A Scale of Sapphire

Erica

I started packing the moment our little meeting was over, everyone did. We had the current locations of several groups of people, but that didn’t mean they’d stay there, and I wasn’t too keen on asking Willow to use her network again. At least, not so soon after the first time. I gathered my things and prepared myself to go home, after a brief hug, Aoife assumed her draconic form and began flying towards the giant, and Cass somehow roped Ethan into helping her find the centaurs. The Fletchers had kids to take care of, so they stayed behind, and Willow wanted to talk with Crab Apple about making the network safer to use, so she stayed behind as well. Honestly, I’d have asked her to stay anyway, not because I doubted her ability to take care of herself, I’d seen what she was capable of on the way here, after all. I was more concerned with the security of the village. Without Willow present to supply them with magic, the plants would struggle to defend the place, and the carnivorous ones might end up lashing out.

As I slung my undersized pack over one shoulder, Willow fluttered up to look me in the eyes.

“Be careful out there, ok? Please?”

I gave her my best bovine smile.

“I always am, Pix.”

“I know…” She zipped over and gave the top of my head a quick peck. “Just come back safe.”

I winked at her, although I’m not sure she realized. Sometimes I forget that my eyes are on the sides of my head, rather than front facing now.

“I’ll see you in a few days, Willow. I promise.”

As I stepped back, I reaffirmed that oath to myself. I’d come back safe, Aoife would too, I hadn’t had near enough time to… get to know my little pix yet, and that was motivation enough.

Ethan

Why had I gone along with this? What was I doing? Why wasn’t I holed up in a dark room with a cheesy romance novel right now?

I knew why, of course, but that didn’t mean I was happy about it. Before I had half a chance to protest, Cass was piling layers upon layers of clothes in my arms, and now I was out, in the sun, on the way to meet centaurs of all people, absolutely swimming in five layers of fabric with an umbrella to top it off. I felt ridiculous.

“I still don’t see why you needed me to come with!” I was walking, hunched over, behind Cass. “I’m a danger to have around, the sun just pisses me off, and the last thing I want to do right now is talk to strangers.”

Cass just kept walking, her massive longsword at her belt, and her well stocked hiking pack secured snugly over her shoulders.

“That’s exactly why you’re coming with me, Ethan. You’re not that dangerous, not if you’re well fed, and it’s high time you realized that. It’s also high time you stopped sulking and became a real part of this community. Don’t get me wrong, I love having you around, and I think I make good conversation, but I don’t think I should be the only conversation you get.”

Fuck.

You know the worst feeling ever? When you want to argue about something, but you can’t, because it’s exactly what you’d tell someone in your situation. I wanted to say that I’m different, that I’m the exception, but that just wouldn’t be true. Maybe I did need to start meeting people again. It was just so hard. I had these cravings, a new body, and a lot of trauma just piled on for good measure. How was I supposed to be a functional human(?) being with all that?

Speaking of the whole new body thing…

“Hey Cass? How am I supposed to introduce myself to them?”

This time she actually turned to look at me, clearly confused.

“Well, usually you start with saying hi and the-”

“Yeah, I know that. I just- look at me, do I look like an Ethan to you?”

She stopped walking, a subtle grin playing on the edge of her lips.

“I dunno. You could be, certainly, but I could see other names working for you as well. Why? Are you worried about how they’ll react to your name?”

“I mean, yeah! Of course I am! If we’re trying to be diplomatic, then maybe I should use a nickname or a pseudonym or something…”

Her grin grew wider. I was beginning to feel much less like a predator, and much more like prey.

“Oh really? Well then, what did you have in mind, Evelyn?”

“Well, y’know, I was kind of thinking something like HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!?!?”

“Know what?”

Yep. I was definitely the prey here.

“How did you know what I was about to suggest?”

“You told me.”

“Wha- I never-!”

“When we first met, when I was feeding you, Aoife asked for your name.”

“Did… did I-?”

“You didn’t introduce yourself as Evelyn, no. You said, and I quote, ‘Why couldn’t I have a cool name like Evelyn or Sabrina or something?’”

Oh dear lord. Why did I have to say that? I’d never told that to anyone, not once, but that stupid blood high apparently made me a dumbass who’d just announce his stupid fetish to anyone who’d listen. Oh no no no no no no no no. Cass was gonna hate me. I’d have to leave again. I finally found a home, and now I’d have to leave…

I flinched at a sudden touch, but it was only Cass’ hand on my shoulder. Slowly, the world came back into focus again. Cass knew. She knew from the day I met her, and she hadn’t kicked me out yet. I was ok. Just breathe, Evel- Ethan. Breathe.

“You still with me?”

Cass’ tone was soft and soothing, her touch warm on my cold skin. I could feel the life in her, the gentle thrum of her pulse, the constant flow of delicious blood within…

“Ah. It’s time for lunch, isn’t it?”

I tried to shake off the red haze that was beginning to taint my vision, to no avail.

“I don’t know if I want to have this conversation high, Cass.”

“Then just tell me this, and I want you to be honest with me, if you were given a choice, would you rather be a woman named Evelyn or a man named Ethan? Answer that, and we can shelve the rest till later.”

She sat down in the shade of a tall tree and began rolling up the sleeve of her jacket, beckoning me to sit beside her, as though she hadn’t just asked the most difficult question in the world. It’s not like I didn’t know the answer, I just really didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to admit my perversion to the world.

“I’d rather…” The words caught in my throat.

“Take your time. There’s no rush. Well, I guess your stomach might disagree, but other than that…”

“I’d rather… be… a woman. Too bad I can’t be, right? Instead I’m just a perverted guy with a weird fetish who very effectively buried that shit for decades until you came along. You know what? I really do want to be high right now.”

Class sighted 

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have pushed, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m gonna speak my mind. You can be, if you want to. You have the option to just be a woman, and honestly, I resent the idea that it's some kind of fetish. I happen to care very deeply about a pair of delightful young women whose circumstances are very similar to yours, and it’s not a fetish for either of them.” She extended her arm to me. “And I don’t think it’s a fetish for you, either. As I understand it, your body was completely transformed into exactly what our society would consider a woman, and yet you haven’t masturbated a single time!”

“I- what?”

“Our house has some very thin walls. Trust me, I’d hear. If this were really a fetish, then wouldn’t it be arousing?”

“Uhh…”

“Wouldn’t it?”

“I thought you were supposed to drop it after I answered.”

“And I was gonna, but then you had to go insulting yourself. I’m not gonna stand for that. I happen to like you, after all, and nobody insults my friends. Now drink!”

Ok, hear me out. She was saying a lot of logical stuff right now, and that was frightening. I was emotional, actually, and I wanted an emotional argument, not someone calmly picking apart every inch of my self deprecation.

Fuck.

I leaned down, took her hand gently in my own, and bit her wrist.