Hessian Does A Thing

"So... what brings a girl like you all the way out here?"

Within the palace of the underworld, which was formerly a wasteland. Sat two figures on a dining table surrounded by purple and pink flowers.

"Aaaaaaahhh."

"True enough"

Obviously it was Hessian and Tiamat on their agreed date within the underworld. How and why did Interdimensional Tinder set the date in the underworld? Who knows. Even the young magician didn't know how regular Tinder worked. Hessian was topless since he found out his date wasn't capable of putting on a shirt with her hands bound.

In a burst of flowers, Merlin appeared at the table holding a pitcher of water in a tuxedo.

"What can I get you two lovebirds on this fine night?" He put on his patented business smile as he prepared to take their orders

"I'll take the Wyvern steak with Gazer drop soup and Vampire wine." apparently enemy mobs were edible.

"Aaaaaahh?" Tiamat seemed to give a questioning sound

"You got a point, change the soup to a salad" Hessian spoke as if he was able to understand her speech. He probably could since he was capable of understanding berserker speech.

"Aaaaah, aaaaaaaaaahhhh. Aaaaaaaaah!"

"A fine choice milady." Merlin spoke as if he also understood. "It should be ready shortly, until then enjoy our complimentary garlic bread." he said as he disappeared in a wave of flowers

"So, tell me about yourself." Hessian asked as he took a piece of bread

"Aaaaaah."

"Fair enough, I'll start" he raised his hands in surrender

∞

Within the kitchen

"Steel yourselves! For you lot have the fate of Uruk rested upon your shoulders!" King Gilgamesh in a Chef hat spoke as he gazed around the room at his remaining soldiers that stayed behind.

"The Chaldean will do his part and woo the Beast, but he is not alone!" he spoke as a display of the date showed up on a screen "For it is our job to make sure that everything about this goes perfectly! Tonight a god will be laid!"

"OOOOoooHHHH!" war cries erupted as the guards that were now in cooking outfits raised their cookware.

"Hola! I came with the meat!" The door opened as Quetzalcoatl dragged in a cart of dead wyverns

"I'm here with Kuku too!" the Taiga demi-servant added as she dragged in dead vampires

Merlin appeared in a burst of flowers as he gravely spoke

"The first order is here"

The faces of the men in the room did not look like they were about to begin cooking. Instead it looked as if they were about to head to the front lines.

∞

Within an undisclosed location

"H-hic" the underworld goddess blew her nose on a tissue as she hugged a Hessian doll.

"Come on, aren't you being a little over dramatic about this?" Ishtar sighed as she patted her sister's back

"If it makes you feel any better, I believe Senpai cares about you a lot since he didn't try to molest you at all since you two first met." Mash added from the side

"B-but, I want a date too... We just got together and he goes and ChEAtS ON mE WitH SOmE BITCH!?" her voice began to distort until Ishtar smacked her over the head

"Relax, he's just very casual about his s.e.x life."

"I don't want to hear that from someone who f.u.c.k.e.d a horse"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

"Ishtar-san please." Mash tried to defuse the situation

The door was then kicked open as a familiar young magician stepped in and threw the Venus Goddess out. He then stepped towards Ereshkigal and placed his hands on her shoulder.

"Eh? What?"

"I was serious about the threesome thing" He spoke with a completely serious face

"Aaaaaaah!"

"She's fine with it too." he added as he thumbed towards the primordial milf "Mash close the door!" he ordered his demi-servant

"Yes, Master!" she did just that as she left the trio in the room to guard the entrance from any intruders.

"W-wait! I'm not ready for this!" Ereshkigal yelled as her face became red when she processed the situation

"Are we ever truly ready!?" he spouted philosophical bullshit

"Aaaaaaaaah"

"That's the spirit!"

The following 12 hours were filled with non-stop steamy and kinky debauchery of two goddesses and one magician.

∞

Seated within the Temple of Time was the Goetia in Solomon's body. He seemed to be contemplating as he had finally experienced true emotion for the first time. The emotion of confusion, yes he was truly confused as he watched Humanity's last Master plow his way through all seven singularities with such unfathomable methods.

Now he had just found out that the Master called Hessian had completely defeated Tiamat through some unknown method. What the hell was Interdimensional Tinder!? Where do these random men in suits keep appearing from!? and Just how powerful is this human?!

"Goetia! The seventh singularity is gone!" Flauros spoke as he came through the room

"I know, we have all been watching."

"Shall we end this and destroy Chaldea now?" he asked for confirmation

Goetia was silent for a moment. This True Magician was a complete anomaly at the moment. He had come out of nowhere and trounced every obstacle with such ease that Goetia felt doubt at being able to defeat him. However they are the 72 demon gods, they cannot be defeated so easily. But even with his clairvoyance from Solomon that allowed him to see the future and past. He could not discern it whenever the human known as Hessian was involved.

"Yes, it is time to end this once and for all." Goetia decided as he felt that the sooner he finishes this, the sooner he can relieve himself of these emotions. One part of him was happy that he could feel something, the rest was just confusion and doubt.

"Very well, everyone is in position. We will bring Chaldea here and end this farce." Flauros said as he left to do his part

*CRACK*

Flauros stopped as Goetia looked up to the space above him as his confusion intensified. The crack within the space above the throne became wider until it completely shattered open.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The familiar voice of Tiamat, Beast II. reverberated through the Temple, as the giant body of the Beast of Regression squeezed through the crack into their domain.

"Reporting! spatial tears are appearing throughout our domain! The mud is seeping through and the Lahmus are appearing from the mud!" another demon god reported through their link

"GO GETEM KIDS!" the familiar voice of Humanity's last Master could be heard as he directed the Lahmu. Supposedly after banging Tiamat, he became the father of all Lahmu and demonic beasts.

"KEHEHEAHAHAHAHAHA!" the incessant annoying laughter could be heard all over the temple.

Hessian turned to look at Goetia from ontop of Tiamat's massive body. He pointed at the Demon god and shouted "THAT'S THE GUY THAT'S BEEN MESSING WITH ME HONEY!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Truly his methods were inconceivable.

And that is how the young magician known as Hessian Aversis von Schweinorg defeated Solomon and saved the world.