His Little Pet

I just sat in bed when I heard the knock at my door. I knew exactly who it was by the knock... so I left it.

But then he knocked again, and again.

"Zylith, I know you're in there. Please open the door... I need to talk to you."

I silently made my way over to the door, standing to the side. My mind tugged in two different directions. Should I continue to shut him out? Run away and leave him in the trail of dust without explaining to him why I can't bring myself to look at him, to be around him?

Or should I let him in? Give in to his pestering. Make myself look at him.. talk to him. Explain what I'm feeling to him. I think I at least owe that to him if anything at all...

"Kätzchen please..."

I slowly opened the door, cutting his words short. I looked up to see his large frame standing in front of me, but I still couldn't look him in the face. I moved to the side so he could come in, then took a seat on the couch, Roman taking a seat next to me.

"How are you doing Kätzchen? How's your head healing?"

He reached a hand up and stroked at my cheek. I flinched a little as he did. Why am I feeling so small around him right now? Why do I feel... scared? He's never once hurt me. Not physically at least... not by his own hands. He sighed a soft sigh as he slowly pulled his hand back.

"I'm fine... It's pretty much all healed now."

We sat in a silence that seemed to last for forever. It was so silent that it was defaming. His deep husk voice finally broke the silence.

"I'm glad you let me to see you, I've missed you Kätzchen..."

I couldn't bring myself to say anything... so I didn't.

"Do you see me as the reason... the reason you got put in that situation? Do you blame me for what happened?"

His voice was low, soft. Filled with a mix of emotions all tied together, each fighting to break free and reach the surface. I could hear the hurt in his tone. It was as if he didn't want to ask the question, but more so that he needed to. My voice came out as low as his, if not lower.

"His men took me to him as his payment... payment for him going to help Airi get you back. The f.u.c.k.e.d up part is that he never intended to actually help her, he used her to get what he wanted. I was put into that situation because of her... because she wanted you back for whatever f.u.c.k.e.d up reasons she had. Because you gave her hope that one day she might win you back the second you agreed to get the child tested."

I wanted to scream the words at him, but I couldn't.. My mind started going through everything that happened that night... I hated thinking about it. Then I let out a laugh that I never thought was there...

"You know what the funny part is? The child is his. He's the one who got her pregnant. She knew this whole time but apparently just didn't want to except that he was the father, so she tried roping you back into her life."

I glanced up at his face then, hoping to be able to try and read him. What he was thinking, what he felt. But I couldn't.

"I don't blame you for everything. I got put into that situation because of you, but the things that happened... they happened because of me. Because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut."

I looked away from him again as a tear slipped down my face.

"Hey, don't ever blame yourself for anything that happened. No one's to blame for what he did to you except him-"

He reached for my hand again but I couldn't let him touch me. If he touched me... I would fall apart. I would fall back into him because he's the only thing I know... only thing I've been able to feel... I wanted so bad to cave, to throw myself into his arms and pretend like everything was alright. But it wasn't.. and I wasn't sure that it ever could be. I stood up and tired away from him, unable to look into those gorgeous emerald eyes and say what I was about to.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Roman. I went against my better judgement the moment I let myself get drawn to you, and look at where it got me. I think we should-"

"Kätzchen please..."

He stood up and moved closer to me.

"Please don't do this... I can't lose you. I can't... you're the only good I have in my life."

He grabbed both my arms in his hands and pulled me closer to him. I could see the pain in his eyes as he said it, the pleading tone in his voice. It made my heart ache... I didn't want hurt him like this.

"Roman please... don't make it any harder than it already is. I think it's best for now if we end this. I think you should just go..."

I pulled out of his grip and headed towards the door, opening it for him. He just looked at me with those pleading eyes of his.

"Please think about this first, we can work this out.. I know we can. I can't lose you like this."

"Please Roman... just go, okay?"

He looked at me with a look of defeat, sadness, pain, anger... then he made his way out of my apartment, turning around as he stepped into the hallway.

"Goodbye Roman.. I'm sorry..."

I closed the door before he could say anything else. I wouldn't be able to keep that up much longer if he said anything more. I slid down the wall, sat there, and cried. I cried because of everything that happened. I cried because I hated having to hurt him like that. I cried because a part of me didn't want to lose him, but another part of me couldn't look past what had happened.

I didn't want to blame him for what happened, but my mind wouldn't let me think of it happening any other way.

"I'm sorry Roman.. so sorry..."

***

"How's the new workplace treating you so far? It's been what, a month and a half now since you started there?"

I sat with Lilith at the little coffee shop we always go to, going over some of the new work files.

I couldn't keep working under Roman after everything that went on, so I started at another smaller company. It wasn't anything fancy, but it paid the bills.

"Yeah, just coming up to that. It's okay I guess... although I'm doing twice the work while getting half the pay. It keeps me busy."

"You know you didn't have to leave the company... it's not the same without you there."

I looked up at her now, giving her that 'you know perfectly well why I had to leave' look. She just shugged it off.

"You know my reasons behind leaving Lil... I had to."

Silence fell over us for a moment before I found my mouth moving again on its own.

"So uh, how... how is everything going around there? How is everyone?"

"You mean how is Roman... right? Well, ask him yourself. Because he's heading over here now.."

I shot around as a wave of panic ran over me, but he wasn't there. I turned back towards Lil and she was losing it, all in hysterics. I shot her an evil look before going back to my files.

"That's not funny Lil..."

"What do you mean, it was hilarious! You got so nervous."

She quieted herself after a moment and put on a serious face before continuing.

"On a more serious note, he's not great. Far from it actually. He never leaves his office except to go home. I've found him countless times in your old office, just sitting there... And you can just tell he's been having nothing but sleepless nights... he's an absolute mess without you around Zy."

I stopped going over the files as she said it. I could feel that aching pain back in my c.h.e.s.t again. Was that really true? Was he really that bad off right now? There's no way I've caused that much damage... is there?

"I'm going to head back to the office.. I've got a lot of work I need to finish. I'll catch up with you later Lil."

Before she could protest I gathered up the papers, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door of the shop. But as soon as I stepped outside I collided with someone, and my papers went everywhere.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't-"

I looked up as the stranger handed me some of the papers, quickly realizing it was no stranger at all...

"Zylith.."

"Roman..."