Chapter 5 – On The Bed

Go back home.

This was already a phrase from the past.

Fu An had liked Qi Qianze since they were children. He made no attempts to hide it, and his love was bright and honest. Both of their families knew about it. Based on this, in university they lived together, renting a hundred square foot house in a neighborhood not far from campus. Compared to most of the student population, who boarded at school, they were considered to be living luxuriously.

But when they broke up, Fu An had moved out. He didn’t know what home Qi Qianze was referring to now.

Fu An stayed quiet for a while, but before long he couldn’t help but ask: “Is it still …… the place from before?”

“Yes.” Qi Qianze said.

Fu An had both expected and not expected this. He somehow felt a sense of loss and a sense of giddy joy at the same time. There was a strange feeling in his heart.

“Why didn’t you move out?” he asked.

Lining the evening avenues, the streetlights had already lit up.

The main road that they were on was a little congested. The cars in front of them crawled forwards, and red brake lights flashed on and off every so often. On their side, a stream of red lights was visible at a glance, with a stream of warm white lights shining in the opposite lanes on the left hand side. The many points of light gathered together, and from a distance they coalesced into two long, vivid rivers.

This reminded Qi Qianze of when they had first received their drivers licenses. Fu An was cleverer and was a step ahead in grasping the skills required. Because Qi Qianze wasn’t familiar enough with the car, when driving he’d sometimes panic inexplicably. So they’d specially stuck a new driver label onto the back of their car, and every day once they’d finished dinner they would drive to a park to take a stroll. Fu An had said that at that time the after-work rush hadn’t quite finished, but there weren’t too many cars – perfect conditions for Qi Qianze to practice. Going to the park could also help digestion, and it could be a date. This was simply killing three birds with one stone.

At that time, Fu An would always sit in the passenger seat, helping Qi Qianze watch the road, and helping him navigate. One day, when Fu An suddenly found something interesting and called Qi Qianze, said, Qi Qianze, look, quick!

They had been on a highway overpass, and the lanes underneath could be seen right over the side of the flyover. It was as Fu An said – streams of red and white, dotted with starlike lights. It was obviously an ordinary scene that would always be overlooked, but once it was specifically pointed out, it would truly seem very beautiful.

Qi Qianze didn’t speak. Fu An still desperately wanted to know the answer, and asked again: “Why didn’t you move out?”

Qi Qianze broke out of his reverie. He looked ahead, and the streetlights shone on his side profile, sculpting his face with interwoven patterns of light and dark. The yellow light was a little hazy, as if they were in a dream. He said: “Why would I move out?”

Fu An was taken aback for a moment, and didn’t speak.

“It’s close to work, the neighborhood is good, and the public security is also not bad. Recently, house prices have been rising and rising, it’s too expensive to switch to a new place. Besides, I didn’t want to move. If I already have a place to live, why should I move out?

So it was with these sensible reasons. Fu An nodded.

Though they had broken up, they still needed to live their lives. Where would they the means for any of these messy breakup actions, stubbornly destroying all the things that had anything to do with their ex? In a modern, materialistic society, people really needed to be a little more practical.

“Also, not everyone can be like you,” Qi Qianze seemed to flash a smile, “Cold and emotionless. If you say to break things off, you just break them off.”

Fu An was immediately at a loss.

“Fu An, I thought about it so many times. If you’d regretted it and wanted to come back, just one phone call would have been enough for me to come and get you.”

But Fu An had disappeared so completely, it was as if he’d evaporated into thin air. Even though they were still living in the same city, he never heard anything about him.

On the day they broke up, Qi Qianze went to all the places that Fu An might have gone to, but couldn’t find him anywhere. They’d always lived together, but when Fu An had suddenly left, Qi Qianze didn’t even know his new address. At that time, he had thought that if they had never begun a relationship, even if they’d had an “in this life we won’t meet again” argument, Fu An wouldn’t avoid him like he was then. At least he could go to Fu An’s house and try to corner him, and even if he couldn’t catch him, it still wouldn’t be as bad as it was then, without even a place to start looking for him.

Once the quiet one spoke, the words all poked sore spots, and once the poison-tongued one didn’t know what to say, there really was absolutely nothing that could be said.

Fu An couldn’t string words together into sentences.

But it seemed that Qi Qianze still had a lot to say. Every few seconds, as if spilling beans, he would spill out some words that were hard to accept.

His voice was very deliberate.

“But you didn’t.”

“You lied to me.”

“You don’t love me.”

“Not even a single bit.”

Fu An: “……”

Fu An suddenly, inappropriately thought that at that moment, Qi Qianze was just like a little fish blowing bubbles. Each time the fish opened its mouth, out came a tiny little accusatory bubble. Though they each carried little pain, they would sting Fu An, as if needles were pricking his heart.

He really had changed a lot, Fu An thought. If the former Qi Qianze was very solemn and taciturn, fun to tease but hard to become friends with due to his serious exterior, then now, Qi Qianze was unpredictable and impossible to withstand.

Fu An wanted to say something, but was suddenly interrupted by a ringtone.

“Fu An?” It was a voice Qi Qianze had heard earlier, Fu An’s classmate, “Where are you? Didn’t you say you were going to the washroom? Ditching right when it’s about to get good, the little sisters here…”

“That, I……” Fu An quickly interrupted. He didn’t know if Qi Qianze could hear, but just in case, he raised his voice, covering up the sound on the other end of the phone. Without turning his head, he stealthily glanced at Qi Qianze out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t see any particular expression on Qi Qianze’s face, and said: “I and… uh, Qi Qianze, he isn’t feeling well, so we’re leaving first. I’ll send money for the meal to you in a bit.”

“Hey, isn’t……”

“And also, tell the people in the room across from us that he left to go to the hospital.”

After he finished speaking, Fu An hung up.

“Your classmate?” Qi Qianze asked.

Fu An made an affirmative sound, and said: “Just about.”

Then he added: “There was a senior who came back, so they wanted to come out to eat, I couldn’t refuse.” Fu An’s finger silently drew circles on the door handle, again and again, an unconscious action.

“Classmate……” Qi Qianze quietly repeated.

Hadn’t Fu An also changed? Back then, when had he socialized with classmates? He had only ever socialized with Qi Qianze.

But now it was the other way around

Fu An said: “En, the same laboratory.”

He slightly had the intention to explain himself.

“Phone–––” Qi Qianze suddenly stuck out his hand and pointed at his own pocket, “As you just said, help me send a message to the class.”

Actually, Qi Qianze was fully capable of taking out the phone on his own and giving it to Fu An, but he didn’t, insisting that Fu An get it out.

Fu An didn’t move, watching the side of his face. After about ten seconds, he said: ‘Qi Qianze.”

“Little sisters,” Qi Qianze paused, “You didn’t tell them that you like a different type?”

Fu An had never expected that he would have the opportunity to experience such a rollercoaster of a conversation. He first sat dazed for a bit, thinking that he’d heard wrong. Only after a few seconds did he discover that he was flustered. 

That’s right, flustered.

This was very unlike Fu An.

Fu An quickly reexamined how they had met and interacted in the hour between their meeting and now. In the second half Fu An had completely deviated from his normal tendencies. Only once he became aware of it was he able to separate from the muddled state of affairs, returning to his usual self.

“Do I have to go and report it to everyone?” Fu An squashed the thoughts in his heart, pulled at the corner of his mouth. “I’m not familiar enough with anyone. There’s no need.”

“Is that so?” Qi Qianze didn’t beat around the bush, and directly asked, “Then what about me?”

Fu An probably should have swallowed his words, but he didn’t, and coolly said: “En, I’ve reported it to you, in bed.”