Dark Lord Dumbledore

Chad awoke to a splitting headache and the smell of burnt bacon. He was sitting inside an undamaged baby's crib while in front of him was the remains of a bedroom. Luckily, Voldemort must have attacked him from a distance if the smouldering pile of ash was any indicator. How the bedroom was destroyed, but a wand made of wood survived was a total mystery.

The roof was caved in, the room in tatters, but Voldemort's wand was just sitting on the charcoaled remains of his snake-like body. Knowing that he had little time to set his plan in motion, Chad quickly called out for help from a massively overlooked race of pure awesome.

"Potter house-elves I need you!" He called out in a childish voice. Luckily he was reborn into a baby that was one and a half years old. Otherwise, he would not even be able to move, let alone speak!

It had always stuck Chad as weird that Harry Potter never had any Potter elves. If Kreacher could survive in the Black manor without a master, then surely Potter house-elves could. An old pureblood house was sure to have a few house-elves, especially one as rich as House Potter.

With no response, he was getting a bit nervous. It would not be a significant obstacle for his future plans, but it would be irritating to lose out on this free loot. The wands of Voldemort and his 'parents' would come in handy until he could 'legally' buy his own. Not to mention Godric's Hollow was their last retreat and they had spent months hidden here, it would be full of books, money and other valuables. With his growing desperation, he put as much command as he could into his voice.

"Potter house-elves! I need you, come to me!"

Suddenly there was a 'pop' and then in front of him was a spindly child-sized creature dressed in rags. It had worked, an elf had answered his call!

"What does Potter child want with Boppy, he is no longer Potter house-elf." Said the sullen little guy.

"What do you mean no longer a Potter elf? Are you the only house-elf left?" inquired Chad in Harry Potter's baby body.

"The red devil freed us, she said she did not want slaves. Some elves died when the master was killed two years ago, others joined the Hoggywarts." Boppy complained, glaring at the cooling corpse of Lilly Potter.

"There isn't much time Boppy. Since you haven't joined another family, it must be because you are a loyal house-elf! Do you want to serve House Potter once more, with me as your master?" Chad said stroking the little guy's ego. It was plain to see that the little guy was pissed at Lilly for freeing him.

"Yous will let me be a Potter elf again?" Boppy said as tears started to leak from his enormous eyes.

"You will be the head elf because of your loyalty Boppy, but we need to hurry, bad people will come soon."

Quick as a flash, Boppy ran over and grabbed his hand. Chad suddenly felt tired, the little magical energy keeping his tiny body awake after its ordeal was slightly more drained after a bond was made with his first house-elf. Surviving a killing curse, changing souls, Voldemort's soul parasite and Boppy's bondservant connection took its toll on his magical reserves.

"Here's what I need you to do Boppy. First, there is a bad man outside called Peter Pettigrew, I need you to drive him off so he won't come into the house. Don't be seen."

"But Master, I can't use magic on wizards, I can only use it to protect you!" Boppy said, while pitifully wringing his hands, the little guy was devastated he couldn't complete his first order.

"You don't have to use magic, just shout 'traitor' and throw rocks at his head until he leaves. Aim for his eyes and throw them as hard as you can." He suggested.

With a decidedly cruel smile, his new minion poped away to complete his first task. Chad couldn't believe wizards were that stupid as to leave such a massive loophole from the little magical ninjas.

Sure, a magical race not allowed to use magic to harm their 'masters' sounded like it covered all the bases, especially when you factored in house-elves lack of physical strength. But the sneaky little buggers could literally pop behind you and knife you before you even realised you had pissed of such useful creatures. Luckily for wizards, house-elves were as dumb as them, must be a magical side effect.

Chad would have to keep an eye on his intelligence, he didn't want to fall into the same trap that seemed to plague all magical creatures. Even Hermonie, a young witch praised for her intellect, had fallen victim to the mysterious symptom. How she found Ron Weasley attractive as a future husband and provider, was just one example of her loss of ability to think logically.

The silence outside was broken by sudden shouts of traitor and screams of pain. Less than a minute later, Boppy popped back in front of crib holding half a human foot. He was grinning like a loon and looking very proud with his little c.h.e.s.t puffed out.

"I did it, Master, I hit him right in his eye! Stupid fat wizard forgot his foot when he popped away!" Said Boppy, his attitude radically different from how he was a couple of minutes ago. Before he was a sullen free elf, now he was a proud bonded and happy elf. Got to give it to the wizards of old, they knew how to enslave a race properly.

"Good job Boppy, this is why I can trust you to carry out my next tasks as the head Potter elf! I need you to find a safe place that nobody knows about, then I need you to pack up everything inside this house and move it there.

Everything! Start with the three wands, the foot and my parent's bodies, if you can, put a stasis charm on them. Then move all the books and papers, then the valuables. Leave the furniture until last. If you need help, find some free elves that you can trust and have them join the Potter elves." Before Chad could finish his list of orders, he was interrupted by an insecure elf.

"Master wants more elves? Is he not happy with Boppy?" He cried, big raindrop tears falling from his bulbous eyes.

"Boppy, how can you be the head Potter elf if you are the only elf? You are my most loyal elf, but you need elves to order around if you are going to be my head elf! I will need many elves in the future as these stupid wizards don't deserve house-elves. The more Potter elves you command, the more respect as head Potter elf you will have!" Chad reassured his loyal minion.

Once you looked past their ugly exterior, they really were rather cute little guys. His confidence regained, Boppy's eyes were shining with future dreams of ordering around house-elves as the head elf. Chad knew from the Harry Potter books that the little guys could go overboard in their zealousness to help, so he quickly gave Boppy some boundaries.

"I am only young Boppy, so you can only gather enough elves that don't tax my magical reserves." Seeing the enthusiastic elf nodding in the affirmative, Chad continued on.

"Now, after you have moved everything to a safe place, make a cave underground if you want, just anywhere it will not be discovered or damaged by anyone, come find me. If you can't locate me, then the stupid wizards have tried to hide me from you.

Check number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey for me, as muggles might have me locked in their house. But this is important Boppy, you must not be discovered! There might be wards or traps to detect you around the house, so you have to be extremely cautious. If anyone found out that I have elves, they will either kill you or break our bond.

You must be very careful, so we can pay them back when we have the power to announce House Potter to the world." Chad said seriously, making sure that the eager elf understood the severity of the situation.

"Yes, Master, I will be very sneaky! We will punish the bad wizards and be great Potter House again!"

"Good, Good. Before you get started Boppy, vanish all traces of that ash pile. Let them wonder what happened here and if Voldemort is still alive or not. I'm going to wander out on the street to confuse the story." Seeing Boppy dust bust Voldemort, it was time to escape this baby prison.

Moving around in a one and a half-year-old body took a lot of concentration and effort. Suddenly going from 6'5 to 2' was incredibly confusing. Jumping was out of the question, and he couldn't reach the top of the crib. Well, this s.u.c.k.e.d! He was trapped in a baby's crib, this was quite damaging to his ego.

"Ah, Boppy? Could you please pop me to the front door? My body is still too small, and I need your help." It killed a little piece of his a.d.u.l.t self-esteem to admit he couldn't get out of a crib without assistance.

Luckily Boppy was very eager to help his new baby master, and with a weird squeezing sensation, he was at the front door. With only a tiny bit of hesitation, he walked out into the silent night.