant conversations and walked side by side on the street.
So, just before the entrance of Mizuki's house, Misaki suddenly laughed.
"What is it?"
"Sorry, it's okay."
Misaki shook her head with a smile on her face under Mizuki's question.
"I just thought, walking together like this is really happy. Then suddenly I laughed. I'm really weird."
"Nothing unusual. If you feel happy, then laugh a little more. You laugh, I'm very happy too."
"...Okay thank you"
After saying that, Misaki held Mizuki's hand tightly. And her hands were already slender to the point of being annoying, but the warmth from those hands made Mizuki heave a sigh of relief.
The two of them walked into the house hand in hand and lit the kotatsu in the living room. Stretching my legs onto the bed, I finally felt a soothing warmth.
At this moment, Misaki, who was huddled in the same kotatsu as Mizuki, gently tugged at Mizuki's sleeve twice.
"Mizuki"
"What is it?"
"I want to see your photo album."
"You talked about this after you warmed up in the kotatsu for a while. By the way, didn't you just see it before?"
"Yes, I have seen it. But I still want to watch it, I want to see it with Mizuki."
Mizuki's tone was slightly surprised, and Misaki responded with a smile.
Saying "I want to see it with you" with a smile on her face is indeed a bit sly. As a boyfriend, if you are begged by your girlfriend like this, there is absolutely no way to refuse. Mizuki completely lost Misaki's smile, got up from the kotatsu, and took out the photo album in his room.
Placing the album on the kotatsu table, Mizuki and Misaki started flipping through the album slowly, side by side.
His father died early, and his mother was also busy at work, so there weren't many photos of Mizuki from childhood to adolescence. However, no matter which one, Misaki narrowed her eyes in pity and watched intently.
"Mizuki, when you were little, you were a cute kid who was better than Scissorhands."
(note: Scissorhands, character from the 1990 film Edward Scissorhands)
"Did you insult me in the dark, and now I'm a dark man?"
"This Mizuki covered half of his eyes. This Mizuki poses as a special hero, so cute!"
"You don't have to show it."
Mizuki was embarrassed and a little itchy. The situation was exactly the same as Misaki in the morning.
However, the smile on Mizuki's mouth never stopped.
It must be because that important person smiled like a flower beside him.
Since Misaki is bright and sunny, Mizuki will not throw away her smile.
"…Also, Yoko-san is smiling healthily in the photo."
However, Misaki's unintentional words made Mizuki feel completely different from before.
He shifted his gaze from the photo to Misaki, who was also looking at Mizuki.
"When we were talking to each other during summer vacation, Mizuki, didn't you say something like this. Even though death will take away important things, it doesn't mean that nothing is left behind. The "lost" planted by the departed will take root in the heart of the bereaved."
"Well, I said so. My mother's thoughts are still alive in my heart. I believe it."
Mizuki nodded solemnly at Misaki's question. Since he had a hunch, Misaki was about to say something important.
Under Mizuki's gaze, Misaki "Then…" continued.
"After I leave, will I leave something in Mizuki's heart? What can I leave for you?"
"Misaki..."
After thinking about what happened after Misaki wasn't around, Mizuki's expression turned into a layer of fog.
However, what Misaki wanted to see was definitely not Mizuki's gloomy expression. So he puffed out his chest and answered confidently.
"While I was preparing for the cultural festival, someone said that I had changed after the second semester, and that I had become more approachable..."
"Is that what your classmate said?"
"Yes. Seems like I grew up a bit on my own. Also, my growth because of meeting you, Misaki. You, Misaki, pulled me out of my lonely cocoon."
Yes. If I hadn't met Misaki, I wouldn't have gotten comments like that from my classmates. And ——I don't even know what it's like to be in love.
"This is not a question of what you can leave me. Misaki, you have fundamentally changed me."
"I'm certain."
Misaki huddled beside Mizuki with a calm expression.
The weight and warmth she was leaning against made Mizuki feel Misaki's presence, and his mood calmed down.
"So..."
Misaki's voice pulled Mizuki's consciousness back to reality. Looking to the side, Misaki looked at Mizuki like a peek.
"I don't have any photos of you with Mizuki."
"You said... that's true."
Thinking back to half a year from meeting up to now, Mizuki nodded slowly.
Mizuki himself didn't have a habit of taking pictures, so he didn't notice it at all.
"Then why don't we take pictures?"
"…Hmm. Okay"
Mizuki didn't refute Misaki's suggestion.
In his mind, the act of leaving the photo was accompanied by considerable risk.
With Misaki taking the first steps, this photo of two people can add to the sadness and turn a tide into a river.
However, more than that, Mizuki wanted to fulfill all of Misaki's wishes. Mizuki wanted to leave evidence that he had lived with Misaki, even though it made him feel unbearable.
Misaki took out her cell phone and opened the camera software.
The two of them looked at the screen and pressed their bodies tightly, and Misaki said, "Okay, cheese!" and pressed the lid.
After the explosion of the electronic sound, the captured photo is displayed on the screen. Misaki was operating her cell phone, staring at the photo she had just taken.
Immediately, Misaki said to Mizuki in a cheerful voice with a smile on her face.
"Mizuki, you really are not on camera! I always felt that your face looked really bad."
Misaki said "look" and handed the photo on the phone to Mizuki to look at. In the photo, next to Misaki, who is smiling brightly, is a boy with a melancholy face.
Mizuki immediately turned his head away.
"...I know. Just leave it,"
Mizuki muttered in an awkward tone as the part of his own pain was completely pricked.
Perhaps because it reflects his introverted personality, Mizuki has become less and less photogenic with age. This is also the reason for the lack of photos. It gets to the point where you can't even watch it. Because of that, after Middle School, Mizuki, apart from the graduation photo, there wasn't a single photo left.
Misaki couldn't stop laughing, and gently caressed Mizuki's cheek with her hand.
"Mizuki, you should be a little more confident. Although you may look a little young, but Mizuki you are really handsome. If you are generous, you will definitely make yourself more photogenic."
"Is that true?"
"It really is. Just believe what your girlfriend says. Mizuki is handsome, I know best."
Misaki confirmed confidently.
And since Misaki is so cute, Mizuki seems to be fine. He already wanted to spend almost an hour telling how cute his girlfriend was.
At this moment, Misaki suddenly rested her head on Mizuki's shoulder, and she was no longer satisfied with just side by side.
"Hey Mizuki. I've been thinking recently. 'I want to hug you more' or whatever."
"Misaki...?"
"Before I was with you, I thought that even if I could only live for one year, that would be enough. After all my wishes are fulfilled, that's enough… But after being with you, Mizuki, I'm really happy. …I want to curl up by your side more."
"I'm greedy." Misaki leaned her head on Mizuki's shoulder and smiled weakly.
"But, being greedy is okay. I want to live. I don't want to die. I don't think so, wouldn't that be good…"
"…How could it be bad? My thoughts are the same as yours."
Seeing Misaki laughing weakly, Mizuki also confessed his feelings as if he was pouring everything out.
And as the truth was revealed, Mizuki remembered Kensuke's face.
Kensuke, he should overcome this feeling and prepare mentally. However, even now, he still hasn't decided to live in a world without Misaki.
I want to be with Misaki for the rest of my life. I want her to live forever, and I want her not to leave me alone.
Maybe because true feelings were revealed, and feelings like that kept popping up.
"May I ask one more thing?"
At this moment, Misaki's voice echoed in Mizuki's ears. Among the feelings that kept popping up, Misaki's voice was the only one that resounded in my heart like a clear bell.
"What do you want this time?"
“I want to hear you play the harmonica.”
"Okay. It's easy."
After answering, Mizuki said, "Wait a minute".
When Mizuki came back with the harmonica, Misaki leaned on it again.
I feel Misaki is a little flirty today. Since the one who was usually pampered was himself, Mizuki felt quite refreshed.
All in all, once Mizuki was ready, he inhaled the harmonica and started playing a clear tune.
And the song Mizuki played, of course, was the song that was played on Misaki's first day visiting the house. This melody passed down from father to mother, and then inherited by Mizuki, is a very important thing.
Misaki, who was leaning on Mizuki, closed her eyes quietly and listened quietly.
"Blow me again."
"Yes"
After Mizuki finished playing a song, Misaki immediately asked to listen to it again. Mizuki nodded and played the same tune again.
The melodious voice echoed again in the quiet house. This gives the illusion that the house is singing. This house serves music played by Mizuki who lives here, and the two play in concerts.
Mizuki followed Misaki's words and started playing again for the third time. And this time, the Harmonica became a big musical instrument, helping Mizuki's performance.
"…Alright, thanks, Mizuki. It doesn't matter. I remember it well. Mizuki, your music is good, and the melody of this family is good."
Mizuki was a little out of breath after finishing the fifth appearance, and Misaki thanked him.
In response, Mizuki slowly shook his head.
"You don't have to worry about that. Also, even in the future, no matter how many times I will blow it up at you, please be my spectator no matter how many times."
"Yes. Thank you."
Misaki smiled happily and thanked him again.
Seeing her smile, Mizuki couldn't contain his mood any longer.
How long can I stay with Misaki?
How many times can I see Misaki's smile again?
Mizuki's heart was full of restlessness,
"Misaki..."
"Mmm..."
As if making sure that Misaki was by his side right now, Mizuki kissed Misaki on the lips.
*
Part 2
Mizuki had a dream.
There was a ward I had seen in my dream before.
And this time, Mizuki also shared a sense of sense with someone lying on a hospital bed.
In a room with the lights off, the only sight you can see is the ceiling in darkness. Looking up at the ceiling, Mizuki crossed someone's mind.
What would I have done now if I had taken the bold step that day when I was told that time was short. The first thing to do is travel. Then, thank your parents nicely. It is also important to face your destiny head-on and be prepared for it. Also, I want to go to school. The school to be addressed has been determined.
And-had to go see that person. To thank him nicely.
But this is impossible to achieve, these are literally "dream days". Drawing thoughts on the pure white ceiling, the owner of this body is crying.
Dreaming of someone whose name is unknown made Mizuki close his senses of sight. He fell into an even deeper sleep.
*
After the new year, the third semester is coming soon.
No, it had to be said that the third semester would be over in the blink of an eye. Two months have passed since the start of the new year. In Mizuki's life, this was probably the third semester that felt like the most time flies.
"Mizuki, the repair of this book is complete."
"Thank you. Then I will return it to the library along with the book here."
"Yes please."
Taking the book that Misaki repaired, Mizuki left the library.
In the process of walking towards the library, Mizuki recalled the events of New Year's Day for an unknown number of times.
"What we want to see is her happiness," Kensuke's expression said as he affirmed.
"I want to live", Misaki's expression when she said that.
For more than two months, the expressions of that day's father and daughter echoed in Mizuki's mind.
What should I do for Misaki herself? Must be mentally prepared? Mizuki hasn't given an answer yet. The only thing that could be said was that Mizuki realized it was more realistic that the day that Misaki would leave him would not be long.
Misaki looks the same now as she did in the second semester. However, Mizuki didn't know if it really didn't change.
So from that day onwards, Mizuki continued, and more than ever, cherished the days he could spend with Misaki now. It's the only thing I haven't prepared myself mentally for, the only thing I can do.
Once you realize that the end is drawing near, you will feel more deeply how precious it is to be able to spend this moment with Misaki now. Do your best to live every day. Can see the world with more honest eyes.
So, every day that should be ordinary turns into a day full of splendor. For Mizuki, facing the inevitable moment of separation, could be said to be the most fulfilling moment in life.
However, in contrast to a fulfilling life, Mizuki's heart was restless. As his days grew more fulfilled, the fact that Misaki had to go first, made Mizuki's heart so heavy that it was as if there was a boulder on top.
Until now, Mizuki's world could be said to have been established because of Misaki's existence.
If Misaki, who was so important, left his side... Just thinking about it, Mizuki felt cold. After Misaki left, Mizuki was afraid that his life would continue.
"Welcome back, Mizuki. It was difficult to deliver the book."
"Well, it's fine. It doesn't matter."
After Mizuki returned to the library, Misaki, who had packed up her equipment, came out to greet him.
The two were ready to go home, and after returning the keys to the library, they left the school together.
After sending Misaki home, Mizuki returned to his house, turned on the light and put down his backpack. At this time. Suddenly he saw a calendar hanging on the wall.
There are lots of hand-drawn X's on the calendar. Ever since the incident on New Year's Day, after the end of the day, it was Mizuki's habit to draw an X on the calendar.
And by the time X was pulled, I could actually realize that the time I had spent with Misaki was reduced by a day, and if I didn't wake up, my body would soon lose its strength. Still, Mizuki couldn't let go of this habit, no matter how heavy his mood was, to record the days he spent with Misaki in proper form.
Deeply aware of the true value of this moment, a fulfilling and luminous everyday life. Little by little, the days I spend with the people I love the most. During the day, I do my best to enjoy the little time I have left, and at night, I mourn the unchangeable destiny. Mizuki shed tears in front of the calendar from time to time during the repeated ups and downs and the intensely fluctuating feelings.
The X on the calendar keeps growing.
Before you know it, X has hit the calendar for February. It's March next week. Winter is almost over, and it's time to hear the footsteps of spring.
"Oh my God, I wish this X could accumulate forever…"
Mizuki prayed while looking at the X drawn on the calendar.
*
March 5, Saturday. By the time the Puppet Festival had passed, Misaki had occupied the kitchen and devoted herself to cooking.
(Note: The Puppet Festival is one of the five major festivals in Japan, originally on the third day of the third month in the lunar calendar, and changed to March 3 in the Western calendar after the Meiji Restoration.)
And it's not just ordinary food. Stewed beef, cream gratin, Caesar salad, chocolate cake, this lineup is quite sumptuous.
So why is Misaki trying so hard to cook this dish all of a sudden? It was because today was Mizuki's birthday.
"From now on, to celebrate your birthday, Mizuki, I will cook. For today, I asked my mother for a good special training. So, Mizuki, please come out of the kitchen. As the saying goes, a man is far from being a cook!"
"Your use of the sentence is very wrong... Don't worry about this, then I will help too, let's do it together."
"Impossible! Mizuki, you are today's protagonist, I can do it myself. Mizuki, just do something you like and wait!"
Kicked out of the kitchen by Misaki saying so, that was about two hours ago. Misaki called in the morning. Saying "I have something to do, I will go to your place around two o'clock", and then she suddenly came to Mizuki's house with a lot of ingredients in both hands. Mizuki thought she wanted to do something at first.
"To have a birthday at a time like this..."
Mizuki looked from outside at Misaki, who was in danger in the kitchen, but continued to cook happily, she grumbled.
Of course, Misaki was very happy to be able to celebrate his birthday.
However, in February last year, Misaki was told by doctors that time was short and if the situation was bad, it might not last for a year.
And it's already March. After that, it was not surprising that something happened one day. If so, is there anything else to do?
Whether it was joy or sorrow, it was hard for Mizuki to judge now,
but--
"As expected of me!"
Seeing Misaki brag about the taste of the stew, Mizuki's expression suddenly softened.
Time is short, Misaki knows everything well. And it was precisely on this basis that Misaki offered to fulfill his wish. Moreover, this wish was not for anyone else, but for Mizuki himself… In that case, honoring her wish was a choice Mizuki had to make.
Actually, Mizuki really wanted to talk to Misaki more, but he was trying his best to hold it in.
But in some ways, patience is almost at its limit.
"I always feel hungry just looking at it..."
The smell of delicious stew came from the kitchen, which made Mizuki's index finger move. If possible, Mizuki even wanted to immediately sneak into the kitchen to taste it.
As Mizuki was struggling against this urge, a cheerful voice "Okay! Done!" suddenly came from the kitchen.
"Voyeur Mizuki-san, you should understand after peeking for so long. The dish is ready. It's still a little early, why don't you start celebrating?"
Misaki suddenly poked her head out of the kitchen and asked with a smile.
Mizuki nodded like a child whose joke was caught.
"Okay. I smell good, my stomach is flat."
"Okay! With that said, I will forgive your voyeurism. Well, sorry, but can I trouble you to bring me a plate?"
"Okay. I am very happy."
"Thank you"
When Mizuki suddenly stood up, Misaki smiled happily.
Mizuki carried stew, gratin, Caesar salad, and French bread as staples from the kitchen to the living room. During this time, Misaki placed a candle on top of the cake she had decorated.
The table in the living room was piled high with food made by Misaki herself.
It was the first time in his life for Mizuki to celebrate his birthday so much. Seeing this food being made just for himself, Mizuki couldn't help but be touched.
"Then let's light the candles, and you'll blow them out when I finish singing the birthday song."
"You have to do this kind of thing well."
"Of course! Ah, yes, even if I sing badly, you will. Don't laugh at me. Also, you have to accompany me with the harmonica. I'm still too shy to sing a cappella myself."
"Do you mean to blow out the seventeen candles as soon as I finish playing the harmonica? This is really a difficult request."
"It's okay, it's okay, Mizuki, you can definitely do it!"
Misaki clenched her fists and said "Come on" to encourage Mizuki.
After Mizuki took out the Harmonica, Misaki lit a candle and turned off the light in the living room.
"Three, two, one!"
Following Misaki's orders, Mizuki started playing the melody on the harmonica.
Misaki also sings loudly.
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Mizuki. Happy birthday to you!"
The clear melody of the harmonica and Misaki's slightly out-of-tune notes echoed in the living room.
After Misaki finished singing, she immediately gave an order to Mizuki while the remaining voice still remained.
"Now Mizuki, blow out the candles!"
At Misaki's urging, Mizuki blew out the candle before he could catch his breath.
After the candle went out and the room dimmed for a moment, Misaki turned on the light.
"Mizuki, I wish you a happy seventeenth birthday!"
"Thank you."
Seeing Misaki clapping excessively, Mizuki also smiled shyly and lowered his head.
"In that case! The birthday song is over. Let's eat. It's a shame the food is cold."
"Yes, then——itadakimasu."
After bringing his hands together in a salute, Mizuki extended his chopsticks towards the stew.
The scent of warm stew spread on Mizuki's empty stomach. The large chopped ingredients also give full marks to the taste. The beef soaked in the gravy melts in one gulp on the tongue.
After tasting the beef stew for a while, it was the turn of the gratin. Drop a spoon into the charred grater, and the white sauce overflows. It was delivered to the mouth with macaroni, and it was hot in the mouth. After cooling in his mouth for a while, Mizuki enjoyed the taste of the gratin. And it has a strong taste that is very different from stew.
Although the cooking method was a bit scary, the special training didn't seem like a joke. No matter what dish, it was delicious enough that there was nothing to complain about.
"Even if you don't eat too much of it, the food won't run away."
"I know, but it was so delicious I couldn't stop."
Seeing Misaki's smile, Mizuki answered confidently.
There was so much delicious food in front of their eyes. It would be better to say that there is no way to eat slowly.
Mizuki thought while eating. I actually met the best couple in the world....
Even though it's not the first time I've thought this way, Mizuki felt this reality once again while chewing the food.
After the meal was almost finished, Mizuki tasted the cake that Misaki made herself. The sweetness of the chocolate is just right, that's the taste that Mizuki likes.
"Mizuki, what do you think? Even though the sponge cake was bought from outside, I thought the decoration was beautiful. Isn't it delicious?"
"Yeah, if I could sum it up in one sentence… it would be a sense of happiness."
Hearing that Mizuki was so serious that he could no longer express his feelings seriously, Misaki looked surprised.
However, I don't know if she immediately found it funny, she laughed "what is that?".
"Mizuki, what is a 'feel of happiness'? Is it delicious?"
"Not only delicious, but also happy that I'm going to heaven. It's better than any cake I've eaten so far. Eat it."
"You're exaggerating. Well, if you're very happy, I'm happy too."
Mizuki's excessive praise made Misaki blush.
At this time, as if thinking of something, Misaki said, "Wait a minute" and walked out of the living room.
Mizuki looked at the sliding door and wondered what was wrong, and Misaki came back in less than a minute.
She also held a small paper bag in her hand.
"Come on, take it! Your birthday present."
Mizuki took the paper bag Misaki gave him with a surprised expression.
Not just delicious food, but even a birthday present for myself…. The lacrimal gland, which has recently become very fragile, appears to be about to collapse.
"May I take a look inside?"
"Of course."
In front of the nodding Misaki, Mizuki took out the contents of her bag.
Inside is a small box small enough to fit in both hands. wooden cube. The metal rivets are the focal point of the design, which looks like an antique treasure chest. It is quite trendy as a gift. But...
"Misaki, this box can't be opened..."
Mizuki looked confusedly at Misaki.
That's right. A small but delicate key is embedded in the box lock. This way you can't see inside the box.
So, Misaki nodded with a natural expression.
"That's because it's locked."
"By the way, will you give me the key?"
"Not yet."
Hearing Misaki's meaningful words, Mizuki couldn't help but sigh.
Not yet. The top note of this sentence, based on the status quo, should only be that one.
The contents of this box——are Misaki's legacy.
"Misaki"
When he regained consciousness, Mizuki was already hugging Misaki tightly.
As if confirming Misaki's existence—to confirm that she was now alive by his side, feeling his warmth with his whole body.
"Mizuki, you really like acting like a spoiled child. If you are like this, it will be very difficult after I leave."
"Today is my birthday. At least that's all, forgive me for being too self-absorbed."
"……Um."
Misaki gently stroked Mizuki's head with her hand. That feeling made Mizuki feel comfortable from the bottom of his heart.
How wonderful it would be if time stopped at this moment. Mizuki prayed in his heart.
However, time mercilessly passed by by the minute. The hourglass in Misaki's heart, the sand called life, may fall mercilessly.
As if to prevent Misaki from disappearing, Mizuki hugged her tighter.
*
After the birthday party, Mizuki and Misaki leave the house together.
Since it was getting very dark, I wanted to send Misaki home.
Even though it was March, the night air was still bone-chilling. Even though he was already wearing enough clothes, a chill still penetrated his skin.
However, perhaps because it wasn't as bright as a big city, the stars were clearly visible. The two of them walked hand in hand, looking up at the night sky.
"Very beautiful! The sky looks like it's filled with gems."
"Oh! Misaki rarely says anything childish… The starry sky is really beautiful."
"…Mizuki, are you asking for a fight?"
"Sorry, I was joking. Since Misaki with shining eyes is so cute, I wanted to tease you a little."
After the comic-like conversation ended, Mizuki and Misaki sat on a bench in a nearby park. The two of them silently looked up at the night sky.
The twinkling stars in the cold winter sky seemed to slowly change with time. Even if you stare at it all the time, you won't get tired of looking at it. The two of them looked at each other in silence, temporarily entrusting their hearts to the natural art created by nature.
Hold the hand of your loved one and gaze at the stars. Mizuki couldn't help but think, how luxurious this time was.
He meets Misaki, falls in love, and professes his love for each other, and that's how it is today. Even if it is just a small mistake, it should not be able to get such a happy gift. Thinking of this, Mizuki deeply felt that being able to live in this moment was a great miracle in itself.
Thinking of this, Mizuki suddenly remembered that a character in a novel or somewhere once said "I lived in this world to meet you".
To be honest, Mizuki looked at this sentence with a somewhat negative look.
He smiled wryly and said, "How is that possible?"
Living to meet someone is only the result of beautifying the meeting. What is he living for, this kind of thing can only be answered at the time of death. On the road of life, you obviously do not know what lies ahead, so how can you know the meaning of walking on the path of life.
Even if he parted ways with the other party, that character would definitely live the rest of his life in an ordinary way. And then fall in love with someone again. Overall, even if there is a crossroads between your own life and the lives of others, the intersection itself cannot be the end of your life.
Mizuki thought so at that time.
However, now, Mizuki had little understanding of the character's mood.
Of course now he didn't think his life existed just to meet Misaki.
However, the fact that he met Misaki and fell in love was enough of his life's goal. I didn't live to meet Misaki, but the fact that I met Misaki and fell in love has become the most important thing in my life as a result.
Mizuki sincerely thanked Misaki for giving him this feeling as a gift.
Only this time. Misaki looked up at the night sky and said.
"Mizuki"
"Yes"
"It's great to be able to celebrate your birthday well at the end. I will not forget this day. -No, not just today. Since I met you, until now I will never forget the beautiful memories in my life."
"Finally… Misaki, don't say such unlucky words. Next year or next year, I will ask you to celebrate my birthday. Besides, I also want to give it's your birthday. So, don't say things like the last word."
said Mizuki in a prayerful mood.
Mizuki didn't want to hear the "last" word from Misaki's mouth. Because when I think of the gift just now, it sounds like the last word.
However, Misaki only smiled troubled.
Misaki let go of Mizuki's hand, got up from the bench, and walked forward with small steps.
"Misaki, wait for me!"
Mizuki hastily followed, and hugged Misaki from behind. Mizuki had a feeling that if he didn't do this, Misaki might just disappear from his sight.
"Please, don't go anywhere. Don't disappear in front of me."
"…Sorry, I can't do it anymore. Mizuki, you know that too."
said Mizuki desperately, while Misaki only coaxed Mizuki and answered in a flirtatious tone.
Misaki let go of Mizuki's arm and turned towards him. Immediately, she raised her eyes and looked at Mizuki with a gentle smile.
"But… that's also true. -Well, I see! Then I have an appointment with you. Whatever the form, I will definitely celebrate Mizuki's birthday next year. So don't be sad."
Misaki gently tiptoed and kissed Mizuki's lips. Just like the proof of this agreement.
But for Mizuki, he could only feel that this kiss was Misaki's last gift.
*
Part 3
Mizuki had a dream.
The location is a ward, and the season is winter.
Mizuki shared his senses with someone like before—there was an excruciating pain coming from his chest at this moment.
This is an unbearable pain that I have never experienced in my life so far. Consciousness blurs every few seconds.
And in the mind of Mizuki, who was enduring this pain, there was a thought that someone regretted.
Your choice is wrong.
The day I was told that time was short, I had to make the right choice.
In this case, even if the end cannot be changed, it may be able to change the process towards the end. Maybe I can properly say "thank you" to that person.
If this was the case, I definitely wouldn't be as regretful as I am now, and I would be able to face the coming of death calmly and peacefully.
Mizuki's mind was full of thoughts that would never end no matter how much she regretted it. That he felt so sorry that he pretended to accept his fate, but had actually given up everything.
Therefore, he prayed in regret.
If I could, if I could start all over from that day.
Amidst the severe pain in his chest, only that desire kept echoing in Mizuki's mind.
*
On the second day of Mizuki's birthday, which is Sunday morning. The call came.
The name of the caller displayed on the phone screen was Fujieda Kensuke. It was Misaki's father. While visiting Misaki's house on New Year's Day, Mizuki temporarily exchanged contact information with him.
The moment I saw the name, I felt a chill that something was starting to fall apart.
With trembling fingers, he connected the phone, and Kensuke's voice came from the other end.
To be honest, I basically don't remember what I said and what Kensuke said. The only thing I remember is the name of the hospital, and——
"This morning, Misaki fell."
Just that.
Mizuki hung up the phone and rushed out of the house. He got on his bicycle and ran across the road at top speed.
While riding a bicycle, Mizuki's thoughts haunted the events of that day two years ago.
That day - the day my mother died, I couldn't catch up.
The touch of the mother's hand that had lost its temperature was back again.
Could it be that I can't catch up like that day anymore? Will you make the same mistake again?
Mizuki rushed to the hospital with tears in his eyes.
Misaki was taken to the same hospital where she was hospitalized until a year ago. To Mizuki, it was also the hospital he frequented when his mother was hospitalized, and was so familiar that he could no longer recognize it.
Mizuki rushed through the gate and up the stairs, towards the seventh floor he heard on the phone. After reaching the seventh floor gasping for air, he rushed out of the hall.
"Mizuki"
Kensuke was waiting for Mizuki to arrive in the lobby. Seeing Mizuki panting heavily, he walked over with a stiff expression.
"Misaki…Misaki, is she alright!"
Mizuki asked as if trying to grab Kensuke.
Kensuke reassured Mizuki by saying, "Calm down," and turned around.
"Let's go first. There."
After saying that, Kensuke led Mizuki forward.
The place where Mizuki was taken was - the intensive care unit area.
Nurses were waiting in front of the area, Mizuki and Kensuke were brought to a room ready to enter the ward. At this time, according to the nurse, due to the strong request of Misaki's parents, Mizuki was also allowed into the ward.
After making thorough preparations according to the nurse's instructions, Mizuki and Kensuke entered the intensive care unit after being examined.
Misaki lay quietly in the intensive care unit ward.
Mizuki stood beside the bed, looking at Misaki who was sleeping.
"Although we are out of danger for now, we don't know if we can wake up. Doctors also tell us to prepare ourselves mentally. Misaki's mother was exhausted, and is now lying in the waiting room."
Kensuke standing beside Mizuki calmly said.
Mizuki continued to listen in silence.
I don't know if I can wake up again. Prepare mentally.
The words clearly reached his ears, but did not reach his mind at all. It's like the brain refuses to understand the meaning of words.
No, it must be said, refuse to accept reality.
If he really accepted these words, Mizuki would probably pass out and cry on the spot.
The meeting ended after about ten minutes, Mizuki and Kensuke left the intensive care unit together.
"I'll see how Misaki's mother is. How about you?"
"......let me rest here."
After returning to the hall, Mizuki could only answer Kensuke's question with a blank expression.
After Kensuke left, Mizuki slumped on the waiting chair in the hall alone.
Misaki just celebrated his birthday yesterday, and thinking about it now feels like a long time.
"Misaki…Misaki…"
Mizuki was shaking and crying while continuously calling Misaki's name.
Until Misaki's parents returned, Mizuki was still slumped in the chair, praying for Misaki's recovery.
But——In the end, Misaki didn't wake up that day, and after the meeting time ended, Mizuki had to go home.
"Um…can I come tomorrow morning? It doesn't matter if I can't see it like today. The day after tomorrow, the day after, until Misaki wakes up…"
As they parted, Mizuki asked Kensuke, who had come to escort him away, in a pleading tone.
Mizuki wanted to stay with Misaki even for a minute. Because Mizuki believed that she would wake up, and wanted to wait beside her the entire time——.
However, Kensuke shook his head at Mizuki's request.
"Mizuki, I understand your feelings. However, you can't waste your life on this. You should go to school well."
"But if something happened while I was at school—"
The thought that crossed Mizuki's head was the incident two years ago.
My mother died when he was still in school. So, if Misaki also….
Mizuki pleaded with Kensuke bitterly as discomfort like psychological trauma gradually overtook him.
However, Kensuke still wore an angry face and shook his head again.
"Sorry, Mizuki. But can we keep our family together for a while. If anything happens, I will definitely contact you."
After hearing Kensuke's words, Mizuki wanted to say something else, but before speaking, lowered his head helplessly.
Can we keep our family together?
When the father in front of him said such words, Mizuki could only do as he said.
Because Mizuki had robbed them of the time they spent with Misaki all this time.
"...So. I'm sorry for saying something so stupid…"
"I'm the one who should apologize, I can't satisfy your feelings, I'm really sorry."
said Kensuke, who had an angry face, lowering his head.
"Then I'll say goodbye first..."
Mizuki left the hospital.
Mizuki didn't even have the strength to ride a bicycle, and staggered down the dark night road.
Misaki's face, which was heavy in the hospital, and Kensuke's expression looking at him with an angry face filled his mind.
Mizuki was not angry that Kensuke had forbidden him from visiting the doctor.
Without knowing how long Misaki will fight her illness, what will happen if Mizuki doesn't go to school and goes to the hospital every day? Depending on the situation, it might have an impact on Mizuki's future.
Kensuke takes on this role to protect Mizuki's future.
Mizuki is very clear about this, including the problem of getting himself into the intensive care unit, he is just a simple outsider like her daughter's boyfriend, and Kensuke really annoys it to such an extent. Thank you very much.
But... even so, Mizuki still wanted to be by Misaki's side. Rather than an unimaginable future, Mizuki still wanted to cherish the time he and Misaki could spend together only in the present.
Even though it was a stupid choice, Mizuki still wanted to choose this path.
"Mother... Misaki..."
Mother's smile and Misaki's smile appeared in my mind.
Just like when my mother died. Would you lose someone important like this again? Can't even accompany her until the last moment, can only cry before the result of "death"?
Staring at the stars in the night sky, Mizuki regretted his helplessness.
*
The days after that were dry and tasteless for Mizuki. Even though he went to school with Kensuke, he was absent-minded in class, and his mind was full of Misaki.
Five days had passed since Misaki had fainted. Today's class is also very peaceful. Even if he left, the class still repeated a steady routine.
In these waning days, the calm itself was starting to make Mizuki feel a little anxious.
At the Monday morning class meeting, the homeroom teacher only conveyed the brief news that Misaki would be taking a temporary leave of absence. Although there was a bit of commotion in the classroom at first, but now after five days, both the classmates and homeroom teacher have returned to their usual state. It seems that everyone has accepted everyday life without Misaki.
Doesn't that mean Misaki doesn't need to exist in this world?
The atmosphere in today's class made it hard for Mizuki not to think so.
Of course, Mizuki also knew that this was just some kind of delusion of his own persecution.
Everyone must be worried about Misaki. After all, unlike Mizuki, Misaki was a big hit in the class.
Mizuki was well aware of these things.
However, in order to protect his heart that was about to be filled with anxiety, Mizuki could only fill his heart with stronger feelings.
After school, Mizuki left school early.
I haven't been to the library this week. Mizuki had absolutely no interest in working as a member of the library committee. However, the librarian teacher also said to himself, "It's important to take a break every once in a while," so it might not be a problem.
However, Mizuki had lived a life living in the library until the end of school time so far, so even when he got home, he was too busy to panic. Mizuki wanted to prepare for English next week in advance, so he took out his textbook and notebook from his backpack and placed them on the table.
At this time, the cell phone in the uniform pocket suddenly rang.
After taking it out hastily, it was Misaki's father, Kensuke, who made the call.
"...Hello"
"Hello Mizuki? I'm Misaki's father. Is it okay to call you now?"
"Well, I'm home. Misaki… what is it?"
Kensuke will call himself, it must have something to do with Misaki.
The question is whether the news is good or bad.
Mizuki swallowed and waited for Kensuke's words.
"…About two hours ago, Misaki woke up."
"!Is that true!?"
Kensuke said to himself that although it was brief, it was good news.
Facing Mizuki's confirmation, Kensuke once again confirmed with the short words "true".
After the doctor judged that Misaki would most likely never wake up again, Misaki stayed up.
This is a miracle. Mizuki couldn't help but cry.
"She's still conscious now. Although it's embarrassing to say this out of the blue, can you come to the hospital immediately? Misaki, she said… I wanted to meet you at any cost."
"Of course! I will go there."
After Mizuki answered Kensuke's call, Mizuki hung up, prepared in a hurry, and left the house.
I rode my bike as hard as I did on Sunday and headed for the hospital. This time, however, the atmosphere was in stark contrast to Sunday.
After arriving at the hospital, Misaki was waiting for him there, and he was able to talk to Misaki.
Mizuki rode the pedals desperately with power from excitement, not from fear and anxiety.
After arriving at the hospital, Mizuki rushed through the gate, took the elevator just in time, and rushed to the seventh floor where Misaki was.
After exiting the elevator and arriving at the lobby, as on a Sunday, Kensuke and Misaki's mother, Izumi, were waiting for Mizuki.
"Have you been waiting for me? Thank you very much."
said Mizuki lightly, walking towards Misaki's parents. Misaki's joy when she wakes up can be seen from Mizuki's voice and demeanor.
"...It's fine, don't worry about it."
Seeing Mizuki like that, Kensuke replied with a stiff smile on his exhausted face.
Beside him, Izumi also lowered her head in great distress.
"That...Mi...Misaki is awake, right?"
"Mm. Misaki is awake, that's right. It is just..."
Mizuki asked suspiciously, and Kensuke confirmed it again, but he didn't.
Thinking about it this way, when he received the call earlier, his appearance wasn't very appropriate. And now, judging by the faces of the two people in front of him, he couldn't feel the peace and joy of the awakened Misaki.
So Mizuki finally… realized that he had misunderstood.
Misaki did not overcome her predicament, but exhausted her last strength and woke up like a bright light. And Misaki's parents called Mizuki in a hurry to allow Mizuki to finish the final farewell to Misaki.
"Mizuki, this way."
Under Kensuke's urging, the three of them walked towards the intensive care unit together.
Just like last time, Misaki and Mizuki's parents entered the intensive care unit together under the nurse's instructions to get ready.
Before reaching Misaki's room, Kensuke put his hand on Mizuki's shoulder.
"Maybe this is how I felt when I saw my daughter getting married…. I'll leave the rest to you."
Kensuke's words echoed through the clear corridor and disappeared.
The rest is up to you.
This sentence has only one meaning. Misaki's parents entrust Mizuki with the important task of supervising Misaki's departure. I'm afraid, this is Misaki's own wish...
It might be rejected. He said he could not bear such a heavy responsibility.
However, --
"I understand"
Mizuki just said that, and nodded in response.
Mizuki will not escape. Because even today, I still want to be with Misaki until the very last moment.
Hearing Mizuki's firm answer, Kensuke also let go of his hand in agreement. Immediately, he made way for Mizuki. Under the supervision of Misaki's parents, Mizuki opened the closed door and entered the room where Misaki was.
*
The room was quiet like the last time I came.
All that could be heard was the electronic sound of the engine.
Misaki was lying on the bed, only her eyes were open. Compared to five days ago, she looked thinner. She might not even have the strength to get up.
However, after seeing Mizuki enter, Misaki moved her head and smiled gently.
"…Hello, Mizuki, I haven't seen you for five days."
"Yes. You really slept for a long time. Misaki."
Answering Misaki with a smile, Mizuki sat down on the chair beside the bed.
At this moment, Misaki reached out her hand from under the blanket.
Her hands were very thin and slender. Mizuki wrapped Misaki's hand with his own.
"Mizuki, I'm sorry. My body really has reached its limit. I am really, really sorry."
"Don't apologize. This way you won't be like you, Misaki."
Facing Misaki who kept apologizing, Mizuki held back his anger, sadly, laughed.
Also, it's not Misaki who should be apologizing. Instead, it should be himself. Mizuki thought so.
Mizuki didn't think that Misaki's illness had worsened to such an extent all at once. In other words, Misaki must be patient with herself. So that Mizuki wouldn't worry, she gritted her teeth and endured the torment of illness.
Even though this was the case, he was completely oblivious to Misaki's attempts. He tried his best to fight the fear surging in his heart, but he couldn't keep his eyes on Misaki in front of him.
What an incompetent boyfriend. Mizuki felt embarrassed.
As Mizuki sighed at his incompetence, Misaki suddenly looked up at the ceiling and muttered, "Isn't that like me..."
"Hey Mizuki. I... why am I living in this world? What for?"
The gaze that turned to the ceiling turned directly to Mizuki, and Misaki asked him a question.
"…Why, my life had to end here. Why am I the only one who has to bear the helpless burden of illness? It's okay if it's not me. Why is my only life? Is it okay to swap? I've been hospitalized for a long time, I can't be friends for a long time, I can only keep my head down and live a gloomy life... Obviously everyone is healthy and that's a natural thing. Why am I the only one who has to suffer like this?"
This was a thought that Misaki had carried with her for nearly eighteen years of her life. These were sincere words that she had hidden in her heart, but she was unable to express them because of the people around her. Now, she finally told her everything.
"I've been thinking. Because I'm not destined to live long because of this disease. Then, what is the meaning of my life in this world... Mizuki, what am I living for? What about this world?"
Since Misaki cared more about the thoughts of the people around her than anyone else, she couldn't ask anyone this question. But now, she finally asked for the first time in her life, to her favorite partner.
And Mizuki, who knew this well, no longer regretted his helplessness, and answered her question sincerely.
"That's right.... I think——not only you, Misaki, no matter who life is good, you basically can't find any special meaning."
Mizuki's answer to Misaki's question There really is no cure.
After hearing that, Misaki laughed weakly.
"Now you at least say 'This is to meet me'. You are my boyfriend."
"I can't say. Because I don't want to lie to you."
"There are white lies in this world, you know?"
"White lies, in most cases, are only good for liars. It was just to hide the unspeakable truth."
"Well, I don't deny it. But don't say that to someone who's about to die."
"This girlfriend is really..."
Misaki smiled helplessly.
Mizuki kept a calm smile on his face and continued to answer Misaki's question.
"Well, forget the white lies, birth and life are basically meaningless. That's why everyone is trying to find 'my life has meaning!' Convincing reasons and fighting to the death, right?"
Mizuki couldn't give an "answer" to Misaki's question.
So, in the end, it was just Mizuki's "answer". This is just a kind of assessment material for the purpose of getting the real "answer".
"So, if you want to know the meaning of your life, Misaki… please try your best to make excuses for yourself. This must be the unique meaning of your life, Misaki."
"Mizuki is very strict. That's for reference, Mizuki, what excuse did you use for your own life?"
"I thought about it…"
Facing Misaki's counterattack, Mizuki looked up at the pure white ceiling of the ward and was deep in thought.
However, he immediately smiled shyly, and his eyes returned to Misaki.
"Forgive me. Even though I say it very loudly, in reality, I haven't come up with a reason. However, my heart is full of important people – my parents, and the things you left for me, Misaki… So, as long as I cherish and take care of these things, I might be able to convince myself."
While apologizing for the inaccuracy, Mizuki temporarily gave his own "mock answer".
Misaki was a little surprised by the answer.
"Treasure, what did I leave behind…?"
"Well, whether it's the memories I spent with Misaki, or the way you taught me to enjoy life, Misaki, I'll cherish whatever it is."
"… Mizuki, are you happy to meet me?"
"I am very happy that my life and values have been changed by you."
"Are you happy with me?"
"I'm so happy that I finally understand what happiness is."
Mizuki smoothly answered Misaki's successive questions.
Because this answer requires no doubt. For Mizuki, the time spent with Misaki had become very important.
"That's right. Hmm. —That's great."
After hearing Mizuki's answer without any confusion, Misaki finally smiled. If Mizuki wasn't mistaken, her expression was reassuring, a happy smile was saved by something.
"Thank you, Mizuki. I found my answer. I've come to know that in my life, remaking that day's choices… is a meaningful and valuable thing."
But Misaki didn't seem to notice, still staring at the ceiling. "But it's a shame," she said.
"I want to wear a wedding dress once. I want to have a wedding in a beautiful church. Ah, but it looks like it would be fun to have a wedding at the shrine and wear Shiromuku."
(Note: Shiromuku is a type of kimono, worn by brides at Japanese weddings)
"I'd also really like to see what you'd look like, Misaki, as a bride. Is it a wedding dress or Shiromuku. I can guarantee that no matter how you wear it, you will be beautiful."
"I also want to have children. My wishes are male and female. How about you, Mizuki?"
"I just need to stay with you, Misaki. I don't need anything else... And I don't really like kids. I didn't think children would be close to me."
"You said that, if you really had children, Mizuki, you would definitely worry about them. I thought you were going to buy an expensive video recorder, and then I was astonished to see you taking growth notes for children."
"Is that so?"
"That's right. Because of Mizuki, you are someone who really loves your family. You will surely become a harmonious family. Then, let's go for a walk together. Even though Mizuki always says that you only have a few photos of yourself, but gradually it will increase. Even if you make excuses and say 'I'm not good on camera', I won't let you go."
"Should I be happy, or should I be sad..."
This is a possible situation. However, this blueprint for the future was destined not to come. Even though she knew it well, Misaki happily told Mizuki about the "from now on" in her mind. Mizuki carefully responded to Misaki's "from now on".
"When your daughter grows up, Mizuki, you will be isolated. You will also be slightly shunned by your daughter. Then Mizuki, who is worried about the children, will live a life full of tears every day."
"Why is it only me that gets hurt in your future blueprint?"
"It doesn't matter. I will comfort Mizuki well."
"Well, then you don't have to worry about that."
Mizuki and Misaki laughed loudly.
"But ah, when the children are past their teens and grown up, they will become a warm and harmonious big family again. Then the children would take their lover home. They said 'I have a boyfriend who wants to introduce himself to you'."
"Even I would be nervous then."
"When your daughter got married and became someone else's bride, I thought Mizuki would be embarrassed and cry. Then, ah, I said, "I really can't do anything to you, my child's father" to comfort you."
"Sad that I can't deny it. But I'll leave it to you then."
"Leave it to me."
Even though Misaki knew that day would not come, she still agreed with a proud tone.
Only this time. Misaki's fingers suddenly lost their strength.
"!Mi... Misaki...?"
"It's fine… well, it's fine… I just, I just wanted to sleep…"
Mizuki shouted while squeezing Misaki's hand with both hands. And Misaki answered him in a weak voice.
"I'm sorry,…. I really don't have the power…"
"...No. Please do not go. Do not leave me alone!"
Mizuki thought he wouldn't say it. However, at this moment, reason suddenly flew from the sky, and the words came out. Not only that. Mizuki squeezed Misaki's hand harder because he didn't want to lose her.
Even saying such a thing would only embarrass Misaki. Mizuki knows.
When he regained consciousness, Mizuki's voice trembled. Tears welled up in his eyes, wetting his cheeks.
Mizuki's face blurred with snot and tears in the blink of an eye.
Seeing Mizuki like this, Misaki ran out of her last strength and smiled at him.
"Really… I'm sorry… Leaving Mizuki here alone… I'm a useless girlfriend…"
"Not like that! There's nothing like that!"
"To meet…… I'm also very happy…. I can snuggle beside Mizuki until the last second… I'm so happy…"
"No, Misaki! Speak a little more, talk to me a little more!"
"To be able to fall in love with you like this… I'm really grateful…"
Before she could finish her thanks, Misaki's voice stopped. Immediately, she closed her eyes, and all of her strength disappeared from her body.
"Misaki...?"
Mizuki called out to her and shook her, but Misaki didn't answer. She didn't tease Mizuki like she always "I lied to you", nor did she gently call out Mizuki's name.
Misaki's breathing stopped, and even with her ear to her chest, he couldn't hear her heartbeat.
"Mi...Misaki..."
Mizuki hugged Misaki's body who seemed to be asleep. Her body was still warm. Mizuki couldn't believe that she had died so suddenly.
However, Misaki's eyes never opened again. There will be no more sound. Never again, "I will gently hold Mizuki's hand.".
"Ugh… ah! Ah…!"
Having accepted the reality in his mind, Mizuki's rationality was swallowed up by a whirlpool of emotions.
Mizuki hugged Misaki's body tightly with all his strength, and started wailing like a beast, crying until his throat was torn apart——.
*
A few days later, Misaki's funeral was held smoothly.
Even though Mizuki attended the watch and the funeral, to be honest, when Misaki died, except for the memory of his screams and cries, all other memories were blurred. Come to think of it, vigil had begun, and now, the funeral was coming to an end. That's how it feels.
The people at the funeral mourn Misaki's untimely death, with tears in their eyes.
However, among the crowd, only Mizuki's eyes were dry. Not a single tear could be shed. There was nothing left to flow out of Mizuki's heart.
"Mizuki"
After the funeral, Kensuke stops Mizuki.
Mizuki looked at Kensuke blankly, and saw him standing there with a withered face. Izumi also stood diagonally behind him. Both of them looked very withered in the face of their daughter's departure.
However, even in the face of those two, Mizuki's heart remained unresponsive. His expression was stiff as a mask, and his vacant eyes reflected the posture of the two, that was all.
The two of them lowered their heads deeply towards Mizuki who looked like a doll.
"Thank you for being with Misaki until the very last moment. Also, I'm really sorry for making you responsible for seeing Misaki go."
Kensuke expressed his gratitude and apologies to Mizuki. Those words were full of concern for Mizuki.
In fact, Kensuke probably didn't care about Mizuki's free time at all. He clearly wanted to spend it with his daughter until the very last moment. But even so, he still cared about Mizuki first.
At this moment, Mizuki's already numb heart ached slightly.
"The doctor said that there was no pain when Misaki left. It was because of you that she was able to usher in the final moment in peace. Thank you very much for allowing Misaki to leave safely."
Thank you very much. This repeated sentence resounded loudly in Mizuki's heart. The growing pain in my heart gradually turned into an unbearable crack.
"Don't... say those things..."
When he regained consciousness, Mizuki was already kneeling on the ground as if he had fainted. He clutched the pebbles on the ground, shook his shoulders, crying.
The feeling that had been missing for several days erupted at this moment, Mizuki roared.
"If it wasn't for me, maybe Misaki could have lived longer. Even so, don't thank me. If it weren't for me…"
True, he wasn't someone who deserved it. Be thankful.
On the other hand, it's more fun to scold yourself.
(My daughter's death was all because of you!)
(If you don't show up!)
How relieved I would feel if I berate myself like this. In that case, I can immediately pay for it with my life without hesitation.
However, Misaki's parents did not.
Not only that. Her girlfriend's father put his hand on the crying Mizuki's shoulder and nodded consolingly.
"Your feelings for Misaki are unforgettable. That alone is enough for us. Thank you very much. So stop blaming yourself. You're not wrong, nothing is wrong."
Their phrase "you're not wrong" is repeated over and over again. As if to repair Mizuki's psychological wounds and make his bounce back....
But—— because of this, Mizuki lowered his head and continued to cry as if escaping from this tenderness.
*
After returning home after the funeral, Mizuki felt that this place was completely different from before, and had become a place with a cold atmosphere.
But only ten days. Not long ago, there was indeed warmth in this house.
However, that warmth has now disappeared. Only the biting cold air remained.
Misaki's lost sorrow. Guilt towards Misaki's parents.
After being alone, this miserable mood continued to torment Mizuki's heart.
And this biting cold air seemed to blame Mizuki who returned alone.
Mizuki couldn't stand the atmosphere at all, and when he regained consciousness, he had already left the house.
To school.
Mizuki took time off for Misaki's funeral, but today was still a work day. Even though school was over, the sound of students sweating in club activities could still be heard on campus, and the sound of musical instruments from the wind club could be heard from the school building.
Ignoring these lively and energetic voices, Mizuki borrowed a key from the office and walked down the corridor as usual.
Then, roughly unlocked the library door.
"Welcome back, Mizuki. It's hard to deliver books."
(note: I think Misaki's illustration on the Cover is illustrating this scene.)
The moment he opened the library door, the memory of spending time with Misaki resurfaced in his mind, and even hearing his voice, Mizuki groaned, "Ugh...".
Out of breath, he walked into the library, opened his laptop, and started doing the book registration work that had piled up in large quantities.
"I'll put it up nicely!"
"Mizuki, the book repair is complete."
But, to be honest, its working efficiency is very poor. Every time I hold a book in my hand, every time I press the keyboard, I can hear Misaki's voice, and it takes several times longer than usual to do these tasks alone.
Even so, Mizuki still couldn't stop. If I don't do something, I will be crushed by the fact that Misaki is no longer around, and at this moment, my heart is already torn apart. Even trying to make up for Misaki's parents, he banged his head against the wall.
Before I knew it, the sun had set in the west, and the sounds of students and musical instruments outside the window were no longer audible. Looking at the time, it was already half past six. It was almost time to leave school.
After a while, the teacher who finds that the key has not been returned may come to check.
"...Go home..."
Suddenly, Mizuki turned off the computer with a subtle feeling.
No matter what you do, you cannot fill the void in your heart. There was no way to escape the sadness of losing Misaki. After realizing this, Mizuki lowered his head in despair.
At this time, the library, which had been swallowed up by silence, suddenly sounded an electronic sound. It's a ringtone announcing the arrival of a message.
At first, Mizuki ignored the text message. I'm not in the mood to read any information right now.
However, Mizuki immediately sensed the meaning of the ringtone, and hurriedly picked up the phone.
Because of that ringtone—meaning it was a text message from Misaki.
"Misaki...?"
Why are there still massage sent from Misaki until now? Mizuki himself couldn't figure it out. But, in fact, the phone rang.
Mizuki opened the text message with trembling fingers.
There was only a short sentence above the message. There is no emotion in the words "On the top floor of the bookshelf in your room, look at the third book from the right".
Even so, Mizuki ran out of the library. Rushing home through a dimly lit school trip after sunset. When he got home, he didn't even have time to turn on the light.
Mizuki stumbled to the second floor in the darkness, and seemed to have been hit by a pillar or something in the middle. After picking up the book according to Misaki's instructions. Something fell from the book and landed on the floor. Bend over and pick it up, it's a small key. Beautiful lock designed in vintage style.
And what this key is used for, there is no need to think about it. Mizuki rushed out of the room and headed straight for the living room. This time he turned on the light in the room nicely and looked at the wardrobe with the harmonica. And what he took out of the cupboard was the little box Misaki had given him on his birthday.
Suppressing the urge in his heart, Mizuki put in the key as soon as he found the key in the box.
With a sharp and pleasant "click" sound, the lock opens.
After opening the lid, the unique metallic melody of the music box came from inside. It was Mizuki's harmonica that was played over and over again.
There seems to be a music box in the corner of the box, and when the lid is opened, it will start playing. Then, the rest of the part where the other half put something, inside was——
"USB?"
Taking it out of the box and holding it in Mizuki's hand, it was an ordinary USB flash drive.
What's inside?
Mizuki turned on his computer and inserted the USB flash drive as soon as it turned on. After opening the folder, I found that there is only one video in it.
Mizuki held back his trembling hand, double-clicked the file, and the video started playing.
"Hello Mizuki, are you watching?"
The moment he heard her voice and saw her face, tears welled up in Mizuki's eyes.
On that screen Misaki smiled gently. It was a smile that was all too familiar to Mizuki, but he thought he would never be able to see it again.
"When you see this video, it means a text message has also been sent. That's great, Mom and Dad have been reading my dying diary carefully, so I'm texting you."
Misaki heaved a sigh of relief at the screen.
Mizuki was speechless, just continued to stare at her. No matter what form it took, Mizuki once again saw Misaki talking to him and looked at him gently. Just like that, Mizuki's heart was filled.
"So……. Although I can't stop talking nonsense, the USB flash drive's capacity will run out, so let's get straight to the point."
Misaki cleared her throat at the screen.
"Mizuki, when you see this video, my funeral should be finished as soon as possible. --Right? I guessed right? It must not have been discovered by accident, and then peeked out first, right?"
Misaki asked on the screen as if confirming the facts.
Her tone, movements, and pauses were as if she was actually chatting with Mizuki. Misaki probably made this video after careful calculation.
Just as Mizuki was thinking about this, the Misaki on the screen suddenly looked at him with worried eyes.
"Mizuki, did you sleep well? Are you eating well? Although I don't think so, but are you thinking of following me, right?"
Misaki's worried words made Mizuki hold his breath.
Now I can't sleep well, and it's hard to swallow food. Considering the current state of affairs, it might only be a matter of time before he followed Misaki. Misaki's worries were all in one sentence.
"I was really worried about you. Mizuki, you usually look nervous, but you're actually very gentle… I was really afraid you wouldn't think about it for a while and then do something stupid."
Misaki continued, her facial expression the same as her words, it was all worried from the bottom of her heart.
Mizuki listened to every word, because of his shame and cowardice, he couldn't help but run away.
After she left, what action would Mizuki take? Misaki had guessed everything by then. Even after being guessed, Mizuki was still worried about Misaki. Misaki died in a state of worry. As a boyfriend, there's nothing more embarrassing than this.
He obviously wanted to see more of Misaki's face, but Mizuki lowered his head naturally. I dare not look at Misaki.
Rather than appearing in such a bad state, it's better to just disappear——.
"…Disappear, or die—if you dare to do such a stupid thing as running away, I will never let you go."
Mizuki was almost driven to run away again. Misaki predicted his thoughts and said firmly.
The state of being too in sync with his own mood made Mizuki raise his head reflexively.
The Misaki on the screen raised her eyebrows in dissatisfaction and looked at him.
However, her expression soon regained her composure.
"Mizuki, do you remember? I have been hiding something like you. About why I asked Mizuki to form an alliance with you, remember?"
After Misaki's reminder. That being said, at the end of the day, I still don't get an answer to this question.
Can I finally get the answer this time? Mizuki stared at the screen.
After a while, Misaki on the screen said.
"Actually, ever since I actually died, time goes back to the day I was told last February that my time was running out."
Misaki said these words suddenly and very seriously.
At this moment, Mizuki heard the sound of a lock being opened in his mind. At the same time, several scenarios flashed through my mind. It is seen in a dream, one's memory, one's wish.
- No, not only that. Flashback memories tell Mizuki everything that lies ahead. At the end of the memories connected by dreams, the most cherished person is at the head of the river of a long time, a magnificent sight...
At the same time, Mizuki finally came to his senses. This year, for Misaki, is a journey to create meaning in life.
"You won't believe what I tell you all of a sudden. I don't really believe it myself. After returning to the past, I don't know what happened, and I fell in front of the doctor. Because of that, the doctor thought I fell because I was overwhelmed knowing that my time was short, but it was hard work. ——Ah, this deviation will be put aside for now. In short, you should get rid of feeling like complaining now, and listen to me carefully. Because this is also the reason why I came to you to form an alliance."
The Misaki on the screen smiled wryly, said pleadingly, and looked at Mizuki.
However, Misaki's worries were completely unfounded. Mizuki, who already knew the whole situation, didn't doubt it, but took her words for granted.
"Before going back in time, I was just waiting to die in a hospital bed, and I always regretted it. So at the time of death, I pray to return to the day when I was told that time was short. And then, although I don't know why, this prayer actually came true."
Misaki's description was exactly what Mizuki had seen in a dream.
As for why Misaki's memories before the retrospective were linked to his own dream, it was the same as the retrospective, and the reason was unclear.
However, Mizuki could understand Misaki's mood at that time. In that case, I should be grateful for this miracle now.
"My instincts told me right away that I would die at the same time as the first. So this time, in order not to leave any regrets, I got out of the hospital and sorted out the wishes I wanted to end before I died. Since I've been thinking about this in the hospital bed, it probably won't take much time. Even though Mizuki and I have talked a bit about it, I think there are five things in total."
Misaki said so, she snapped her fingers, and started mentioning her "desire to end before death".
First, thank my parents and say, "Thank you for always taking good care of me and raising me as an adult".
Second, take a trip with your parents.
Third, write a death diary.
Fourth, go to the last lesson
Fifth, thanks to Mizuki.
After all, it was something that had been told to Mizuki beforehand.
However, there is also something missing. For example, when Mizuki was accepted to form an alliance, Misaki said "I want to have fun" and "do something I never imagined".
"However, after I met Mizuki at school, my desires changed again. [Sixth, make friends with Mizuki], [Seventh, let Mizuki remember the fun of playing with friends], and [Eighth, let Mizuki remember how to invite friends to play out]. These three things. I've changed the wording for the last two, but I've also told you. Actually, that's what I planned."
Misaki's words made Mizuki's eyes widen in surprise.
In other words, the remaining three items were all wishes added for Mizuki's sake.
"At first, I really just wanted to come and say thank you, thank you for saving me. After all, my time is running out.... However, when I found out that you were hiding in the high wall you built, I remembered the last thing I said to Yoko-san. So I changed my mind and started taking action."
"With my mother? Is it possible ..."
Mizuki's mind, confessed that the memory of that day was revived.
Even Mizuki begged Misaki to tell him, but Misaki refused to say "I won't tell you". Perhaps, this was the answer then.
"I told you before that after being saved by you, I couldn't get out of the ward, right? As a result, after Yoko-san died, I never saw you again. - But oh. Actually, after I was able to leave the ward, Yoko-san and I met once, only once. The day before Yoko-san died."
Misaki's words once again made Mizuki's eyes widen in surprise. I'm really scared of Misaki today.
Their conversation took place the day before Mizuki's mother died. And it was because of that conversation that Misaki started to act. What did mother entrust to Misaki?
What did my mother say to Misaki? Mizuki's heart skipped a beat.
"I still remember it clearly. Back then, Yoko-san rarely spoke soft words. "Mizuki is always suffering. Since my husband and I are useless, let him carry everything alone, making him work too hard. It also robbed him of the time he should have spent making friends. Mizuki, it makes him lonely" or something."
"My mother actually said such a thing…"
Mother's words repeated from Misaki's mouth made Mizuki's heart skip a beat.
"Yoko-san, she said that. Mizuki, you are actually a strong and gentle good boy. But that's what worries me. It's because you're too strong and gentle, and you're hiding everything by yourself… I'm afraid that one day you won't be able to bear it anymore."
Mizuki thought. At the last moment, his mother still loved him very much.
Always worried about Mizuki. Put yourself in second place…. If Mizuki really was the "strong and gentle" type of person as his mother said, then no doubt it must be because he grew up seeing his mother figure. It was because of his mother's example that Mizuki was able to get to where he is today, and Mizuki was able to hold his chest and say this with confidence.
"If Mizuki, alone in a painful situation. When you can't break away, maybe I can't be by your side anymore. Just thinking about it makes me regret. The thought of not being able to do something for you that a mother can do makes you cry unforgivably. ——Yoko-san was really sad when she said these words."
"Maybe at that time Yoko-san had anticipated something," said Misaki.
"So I said it without thinking. Said, "Then, I will recover, and then I will be discharged from the hospital to become Mizuki's support.", "If Mizuki is alone, I will become Mizuki's friend!". Now then, from the end result, let's not talk about being friends, not even girlfriends.”
Misaki said shyly.
Those sudden words made Mizuki blush.
"After I said that, Yoko-san smiled at me and said "Thank you" to me. I am very happy. Since I was able to endure with Yoko-san's support, I feel I can return the favor."
As if remembering what happened back then, Misaki smiled nostalgically.
"After seeing Mizuki alone, I felt that I shouldn't give up my oath. Otherwise, I wouldn't have the face to see Yoko-san in heaven. More importantly, I can't accept seeing you alone… So, under this consideration, I added three "Wishes". A wish that was fulfilled before I died, I formed an alliance with you."
Misaki's voice echoed in Mizuki's heart. Then, Mizuki's brain started to work fast.
Previously, Mizuki had always thought that this alliance was for Misaki. Based on the same position, Mizuki himself enjoyed alliance activities from the bottom of his heart, but the most important goal was to let Misaki embark on a journey without regrets...
However, Misaki said that this alliance was to fulfill the purpose of the promise with his mother.
It means--
"... Ha ha. What, isn't this the opposite?"
Mizuki covered his forehead with his hand after being thrown.
It was just that Misaki didn't let himself notice. From the start, this alliance was...
"I, no matter how hard I try, it won't last long. So, I want you to know the joy of being with other people, Mizuki. In that case, after I leave, Mizuki, you should be able to take the initiative to blend in with the crowd. So as an excuse, I propose to form an alliance with you."
Who is this alliance made for? Misaki showed her true purpose to Mizuki who finally found the answer.
No wonder Misaki went to great lengths when she proposed forming an alliance.
Because the alliance proposed by Misaki was established for Mizuki from the start. The little time that was left Misaki was not used for herself in the first place, but for Mizuki, only for Mizuki.
"Well, ever since we went to the fireworks show together, the purpose of being with you has changed… The goal is to want to spend time with Mizuki who I like the most."
Misaki said with a flushed face and a big smile.
Every word she said made Mizuki so happy that he was so overwhelmed that he was about to cry again.
"I won't say anything about changing goals halfway through. That's why I kept it a secret and formed an alliance with Mizuki. Now that I think about it, I'm not asking Mizuki for an opinion at all, it's just a self-righteous idea. You might think, Mizuki, that I was just meddling in your own business…. I'm really sorry if I made you angry."
Misaki in the photo lowered her head deeply.
Mizuki shook his head, knowing that Misaki's apology couldn't be delivered.
"There is no such thing. Thanks to your intervention, I can remember the joy I had with other people. Thank you very much, Misaki."
If not for Misaki's forced help, Mizuki might still be alone today. Lock yourself in the depths of the library. Being able to experience joy that no one else knows is because of Misaki.
If possible, Mizuki wanted to find out earlier—when Misaki was alive, she knew about these things. In that case, I can thank her very well. This was the only regret in Mizuki's heart.
"That's all my secret. It's much easier to finally confess all my secrets."
As she said, Misaki smiled brightly. Then, as if summarizing the words, she cleared her throat.
"Well, there are a thousand words I want to say to you, but I can do nothing but bless you in the other world. But, I still hope Mizuki can live your life positively."
The Misaki on the screen said so, looking at Mizuki affectionately.
"Since I brought you down, I took the first step. So, I know I'm not qualified to say that. However, even if I don't know what to do, I want to say it. - It doesn't matter! Mizuki! Because of Mizuki, you are someone I can like, a very handsome boy. Mizuki, you must be able to defend strongly. So… don't be sad just because I'm gone!"
Misaki in the picture gives Mizuki a punch while smiling.
The fist stretched out from the other side of the screen defeated all the negativity left in Mizuki's heart beautifully. Damage is the degree of KO with one hit.
"Ah, so I see..."
Mizuki smiled weakly, but agreed.
Yes, Misaki is such a person. Always go all out, and at the same time ask Mizuki to go all out.
If Mizuki killed himself now, even if he saw Misaki there, she would probably turn her back on Mizuki and refuse to see him. She would definitely turn her back... and then cover her face and cry alone.
Also, if Mizuki really couldn't think of going after Misaki, his mother would definitely blame him.
Mizuki didn't want to do anything that would make mom and Misaki sad. Because I don't want to see their sad faces.
"It seems that I can only endure until the very last moment of this world, able to endure under the thoughts of various people."
Mizuki smiled wryly at Misaki on the screen.
This is what the most loved and respected people expect of themselves even if they leave the world. It can't be ignored at all.
In the first place, didn't he tell Misaki herself. Save the things that people left important to you, cherish them in your heart, and move on.
Mizuki had to keep working hard in this world.
Thinking of this, I don't know if it's a coincidence, but Misaki in the photo is also smiling.
"In that case, Mizuki, isn't it time for you to draw your energy as well? ...In that case, I'll calm down..."
"Well, that's true"
Mizuki replied reflexively towards Misaki, who was a little less confident in the end.
"Then what I will say will stop here. Thank you for watching till the end. I will pray for your future happiness in the other world. Come on, Mizuki!"
Saying so, Misaki ended the recording.
He had just gained courage from Misaki, but just when he thought that it would be over soon, he felt lonely and unbearable.
At this time, Misaki suddenly said, "Ah, I forgot to say something". Misaki returned to the camera, showing a smile as warm as the spring sun-
"I, Fujieda Misaki, more than anyone in the world--no, than anyone else in the other world, I like Akiyama Mizuki! I like you the most!!!"
Mizuki suddenly opened his eyes wide and looked at Misaki who was still smiling in the photo. His wide eyes slowly became wet.
"Me too, I really like you."
Mizuki laughed and cried, responding to Misaki's confession.
Satisfied that he had conveyed his final thoughts, Misaki finally turned off the camera and the video playback stopped.
Mizuki turned off the computer, wiped away the tears, and took a deep breath.
The almost insane despair that filled his body had been diluted before he knew it. This was Misaki's voice, and Misaki's smile was the result.
Sure enough, he couldn't beat Misaki no matter what.
Thinking like this, Mizuki finally smiled again after a few days.
"Okay, let's go!!"
Mizuki walked towards the kitchen after urging himself to stand up.
I haven't eaten well today. However, this is unacceptable. Mizuki temporarily soaked himself with a cup of noodles on the rack, and after three minutes of waiting, he started to devour it.
After filling my stomach, my mood became more positive.
Even now, the sadness that Misaki was no longer by his side still lingered in his heart.
But the time for mourning is over. Carrying this sadness, however, we must live positively. As an abandoned person, I continue to walk with my lover's thoughts. Mizuki was already mentally prepared for this.
Mizuki returned to the living room, put the USB flash drive back into the small box, put it in the cupboard, and placed it next to the harmonica.
"Misaki, watch over me in another world, I will work hard until the last second in this world."
Mizuki smiled at the gift Misaki had left for himself.
This was a promise to Misaki—no, it was a promise to the many who supported him.
Mizuki held the oath in his hands, stared at what he was about to do, and closed the closet door.
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