FATELESS: A Boy’s Bonds

A Silent Promise

 

As I reeled backward, the world began to change. The cliff-top was suddenly enveloped in a deep, penetrating cold. Even the air seemed to shiver as a haze of white frost swirled between us. The foliage beneath my feet was already freezing, and the clothes on my body were hardening into armor.

“Gahh…?”

Words froze solid in my throat.

The frosted grass snapped and shattered as I fell to my knees in agony, pain shooting through my whole body. Though I screamed, I couldn’t hear my own voice. I felt as if my blood was being frozen solid, as if my internal organs were going to shatter at any moment. Fighting through the terror, I watched as the world spun around me, desperately fighting to regain composure.

Blood dripped from my nose, mixing with the chilled air to turn into a half-frozen slush. An intense pressure had taken hold of me. It was like falling into a freezing lake in the middle of winter. The water rushed forward to meet my falling form and afflicted suffering wherever it touched.

I’m going to die…

My mind was entirely removed from the cliff-top. In the blindingly white sea, the five senses of a human being were useless. I did not know what was happening to my body on the cliff-top, nor did I care. The physical world was wiped away like dust in the wind; the silhouette of my attacker eroded and seemingly vanished from sight. I couldn’t think straight; the frozen water coiled around me like many serpents biting through flesh and into something deeper.

An awful chorus filled my ears, the white serpents cackling at the sight of me.

There was no escaping this. Accompanying the white sea was an impression of inexhaustible hunger, the desire to swallow everything. If left unchecked, I somehow knew that this power would devour the whole world. It wasn’t targeting me, I’d simply crossed paths with a force greater than myself. This was a presence so ancient, so powerful, that it underscored how ephemeral of an existence I was.

Ignorant, short-lived, and fragile.

Something as large as a mountain moved somewhere in the distance, and though I couldn’t hear my own cries, its howl was unmistakable. Whatever it was, I’d been noticed inside of its territory. I was being hunted again.

Then, nothing—

Just as soon as it had come, the white sea parted and revealed a familiar cliff-top. I'd been expelled from the frozen lake, returned to my world. Kneeling on the ground, each breath dying the air white, I struggled to comprehend what just happened. Though it felt like I was temporarily somewhere else, I now found myself kneeling in the same position as before.

Was it a dream?

The excruciating torment of being frozen solid, pierced by serpents with fangs as cold as ice. The blinding whiteness that seared itself into my retinas and erased my very thoughts. That mysterious power, ancient beyond measure, capable of transforming entire oceans into icy wastelands and annihilating civilizations with but a single breath.

A dream? Something so vivid…?

Those memories spilled out of me in the form of vomit, spilling out across the ground. I heaved, tears streaking my face, struggling to calm myself. My body was shaking like a leaf caught in a storm, further still when I remembered the reason I was there.

My gaze left the white ground, searching for the woman. I’d expected to see a madwoman charging toward me, but the truth stole my breath away.

I could barely believe my eyes. The entire cliff-top was glowing in the argent moonlight. More accurately, it was covered in translucent crystal. A low mist hung to the ground and seemed to evade my gaze as I squinted to look at the largest form in the center of the lucent wonderland.

A figure stood on the cliff-top, merely two paces away from where I knelt. Her hand was outstretched toward me, teeth were bared like a beast’s. The dark hair on her head had turned white, and her grotesque right arm was missing. The dark blood that dripped from the stump where her shoulder should have been was frozen in an arc that ended at a similarly frozen puddle beneath encrusted feet.

Placing my hands on the chilled ground, I pushed myself up. Then, I took a wary step towards the frozen woman. My eyes never left hers, hesitant to believe the sight in-front of me.

But she made no attempt to attack.

She gave no response to my approach, nor did she react when I began waving my arms in front of her.

“Dead,” I said, to no-one in particular.

I shook my head, aghast. What in the King’s name happened? A shimmer from above brought my attention to the night sky, and the snow that fell from it. Not a rare occurrence in Geimhread by any means, and a snowstorm could explain the state of the cliff-top. Though there were a few things that made me suspicious.

Namely the fact that I was still alive. If we’d been caught in a snowstorm, how could only I have survived? I glanced over the cliff’s edge, and peered down at the forest below.

The moon illuminated a green expanse, no more snow than what was fitting for the first day of spring. Surely not the wintry palette that now dominated the cliff-top. I didn’t think that a snowstorm could be so isolated.

What could have—

A heavy impact from behind tore me from my thoughts. Something grabbed hold of my body, digging into my shoulders, and pushed me forward. Panic returned to the forefront of my mind as I frantically scrambled to regain my footing, but the snow-covered ground stripped away all purchase.

My lower half went down first, and before I knew it, I was tumbling toward the edge.

Something was wrapped around my torso, constricting. The flesh of my nape felt like it was being torn off, and my back felt warm all of a sudden. I heard a growl from behind my ear, and the situation revealed itself to me.

She wasn’t dead.

I had to wonder if this was a punishment. I cursed indiscriminately as we were pulled deeper into the abyss lying in-front of us, damning the gods and whichever fate had brought me to this point.

Prey and pursuer both flailed as we slid closer and closer to the frosted ridge, an unseen force taking hold of us. Hurtling us toward an untimely demise. My fingers dug into the ground in an attempt to slow our descent, but only came away bloody. The frozen grass shattered in my grip and the snow served to hasten our fall.

The woman clinging to my back seemed unperturbed by this sudden change in events and continued to rend my flesh.

“H-Hey, we’re falling! Do something!”

Even wild animals knew to protect their own lives. Surely this woman, mad as she may be, wouldn’t allow herself to be thrown to a certain death. But the only response that came was a guttural growl as she bit down on my flesh. The pain didn’t even register. My eyes were glued to the ridge, growing closer and closer.

My mind whirled to find a solution, to save myself. There had to be a way, a conveniently placed root, or rock formation. Something to grab onto and hoist myself to safety. But this wasn’t a story full of such conveniences. And I’d never been so lucky.

“—Oh…”

In my desperate attempt to find a means of survival, I’d taken my eyes from the cliff’s ridge. It wasn’t until I stopped moving that realization slammed into me, my heart dropping through my stomach.

Out of time.

It’s a surreal experience, to know that you're about to die. It’s a finality that could make even the mightiest heroes feel helpless. The closing of a chapter. I felt like time was slowing down, even as harsh winds lashed at my skin and a madwoman tore through my flesh.

Is this really it?

All things considered, this was a fitting ending for me.

A life of misfortune and now this? I could only acknowledge the consistency of the theme as we fell. My body was weightless. My insides tousled around inside, and all of the blood in my body rushed to the top of my head. Though my fingers clawed at the air, there was nothing to grab.

Though I screamed, no-one would hear my voice. In the end, all I could do was fall.

In that powerless state, falling to my death while being devoured by a monster in human flesh, I lost consciousness.

~~~

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Those were my first thoughts. My second thought was, of course:

How am I still alive?

Pain shaved away at my nerves, radiating from every part of my body. I hurt in so many places that the agony seemed to coalesce into a blanket, covering my frail body and making the situation seem somewhat bearable. It was almost like being in my bed, back in the village.

My limbs wouldn’t move. I had no way of knowing if they were even still attached. The only thing I knew was that I’d survived the fall. Maybe I’d overestimated the distance from cliff-top to forest, but regardless, the pain made me wish I hadn’t. When I opened my mouth, something wet trickled from between my lips.

Strange.

Gritting my teeth together, I turned my head. Though the world was warped in my tear-stained eyes, I could tell that I was surrounded by trees. There was no sign of my ‘companion’, who’d fallen from the cliff alongside me. Above my prone body, a stream of silvery light sparkled through a break in the canopy.

Did I fall through there?

The forest’s canopy must have somewhat broken my fall. But as I stared up at the moonlight, I realized that the opening in the branches was moving. Upon further examination, everything seemed to be moving.

Strange.

A booming noise echoed through the shifting trees and filled me with the urge to cover my ears.

Bump.

BumpBump.

BumpBumpBump.

The sounds' pace continued to grow as I stared at the spinning world, waiting for it to slow down. My body felt like it was floating, and for a moment, I wondered if I’d begun falling again.

Then, the shifting world disappeared from view, along with the sounds of the forest. Someone had flipped a switch, and all of my senses were snuffed out at once.

The stillness that followed was serene, and there in the solitude of the forest, I resolved to do what I always did in times of uncertainty: to close my eyes and delve into my dreams.

I dreamed of waking up in my bed, staring up at the ceiling and cursing my father’s incessant knocking. I dreamed of another ordinary breakfast alongside my aggravating brother and bewitched family members. Of course, I’d complain and comment on how much I preferred to eat in my room. Father would scold me, saying something like ‘Meals taste better when you eat them alongside those you love, Zavis.’

I would roll my eyes. Lara would giggle, as Mother watched on with a hidden smile.

A typical morning. Why was I dreaming of this? I’d told myself that those breakfasts were an inconvenience, something that I’d rather avoid. Better to stay in bed where none would bother me.

So, why was this my final dream?

For a boy who claimed to despise his life, why was this his final wish? To experience one of those typical mornings again? To sit alongside his family at the table, eating a meager breakfast.

Though, I thought. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad.

Maybe I wasn’t loved as much as Abel, but it wasn’t like I was alone in that. My parents weren’t monsters, and they did their best under the circumstances. For all my complaints, it could have been worse.

But it also could have been better.

If I’d been strong like Abel, they would have loved me more. Maybe that was my final dream. To be loved, to be the center of attention. Maybe if I died in these woods, everyone would finally remember my name.

Would the villagers mourn for me? Cry for me? How would my parents react? Would my death bring down Mother’s icy walls? Would it steal the attention away from Abel, at-least for a while?

Was I bad person for wanting that?

“Oh good. Looks like I did make it in time.”

My inner thoughts were interrupted by a faint murmur from beside me. I opened my eyes and found myself faced with darkness. Opening my mouth to say something, an intense coughing fit wracked at my broken body. With each cough spewed something warm across my chin and now-soiled shirt.

“Don’t bother speaking,” said the voice. “It’s a miracle that you’re still alive.”

The voice sounded close yet distant, as if the sound was moving through water. Something about it sounded familiar, though it wasn’t anyone in my family. A villager, perhaps? Someone who’d come searching for me?

“…I suppose you might have her to thank for that.”

Her?

Though the pain radiating from every part of my body drowned out everyone else, I could faintly feel something beneath me. A pillow filled with small stones rather than feathers, stabbing into my back which was hot and damp.

“Most of your bones are broken, and you have punctured organs. Internal bleeding, hemorrhaging. The power you took from the Plane is the only thing keeping you conscious. Congratulations on your awakening, kid.”

Plane? Awakening?

I had no idea what this stranger was talking about, sentences fractured and jumbled as they reached my addled mind. But some of his statement rang clear: broken bones, punctured organs, bleeding.

Well, I expected this. I’m actually…

“Dying? You’ve never been so lucky.”

As if reading my thoughts, the stranger responded with another odd statement.

“You absorbed a lot of an aspect into yourself,” they continued. “Its keeping you alive for now, but it will leave its mark upon you. Your anima has been irrevocably damaged. From this day forth, you will live your entire life in agony.”

What else is new?

“Don’t presume to know what true agony is,” the voice snapped. “The pain will make you wish that you’d died in this forest, it will make you yearn for the petty inconveniences you’ve scorned for so long. You will pray to go back to those peaceful times, with your family and neighbors.”

I found that hard to believe. So long standing on the sidelines, an observer, knowing that stepping closer or opening my mouth would cause more pain. That was the source of everything—the fear. The fear of being judged, mocked, and ridiculed by those I loved. By those whom I wanted to be loved by. Anxiety that made me wish I was dead, that forced me to remain in my room.

Alone.

“But there is a way to save you from that pain. To make things right. More importantly…”

The hair on my head stood on-end as the voice drew nearer, blood running cold. Spiders danced up my skeleton as an unknown feeling took hold of me. This wasn’t the same as the feeling from when I’d encountered that madwoman, but not all together different.

“I can make your dream come true.”

Those words sent a jolt through my numb body. I tried to sit up, fighting against my own body, but there was a surreal disconnect between my intentions and movements. Another bout of warm liquid spouted through gritted teeth.

My dream? What was it?

The fantasy I’d sunken into only moments before felt like an eternity ago. My addled mind struggled to remain conscious, but the emotions accompanying the dream remained. A longing greater than any I’d felt before in my life.

"You're selfish, Zavis. You curse your mother because you want her to love you most. You hate your brother for circumstances beyond his control. You scorn a world that you’ve only seen from the other side of a window. You want to be the center of everyone's attention, but the thought of rejection terrifies you. You would rather sit in your room and wallow in self-pity than try fixing yourself."

The stranger was understating things, they had to be. Abel’s blessing may have been beyond his control, but he still took advantage of it. My brother didn’t care about the people under his control. He had no empathy to spare, no common decency, his morals eroded by years of unjustified worship. Our parents turned a blind eye to the problems plaguing our family, and I just wanted things to change.

I wanted everyone to stop suffering. That was why I hated Abel, my elder brother.

"How are you any different from Abel?” the voice asked. “You sit around doing nothing, accomplishing nothing, and then you have the audacity to curse your life? If you’re looking to blame someone for what you’ve become, go look into a mirror.”

That was wrong, too. It had to be. Because…

‘If you don’t have friends, then it’s no-one’s fault but your own.’

Who told me that? Someone, recently…

“Have you tried to look at things from Abel’s perspective? From any perspective beyond your own? To understand the pain that he feels? No, because you’ve never cared. You don’t care about ending their suffering. Petty justifications for your own selfishness, trying to excuse the envy that’s burning in your heart. The desire to be strong, to be loved, to be the focus of attention.”

Those words hit me like a sledgehammer. Envy?

Was I envious? Of course I was. I’d been envious from the moment I’d seen Mother’s faltering smile upon my birth. I’d wished for her to love me like she did the others.

I wished to be handsome and strong like Abel, to be everyone’s favorite. I wanted the girls to fawn over me and the boys to be my friends. I wanted to win competitions, earning awards and admiration. I wished to be kind and considerate like Lara.

I wished to be anyone besides myself.

After years of disappointment, I’d come to resent my family. Treated like I was lesser for so many years, who could blame me for questioning my worth? What was the point if I could never be as loved as my brother? What was the point in trying if I was doomed to fail?

There was no point in leaving my bed if it was going to hurt me. To stay in those blankets, to dream of a life unlived. A journey that would never come, full of adoration and wonder. Everyone would be happier if I’d just stayed in those blankets, remained in those dreams.

"Not quite,” the stranger said. “Everyone would be happier if you were dead, Zavis."

My thoughts came to a halt, frozen.

"Don’t blame yourself. It’s just bad luck, really. Your existence is a curse upon those around you. They would all lead much happier lives without you.”

A curse.

Was that why Mother hated me so much? Was that why she'd been so disappointed when she'd first held me? Was that why the villagers regarded me as a freak, why nothing in my life seemed to go right?

"Don't despair, Zavis. As I said, I can make your dream come true. I can give you the reins to this story, and all you have to do is make one little promise.”

Though I turned to face the stranger, I couldn’t see more than murky darkness. Everything was fading.

"I want you to promise me that you’ll do better.”

Much of what happened afterward is a blur, like a forgotten dream. Clinging to some desperate hope that this stranger’s words wouldn’t be the last I’d hear, my lips parted. More blood streamed out from between them. I couldn’t speak, but they moved nonetheless.

A silent promise left my lips, and a blissful sleep claimed me.