It Seems There is Light

The twilight corner of the street could be described as unfamiliar to him, and Shi An stood on the side of the road in a daze, biting his lip.

He couldn’t find it.

It was a back street of the school, with advertising light signs hanging vertically and horizontally. The stores on either side were crowded, and small stall carts stood scattered on either side of the road. The crackling of fried snacks and the horn of traffic mingled together, making people’s brains buzz and numb.

Standing on the street at such times, you always felt small because of the hustle and bustle of the world.

Not to mention a cat.

He couldn’t find it.

The eye socket was so painful that Shi An pressed his fingers against his eyelids and forced himself to breathe deeply and rhythmically.

Lady was gone.

The day before the competition ended, Shi An returned to the dormitory and didn’t see the white cat’s slightly cooler, clearer eyes.

In the past, Lady had always nestled in his unzipped bag in the corner of his bed. Its chin often rested on the edge of the bag, her blue eyes staring in the direction of the door.

The bag was empty.

Shi An carried the bag straps, and his empty school bag was grinning sadly in his hand.

Instinctively pretending to be calm made him dizzy for a while.

I can find it.

He said to himself.

I can find it.

As long as I keep looking for it, I can find it.

Shi An held his breath and ran through the whole school like a madman.

There was no white cat with its chin tilted slightly and its light-colored eyes glowing out of the corner of its eye.

There was none.

After running out of the school, the breath he was holding in his chest was instantly released.

The drunken clouds burned into the sky and the crisscrossed and disordered wires cut the orange sky. The evening neon lights haloed in the corner of the eyes and the sound in front of the milk tea shop was slightly noisy with the sound of cars.

But.

Why is the world so big?

So, he could only search for it all the time, and still couldn’t find anything.

He couldn’t find it.

Shi An stood on the side of the street, looking like a child who had finished setting off firecrackers, looking at the floor full of redness, full of satisfaction but in a daze.

He suddenly wanted to cry, but it was not like the countless times he had done before; only his eyes were dry and painful.

The tears suddenly gushed out uncontrollably and dissolved the neon on the ground.

He didn’t know what he was crying about; because of the cat, because of Jiang Yuan, or because he was standing on a strange street corner, and there was a rush of voices and traffic.

But he did.

He wanted to cry.

With tears rolling down his face and a lump in his throat, Shi An lowered his head, letting the tips of his bang fall over his eyes.

He suddenly spun slowly in a circle, stalled for a moment, and then spun again.

Like a cat that was chasing the tip of its own tail.

The chest was clogged so much that he couldn’t breathe, and his whole body was slightly weak. Shi An crouched down and covered his eyes with his palms.

Tears smashed and shattered between the tips of the fingers, meandering and crumpling the thick wine-like sunset color. The orange sun hung brightly on the fingers, so a tearful sun melted between each finger.

“No, kid, what’s wrong with you?” The aunt who was frying the egg burger dropped her spatula and ran over. The smell of smoke and fire on her apron rushing straight into Shi An’s nose, “Wasn’t it okay just now? Why are you crying all of a sudden?”

She was holding a roll of paper that was slightly yellowed by the smoke and grease, and shoved it into Shi An’s hand: “Wipe it, wipe it, what’s wrong all of a sudden?”

Shi An took a deep breath, and the body that had just stopped sobbing trembled uncontrollably again, but the tone of voice no longer had any ups and downs: “Nothing. I might have… lost something.”

“What’s the hurry if you lost something? You’ll find it when you look for it. It scared me.” A roll of paper towel and a bag of hot egg burgers were stuffed into Shi An’s hand. “Wipe your tears, have you eaten yet? Are you hungry? Eat, eat a lot, ah.”

The light brown paper bag, which had been scalded and shriveled, showed deep and light grease stains. Shi An’s fingertips were slightly red from the heat.

The auntie flipped her apron before she went back to the booth and picked up the spatula; there was a sound of oil sizzling. She turned her head back and gave a thumbs-up.

The scene was hilariously cute, and Shi An’s chest was cleared of the frustration. He blinked with a half-sigh and half-smile, as the dried tear marks pulled at his skin with a taut tearing sensation.

He stood on the street corner with a greasy paper bag and the lights were on.

No more searching.

Can’t find it.

The cat was old and was going to find some strange and quiet corner of the world to die alone.

He thought of the light-colored eyes of Lady which never wanted to sleep, the tips of its ears peeking out from the top of his school bag, the tail curled tightly around his wrist, and its perverse clinginess.

Did it also turn to look back repeatedly at every step it took?

It had spoken of parting and fondness a million times in silence.

 

 

On the return trip, Shi An didn’t take Cheng Yuan’s car and instead went back with the school’s bus.

He picked a window seat and the window opened to the maximum. The empty school bag was in his arms, the zipper was not zipped so the opening was slightly open.

The heavy bus drove slowly for an hour, and stopped at the school gate of the Affiliated High School at six o’clock in the evening. The sky was full of clouds, and the green-skinned bus was wrapped in a warm color.

Shi An got off the bus holding a soft bags, carrying his silver and white luggage.

“How are you going to get back? Are your parents coming to pick you up?” The driver poked his head out and looked at the students who were jumping out of the bus one by one.

“Come, over there.”

“My mom and my dad went to the movies, my own parents… I’m going back by myself.”

“Pfft hahahahahaha you’re miserable ah!”

“Hey, hey, going to the pedestrian zone”

“I don’t want to eat tonight, do you want to eat skewers?”

“Okay, let’s go, I want to go too!!!”

Shi An was the last one to get off the bus.

The bus moved slowly again, and swayed around the corner of the street.

How to go back.

By taxi?

Dizzy.

Just walk.

Tired.

Shi An dragged the luggage and turned around, suddenly stunned.

Yan Liang was sitting on the bicycle, the body was slightly slanted, his long legs propped up, and his spotless white sneakers stepping on the stone steps by the roadside.

He carried a large and bulky black guitar bag behind him, a white earphone stuffed in his left ear and the earphone cord hanging down carelessly. The shirt button was not buttoned up to the top.

The youth’s figure was lean, and his white shirt was bulging into a sail by the wind.

“Shi An!!!” Yan Liang was like answering the question in a class, one hand on the handlebars, the other raised high, “Here!”

He smiled, tilting his head slightly, the side of his head pressed against his raised arm.

Shi An dragged the luggage with one hand, and held a large, unzipped, empty school bag in his other arms, reminding Yan Liang of a child holding a crook-necked puppet in his arms.

Shi An didn’t move from his spot.

Yan Liang put his hand down, pedaled on the ground a few times, and the bike stopped gently in front of Shi An: “Aren’t you going?”

Shi An looked at him. His hair, which looked very fine and soft, was lifted by the evening breeze, and there was a sorrowful setting sun.

Shi An looked a little aggrieved.

The orange sunlight softened the cold eyebrows and eyes of the past. The corners of his mouth were pursed, slightly dropping, and his eyes seemed to be a little red.

Not good.

“God, what, what’s wrong,” Yan Liang rubbed Shi An’s head hard, the soft layers of hair stacked messily in his palm, “What’s wrong what’s wrong?”

Shi An didn’t reply, staring at the rear of the bicycle with his eyes lowered.

“Okay, ba. Yes,” Yan Liang moved his palm to the top of his own hair and rubbed it casually a few times, “It doesn’t have a back seat, though, but well.”

Yan Liang bent his knuckles and tapped the rear foot stand in front of him, “It has this…”

Slanted.

Shi An looked at the slanted rear foot stand and the corners of his mouth deflated even lower.

“Then, then, then don’t ride,” Yan Liang stepped down from the bicycle seat, holding the handlebars, “No more sitting, let’s, let’s walk together?”

Yan Liang reached for the empty school bag in Shi An’s arms, but Shi An didn’t let go.

“Yan Liang,” Shi An called him, clutching the strap of his school bag tighter, “I lost my cat.”

Yan Liang wasn’t surprised, he let go of his hand and his eyelashes dropped: “En.”

“During the time you were sick, he was especially clingy, and everyone thought it was strange,” Yan Liang pulled over another strap and rolled his fingers round and round. “It went from house to house, rubbing people’s legs, licking the tips of our fingers, and sometimes he even ran to sleep in other people’s houses. You say, it hasn’t been close to people for so many years. How could it suddenly be like this.”

“It’s saying goodbye to us, isn’t it? It’s goodbye already,” Yan Liang tilted his head, pulling his fingers out of the roll of the school bag strap and pressing them back into Shi An’s hair, “Be good,1YL says guai 乖 here. it’s okay.”

Good.

Shi An’s heart palpitated and his ears rolled hot.

What is this guy trying to do today, ah.

Yan Liang quickly turned around and knocked the bicycle foot stand, Shi An couldn’t see his expression.

“You’re not going to sit down, are you?” Yan Liang turned back, looking natural, “Then we walk?”

 

 

The author has something to say:
I have always wanted to write about the crying scene in the sunset

 

1YL says guai 乖 here.