Dark Lord Dumbledore

Chad cursed in frustration, experimental thug T had just died. After his initial breakthrough with experimental thug C, Chad had been intoxicated with his success and started making grand plans for his security firm. Even more so when he had experimental thug C wake up and test his new strength. But after two days of testing, thug C had started becoming more and more lethargic until he died in his sleep on the fifth night after his magical surgery.

Three more test thugs later, and Chad had narrowed down the cause of death to when he removed the soul, somehow breaking its anchor to the body. The only reason it had lasted for five days, happened because it was the original body and was mostly compatible, even with all the changes. This was disastrous for his new plans, and he had tried to fix the soul anchor problem at the cost of violent criminal's lives. But all was not lost, with each grisly death, he was one step closer to obtaining mastery over the human body with magic.

While he was testing the strength of the connection of the soul to the body, he had resumed his previous experiments with muscle growth and cosmetic surgery. He could now almost effortlessly change anything that a plastic surgeon could, from facelifts to liposuction. He was able to grow perfectly shaped funbags on a man that felt and acted like the real thing and was confident it would be even more manageable on a woman. Luckily, or unluckily as the case may be, those thugs with now-massive b.r.e.a.s.ts had died, protecting the world from macho men with D-cups and saving Chad the effort of changing them back. Not that it would take much effort, it merely weirded him out playing with a man's lady-b.o.o.b.s.

Still, 20 thugs later and he was no closer to a Captain America magic fix. He could buff out any limb after a hours concentration and constant repairs, but then it would be incompatible with the rest of the body and need him to upgrade that, which then led to the next problem. Sure, eventually, he would be able to achieve a desirable outcome. However, it would take many hours of magical surgery and still be riddled with issues like flexibility or straining joints and muscles. Chad's morality was sorely tested, as he had nearly just said 'f*ck it', and tracked down Nymphadora Tonks to devour her soul for the answers.

The Blacks had created a masterpiece in the form of the Metamorphmagus. Maybe there would be some records of their experiments with the soul in their vast 'Dark' library. If only that idiot Sirius had not run off to chase the rat, but Chad heavily suspected Dumbledore's hand in that. How convenient that it played out almost exactly the same as before with the same amount of muggle casualties, the only difference was that now an even more battered rodent would turn up at the Weasley's house. Chad wondered if Percy would still accept a pet rat that was missing an eye, a whole foot and a toe off another.

He laughed at the thought of all those naive fools that thought Dumbledore didn't know Sirius Black was innocent. Dumbledore knew when to send Hagrid (the groundskeeper that can't teleport or use magic) but also refused to go himself, he must have been doing more important things than investigating the death of his Order of Phoenix members and Voldemort. But wait, there was a prophecy that was the reason they were hiding in the first place, what a coincidence! Hagrid then rocked up on Sirius's bike when he handed over baby Harry. If Sirius was a Death Eater, then why would he give a 'filthy halfbreed' his most prized possession and his godson?

At the very least, it warranted a trial. Especially when Sirius was a well-renowned Hit Wizard and Order of the Phoenix member who had even traded blows with Voldemort's inner circle. Plus, you know, the whole mind-reading thing that Dumbledore had been using on his students. Yeah, much more likely the cowardly guy with the rat Animagus is innocent, not the loyal dog Animagus! And yes, of course, Dumbledore knew they were all Animagus, you think he would let his pet werewolf run around unsupervised?

It was also no surprise to Chad that Dumbles would kill off muggles to frame an innocent man, after all, the Dark Lord hated muggles for destroying his family. At the age of six, Ariana, Albus's sister, was assaulted by three Muggle boys. The incident left her permanently traumatised and unable to control her magic powers. Percival, his dad, attacked her assailants in a fit of vengeful rage. This resulted in his arrest and conviction by the Ministry of Magic to be later sentenced to Azkaban where he died. After his mother also died, Albus was resentful when he had to take responsibility for Ariana after the death of both their parents, which forced him to stay at home and abandon his ambitious plans.

The great Albus Dumbledore then fostered a romantic relationship with Dark Lord in training Gellert Grindelwald. They had both planned to lead a Wizarding revolution to end the International Statute of Secrecy and create a benevolent global hierarchical order led by wise and powerful witches and wizards that dominated muggles. When Aberforth, Albus's brother found out what the crazy bastards were up to, he ended up in a three-way duel with them that led to one of them killing Ariana. How someone so traumatised by muggles that she could not control her magic suddenly found the courage to jump into a three-way magic fight still baffled Chad.

Anyway, after killing his sister with a killing curse (you know he did), Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore suddenly renounced his evil ways and became the Leader of the Light! More likely, the evil bastard used the Imperius Curse to make his sister jump into the fight so he could be free of her and reinvent his image as a good guy. He already knew Grindlewald's plans and knew they would never work, so he went the other route of claiming Magical Britain as his own and using proxies to kill muggles.

But this was all speculation, what mattered was he needed to get into the ancestral home of the Black family to read their books! Since Sirius had once again ended up in Azkaban, and Chad was pretty sure he was yet to make Harry Potter his heir, that left only one option. Kreacher. It was now 1986, and Chad had confirmed months ago that Walburga Black had died thanks to the massive Daily Profit newspaper announcement. He had not acted on it yet because he didn't want to deal with an unstable Kreacher, and he was busy playing God with his experiments.

When the Dursleys had gone to bed, Chad had Boppy teleport him over to an empty park on the outskirts of London. Hopefully, it was remote enough that any magic use would go unnoticed. With his team of ninjas securing the perimeter, there was practically zero chance of being seen by curious muggles. They would also serve as protection from the mentally unstable Kreacher if he decided to get physical, the slave magic making him unable to use magic unless in defence of his Master.

With Boppy by his side decked out in his butler uniform and pimp cane, Chad was ready to try and summon him. Gathering his will, he called for the most sinister and haggard-looking house-elf in the Potterverse.

"Kreacher!"

After waiting for a couple minutes with no result, Chad once again called out.

"Kreacher!"

With a pop, a hunched over elf in dirty rags appeared. Instead of innocent and large bulbous eyes like a normal house-elf, Kreacher's were squinty and measuring.

With a surprising command over the English language, Kreacher spoke with a gravelly voice, "Who are you, wizard child?"

"Well that depends on you Kreacher, I am either going to be your new Master or someone that can do you a favour in return for access to 12 Grimmauld Place and its library. It is entirely up to you which one." Replied Chad.

"You want to be my Master? You are probably just a filthy mudblood trying to steal my Lady's things!" Said Kreacher hatefully.

"Nearly, my father was a pureblood, but my mother was a mudblood. I hardly see why that would matter. The idiot Sirius is my godfather, and I will own Grimmauld Place eventually unless he has children."

"Oh, it's even worse! A half-blood and heir of the blood traitor! You will never step foot in the house as long as I live!" The little bugger was working himself up into a racist frenzy.

"Really? Not even if I can destroy the locket that Regulus asked you to? I have already broken one of Voldemort's Horcruxes, another will be child's play." Said Chad, forgetting that he was technically a child.

Kreacher's creepy stare increased tenfold, and he became absolutely still at that little nugget of information. It was the one thing that drove him to keep on living after all his Masters had died, Regulus's final request. Not to mention that no one knew of it.

"You can?" He practically whispered in his hoarse little voice.

"Easily," Chad confirmed. With a gesture to Boppy, his head minion slowly twisted the head of his pimp cane and pulled out the hidden blade in a non-threatening way. "Did I mention that all house-elves that serve me loyalty receive a weapon?"

Kreacher's squinty eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw Boppy's shiny 18-inch enchanted blade. His surprised faced then morphed into one of envy, then thoughtful and finally a decidedly bloodthirsty smile.

"Maybe a half-blood Master is ok, but only if you can destroy the locket!"