Dark Lord Dumbledore

Crystal had taken 200 ninja elves and had started touring every country with a magical town to recruit elves once again, as it had been over six months since her last recruitment drive. Chad had made sure that rumours of her forcing elves to wear clothes only for them to run away and similar stories had been spread around. That was why she was recruiting again, she needed more to free. With the extra 100 Galleon added to the price, too many desperate or greedy folk thought it was the best time to sell.

Two months later, Crystal had bought 524 more elves to join the Noble and Most Ancient House of Peverell. As soon as they were purchased, a ninja elf would pop them to the Godric's Hollow base for Boppy to induct into the ranks as either a ninja, chef, gardener or a miner. Even though there was a lot of crossover with the professions, they were explicitly trained in their chosen profession. And since the ninja and chef elves got special weapons, Chad had to commission elf-sized enchanted pickaxes and garden spades for the two new professions.

But the over £2,000,000 price for the elves and their new equipment was but a drop of water in a pond compared to funds the ninjas raked in from their pillaging. It seems that after being hit, the gangs had either folded and were overrun by new gangs taking over territory or had taken out loans from shady people to recoup losses. Either way, Chad had profited from their business ac.u.men as they seemed to bounce right back when left with drugs to continue to sell. Or maybe it was just the insane amount of profit the drug business turned over.

The thought of selling the guns back to the gangs crossed Chad's mind, but in the end, he decided to keep them to arm his minions in Africa when he started that project. With 130 new dedicated miners, Chad recalled 200 more ninjas and had the now 400 strong ninja team start roaming every city to loot instead of those just housing magical towns. The Godric's Hollow base had been expanded to account for all the new jewellery and weapons, but the sheer scale of loot gathered had needed another storage facility to be built.

Thinking of minions, Crystal was beginning to get a bit haggard with the amount of strain she was under juggling so many jobs, so he might as well gather some lackeys for her. He thought of the new muggle-born recruits that had started flooding in once his ninjas disguised as wizards started offering good money for full-time employment. But they were too corrupted by magical stupidity to help run a company.

Chad wanted beautiful women to help with the face of his company, but with enough smarts to help out instead of hinder Crystal. It was then he had an idea that would take care of recruiting but would also bring some media attention to Elfin Incorporated. There was a British tabloid newspaper called the Sun that was well known for publishing an image of a topless woman on the third page. They were known as page 3 girls and could solve his problems with finding beautiful women to help manage his company. A quick scan of their minds to make sure they were up for the task and then he could send over Crystal for an interview if they were interested.

He could just brainwash them into working for him, but Chad liked to think he was above just kidnapping innocent muggle women, that's not to say he won't be enforcing loyalty if they signed on. He would save his darker side for criminals, enemies and magical retards that could not be left to wander around like a time bomb. It was inevitable that after the year 2000, a stupid Wizard or Witch was going to do something foolish and out the whole community. Chad was under no illusion that he was a 'good' person, in fact, as much as he heaped scorn on Dark Lord Dumbledore, he was pretty similar in morality. But even he liked to draw the line somewhere.

After putting Boppy on the job of collecting issues of this year's Sun newspaper, he got back to studying medicine and how magic could affect it. Soon he would start experimenting with criminal volunteers that his ninjas would find, but he didn't want to end up going all mad scientist and exploding test subjects if he could help it! He would be starting with cosmetic surgery and then moving to more invasive experiments like muscle growth. Medicine really was a fascinating subject, but even after months of study and assimilating all the knowledge he had stolen from experts, he was still nervous about applying it to a live human.

A week had passed, and Chad was now hovering over a sedated but still restrained murderous gangbanger. He had just sent off a list of page 3 girls for the lovely Ms Klere to select any that she liked as they all seemed to be capable, and was now ready for SCIENCE! Well, magical science. He started with the teeth, focusing his mind with Occlumency and commanding them to change with his reality-bending powers. Sure enough, the hideous yellow and crooked chompers gradually turned into perfect white teeth that a dentist would be proud to own! Surely it couldn't be that easy? Chad just used his knowledge of how teeth were formed and what they were made of, then exercised his will over them to perform an operation that would have cost thousands of pounds.

'Well, that's a tick in the win column' Chad thought to himself. He hoped all magic was as easy as that! Other than training his telekinesis, of which he was up to four separate objects at the same time, this was really the first time that he had purposely used magic. Next was to fix up the munted piece of flesh this guy used as a face. It had acne scars, real scars from what looked like a knife and his features just were not natural looking. His eyes were too wide apart, and he had a weak chin and a bulbous nose. No wonder he went into a life of crime, he had probably never had a willing s.e.x.u.a.l partner!

'But doctor Chad is in the house! Ready to fix your cosmetic needs!' he said in a sing-song voice.

Mustering his willpower, Chad set about correcting the cosmetic disaster of a face. With his thorough understanding of how everything fits together, was made of and what needed to be changed, it only took him 30 minutes to finish the magical operation. He turned someone that fell from the top of an ugly tree, hitting every branch on the way down with his face, into a pretty boy. The hardest part had been fixing the fish eyes, but slow and steady bone manipulation and not having to change anything structural had made the procedure straightforward. It was official, Chad was a God!

Flush with success, he started working on expanding the thug's arm muscles, if he could turn a wimp into a Captain America, his minions would be unstoppable. Experimental thug A's bicep started to expand, and his arm gained a third of its size in seconds! Unfortunately, that was when his skin burst and a jet of blood hit Chad in the face. The unexpected surprise caused his focused willpower to lapse with disastrous results. The muscles Chad was developing abruptly increased manyfold and looked like a Bandersnatch zombie out of resident evil. With veins and skin exploding from the sudden explosion of tissue growth, blood was leaking out as if it was severed.

Three hours later and experimental thug A had died from blood loss. Not from the first failed attempt at increasing the mass of arm muscles, he had managed to cut off the supply of blood and repair the arm. No, he had died after the fifth attempt of increasing muscle mass, this time on his left t.h.i.g.h. There were just too many things to concentrate on at the same time when artificially growing muscles with magic. He had achieved the d.e.s.i.r.ed result when he took things exceptionally slowly, gradually working everything at the same time. But this was after witnessing the damage in certain areas from unexpected size increase and continuously having to repair tearing and all sorts of problems created from expanding flesh.

Chad was calling hax on metamorphmagus abilities! It was possible that he was overthinking things and limiting his magic with his scientific approach. But if potions could rapidly increase or decrease muscle mass, then Chad's magic should also be able to. Looking at the pale corpse, he focused his will and commanded the body to be a buff He-Man. And just like that the corpse now looked like a bodybuilder. Looking over at experimental thug B strapped to a nearby table, he focused his will again and repeated the exact same action. Experimental thug B exploded in a shower of blood and gore, causing Chad to puke his guts up in reflex from disgust.

Steadying himself, he mentally commanded experimental thug B to be repaired and not all over the walls, floor and ceiling. A second later, another buff corpse was laying on the table. Why was an alive human harder to change than a lifeless body? It was possible to transform a human into a rock, why was it so hard to give him muscles? It couldn't be about willpower, Chad was significantly stronger than an undefended muggle and forcing a man into the shape of a rock disproved that. Could the soul be interfering?

Walking over to experimental thug C, Chad entered his mind and captured his soul, dragging it back into his own mindscape. The pressure of holding onto a full soul, even a muggle one, was a lot more than pieces of Voldemort's broken soul. Once again, Chad commanded the same action on the still alive but soulless body of experimental thug C. This time, the results were what Chad had been trying to achieve! Returning thug C's soul and strengthening the restraints, Chad inspected every inch of the now muscular body of perfection.

There was no tearing or damage, and from every test he performed, either magical or mundane, thug C was now He-Man!