It Seems There is Light

Having fallen behind in classes during this time, Shi An carried his bag and returned to Jiang Yuan’s room.

He put the folding table lamp on the bed and lay at the edge of the bed. The bedding still had the fragrant and soft smell of old cloth brocade and dessert.

The lamp stood askew on the soft bedding, and the cold white light rising and falling with the soft folds of the blanket.

Shi An unscrewed the pen cap, spread the exercise papers on the bed, and barely finished writing on the blank paper before turning off the lamp and falling onto the bed, pulling the soft quilt into a full embrace.

He sat quietly in the room for a while before going out of the room and wandering aimlessly in a circle around the empty living room.

He felt like he was looking for something, occasionally rummaging here and there, but did not know exactly what he was looking for.

He couldn’t find anything either.

Shi An dragged his just recovered body, not knowing how many times he walked around the house.

The soles of his feet were weak, so he simply curled up and squatted down in the living room.

He had just plugged in a small night light in the corner, and the soft, cool light illuminated the coffee table covered with a checkered tablecloth.

On the coffee table was a glass jar of nuts, with a single sheet of white paper pressed under the jar.

Shi An leaned over, grabbed the paper in his hand, and looked down in the pale light.

It was the Olympiad entry form given to him by Cheng Yuan during the summer vacation.

Shi An’s knuckles paused slightly as a strange emotion rose from his heart to the top of his head.

He remembered his fingers trembling with eagerness as he unscrewed the pen cap, desperate and stubborn to prove that everything would be back on track someday.

It was already November.

It wasn’t quite what he had expected.

He began to gasp violently, his whole body sinking into a dizzying chaos.

Shi An closed his eyes heavily, his fingers pinching the fragile, thin edges of the paper, and tiny creases slowly spread out.

A small tear was made in the registration form when he stopped his fingertips again.

In black letters on a white background that was neatly printed, it said, the day of the competition would be tomorrow.

Let’s go.

He said to himself.

He wanted to leave.

He desperately needed to do something to fill a void of conformity.

Shi An pressed the registration form back onto the coffee table and went to his room to pack the bags he would need for the next few days.

Fearing he would regret it, he moved quickly, spinning around the room like a tireless gyroscope.

After stuffing the last of his clothes into his suitcase, Shi An collapsed softly onto the floor, staring at the clock on the wall in a daze.

The second hand silently crossed the twelfth number.

He charged the phone that hadn’t been used in a long time and called Cheng Yuan.

“Teacher, my grandma is gone,” he heard himself say, “Olympiad, can I go tomorrow?”

When he said ‘gone’, Shi An shivered uncontrollably, his knuckles holding the phones so tightly that he felt pain.

Cheng Yuan seemed to be startled by him, and his voice was uncertain.

“Then, the other students have already gone today. If you really want to go, Teacher will drive to pick you up tomorrow, is that okay?” Cheng Yuan seemed to not dare to ask more questions. His voice was very soft, careful as if he was afraid of waking up someone who was sleeping.

Shi An held the phone and didn’t make a sound, but nodded his head.

Cheng Yuan seemed to have guessed his movement and gave him a few more words of advice before hanging up the phone.

The Olympiad would take place in other urban areas in the same city, and it would take two or five days, two to three hours for a round trip drive.

Shi An brought very little; a backpack and a small luggage. He stood at the entrance of the alley with a white earphone hanging from his left ear.

He sent his address to Cheng Yuan, and at seven in the morning, Cheng Yuan’s car was parked at the entrance of the alley.

Cheng Yuan leaned over the window and looked at him with his lips pursed. His hands were clenched into fists. It seemed that he was holding something in his palm and pressed against the edge of the window.

The wheels of the luggage made a clattering sound on the bluestone pavement. It sounded noisy in the early morning when the small town was still sleeping.

Shi An picked up the lever and lifted the luggage slightly. The wheels were off the road, spinning slightly on its own.

After lying in a dimly lit room and sleeping for a week or two, Shi An stood in a trance on the street. The cool morning breeze of the light winter slowly lifted his hair.

The half-dried clothes on the clothesline swayed in the wind. Under the crisscrossing wires were the Japanese-style signs of the stores next to each other, and the iron wall sconces were mottled with paint.

The air was cool and silky as if the whole person was dipped in jelly, and Shi An’s mood suddenly improved a little.

He put the luggage in the trunk and sat himself in the back seat with his backpack in his arms.

Cheng Yuan leaned back and stretched back his arm, two big white rabbit toffee lay in his open palm.

Shi An couldn’t help but smile, saying thank you as he took the candies. He peeled off the paper and stuffed it into his mouth.

The weather was already a bit cold, so it didn’t melt after being held in Cheng Yuan’s palm for a long time. It was a bit to bite. Shi An held the candy in his cheek, and the sweet milk flavor spread in his mouth.

He got a little motion sickness and lowered the car window a bit.

The street scene outside the window gradually became unfamiliar, and the cold breeze rushed to his face. Shi An held the milk-flavored candy, somehow feeling like a breeze bit into his mouth.

He leaned lazily on the back of the seat, his chin resting on his schoolbag, his brain emptied indefinitely.

He seemed to have found some mood that belonged to this world.

The soft electronic music in his headphones suddenly cut off and the phone rang.

Shi An squeezed the thin earphone cord and lifted the phone up.

Yan Liang’s name jumped on the screen.

“Where are you?” On the other end of the line, Yan Liang asked him urgently. He heard the rustling of the wind and Yan Liang’s slightly rushed gasps.

“Where are you?” Before he could say anything, Yan Liang began to ask again and again, “Where are you?”

“Olympiad,” Shi An thought for a moment and handed the phone to Cheng Yuan, “Sorry, I didn’t have time to tell you. I’m in Teacher’s car.”

Cheng Yuan turned his head sideways and echoed Shi An’s words into the receiver, reassuring Yan Liang.

When Shi An took the phone back, the rustling wind at the other end seemed to stop.

“I’ve been lying down too long, I want to take a walk and find something to do.” Shi An was eating the candy, his voice was a little muffled. His speech was slow, but he was speaking seriously.

At least he wanted to feel that he was still alive, that he still existed and well in the world.

He still had himself.

“Then,” Yan Liang was probably standing on a street corner in a small town; it was quiet, with the occasional distant sound of a car skidding past, “When you come back, I’ll give you a gift, do you want it?”

Yan Liang’s voice had a hint of frustration in it, reminding Shi An of a child with his head hanging and his mouth deflated.

Shi An wiggled his toes and said yes.

Yan Liang seemed happy: “Then you have to be good before I give it to you.”

Shi An’s heart was softly warmed, nodding his head instead of answering.

After hanging up the phone, Shi An took off his earphones and tried to put the phone back in his backpack. He folded the earphone cord neatly and unzipped his school bag.

Then he couldn’t help but let out a low cry of surprise.

Cheng Yuan’s hand on the steering wheel paused and turned his head sideways: “What’s wrong?”

Shi An looked in amazement at the white, soft, fluffy, unknown creature nestled in his schoolbag and stared in awe.

The white ball raised its pointy ears and slightly moved.

Immediately, Shi An met its clear blue vertical pupils.

“God, why are you here?!” Shi An was a little surprised. His heart, which had been silent for a long time, leaped up. He carried Lady out of the backpack and pressed his cheek against its soft, warm body.

It was like a crushed star sprinkled into the heart.

Lady was getting older and always looked a little sleepy. It raised its eyes slowly and its tail resting softly on Shi An’s wrist.

“When did you run in?” Shi An lifted Lady up and put its forehead to his forehead, “Are you okay? Are you bored?”

“Wait, cat?” Cheng Yuan braked with a squeak and turned sideways, poking his finger at Lady’s back, “You brought a cat?!”

Lady was still staring at Shi An, her pale eyes narrowed slightly, and her soft tail swatted away Cheng Yuan’s hand with one hand.

“…” Cheng Yuan pretended to retract his hand with a hiss as if he was hit with pain, “…Not cute at all.”

“…I’m sorry,” Shi An let Lady lie on his lap, gently running his palm along its no longer bright but still clean fur, “Can I take the cat?”

“…What do you say my friend?” Cheng Yuan looked at him gently in the rearview mirror, “Can you bring a cat when you go to someone else’s school for a competition?”

“…”

Cheng Yuan pressed his temples, only to feel a headache.

“I’ll just put it in my bag,” Shi An said, holding his backpack in his arms. The small tips of the white cat’s ears faintly showing through the unfastened seams, “It’s very good. Really.”

Shi An leaned against the car door. His long, slender fingertips gently pinching the tips of Lady’s ears and giving them a small squeeze.

“That won’t work either,” Cheng Yuan continued, holding his forehead, “You can’t bring a cat into the dormitory.”

There was no expression on Shi An’s face as his voice faintly let out an ‘oh’, fingers focusing on playing with the tips of the cat’s ears.

Cheng Yuan dragged Shi An’s luggage, his eyes staring at Lady’s eyes peeking out from the top of his school bag.

Lady half closed her eyes, lazily and quietly looking back at him.

“…Forget it, it’s up to you,” Cheng Yuan stretched out his finger and flicked Lady’s forehead: “If the dorm manager finds out, tomorrow we’ll have white cat stew with winter melon.”

“Very good. Really.” Shi An lifted the cat out of his bag and raised his left eyebrow slightly.

 

 

Several people in the same dormitory were students of the Affiliated High School and were quite familiar with each other. After greeting Shi An, they all stared eagerly at the cat on his lap, pouring out all kinds of snacks from their school bags, and colorful packaging bags were thrown at Lady.

Lady looked like she was quite tired, sleepily curled up, but her head was up, stubbornly staring at Shi An’s face.

“What’s the matter with you?” Shi An curled his eyes lightly, scratching his wife’s chin with his fingers. There was an inconspicuous smile in his voice, “Did you miss me?”

Lady rubbed his fingers, squinting her eyes slightly with comfort.

During the Olympiad, the time was very packed. He took exams in class, answered the examination papers with earphones, memorized the knowledge points that had been dropped some time ago, and occasionally rubbed the cat’s fluffy head on his lap.

Just couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.

Shi An hugged his knees and leaned on the headboard, staring at the ceiling in a daze, leaving his brain blank.

He didn’t want to think about anything, and he didn’t dare to think about anything.

The window panes with regular shapes were reflected on the ceiling, and occasionally the thin shadow of the electric car passed through the vertical shadow of the window bar, like a long tail train passing through time.

Shi An felt that he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t cry. His eyes were dry and painful. The thicker the night, the more awake his mind became, as if he was anxious to perceive the world in the silence of all the voices, and even the tiny dust in the air had to be traced in a hurry.

He couldn’t sleep, neither did Lady. It curled up on the bed in a comfortable-looking position, its head on its side, and his light-colored eyes looking at Shi An nicely.

The cat’s pale, clear eyes glowed in the night, like the moon soaking in the clouds.

“Are you trying to say something to me?” Shi An lay down on his side and Lady touched his forehead, “I really want to talk to you so much.”

Lady seemed sleepy, her eyes were half-squinted, while the tip of her tail turned and rested on Shi An’s wrist.

“Go to sleep when you’re tired,” Shi An touched its head, “Don’t hold on, I’m asleep too.”

Shi An held Lady in a vain embrace, not knowing how long he lay there but his consciousness finally began to blur.

Lady seemed to be still awake, and her eyes, which always seemed a little cool, fell back on Shi An’s face.

It moved up slowly and rubbed Shi An’s cheek.

“…I’m… really sleeping…” Shi An patted the top of its head, “Stop it…”

As if Lady understood him, her movements instantly stalled, but the tail on Shi An’s wrist seemed to curl up a little tighter.