Before My Withering

Qi Shu and Wen Yan soon went back. I couldn’t guess what they talked about, and I didn’t even bother to. 

There were only a few people in this world who’d dare to scold Qi Shu in his face, Wen Yan’s one of them. They’ve been friends since young, and Qi Shu had incomparable tolerance for him. 

I personally witnessed Qi Shu wait for the other outside the coffee shop to take Wen Yan home. There’s a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere between them, no room for a third party at all. 

Even at present, these two obviously had an awkward relationship and were displeased with one another, making me feel that my presence is unnecessary.

 

 

I’ve been thinking about it when Qi Shu suddenly picked me up without warning.

Caught off guard as my body soared, I let out a soft cry, and reflexively hugged his neck, my body hung on him like a koala. 

“What are youー”

 

There were so many staff members in the shop. He doesn’t feel ashamed, but I am! 

“Going home,” he said coldly.    

Wen Yan opened his mouth but hesitated, looked at us and finally sighed, “I’ll go back first. Xiao Xiao, take care of yourself.”

 

I felt uncomfortable being held by Qi Shu like this. I had to bid him farewell to him in a haste. “Bye, senior.”

    

When we got back, Qi Shu smoked in the living room. The smell of smoke made me feel sick, so I wanted to go upstairs to rest.

I was stopped by Aunt Zhang when I passed the kitchen. She said that during my absence, she received several express deliveries and placed them in the storage room on the third floor for me. 

 Express deliveries… I remember, I’d once bought baby clothes and toys.

“…Throw it away for me.” The pit of my stomach felt stuffy and I waved my hand wearily.

She was uncertain. “Throw it away?”

“En, throw them all away.” 

At the time I bought it, I didn’t know the child’s gender. I bought two blue and pink clothes. In the end, I never found out whether I was pregnant with a baby boy or a baby girl.

I must’ve done something wrong in my previous life. Now I have to be reminded again and again that I lost my child.

    

P rifqa gfraifrris ecali clutaalwf. Qtfc P kbxf eq, atf rmfcfgs bearlvf atf klcvbk kjr qlamt-yijmx jcv atf wbbciluta kjr cbktfgf ab yf rffc. Ktfgf rffwfv ab yf j vjwq rwfii lc atf jlg, rffwlcuis jr lo la tjv gjlcfv. 

Qlat atf yfvrlvf ijwq iluta,  P wevvis rjk Hl Vte rlaalcu bc atf rboj lc atf mbgcfg, tlr fsfr rlifcais tjculcu ibk, cba xcbklcu ktja’r bc tlr wlcv.    

There were several large and small parcels scattered on the ground. I only glanced at it, and there was a sudden bang in my head.     

 

ーーDidn’t I ask for it to be thrown away?     

I felt a splitting headache as I struggled to sit up.   

Qi Shu raised his eyes when he heard the sound, his gaze dark.    

“What are these…” His voice sounded rough and husky. “Are you pregnant?”

Although it’d been posed as a question, it had no room for doubt.     

If I am pregnant, I wouldn’t throw them away.     

If I am pregnant, it would be somewhat visible if we were to calculate it.   

If I am pregnant, I wouldn’t have surgery to have my gland removed.     

Qi Shu understood. 

“No….” I exerted myself to smile at him, then knelt on the ground and picked up the scattered clothes and toys and placed them into the box one by one.     

“I used to envy other people for having children and buying them toys to playー”    

“XIAO YU!!” He bent down and grabbed my wrist, which forced me to stop.   

I looked up, and was greeted by his bloodshot eyes. Because he strongly asserted, blue veins burst up on his neck.

“Don’t lie to me…” He said hoarsely.     

Lie? When did I lie to him?     

I gave all my heart and spilt my guts to him, and he abandoned it like a shoe.

I spoke of my love and affection, treated him, my benefactor, as a lover, and curried favor with.    

Now that I finally wanted to lie to him once, couldn’t he just cooperate and believe me?     

We stared at each other for a long time. He took a deep breath, released me and stood up. “If you’re unwilling to say it, I’ll go check it myself.”

“Stop, don’t bother.”    

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

 

Isn’t it just pregnancy? It’s gone anyway. There’s nothing I can’t say.

I closed my eyes. “Yes, I was.” 

“What?!” His eyes widened and stared at me in disbelief, then his body staggered. He managed to grab the armrest of the sofa when he almost fell.    

“Was… What do you mean by ‘was’?”    

My heart ached heavily, as if a thousand needles were poking it.     

Despair flooded in, wave after wave, trying to break the dike in my body.  

I desperately want to beg him to stop asking.

But I still answered him as if abusing myself. “Was. It’s gone now.”    

With a thump, Qi Shu fell on the ground.    

A flash of lightning split the darkness, immediately after, countless raindrops pattered on the glass.   

Thunder roared outside the window. In the room, only the sound of our breaths intertwining could be heard.

I slipped my hand in my pocket and clung to the first aid medicine.

When he looked up again, his eyes were red and filled with grief. “How could it be gone…”

Look, he really forgot what he had done to me, and asked me why it was no more.     

How ridiculous ah…    

“Aborted it.”    

I lied to him again.    

This time, he believed it.     

“Do you…. hate me that much?” A tear rolled out of his eye, hit the carpet, and vanished from sight.

“You’d rather kill it than give birth to my child…”    

 

It was the first time I saw Qi Shu’s tears.     

I suffered more than he did. 

I loved him so happily yet in the end, all he left me was pain.

“Remember what you told me?” I raised my hand tremblingly and touched the corner of his eye. “You said you wouldn’t get married or have kids.”

He opened his mouth, but made no sound.

“You didn’t want it, and I didn’t want it, so I just…aborted it.” 

My voice was quiet, all my strength had been sapped out.

Tears rustled down his face. “I thought, I thought…”

Until the end, he did not say what he’d thought.

Or maybe he did, but perhaps I couldn’t hear it anymore. 

Qi Shu and Wen Yan soon went back. I couldn’t guess what they talked about, and I didn’t even bother to. 

There were only a few people in this world who’d dare to scold Qi Shu in his face, Wen Yan’s one of them. They’ve been friends since young, and Qi Shu had incomparable tolerance for him. 

I personally witnessed Qi Shu wait for the other outside the coffee shop to take Wen Yan home. There’s a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere between them, no room for a third party at all. 

Even at present, these two obviously had an awkward relationship and were displeased with one another, making me feel that my presence is unnecessary.

 

 

I’ve been thinking about it when Qi Shu suddenly picked me up without warning.

Caught off guard as my body soared, I let out a soft cry, and reflexively hugged his neck, my body hung on him like a koala. 

“What are youー”

 

There were so many staff members in the shop. He doesn’t feel ashamed, but I am! 

“Going home,” he said coldly.    

Wen Yan opened his mouth but hesitated, looked at us and finally sighed, “I’ll go back first. Xiao Xiao, take care of yourself.”

 

I felt uncomfortable being held by Qi Shu like this. I had to bid him farewell to him in a haste. “Bye, senior.”

    

When we got back, Qi Shu smoked in the living room. The smell of smoke made me feel sick, so I wanted to go upstairs to rest.

I was stopped by Aunt Zhang when I passed the kitchen. She said that during my absence, she received several express deliveries and placed them in the storage room on the third floor for me. 

 Express deliveries… I remember, I’d once bought baby clothes and toys.

“…Throw it away for me.” The pit of my stomach felt stuffy and I waved my hand wearily.

She was uncertain. “Throw it away?”

“En, throw them all away.” 

At the time I bought it, I didn’t know the child’s gender. I bought two blue and pink clothes. In the end, I never found out whether I was pregnant with a baby boy or a baby girl.

I must’ve done something wrong in my previous life. Now I have to be reminded again and again that I lost my child.

    

P rifqa gfraifrris ecali clutaalwf. Qtfc P kbxf eq, atf rmfcfgs bearlvf atf klcvbk kjr qlamt-yijmx jcv atf wbbciluta kjr cbktfgf ab yf rffc. Ktfgf rffwfv ab yf j vjwq rwfii lc atf jlg, rffwlcuis jr lo la tjv gjlcfv. 

Qlat atf yfvrlvf ijwq iluta,  P wevvis rjk Hl Vte rlaalcu bc atf rboj lc atf mbgcfg, tlr fsfr rlifcais tjculcu ibk, cba xcbklcu ktja’r bc tlr wlcv.    

There were several large and small parcels scattered on the ground. I only glanced at it, and there was a sudden bang in my head.     

 

ーーDidn’t I ask for it to be thrown away?     

I felt a splitting headache as I struggled to sit up.   

Qi Shu raised his eyes when he heard the sound, his gaze dark.    

“What are these…” His voice sounded rough and husky. “Are you pregnant?”

Although it’d been posed as a question, it had no room for doubt.     

If I am pregnant, I wouldn’t throw them away.     

If I am pregnant, it would be somewhat visible if we were to calculate it.   

If I am pregnant, I wouldn’t have surgery to have my gland removed.     

Qi Shu understood. 

“No….” I exerted myself to smile at him, then knelt on the ground and picked up the scattered clothes and toys and placed them into the box one by one.     

“I used to envy other people for having children and buying them toys to playー”    

“XIAO YU!!” He bent down and grabbed my wrist, which forced me to stop.   

I looked up, and was greeted by his bloodshot eyes. Because he strongly asserted, blue veins burst up on his neck.

“Don’t lie to me…” He said hoarsely.     

Lie? When did I lie to him?     

I gave all my heart and spilt my guts to him, and he abandoned it like a shoe.

I spoke of my love and affection, treated him, my benefactor, as a lover, and curried favor with.    

Now that I finally wanted to lie to him once, couldn’t he just cooperate and believe me?     

We stared at each other for a long time. He took a deep breath, released me and stood up. “If you’re unwilling to say it, I’ll go check it myself.”

“Stop, don’t bother.”    

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

 

Isn’t it just pregnancy? It’s gone anyway. There’s nothing I can’t say.

I closed my eyes. “Yes, I was.” 

“What?!” His eyes widened and stared at me in disbelief, then his body staggered. He managed to grab the armrest of the sofa when he almost fell.    

“Was… What do you mean by ‘was’?”    

My heart ached heavily, as if a thousand needles were poking it.     

Despair flooded in, wave after wave, trying to break the dike in my body.  

I desperately want to beg him to stop asking.

But I still answered him as if abusing myself. “Was. It’s gone now.”    

With a thump, Qi Shu fell on the ground.    

A flash of lightning split the darkness, immediately after, countless raindrops pattered on the glass.   

Thunder roared outside the window. In the room, only the sound of our breaths intertwining could be heard.

I slipped my hand in my pocket and clung to the first aid medicine.

When he looked up again, his eyes were red and filled with grief. “How could it be gone…”

Look, he really forgot what he had done to me, and asked me why it was no more.     

How ridiculous ah…    

“Aborted it.”    

I lied to him again.    

This time, he believed it.     

“Do you…. hate me that much?” A tear rolled out of his eye, hit the carpet, and vanished from sight.

“You’d rather kill it than give birth to my child…”    

 

It was the first time I saw Qi Shu’s tears.     

I suffered more than he did. 

I loved him so happily yet in the end, all he left me was pain.

“Remember what you told me?” I raised my hand tremblingly and touched the corner of his eye. “You said you wouldn’t get married or have kids.”

He opened his mouth, but made no sound.

“You didn’t want it, and I didn’t want it, so I just…aborted it.” 

My voice was quiet, all my strength had been sapped out.

Tears rustled down his face. “I thought, I thought…”

Until the end, he did not say what he’d thought.

Or maybe he did, but perhaps I couldn’t hear it anymore.