3 Years Later

Everything felt woozy.

My head still rocking when it hit the floor from before. I can still hear myself pant but it felt like I wasn't in my body. Dissociating from the situation at hand as Jake kept ushering me away. We only stopped during the intersection from Abby's room and Ace's room. The same feeling of saliva crawling up my throat made me gag as I held out onto the corner to stop the ground beneath me from swaying. My bat thunking onto the floor as my good hand reached up to grab my face.

Did we do the right thing?

'Yes' the voice cawed again as I bit down on my tongue, 'There Was Nothing You Could've Done To Change This.'

My stomach grumbled again as I shook my head. Instead, trying to stare out onto the ink stained wall to make sense of what was happening. Trying to make sense of each rambling when a pair of blood splattered boots came into view. Achingly, I trailed my eyes upwards to see pained golden eyes. Nick's face conveying an emotion I know too well.

Loss.

"Did you do it?" Jake spoke out, turning quiet near the end as if he regretted asking.

Nick just silently nodded, a sigh falling his lips, as he pulled something out from his pockets. My eyes widening as I caught the still dripping pack of cigs as he made quick work to light one up. The gentle smell of smoke soon wafting through the corridor.

We all fell into silence. The stillness of it all felt comforting yet cold as we stared at each other. A bit lost as to what to do next. Maybe it was because we didn't expect everything to turn out the way it did? Maybe we were still feeling the vertigo of it all? Whatever it was, not a single word was said. Jake soon bounding down the hall, no doubt about to grab as much supplies as needed, as Nick rummaged around in his pockets.

I gulped dryly as I observed the man still left with me. Trailing my eyes over the new cuts and wounds. Abby must've put up a fight no doubt but it seemed he got the upper hand.

"Would you stop standing there, drooling on yourself, and do something?" He suddenly spat out causing me to jump. His eyes, once more, hardened as he finally fished out what he wanted. A single, black marker.

"I-I um..." I mummer as I stepped away from his view. He huffed in response but none the less continued to do as he wish. Heading back the way we came to the walls with less things written on them. The cap twisting off and, soon enough, the sound of squeaking filling the hallway.

In a messy, scrawl like fashion, he begun to write words. Actually no, not words. It was a good bye no doubt.

The sudden feeling of how I was intruding in his moment of mourning dawned on me as I looked away. My body refusing to move, rooting itself deep in the floor, that I could only turn my head. I hated this. I wanted to look away. I wanted to give him what he needed. To deal with this loss as he needed and not have this f.u.c.k.i.n.g stranger standing behind him.

Yet no matter what I did, I couldn't move.

It was only a few minutes that he wrote but it felt like an eternity. Nick stood up as he seemingly read whatever he wrote once over. Like before, his head tilting to the side as he muttered beneath his breath. With one last sigh, he turned to me.

"Here."

He tossed the marker over as he begun to start walking. Not a single explanation leaving his lips as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets. His body hunching over as the slow drags of his footsteps started to fade away.

Thus here I was, stuck in the hallway with this marker in my hand, wondering what to do next. My eyes soaking in the few words Nick wrote, against my will mind you, as I crouched down next to it. I wish I hadn't. I wish I walked away, set the marker down, and just kept going. But that's not what happened.

I sped through what was written. Mentions of old memories and regrets filled the short goodbye causing my stomach to crawl. At the end was the send off, viking-isk, and seemed entirely like something he would do.

'I hope you'll forgive me, Joe and Abbs.

I'll see you in Valhalla.'

My mouth began to shake. The beginning of a frown started to form as I tore away from the good bye message. This led me to look along the wall, to finally make sense of all the scrawls of texts. It was this group's good byes. To all those they met and to those from the paths. What they wished would've happened and what they wanted to say.

I've never felt like such a stranger before. To be standing amongst these walls that mourn those forever gone. Walls that mourn those I'll never meet. Tears prickled my eyes as I took in everything. I wanted to cry. I did, I really did. But it was unfair. There was no reason to. That voice in me hissing at me for even considering that.

'You Don't Know Them. Leave.'

I just nodded as I forced myself to move. To grab my bat and to start going. Yet I paused just as I was near the outskirts of the messages.

Gazing down at the marker, I found myself trudging over to one of the walls. I held my breath as I slowly brought my arm up. Writing four words that I wished I told them. Wish I told Abby for trusting in me, wish I told John for being kind, wish I told Ace for healing me, hell- Wish I told Joseph for providing us shelter. And... What I wanted to tell them before we left.

'Thank you.

I'm sorry.'