Crocodile Tears

"Sister, why are you still kneeling? Father has left already." Her voice was as pure as a mountain stream, untouched by the horrors of reality.

As she approached, the sweet scent of peony drifted through the air, matching her rosy makeup. She offered me her hand, her eyes sparkling as she towered above me. Though she was about my height, from my angle, she appeared as a goddess framed by all the riches in the world.

I set my hand on hers. "Oh!" She immediately recoiled, taking a few steps back as if I had pricked her. Her voice suddenly went up an octave. "Sister, why is your hand so… coarse! Maid, come cleanse my hand and reapply some peony balm."

During this process, I had already helped myself up from the floor, only almost tripping once due to the unfamiliar texture of the carpeted ground. Now standing up, I recollected my senses and observed my new sister. Was there a sense of hostility? Her actions all pointed in that direction, but her eyes betrayed no discernible sense of malice.

"Let me show you around the garden!" she chirped as if nothing had happened. Or maybe the balms had just brought her second life. "It'll be surely a different sight from what you're used to seeing when you work in the fields!" She began walking out, multiple servants and maids trailing carefully behind her.

But I dashed forward and stopped her by the door. "Working in the fields?"

"Oh, don't worry about hiding it. Everyone knows by now!" She gestured toward the small crowd trailing behind her, and each person in turn nodded. "That's why Father is so hesitant towards marrying you off. The Palace is no place for … what do you call it again? Sowing the weeds?"

Her words cut into my heart. Before I could even retort, she was talking again. "Come on, let me show you around!" She pulled on the sleeve of my dress, and oddly enough, she didn't react to the bad quality of the cloth. Its texture was surely rougher than the calluses on my hands.

A carefully-painted tea set was already prepared and set in the intricately-designed pagoda. All around, flowers were blooming, fighting to show their beauty to the world. Around the pagoda was a ring of peach blossoms, their petals coating the ground in a heavenly gown of white and pink. It was paradise.

As we sat down, per habit and courtesy, I motioned to pour her a cup of tea. Instead, she exclaimed that it was no work for a princess.

"I think I would like my wedding procession to take place on a street lined by peach blossoms," she sighed dreamily without any context. "Father has already promised that I could pick my own husband by holding a fun little competition. Sister, you must help me think of some questions to ask before you leave!"

Her careless words deepened my invisible wounds, and I could feel my body gradually tense up. She cast a casual sideways glance at me and smiled as if she was pleased with my reaction.

In such a time, even commoner's daughters could not risk marrying for the sake of love and had to consider familial alliances. Yet she, a princess who should give back to the nation and its citizens, could wed as she pleased.

It suddenly dawned on me. I was summoned back only because the emperor took pity on her and didn't want to force her to wed. A twisted smile crawled up my lips, but I hid it in time. However, her words only further confirmed my suspicions.

"But I'm truly jealous of you. Your future husband, the Prince of Jin, is said to be so excruciatingly handsome and talented!" She feigned swooning over, but her eyes carefully followed any slight change in my displayed emotions. "I only wish Father wouldn't be so doting on me and allow me to wed in place of you! I had begged him to let me help the state of the kingdom, but it was all to no avail!"

How foolish I was to think I was needed by the nation when I was only a cheap replacement for the favored daughter. I stood up, tired of listening to her endless exclamations.

"I'm also glad that I'm the one arranged for the alliance. If you went, I doubt the Northern prince would spoil you as our emperor does." I allowed my before-natural smile to slip to match hers, bright but with no temperature nor actual emotion. "Perhaps that is why he thought you unsuitable for such an important marriage. My humble apologies for my lack of manners. By 'he,' I meant Father Emperor." I made sure to emphasize the last two words before exiting the pagoda.

I never saw the expression on her pretty face after I left; for, I never turned back. However, I did hear the crisp sound of porcelain shattering.

As soon as I was a reasonable distance away, I realized my idiocy. This garden seemed never to end, and I was quite certainly lost.

"Sister, Sister!" a boyish cry sounded from behind me. Footsteps and slight panting accompanied the voice. "Your legs are too long for me to catch… up… Wait for me!"

I turned around to see a little figure dash towards me, barely stopping in time before fully crashing into my body. Well, to be more exact, he slid to a halt by the tip of my shoes, and I lent him a steadying hand.

"Little child, what are you doing?" He was adorable, his eyes dazzling with innocence, so I couldn't help but ask as soon as he caught his breath.

He tidied his robes and flashed me a toothless smile. His two front teeth were gone. "Sister, Sister, come with me. Mother has been waiting for you!" He reached for my hand with his chubby one and firmly grasped it, exclaiming, "Sister, your hand is so warm!" I was startled by his immediate intimacy.

Unlike Princess MingZhu's words, his were sincere, making me feel the closest to home since I entered this foreign palace. Somehow, when he called me Sister, I did not doubt that he was my blood kin. We began walking, and the blinding glamor of the garden flowers dulled a bit to become almost similar to the herbs I was used to collecting.

"I'm A'Yu by the way, but there's no need for you to introduce yourself. I've heard all about you. Whenever Mother gets a letter back, I would always be there to read it with her. Though Father Emperor has a lot of children, Mother has just you and me now." He looked at me a bit guiltily and batted his eyelashes. "I know a lot about you that I'm not sure you would want me to know."

But in just a second, his attitude switched for seriousness as the smile on his face disappeared. "I know you're still disturbed by Princess MingZhu, but don't worry, we aren't all like that."

I couldn't help but stare at him. He was at most seven years old? He seemed to sense my discomfort and lowered his voice.

"The truth is, she wasn't the only one to be considered for the alliance. There are three princesses of potential age here, but when the diviners matched all of their fates with that of the Sui prince, the results were all the same. If they were sent to the North, it would spell great doom for the marriage."

Suddenly, his face lit up again, and he began to swing our linked hands back and forth. "Look, there's a butterfly over there!" He pointed to one of the bushes. There was a pair of eyes watching.

"What fun is that? Tell me a bit more about how the pastries were!" I exclaimed loudly in a falsely cheerful voice.

From the corner of my eye, I could see the branches rustle as the person left. The little prince looked at me approvingly as if to congratulate me for passing my introductory lesson to the court before continuing the story.

"That was when the officials remembered your existence. Sure, they doubted that it would work, but guess what? After barring out everyone for a day and analyzing the compatibilities of your tokens and such, the Sui fortune teller read that the marriage will be the best match possible! To think, the other three princesses had all been rejected as soon as he met them."

Though that consoled me, it still didn't explain Princess MingZhu's hostility. Had she sincerely wanted to leave behind her home and marry the prince just for his looks? I voiced my concern.

He suddenly stopped and looked around before motioning me to bend down.

"I heard that Father Emperor called her YouShi once when he was drunk," he whispered. "I knew one of her servants, and he told me that she threw an absolute fit that night, screaming that Father Emperor only doted on her because of you."

But the puzzle pieces wouldn't align. From our moment of interaction, the emperor was so aloof towards me. We continued walking in silence.

An elegant but simple palace stood at the end of the path, but I had no time to examine its architecture. The entirety of me was focused on the woman who waited at its entrance.

"Mother!" A'Yu called out, waving excitedly.