Him And Her - An Odd Story

HER – WORKED TO THE BONE

Aya led Tyson to a downtown part of the city, filled to brim with high-rising skyscr.a.p.ers, office and management buildings and parked cars which made him drool in envy. Aah, I really hope mom doesn't say anything weird… Aya thought, sighing inwardly. He probably already thinks I'm weird enough…

"So, where does your mom work anyway? Are you a rich lady per chance?" Tyson asked as the two moved in-between the skyscr.a.p.ers.

"She's in upper management or something in a bank," Aya said casually. "I wouldn't say I'm a rich lady, though."

"Wow. So you're part of the problem!" Tyson exclaimed.

"Don't tell me you're one of those conspiracy nutjobs." Aya said.

"No, no, of course not. I'm a proper detective of the shady!"

"You should investigate yourself first, then."

"Ouch. And I already did; there's enough conclusive evidence to prove I'm a prim and proper youth." Tyson said, smiling.

"Wow, you must suck at being a detective then."

"Anyway, why am I carrying boxes?" Tyson asked, glancing left and right.

"They're relocating to the upper floors," Aya said. "And elevator got busted yesterday."

"… I think you just said something really dangerous. I must have misheard."

"Elevator got busted yesterday."

"… ah, is that so." Tyson said, sighing dejectedly. "Just in case, I'd like you to play Sounds of Silence at my funeral. Whichever version."

"You're not complex enough for that song." Aya said casually.

"Oi, at least grant me a dying wish!"

"You won't be dying though."

"Everybody dies."

"No way." Aya said, parting her lips in shock. "What about Immortals?! Angels?! Gods? Devils?!"

"I'll bedevil you if you keep up with bad sarcasm! Sarcasm is art, young lady! Art of mockery passed down onto the worthy by the wise--"

"We're here," Aya interrupted his theatrics as they arrived in front of a fifteen story building. "Ah, just thought you should know: current office is at the third floor… relocated one is at the thirteenth."

"F.u.c.k me dead…"

"We're just about to. Tehe."

"I'll throw you out the window!"

"Aah, is that your roundabout way of saying that my figure is slim?" Aya asked, smirking.

"Yeah, everything about it really. Even things that aren't supposed to be slim." Tyson said, smirking as well.

"… I seem to recall you enjoyed them quite a lot just a few moments ago." Aya said as they entered the wide, but relatively empty lobby.

"It's t.i.t.s. I enjoy mine for cry—okay, let's just pretend I never said that."

"That's the only way to salvage our relationship after all." Aya said.

"Wow, we must be walking on thin ice then if that's enough to break us apart."

"Nah, you're the only one walking on thin ice. I'm firmly rooted to the ground."

"No, no way," Tyson said, shaking his head as they moved up the stairs. "You're definitely in clouds. An airhead to a fault."

"Now that's just rude."

"Truth always is, madame."

"I'm really not into medieval housewives roleplay."

"So you're into roleplay then?"

"You have a really positive outlook on life, don't you?"

"Tried and true." Tyson said, puffing his c.h.e.s.t out. "When a train hits you, it's better to think you at least dented it before being literally ripped apart, right?"

"I'm pretty sure any train worth a f.u.c.k wouldn't be dented by your measly body."

"It's a metaphor, metaphor!"

"Ah, right. I forgot you're a failed writer." Aya said, smiling as she bumped her shoulder against his.

"Don't you have any new gag to go with?" Tyson asked. "I mean, my failures and my abundant imagination are kind of overused, don't you think?"

"Repetition is the key to comedy."

"I'd like to revoke your rights to be funny, then." Tyson said in a serious tone.

"Oh, comedy police. Been a while since you visited me. Ah, we're here," Aya said as the two entered the third floor; just to the left, Tyson spotted a large office filled with boxes. "Oh boy. The stack is much larger than yesterday. Oh well, good luck nonetheless."

"Just so you know, I'm expecting you to become my nurse for life if I happen to break my spine." Tyson said.

"No way. I'd have to clean your shit." Aya said.

"Small price to pay for my eternal love."

"Ha ha. I can't believe you actually said that."

"Makes the two of us," Tyson said, sighing. "Ah, Aya's mom!"

"It's Amelia, young scoundrel!" the middle-aged woman said smilingly as she walked up to the two. Aya immediately grew fidgety, much to Tyson's liking. "Thanks for coming."

"Ah, I just had to witness your beauty once more." Tyson said, smiling.

"Ha ha, not bad, not bad." Amelia laughed as she patted him gently. "Ah, I better stop. I have a feeling she's a jealous type."

"Hardly," Tyson sighed dejectedly. "You can imagine how much it hurts."

"Oh? Bad girl indeed. Just let me know if she does something wrong. Your auntie here will comfort you instead." she winked lightly. WHO THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN?!! Aya thought as she watched the scene in front of her unfold.

"Tempting, tempting indeed. But, unfortunately, I'm devout to a fault!" Tyson exclaimed proudly.

"Okay, this is getting weird even by my standards," Aya interjected, unable to watch anymore. "You, go back to work." she said to her mom. "And you, start carrying the boxes."

"Aye, aye!" Tyson saluted for a moment before moving to pick up a few from the pile and carry them on.

"Okay, be honest," Amelia said as the two watched Tyson leave. "How'd you seduce him?"

"… trade secret." Aya said, smiling.

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about you anymore."

"You're my mother. You should worry."

"Eh, if I have time." Amelia said casually, causing Aya to pout slightly. "Ha ha, look at you. I always knew you were momma's girl, but you're usually better at hiding it."

"… khm, anyway, don't tell him anything weird when I'm not around." Aya said, looking away. "P-please…"

"Weird?" Amelia looked up as she fell into short thought. "Oh, you mean stuff like when you thought you were a lesbian because you never liked a boy so you tried to kiss Saya to see whether it's true?"

"…" Aya's face flushed red as she suddenly crouched in embarrassment. "P-please don't…"

"Ha ha ha, don't worry, I'll keep it light if he asks."

"… thanks."

"That's what mom's are here for, right?"

"…"

HIM – ANOTHER FAILED DREAM

Tyson grumbled in pain as Aya and he left the building shortly before sun faded from the sky. Every muscle in his body ached, and he couldn't even begin to remember when was the last time he worked so hard. Ugh, they really worked me till my last ounce of strength, he thought, But, it was so worth it… to think she thought she swung the other way, ha ha ha ha… aah, thanks Aya's mom, I'll keep it a secret until my dying day!

"Stop acting like an old hunchback," Aya said, slapping him on the back upon which Tyson howled in pain. "Wow, that bad? Sorry…"

"I-it's fine!" Tyson said, f.o.r.c.i.b.l.y straightening himself and smiling. "I-I can handle it!"

"Yeah, sure, I can see that." Aya said expressionlessly. "Ah, the least I can do you is treat you to a dinner. Let's go. I know a nice place nearby."

"Ah, you're as sweet as a gr.a.p.efruit." Tyson said.

"Speaking of fruits," Aya said as they stopped at a stoplight. "You remind me of banana."

"Disgusting on the outside and sweet on the inside?"

"No, I mean your posture." Aya said. "And what do you mean disgusting on the outside? Apologize right now!"

"Did you ever try eating banana's peel?" Tyson said, grimacing. "It's almost as bad as unsalted beans."

"Why the hell would you try eating banana's peel?" Aya asked as the stoplight turned green.

"… uh, curiosity?"

"Ah, I forgot. It's stupidity."

"No, I'm pretty sure I said curiosity."

"You're too stupid to be curious."

"Oi, can you not smear my childhood like that?!"

"It's already smeared. I'm actually cleaning it up." Aya said, smirking, as they reached the other side.

"Oh, speaking of cleaning things up, will Berserk ever get any lighter?!" Tyson asked.

"You finished all the volumes I gave you?" Aya asked back.

"Yeah… that was some mortifying shit."

"Ah, the worst is yet to come."

"How come?!"

"Don't worry though, it gets lighter…" Aya said, suddenly sighing in sorrow. "So light, actually, that it becomes a different manga entirely."

"… why do you sound so sad because of it?"

"Because I am."

"Isn't it crippling to me emotionally when you can get sad over some random story getting lighter, but you snicker at your own boyfriend's suffering?" Tyson asked.

"Firstly: Berserk's story has depth, you don't." Aya said as the two passed the corner. "Secondly, you looked funny bent halfway to Earth's core. Thirdly, who said you were my boyfriend?"

"Firstly: don't go writing of the complexities of my very being so casually!! Secondly, what do you mean halfway to Earth's core?! I was practically kissing it at one point!! And thirdly, uh, that was just my casual way of bringing it up."

"Casual? More like desperate." Aya said.

"Yeah, sure, I was desperate. Anyway, practically everyone I know has already labeled you my girlfriend. And I'm fairly certain it's the same with people you know and me. Well, except the girlfriend part. Hopefully." Tyson said. "So I'll be calling you my girl from now on."

"Eww."

"Don't go getting disgusted over a sweet gesture!!" She doesn't look opposed to it. Aaah, thank god… I would have died of embarrassment if she shut me down…

"Ah, we're here," she said as the two entered a small, comfortable-looking restaurant. "Anyway, if you're that desperate to be called my boyfriend, sure."

"Oi, this hot-and-cold thing of yours is getting old!"

"You're hot-and-hot hot enough for both of us."

"I'm pretty sure that's grammatically incorrect! And wait, wouldn't I melt from all the hotness?!"

"Why are you playing along?!!" Aya exclaimed as her cheeks flushed red.

"… why would you blu—wait, wait, was that intricate wordplay on my heart, mind and crotch?" Tyson said as his own face flushed red. "Clever girl."

"… did you just compare me with a raptor?"

"Well, yeah," Tyson said. "Both of you are a threat to my life. In very, very different ways though. Also, I'm getting kind of disheartened with you recognizing all my movie references."

"Well, try picking something that not every kid watched." Aya said.

"… you watched Jurassic Park as a kid?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Apparently a lot of things, considering you're my boyfriend." Aya said, sighing, as the two ordered.

"Ah, it has a nice ring to it though, right?" Tyson said, smiling.

"Wanna commemorate it?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Oh, that's what she meant… Tyson thought after Aya leaned over and kissed him gently for a moment. "… you're really spoiling me, huh?"

"Well, you improved my mood." she said, smiling suddenly. Aah, magically all the pain is suddenly gone—wait, no, this isn't a fantasy. Pain is still very much there. Ugh, do I have any painkillers back home? Please, please, past me, I hope you stacked some somewhere… "So I figured I may as well."

"Wow, you were that happy that I called you my girlfriend?" Tyson asked jokingly.

"Yeah," Aya tilted her head lightly as she smiled again. "I didn't think you liked me that much." … someone should ban that smile. That's outright cheating… "Ho ho, look who's getting all red all of a sudden~~"

"Aah," Tyson sighed, lowering his head onto the table. "You're seriously bad for my heart."

"It goes both ways, you know?" she said, causing his ears to twitch.

"That's good to hear."

"Really?" Aya said.

"Almost as good as your failed lesbian dreams~~" Tyson muttered.

"I'll kill her." a cold voice emitted from a supposed nice person, and Tyson realized he may have said too much.