Before My Withering

I thought about it. I hadn’t dared to call directly, so I only sent a few messages to Qi Shu. 

【Senior】

【I’m sorry】 

【Can I go back?】 

He replied quickly this time: 【You can】

I couldn’t help but guess what he’s doing and thinking right now, as the two cold words on the screen held no emotion.

If he’s unhappy, how could I explain that I didn’t mean to disturb him yesterday?

Besides, he didn’t seem to like Xu Xingze that much. Will I only make things worse…

Fortunately, he did not say that he wouldn’t allow me to go back.

I was still thinking about how to find an excuse to get discharged from the hospital when Xu Xingze answered the phone and reluctantly dealt with it. After a few words, he put down his cell phone with black lines shrouding his face and said, “Qi Shu’s secretary said he would pick you up in half an hour.”

After that, he mumbled to himself, “It’s strange. How did he know my phone number?”

I also wondered why they didn’t call me directly. 

 “If you don’t want to go, you can stay in the hospital or go back to school. You don’t have to be afraid, I’m here.” 

“I’d like to…”

Xu Xingze choked for a moment, then sighed bitterly. He looked at my belly and said, “I almost forgot that you’re…”

In fact, I don’t feel much about the little guy in my stomach. After all, it’s only less than two months, so I couldn’t even tell the gender.

I hope it’s a cute beta girl.

The personality shouldn’t be too much like Qi Shu. 

Well… It wouldn’t be good if she’s like me. I don’t have my own opinions and I don’t know people clearly. 

It’s better to be a little smarter like Qi Shu. 

Xiao Wu was constantly on time. If he said half an hour, then it would be half an hour, not a minute too soon. 

He took me home and said that Qi Shu had to work late today. 

As soon as I entered the door, I saw a pair of goose yellow plush slippers on the shoe cabinet that I had never seen before. Regarding the size or the style, it didn’t look like Qi Shu’s. 

It seems that in my absence this week, he wasn’t lonely at all. 

“By the way,” I called Xiao Wu, who was about to leave, and asked, “That omega last time, was it Wen Ziqing?”

Xiao Wu didn’t know how to lie. Knowing that he couldn’t hide it, he had to mutter and admit,  “Yes…”

Sure enough.

“I got it.” I waved my hand, no longer going to continue asking.

After Xiao Wu left, I was suddenly at a loss for words.

When I looked down, I saw those slippers again that were placed on the top shelf of the shoe cabinet, which were eye-catching.

My original mood of expecting to see Qi Shu instantly fell apart.

Strange. Why do people always want to covet things that couldn’t belong to them? Is it really addictive to love someone you couldn’t have? 

If there’s more time, maybe I’ll try my best to win the spot of white moonlight that lasted more than ten years and two months of new love?

But now I don’t have the strength and the heart to fight any more. So what if I win? So what if I get it? It’s nothing more than drinking more soup on the Naihe bridge.¹

It was nearly midnight when Qi Shu came back. With a group of managers under him, there were few things that required him to work so late.

I was sleeping restlessly on the living room couch and woke up when I heard the commotion.

When I opened my eyes, I saw him leaning over to put out half a cigarette in the ashtray, giving me a sidelong glance and asking, “What do you think of my place, hm?”

I was still a bit dazed after sitting up.

Qi Shu’s voice was calm. But the calmer he was, the more it gave rise to a bad feeling.

He sat down next to me, picked up my cuff and smelled it. He hen frowned and said, “I told you before that I didn’t like the smell of another alpha. You’re deaf, aren’t you?”

 “No…” I hastily denied.

He was impatient, “Go and clean yourself up before you talk to me.”

I had no choice but to take a shower first. I washed carefully for more than half an hour. Finally, I thought about it and packed my clothes and threw them into the trash.

When I changed into my pajamas and went out, Qi Shu was still sitting on the sofa. He lit another cigarette, and I wondered what’s on his mind.

There was only one night light in the living room, and it was dim. In the smoke, Qi Shu’s face was a bit fuzzy.

I suddenly felt a strange sense of peace, as if there were only two of us left in the world. There’s no natural chasm of class, no suffering of illness, and no other people mixed in between us.

It didn’t matter if he doesn’t love me, he only has me now.

Such peace didn’t last long. Qi Shu raised his eyes and said faintly, “You don’t have to go to school tomorrow. Someone will help you with the graduation procedures.”

What do you mean… Why…

“But I promised my teacher that I’ll attend the graduation party…”

“I’m not paying you to go out and show your face off.”

He got up and walked over to me and suddenly pressed the cigarette to my collarbone without warning. Even though there was a cushion of fabric, the high temperature still instantly scalded my flesh with a hiss.

The burning pain spread from my collarbone to my whole body; the smell of burning flesh and blood permeated in the air.

I was shaking with pain for a moment, but I also felt a strange sense of pleasure from it.

I could even clearly feel Qish twist the cigarette until the spark was completely extinguished.

“Does it hurt?” His face didn’t change as he threw his cigarette away.

Does it…. hurt? Of course, it hurts.

But this pain was nothing compared to the pain of transplanting the gland.

Whenever I look at Qi Shu, I’ve accumulated so much disappointment that I wasn’t so sad.

This bastard. I’m dying, yet he still refused to be nice to me. 

“Don’t renew the contract if it expires this year.” I reluctantly smiled, “Or you can terminate it early. I can just refund you the extra money.” 

Qi Shu’s eyes darkened. He didn’t speak. 

“You don’t lack bed partners, and now you have Wen Ziqing, so why waste money on me again? I know myself, I’m not worth that price.” I continued to say, holding back the pain. 

After a long silence, Qi Shu suddenly said, “He’s a bit like you when you were 18 years old, and he’s more sensible than you. It’s really useless to keep you.”

Wen Ziqing is like me…? More like he looks like Wen Yan. 

“But I don’t like to take back the money I gave out.”

Qi Shu’s hand was over my collarbone, his posture similar to a lover’s caress. But the next moment, his thumb pressed heavily on my wound. 

The pain was so intense that I was in a cold sweat and I heard him say, “So you still have to listen to me now.” 

…Great, I pissed off Qi Shu again.

I didn’t want to argue.

Qi Shu’s hand was powerful. After enduring for a long time, I finally couldn’t help but grunt in pain. My legs went limp as I fell into his arms, and my forehead accidentally hit his shoulder. 

“It hurts…. Qi Shu…”

According to past experience, if you don’t want to suffer more, it’s better to be soft than hard-mouthed. 

 “It’s good to know that it hurts.” Qi Shu finally spared me and asked, “What are you doing at the hospital today?” 

“Fever…”

“Oh? Do you really have a fever?” He didn’t seem to believe me and tested my forehead with his lips.

It’s like a kiss.

I’m used to Qishu’s practice of slapping then giving a sweet date,² saying, “I’m not burning anymore.” 

 “What did the doctor say?”

“The doctor said…it’s just a cold. It doesn’t matter.”

Qi Shu hummed and stopped asking.

He didn’t really care about me, otherwise he wouldn’t be unaware of my abnormal state during this period.

Asking a few questions was already considered charity. I should be satisfied.

The burn still hurts, but the headache and heart palpitations that have been tormenting me these days were relieved by being near Qi Shu. 

An omega’s biggest disadvantage was that once marked or pregnant, it could never leave its alpha.

Now I couldn’t tell whether I was still psychologically attached to Qi Shu or whether it’s just my physical instinct that made me have to rely on him.

It doesn’t matter. I’ve been living in a muddle for more than 20 years. What does it matter if I wouldn’t be sober in the last few months?

I’m not smart after all.

I thought about it. I hadn’t dared to call directly, so I only sent a few messages to Qi Shu. 

【Senior】

【I’m sorry】 

【Can I go back?】 

He replied quickly this time: 【You can】

I couldn’t help but guess what he’s doing and thinking right now, as the two cold words on the screen held no emotion.

If he’s unhappy, how could I explain that I didn’t mean to disturb him yesterday?

Besides, he didn’t seem to like Xu Xingze that much. Will I only make things worse…

Fortunately, he did not say that he wouldn’t allow me to go back.

I was still thinking about how to find an excuse to get discharged from the hospital when Xu Xingze answered the phone and reluctantly dealt with it. After a few words, he put down his cell phone with black lines shrouding his face and said, “Qi Shu’s secretary said he would pick you up in half an hour.”

After that, he mumbled to himself, “It’s strange. How did he know my phone number?”

I also wondered why they didn’t call me directly. 

 “If you don’t want to go, you can stay in the hospital or go back to school. You don’t have to be afraid, I’m here.” 

“I’d like to…”

Xu Xingze choked for a moment, then sighed bitterly. He looked at my belly and said, “I almost forgot that you’re…”

In fact, I don’t feel much about the little guy in my stomach. After all, it’s only less than two months, so I couldn’t even tell the gender.

I hope it’s a cute beta girl.

The personality shouldn’t be too much like Qi Shu. 

Well… It wouldn’t be good if she’s like me. I don’t have my own opinions and I don’t know people clearly. 

It’s better to be a little smarter like Qi Shu. 

Xiao Wu was constantly on time. If he said half an hour, then it would be half an hour, not a minute too soon. 

He took me home and said that Qi Shu had to work late today. 

As soon as I entered the door, I saw a pair of goose yellow plush slippers on the shoe cabinet that I had never seen before. Regarding the size or the style, it didn’t look like Qi Shu’s. 

It seems that in my absence this week, he wasn’t lonely at all. 

“By the way,” I called Xiao Wu, who was about to leave, and asked, “That omega last time, was it Wen Ziqing?”

Xiao Wu didn’t know how to lie. Knowing that he couldn’t hide it, he had to mutter and admit,  “Yes…”

Sure enough.

“I got it.” I waved my hand, no longer going to continue asking.

After Xiao Wu left, I was suddenly at a loss for words.

When I looked down, I saw those slippers again that were placed on the top shelf of the shoe cabinet, which were eye-catching.

My original mood of expecting to see Qi Shu instantly fell apart.

Strange. Why do people always want to covet things that couldn’t belong to them? Is it really addictive to love someone you couldn’t have? 

If there’s more time, maybe I’ll try my best to win the spot of white moonlight that lasted more than ten years and two months of new love?

But now I don’t have the strength and the heart to fight any more. So what if I win? So what if I get it? It’s nothing more than drinking more soup on the Naihe bridge.¹

It was nearly midnight when Qi Shu came back. With a group of managers under him, there were few things that required him to work so late.

I was sleeping restlessly on the living room couch and woke up when I heard the commotion.

When I opened my eyes, I saw him leaning over to put out half a cigarette in the ashtray, giving me a sidelong glance and asking, “What do you think of my place, hm?”

I was still a bit dazed after sitting up.

Qi Shu’s voice was calm. But the calmer he was, the more it gave rise to a bad feeling.

He sat down next to me, picked up my cuff and smelled it. He hen frowned and said, “I told you before that I didn’t like the smell of another alpha. You’re deaf, aren’t you?”

 “No…” I hastily denied.

He was impatient, “Go and clean yourself up before you talk to me.”

I had no choice but to take a shower first. I washed carefully for more than half an hour. Finally, I thought about it and packed my clothes and threw them into the trash.

When I changed into my pajamas and went out, Qi Shu was still sitting on the sofa. He lit another cigarette, and I wondered what’s on his mind.

There was only one night light in the living room, and it was dim. In the smoke, Qi Shu’s face was a bit fuzzy.

I suddenly felt a strange sense of peace, as if there were only two of us left in the world. There’s no natural chasm of class, no suffering of illness, and no other people mixed in between us.

It didn’t matter if he doesn’t love me, he only has me now.

Such peace didn’t last long. Qi Shu raised his eyes and said faintly, “You don’t have to go to school tomorrow. Someone will help you with the graduation procedures.”

What do you mean… Why…

“But I promised my teacher that I’ll attend the graduation party…”

“I’m not paying you to go out and show your face off.”

He got up and walked over to me and suddenly pressed the cigarette to my collarbone without warning. Even though there was a cushion of fabric, the high temperature still instantly scalded my flesh with a hiss.

The burning pain spread from my collarbone to my whole body; the smell of burning flesh and blood permeated in the air.

I was shaking with pain for a moment, but I also felt a strange sense of pleasure from it.

I could even clearly feel Qish twist the cigarette until the spark was completely extinguished.

“Does it hurt?” His face didn’t change as he threw his cigarette away.

Does it…. hurt? Of course, it hurts.

But this pain was nothing compared to the pain of transplanting the gland.

Whenever I look at Qi Shu, I’ve accumulated so much disappointment that I wasn’t so sad.

This bastard. I’m dying, yet he still refused to be nice to me. 

“Don’t renew the contract if it expires this year.” I reluctantly smiled, “Or you can terminate it early. I can just refund you the extra money.” 

Qi Shu’s eyes darkened. He didn’t speak. 

“You don’t lack bed partners, and now you have Wen Ziqing, so why waste money on me again? I know myself, I’m not worth that price.” I continued to say, holding back the pain. 

After a long silence, Qi Shu suddenly said, “He’s a bit like you when you were 18 years old, and he’s more sensible than you. It’s really useless to keep you.”

Wen Ziqing is like me…? More like he looks like Wen Yan. 

“But I don’t like to take back the money I gave out.”

Qi Shu’s hand was over my collarbone, his posture similar to a lover’s caress. But the next moment, his thumb pressed heavily on my wound. 

The pain was so intense that I was in a cold sweat and I heard him say, “So you still have to listen to me now.” 

…Great, I pissed off Qi Shu again.

I didn’t want to argue.

Qi Shu’s hand was powerful. After enduring for a long time, I finally couldn’t help but grunt in pain. My legs went limp as I fell into his arms, and my forehead accidentally hit his shoulder. 

“It hurts…. Qi Shu…”

According to past experience, if you don’t want to suffer more, it’s better to be soft than hard-mouthed. 

 “It’s good to know that it hurts.” Qi Shu finally spared me and asked, “What are you doing at the hospital today?” 

“Fever…”

“Oh? Do you really have a fever?” He didn’t seem to believe me and tested my forehead with his lips.

It’s like a kiss.

I’m used to Qishu’s practice of slapping then giving a sweet date,² saying, “I’m not burning anymore.” 

 “What did the doctor say?”

“The doctor said…it’s just a cold. It doesn’t matter.”

Qi Shu hummed and stopped asking.

He didn’t really care about me, otherwise he wouldn’t be unaware of my abnormal state during this period.

Asking a few questions was already considered charity. I should be satisfied.

The burn still hurts, but the headache and heart palpitations that have been tormenting me these days were relieved by being near Qi Shu. 

An omega’s biggest disadvantage was that once marked or pregnant, it could never leave its alpha.

Now I couldn’t tell whether I was still psychologically attached to Qi Shu or whether it’s just my physical instinct that made me have to rely on him.

It doesn’t matter. I’ve been living in a muddle for more than 20 years. What does it matter if I wouldn’t be sober in the last few months?

I’m not smart after all.