Kimi ni Koi wo Suru Nante, Arienai Hazu Datta

“I’m home.”

It was 11.35 PM, minutes away before midnight, when my little sister, Ema, returned home from her part-time job. Given that these were dangerous times, I had actually been worrying over whether my sister would come home safely. It didn’t help that she stood out so much either… Every time she ran late, I’d always worry if she’d gotten accosted by some thugs or the like.

Oblivious to my worries, my little sister began to take off her coat.

“Onee-chan, I’m gonna go visit a friend of mine on our way back from Sendai.”

Ema and I were going to Sendai for three days and two nights to visit our Aunt Chizuru who lived there.

Chizuru was the youngest of our mother’s siblings, and since she had married at a fairly late age, she’d doted a lot on me and Ema while we were kids. She was a young and urbane career woman who was more like an older sister than an aunt to us. We’d decided to visit her for the first time in a long while to report on Ema’s entrance into college.

However, the fact that she would be visiting a friend was news to me. I was a little suspicious, but nevertheless responded to her in the calmest tone I could muster.

“Ah, I see. What kind of person are they?”

I wanted to know what sort of relationship Ema had with this friend of hers, just in case. However, the only thing she told me was that they were “a friend from school”. Usually she would mention Miyu-chan or Juuri-chan by name if it was them, so it seemed like that wasn’t the case.

“Where do they live?”

“Uh, Yamagata. Apparently it’s surprisingly close to Sendai. I didn’t even know that before.”

“Oh my, it looks like this friend of yours has gone to a faraway place, huh.”

“I wonder how their parents must feel.” When I mentioned this to Ema, her cheeks puffed out in slight displeasure.

“That’s right. They even left me in the dark all the way until the entrance exams. I’m sure they must be feeling bored right about now, so I’m gonna go and pay them a visit.”

Despite her words, Ema’s voice had an undeniable excitement and joy to it. I’m sure she must be eagerly looking forward to meeting them.

“I agree~. I’m sure they’ll be happy to have you visit them.”

She’s cute, she’s adorable, and she’s my one and only sister. Her appearance is as loveable as a doll’s, and although she can be outright stubborn at times, she is, at heart, an innocent and sensitive girl. For the past 18 years, I’ve always worked to protect her in place of our absent father.

Hearing my words, Ema’s cheeks blushed red in embarrassment.

“Hehe~. I hope so.”

“But don’t cause them too much trouble, okay? And don’t forget to call me when you’re on your way back.”

“Okay~.”

No sooner had she replied than she turned around to look at me before asking for my opinion.

“Hey, hey, do you think the weather’s still cold there? It’ll definitely be too cold if I wear nothing but shorts, right?”

The expression she made as she said that was so tender and affectionate that even I, as her older sister, found my heart unexpectedly throbbing.

Someone important must be waiting for her there. Of that, I was certain.

“Here is your receipt and change. Thank you very much!”

The cashier’s shout reached my ears from behind me as I heaved a short sigh for the umpteenth time today. Last night, I had been plagued with insomnia and today, I hadn’t eaten much for breakfast and lunch. Fortunately the other customers who were dining at the restaurant didn’t notice, but the way I was right now clearly wasn’t normal.

It wasn’t because I was depressed. If anything, the event that was going to happen soon should’ve been cause for celebration.

But…

Why am I so nervous…?

It all started with a message that arrived on my smartphone from her two nights ago.

Her, the girl I had always loved. Just before I moved away, I had confessed my feelings for her, and we’d affirmed our love for each other. Afterward, she, who’d chosen to stay in her hometown, and I, who’d chosen to move here for college, were separated from each other.

The next time we’ll meet is probably during the holidays or summer break. Either way, I had expected that it would happen when I returned to my hometown. But instead, I received a message from her two nights ago saying that she would be visiting me during her trip to her aunt’s place. I couldn’t help but let out a surprised “What?!” at the time. Also, the reply I sent had been out of place because of my unfamiliarity with the flick input method… It’s at times like these that my utter lack of relationship skills come back to bite me the most.

Yesterday, I’d spent the entire day cleaning up, and today, I would be welcoming her as she arrived by train.

It’d only been a week since we last saw each other, and we’ve been in touch every day since then. And yet, in a few more minutes, she’ll be right here, and I’ll be able to hear that obnoxious laugh of hers not through my phone, but in person. Just imagining it made my heart rate rise and my knees weak. My body temperature rose drastically, and despite the fact that I had just walked through the snow-filled city, I didn’t feel the slightest bit cold at all.

Although I had made it to the station quite some time ago, there was still some time left until her train was scheduled to arrive. Suddenly, I felt a strange itch in my nose. Since it was sunny today, it seemed that even the flowers here were beginning to pollinate, even though springtime came later here than in the Kanto region. I searched my pockets, but unfortunately couldn’t find any tissues in them.

Blowing my nose too much will cause irritation, so I might as well buy some nice, smooth tissues… I started to make my way to the pharmacy located inside the station building. My decision was based on the assumption that the prices there were likely cheaper than what the nearby supermarket offered.

After I got the tissues I wanted, I walked around the store to kill some time, humming in awe at the various items that had come out in recent years. In doing so, I managed to come across a group of products located near the back of the store, where there were few people. I was shocked by what I saw.

The store likely chose to place them in such an inconspicuous manner deliberately. Their brand names were printed in plain letters along with a decimal number below them. Those two elements alone did not betray the slightest hint of immorality…but collectively, their presence made you keenly aware of one and only one activity. And said activity was something that I’d been forcing myself not to think about over the past two days.

What should I do? What does she want to do today…?

When she said that she was “coming over to my place”, did she mean that she was going to come over to my apartment? Or was she only meeting me out of a sense of duty to me, her boyfriend, and because she happened to be in the area? But last time we’d met, she’d been really aggressive and proactive, so if she really did mean that she was going to stay at my apartment…

“Ah, Iijima. There you are.”

Hearing my name called, I turned around with a jump. There, the small face of an adorable girl greeted me. Her brown hair fluttered as a small, chilly breeze blew past.

Seeing her in a white coat was a sight I was unused to, seeing as I usually saw her in her school uniform. Of course, back then, anybody from our school would’ve been able to recognize her regardless, but the fact that girls could change so much in just one week was astounding. Her current outfit filled the gap left by the absence of her school uniform and even made her look more beautiful. Her fresh new look in her casual clothes kept me staring at her for a long time.

Meanwhile…

“So this is where you’ve been.”

“Oh… yeah.”

I couldn’t give her a proper reply as her curious tone forcefully snapped me out of my daze. Did she catch me red-handed? As usual, I always had the worst of timings.

“Um… So, how did you know I was here?”

“I also had some things I wanted to buy here. Didn’t you read the message I sent you when I arrived?”

“Uh, I was just about to, you see…”

I laughed in an attempt to divert her attention as I shoved the entire plastic bag into my slanted Tailmate waist bag. I then retrieved my smartphone from inside my pocket and found that, sure enough, I had received a message from her about two minutes ago.

“Alrighty, I’mma go buy some stuff, okay?” she said before she left for the midsection of the store. Deciding that it would be better not to poke my nose into what girls bought at pharmacies, I made my way to the front of the store and waited for her there.

After she finished shopping, we quickly left the store together. Once we came to the roundabout in front of the station, she gazed intently at her surroundings.

“Is this your first time here?”

“Yeah. It’s surprisingly urban, huh.”

I’d suspected that she had likely never been here before, and it turns out I was right. Of course, it went without saying that we were in the capital of the prefecture, so obviously this place would come off as advanced to country bumpkins like us who came from a fairly minor city even amongst the other minor cities in Chiba…

When I abruptly burst into laughter, Kitaoka tilted her head to the side in confusion.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing… It’s just, I myself thought the same way too back then.”

My impressions when I had first come here were almost identical to her earlier comment.

Perhaps she thought that I would make fun of her simple remark since she hurriedly added, “Oh, but it really is much colder here, huh?”

I decided not to tell her that that, too, had been among my impressions at the time.

“Is there anything you want to see here?”

“Well, I don’t really know the place, so I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.”

True, I thought to myself as I turned to look at her. I was checking to see if she was carrying anything heavy, and if she was, I would try to carry them in her place. However, to my surprise, she was carrying nothing but a small tote bag.

“You’re traveling pretty light, huh.”

“Yeah. I’ve sent almost all my other stuff straight from my aunt’s place to my home, you see.”

I see. No wonder she wasn’t carrying much… So I guess this means she won’t be staying overnight since she hadn’t brought a change of clothes with her.

“What time is your return ticket?”

“…I don’t know yet.”

Her reply was somewhat sulky in tone. Maybe she didn’t like the fact that she had just arrived, yet I was already bringing up the subject of leaving.

“Oh, right. Is your apartment fully furnished yet? Plates, cups, furniture, and all that?”

She changed the topic quite forcefully, and I meekly followed suit.

“Not really… I’m just buying things when I need them.”

As a matter of fact, I didn’t even have proper curtains at my home yet; I was using spare bed sheets fastened with clothespins in their place. I still couldn’t decide which tableware and items I really needed, and my house was almost like that of a minimalist.

“That sounds very Iijima-like,” she laughed in amusement. “Why don’t we go shopping then?”

“Huh?”

“You said you “buy things when you need them”, right? Well, now’s that time.”

For some reason, her words always have a strange persuasiveness to them.

“That reminds me, apparently you have to press a button on the trains here if you want to get off, huh?”

“Yup. They say it’s to prevent the cold from coming in.”

“Ooh, so that’s why. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

Kitaoka, sitting beside me on a bus, sighed in admiration. She, just like me, had been born and raised in the warm plains of Kanto, so everything here was new to her.

She asked me many things, like how we passed under a huge mountain, or why the traffic lights here were vertical instead of horizontal. As we conversed, the unnatural tension between us eased, and we were able to talk to each other like the old days in high school.

Once we arrived at a huge (and really pricey-looking) furniture store off the side of the prefectural road, I made my way to the curtain section first. Fortunately, I happened to have a picture of the apartment with me, so using it as reference, I found some designs that matched quite nicely and others that didn’t match as well. After much deliberation, I settled on a subdued, mossy-green colored curtain. Apparently, I managed to nab the last one they had in stock.

I also decided to buy some tableware. When I saw Kitaoka put in two people’s worth of chopsticks, forks, and small bowls, I wondered if we really needed that many. But then, when I saw her say, “This one’s mine,” I thought, “Well, I guess it’s okay,” and gave in.

After we bought some more items, we boarded the same bus and made our way back to the apartment. By the time I unlocked the door to my flat, the sun had already begun setting outside.

I immediately removed the bed sheets that were hanging on the window and installed the curtains.

“Thank God it looks good.”

Although I had measured the size of the curtain by eye, it turned out that it was both the perfect color and size.

With my sigh of relief, Kitaoka quickly headed elsewhere.

“I’m gonna brew some tea, ‘kay?”

Deep inside my apartment, I could see a slender back standing in the kitchen. My place seemed much brighter now, and I could feel it wasn’t just because of the curtains I’d just bought. I’m sure it must’ve been because she was here.

Perhaps it was also why I had been feeling restless for quite some time now. It had become bearable for a time, but the instant we arrived home, I felt my pulse quickening once more. Even though we’ve known each other for so long… No, even though she is my girlfriend, I have no idea how or what I should do when I’m alone with such a cute girl. All that comes to my mind is evil thoughts, bringing about a fierce battle between good and evil inside me.

Her coming to your home means she’s giving you the OK, don’t you see? Besides, you’ve been waiting for this moment for ages.

No, it’s only been a week since you started dating her! It’s definitely too fast for that.

The hell do you mean? You do realize this is the Kitaoka Ema we’re talking about? She’s obviously used to this sort of thing, you virgin.

And you’re just as virgin as I am. You know, pushing too hard will actually make her pull away. What’re you going to do if she ends up hating you, you dimwit?

The convo inside my head gradually started turning into a comedy skit, so I told both of the voices to shut up and violently ruffled my hair to get rid of the other voice.

Dammit. I wish I’d listened to Katsuya’s blabbering more seriously…

He also had a girlfriend of his own, so I wonder what they usually do together. His ramblings would always annoy me, so I’d brushed off his words with a perfunctory “Yes, yes”, but perhaps they had actually contained a hint for me within. I was reminded once more how important taking advice from others was, especially for someone with no prior experience.

Desperate for a clue, I filtered my inbox for any messages I’d received from him. It turns out I just so happened to receive one from him a mere hour ago. Curious, I opened it to find a text message with an image attached to it. It featured a light blue background with a pixelated font… It seems to be some sort of ticket. But right now, that doesn’t matter. I scrolled through his other messages, but ultimately came up empty.

Kitaoka soon carried two mugs back to the room, seemingly oblivious to my anxieties. I quickly hid his phone in a hurry.

“Here you go.”

“T-Thank you.”

“Be careful, it’s hot.”

Since my apartment was pretty cramped, there was a limited amount of living space available. With no other option, I placed my mug on a table and sat down on the bed behind it.

The cup was still steaming hot, but I decided to take a sip anyway. It was a simple drink made with tea bags, but it smelled much better than anything I had ever made before. I began sipping it little by little to avoid getting my tongue scalded when Kitaoka sat down right beside me, bringing my heart rate to an all-time high.

The sound of distant cars was the only thing that could be heard inside the room. It was so quiet I could even hear my own heartbeat, so I chose to break the silence.

“Kitaoka.”

“Yes?”

“Umm… Thank you for coming.”

I didn’t know how to express my current feelings and unintentionally phrased my words formally. When I did, she laughed mockingly at me.

“It’s not like I came here for you, though.”

Perhaps she was saying that because she didn’t want me to be overly considerate of her, but she seemed really insistent on the idea that she came here because it “happened to be convenient”.

But it isn’t like I can read her thoughts, so maybe she really is telling the truth… I slumped my shoulders in dejection when I felt two strong taps on my arm.

“…That was obviously a joke, okay?”

I turned around with a sense of relief and found that, before I knew it, she had placed her mug on the table and was now staring intently at me. Her beautiful eyes were already slightly moistened, and as soon as our eyes met, I felt a sudden rush of heat from my chest to the tips of my ears.

“The truth is…”

After her short mutter, she averted her gaze and fell silent.

I wanted to hear the rest of her words. I wanted to bring myself closer to her. But my hands and feet wouldn’t move, as if they weren’t mine. I couldn’t even speak either. Was it because she was too beautiful?

However… I gathered what little courage I could muster and moved to close the gap between us, when suddenly a distinct rumbling noise could be heard from my stomach.

“Ah…”

I was going to ignore it, but she astutely pointed out that, “Oh, your stomach rumbled just now,” thereby dispelling the sweet mood we had going for us.

Depressed, I cursed my own idiocy as she let out a giggle.

“Fufufu. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, a little…”

To be honest, my stomach didn’t usually rumble when it was empty. It was just that the only thing I’d eaten since lunch was a light, convenience store meal, so my energy levels were running pretty low. I truthfully nodded my head at her question.

“Alright, I’ll make something for you. Is there a supermarket nearby?”

“Yeah. It’s a 7-8 minute walk away.”

“Let’s go then. Come along.”

“Err, but you came all the way here to visit me. Something like this wouldn’t sit right with me.”

When she’d arrived, I’d made her accompany me to buy furniture and other items for the apartment. To make her cook for me on top of all that would definitely be too much.

However, she dismissed my vain act of consideration and strongly emphasized the following.

“What’re you talking about? I bet you’ve only been eating haphazardly ever since you arrived. You should eat something nutritious every once in a while.”

Her words hit the final nail in the coffin for me. I’d always been interested in what her cooking was like, after all.

She promptly finished her preparations to head out and urged me to hurry. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Ooh, the ground chicken’s cheap. Maybe I can make a hotpot (yosenabe) with chicken meatballs (tsukune) in it.”

We were looking around the supermarket’s meat section. I didn’t really understand what she just said, but it sounded delicious, so I said, “Sounds good to me.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a tube of ginger in the fridge, too,” I continued. At the time, I’d bought it because I wanted to try cooking some dishes by myself here when I had the time. I was glad it wouldn’t go to waste.

Following Kitaoka’s lead, I looked around the rest of the store. When we reached the vegetable section, I saw her pick up a pack of three carrots instead of just one. Somewhat doubtful, I decided to ask her about it.

“Will we really be using that many carrots?”

“You could always make braised carrots (kinpira) with the leftovers.”

Her immediate answer stumped me. I’d heard that it was easy to make, but I had yet to actually try it myself to see if I could make it.

Perhaps noticing my plight, she took the basket from me and urged me to go ahead.

“I’ll make it for you so you can eat it later. You can even put it in the fridge, if you want.”

Her forthright answer left me deeply impressed. At this rate, I might have to rely on her for all things cooking from now on. Come to think of it, she’d told me once before that she splits the chores at home with her sister, so she must be used to this sort of thing.

After we had roughly everything we needed, we headed to the cashier and split the bill. At first, I had been reluctant to let her pay since she was a guest, but she insisted that she had money from her part-time job, so I ultimately caved in.

Once we got home, we immediately began cooking. I stood next to Kitaoka in the kitchen to act as her assistant.

Kitaoka started swiftly chopping up Chinese cabbages, garland chrysanthemums, carrots, and enoki mushrooms and put them into the pot one by one. Meanwhile, I was tasked with kneading the meatballs into shape.

However, our first problem quickly reared its head once she finished washing the rice.

“Where’s the rice cooker?”

“Oh…”

I was shocked. I had forgotten one of the most important things in cooking.

“There isn’t one.”

“What?”

“I usually cook them in the pot. They come out pretty good, just so you know.”

I’d read somewhere that it was good to cook rice in earthenware pots, so when I tried it here, I found that it didn’t take much time or effort while still producing ridiculously good rice. So I never thought I’d need a rice cooker. However, said earthenware pot was currently being used for the hotpot, which meant it couldn’t be used.

“It’s okay… But hmm… What should we do now?”

The rice had already been washed, so it would be a waste to just throw it. We were both stumped.

“Oh, right!”

It suddenly hit me. I vanished into my room. After a while, I came back to the kitchen with a certain item in my hand.

“I got this from my sister. I’m pretty sure the book said it can be used to cook rice.”

In my hand was a recipe book that came with a bonus silicone steamer. (Or maybe I should say the silicone steamer came with a bonus recipe book.)

This was given to me as a parting gift from her when I moved here. She said, “Here, take this. Use it so you can eat your vegetables properly when you’re there.” I appreciated the gesture very much, but I wondered if this was the sort of thing she gave as presents to young men. Even as her brother I found it very questionable. I hadn’t even opened it yet, but it seemed that now was the perfect time to use it.

Kitaoka seemed a little skeptical at first, but after she flipped through the recipe book, she seemed to have changed her mind.

“I see… Okay, let’s try it.”

She placed the wet, washed rice into the steamer, poured in the prescribed amount of water, and set a timer on the microwave. While waiting for the hotpot and rice to cook, she started finely slicing the leftover carrots. Meanwhile, I was washing dirty dishes in the sink beside her.

“Would you say your sister’s a little strange?” she asked.

“Well, her looks are pretty ordinary. She’s got as good a head on her shoulders as everyone else, and she seriously studies at her university. But sometimes she does these mysterious things that make me wonder whether she’s doing them for laughs or not.”

My sister’s seriously an average person. She doesn’t stand out in terms of looks, has never been picked on nor does she pick on others, and is steadily making her way through life as a decent person (she does have a foul mouth when it comes to her family though). I think she’s what society would call a “good girl”, though I think the same somewhat applies to me, too.

“How old is she?”

“Let’s see… Last time I checked she was a fourth-year student at her uni…so four years plus my age would mean she’s 22 years old, more or less.”

“So she’s just like my sister then. Mine’s about to start working soon.”

“Oh, really? Come to think of it, I’ve met your sister once before.”

It was during the cultural festival when she, Risa, visited our club room. I fondly reminisced on the bright and amiable smile she’d shown me, while her little sister in front of me showed a somewhat complicated expression.

“…So it would seem. I heard from my sister.”

“What did she say?”

“‘Iijima-kun is one of your classmates, right Ema-chan? He tried really hard to explain the Boso region’s history to me today. He’s an interesting kid.’”

“Ah, I remember that. I gushed on and on about its geological strata and whatnot.”

Her sister had been listening so attentively to my explanation that I ended up going a little overboard with it back then. Perhaps it had given her the impression that I was a “geology nerd”, but it wasn’t exactly wrong, so I decided to leave it as is.

“Also, ‘Shin-kun told me that boys like him are hidden gems that reveal their true value in due time’ is what she said.”

“Huh…? No, that’s gotta be a joke…”

He had essentially told her that some massive change would likely happen to me in the near future that would somehow make me better in some way. It was so surprising that I didn’t even know what to say.

Kimura Shin was head over heels for Kitaoka’s older sister, and someone who had helped me with various things in the past. Being praised by him, the former most handsome boy in school, certainly made me happy, but his over-the-top compliment was somewhat embarrassing nonetheless. However, why had he had such a high opinion of me when we weren’t even that close in the first place.

“She then asked me, ‘What do you think, Ema-chan?’ I told her, ‘I don’t know.’”

“Personally, I don’t think I’ll be changing anytime soon…”

“…I’d like it if you didn’t change at all.”

Her voice was quiet, but I could definitely hear what she said. However, I couldn’t grasp the true meaning of her words.

Just as our conversation was wrapping up, so too had our rice finished cooking. The hotpot had also come to a nice boil.

I served the rice into the bowls we’d just bought and laid out some chopsticks and small bowls on the table. Then, in the middle of the table, I put a magazine in place of a pot stand and placed the clay pot on top of it. The instant I opened the lid, white steam came rushing out, fogging up my glasses. Seeing this, Kitaoka laughed and giggled. “Must be an everyday occurrence for you, huh.”

After we gave thanks for the meal, we picked up our chopsticks and dug in.

“It’s delicious.”

“Yeah. It really warms you up.”

The vegetables were a little soggy since they’d been cooked for so long, but that in turn allowed the umami from them and the chicken to seep and mix into the broth, giving the overall dish a rich flavor even without seasoning.

The star of the dish—the chicken meatballs—had a fluffy texture to them, and the juices inside the meatball gushed into my mouth when I bit into them, making them very tasty. The ginger also added a nice touch to the taste.

“The rice is also perfectly steamed.”

“Ah, I see. That’s great to hear.”

As I munched and chewed on my food, I absentmindedly began to ponder.

Here I was, sitting in front of the girl who I’d always loved; eating the delicious meal she and I had made together. We weren’t talking much as we were too busy enjoying our food, but I could see her spooning soup out from the pot with the most relaxed expression I’d ever seen on her face. It was something unthinkable during my high school days, when all I’d seen from her was a pouty sulk. To think that a day like this would come… It feels so unreal.

“What’s wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

However, despite my words, a single worry was beginning to grip my heart with unease.

Yes, it felt unreal; it felt warm; and although it may have been trivial, our time together had made me undeniably the happiest I’d ever been my entire life…

…But soon, she’ll have to go back home.

This realization instantly made my heart sink. How much time did I have left with her? I wanted to ask, but I feared doing so would make this magical moment lose its sparkle, so I cowered. I cowered and turned my eyes away from hers.

“I’m totally stuffed. Maybe we made a little too much, huh.”

We’d put in so many ingredients in the pot that even after we stuffed ourselves full, there was still a sizable amount left over.

I told her I’d finish the rest tomorrow, so she carried the pot to the kitchen. After we put away the dirty dishes and utensils and took a quick break, she headed back to the living room and started sorting through the bag she’d placed in the corner.

Ah, I guess it’s time for her to go. Her long hair fluttered as I braced myself to hear a farewell from her, but what I heard next was completely unexpected.

“Hey, do you have a change of clothes for me to wear after my bath? I’ll take anything; even a jersey’s fine.”

“Huh?”

“Maybe I should start filling the tub with hot water so I can use it by the time I finish removing my makeup.”

I was stunned. In her hand was a makeup pouch and toothbrush set that she had retrieved from her bag. Even I, dense as I was, could tell what this meant: she was going to stay the night here.

My mind instantly ground to a screeching halt. Huh? When we met up earlier this morning, didn’t she say she was going to look for a ticket home? Did she actually mean tomorrow? And why had I even assumed that she was going to be leaving today in the first place? Huh? Why?

“Umm…”

“What?”

“What about your train home…?”

I flusteredly managed to squeak my question out. In response, she answered in a matter-of-fact tone. “If you’re talking about the bullet train, I missed my chance for that a long time ago. Even if I take the last bullet train now, I won’t be able to make it home since I need to transfer to the subway trains.”

I glanced at my digital clock. Perhaps I’d been so immersed in my time with her that I hadn’t noticed it had gotten this late. She was right; I doubted she’d even make it to the station in time for the bullet train.

But nevertheless, I stood my ground. I didn’t think it was right to let a girl stay with me overnight so easily. I had at least that much common sense.

“Is it really okay for you to not go home?”

“…I already gave my sister the heads up. I told her I’d be staying at a friend’s house.”

A friend… Sure, it wasn’t too far off from the truth, but it still made me feel really guilty since it felt like we were tricking her sister.

“Are you really sure? Nobody’s going to report you missing to the police, right?”

“The police? Aren’t you over exaggerating? You don’t have to be such a worrywart. Or are you planning to have someone over? If you are, I’ll stay somewhere else.”

She seemed fed up with my antics. Maybe I was being a little too cautious. I hurriedly shook my head.

“No, that’s not it… Give me a sec.”

I took some clean loungewear—a top and a bottom—from a wardrobe case under my bed and gave it to her. “I’m gonna borrow your bath, ‘kay?” she lightly said before heading out of the room.

Now alone, I bent over and clutched my head in my hands.

…What am I supposed to do now?!

I was happy she’d be staying with me until tomorrow, but there wasn’t anything to do for entertainment here; heck, there wasn’t even a TV, so I couldn’t think of anything that a girl could do for fun. Well, there is one… Ugh, the fact that my mind always drifts to this line of thought is precisely why I can never take decisive action at times like these. I don’t know anymore. Should I tread down the path of a gentleman or a beast?

A night of joy, conflict, and dilemma had just begun.

Ahh… right now… she’s… right there…

I could hear the trickling sound of water hitting the floor. Right now, a girl was taking a bath here in my home. It was a situation I didn’t come by often, yet it weighed on my mind strangely vividly. I banged my head on the table repeatedly and heaved out a huge sigh, trying to shut off the fantasies that were threatening to run wild in my mind.

Adults were incredible. They must’ve weathered through many agonizing situations like these to get to where they were. I was so nervous, and my heart was beating so rapidly that the slightest of stimuli would likely burst the bubble. Pop! Like a balloon pricked by a needle. Or like stepping on a landmine hidden in a cloud of dust.

I wanted something to distract myself, so I brought out my laptop and turned it on.     Times like these called for boring, monotonous tasks. Unfortunately, I’d already cleared my inbox of spam and labeled all my pictures… Suddenly, a classic pastime creeped into my field of view. A well-known game called Minesweeper… Talk about profound timing.

I booted the game up and put on my headphones to shut out all background noise before clicking on the field to open some tiles. Sometimes I misread the tiles and clicked on a minefield. Boom! Countless explosions rang out. It felt like I was playing a little worse than usual, but still, the game’s simple yet challenging premise helped me to forget all about the seemingly slow passage of time. Every time I played a new game with a different layout, I’d wonder about how the algorithm behind the game worked.

I put my concentration to the max. I was on the verge of achieving my personal best time, with only 3 mines left on the field.

“What’re you doin’?”

Suddenly, I heard a voice right next to my ears. Startled, my hand slipped and inadvertently detonated a mine. I hurriedly removed my headphones and turned around to see a girl sitting right behind me in a casual hoodie and sweatpants.

They were your run-of-the-mill clothes from Uniqlo, but she gave off an entirely different vibe than when I wore them. Her hair was tied into a bun with a pastel-colored scrunchie, and her face below was most likely her natural look without makeup. Her skin was smooth, her eyelashes long, her eyes large, and her features well-defined… She was very charming even without her makeup, and her flushed cheeks and lips from her bath looked more glossy and delectable than ever. I was so aroused that my expression almost broke into a sleazy one as I tried to hide my mouth.

“Erm… I was just, y’know, killing some time.”

“I see. Well, I also lost myself in the bath. It was just so comfy and relaxing. Oh, and I took the liberty of using your shampoo and stuff.”

“Oh…yeah, use them as much as you’d like.”

My dazed response made her tilt her head to the side in confusion.

“Is your game gonna take a while?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then you should get going soon or else the water will get cold. Doesn’t seem like it can be reheated, either.”

“Oh, okay,” I perfunctorily replied and headed for the bathroom. In my daze, I tried to use the shower without checking carefully, causing cold water to pour on my head. “Gyaah!” I screeched in dismay.

…It was as if the heavens were telling me to get myself together.

During my shower, I accidentally used conditioner instead of shampoo (no surprise there) and almost drowned in the bathtub due to various forces of nature, but in any case, I managed to make it out of the bath, dry my hair and body, and return to the living room. Kitaoka had let her hair down at some point and was sitting on the bed playing with her phone. The sweatshirt I had lent her was unsurprisingly oversized, and its hem was folded up several times.

Come to think of it, I’d only lent her those two pieces of clothing… My gaze wandered to the area below her neck peeking out from the oversized shirt, sparking another bout of indecent delusions.

Perhaps noticing my gaze on her, she looked up at me. I reflexively shifted my eyes toward the wall.

“Hey. I think I heard a yell while you were in there?”

“Ah…that was just the shower spraying me with cold water.”

“Wait, really? Did I turn it the wrong way?”

I didn’t remember turning the knob to the cold water setting myself, so she probably did. But it was normal for her not to know what to do in someone else’s home, and I wasn’t planning on blaming her either, so I passed it off as a vague “Maybe.”

She started swinging her legs back and forth as she went back to using her phone.

“Do you want to go somewhere tomorrow?”

“Go out? Where?”

“Well, I heard there’s a mountain temple nearby.”

Even I, a newcomer to the region, was aware of the temple she mentioned. It was one of the most famous sightseeing spots in the prefecture. It was relatively easy to get to from here, and it might be the perfect place to go to for a leisurely sightseeing trip. Besides, I’d also thought of going there myself someday.

While she was fiddling around with her phone, suddenly she froze up.

“Ah.”

“What is it?”

“It says the temple used to be one of those places women ran away to in order to break up their marriage.”

“Oh. Erm, is that so…”

In other words, the temple carried the underlying notion that couples who went there would break up. Well, it’s a sort of bad omen, but that’s all it is. I tried to probe her thoughts in as simple a way as I could.

“We can go if you want to. What do you think?”

“No… Let’s not.”

Her voice was clearly laced with sulkiness. I knew I shouldn’t have asked. I guess I learnt the hard way that girls really care about that sort of thing.

“Somewhere else…”

She muttered under her breath as she started searching for another candidate. Maybe, just maybe, it’d be safer to go somewhere she wants to go rather than take her to some strange place I found online.

In the meantime, I moved the table aside, retrieved an outdoor sleeping bag from the closet, and spread it out on the floor next to the bed.

“Huh? What’re you doing?”

“I’m gonna sleep here. You can take the bed.”

“You can’t do that. Why don’t we just sleep together?”

Her bold offer made my heart jump. Of course, it wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about the idea, either. But…

“…Won’t it be cramped?”

No matter how slim she and I were, relatively speaking, two people in a single bed felt a little too crowded for either of us to be able to sleep soundly. Subjecting her to such an uncomfortable situation for an entire night would make me feel somewhat guilty, especially after she had made the long journey here just to see me.

However, perhaps she also felt guilty or hesitant about monopolizing the bed since she added a rebuttal.

“But… won’t you get cold sleeping like that? You’ll get sick.”

“Nah, it isn’t too bad here…”

The sleeping bag may have looked thin, but since we were indoors, it was more than enough to keep me warm inside it.

She simply replied with an indifferent “Oh” and backed down. After that, I began putting my feet into the bag.

“Huh? Already going to bed?”

“Well… If we’re going out tomorrow, we should head to bed early, right? Besides, I’m sure you’re tired, too. Once you’re done looking up places, you should hit the sack.”

With that, I lowered myself onto the floor. They do say that “tomorrow will take care of itself”, so maybe I’ll come across some newfound revelation for my problems when I wake up. I went to bed with this hope in my heart.

I was about to pull my sleeping bag up to my waist when a flat voice called out to me.

“Iijima.”

No sooner had I turned around than a hand reached out from the bed and tugged at my cheek.

“Tell me.”

I thought she was joking around, but her eyes, located slightly above mine, were dyed in an anxious hue.

“Why have you been so cold to me today? Why are you acting so distant with me?”

I immediately felt shivers down my spine. After all, I knew full well what she was talking about. Meanwhile, she mercilessly continued her questioning.

“Why on earth do you think I came all the way here?”

“Why…? That’s…”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you to understand? We’re a couple, aren’t we?”

I faltered under her barrage of questions. Her voice, meanwhile, steadily grew higher and higher in pitch.

“You said you wanted to see me, didn’t you? Was that just a lie?”

Of course I remembered sending that message to her. And even though I knew anything I said at this point would be meaningless, I still couldn’t help but refute her.

“No, it wasn’t…”

“But in reality, your actions don’t reflect your words. Throughout the entire day, you seemed to desperately want me to go home. I was so happy we could finally be together because I had missed you for so long, but you didn’t seem to share my sentiment at all. I feel like such an idiot for getting so worked up today.”

I was about to say, “There’s no way I wanted you to go home…” when she flopped onto the bed, covering her face with her hands.

“This isn’t right. Aren’t we supposed to be a couple…?”

…Is she crying?

I’d done it again. I cursed myself as I glanced at her, curled up in sadness. She was like a cat that had been abandoned, and it made my heart ache. Before me laid the most precious person to me in the world; she, who had laid bare all of her emotions to me, and yet, in my worthless pride, I chose to neglect them for the sole purpose of keeping my ulterior motives hidden from her.

Surely she must’ve thought about far more things than I’d imagined, leading her to come all the way here. She must have felt disappointed and unhappy with my underwhelming attitude.

“Kitaoka.”

I got out of the sleeping bag and climbed onto the bed. I started combing and stroking her long, freshly washed hair…. It smelled just like me.

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head as if she was saying she didn’t want to hear anything else. She had asked me so many questions yet didn’t demand answers for them, likely because she herself knew that her worries were unfounded.

Of course, I didn’t want to keep making excuses, either. What I want to tell her more than anything else is…

“I love you.”

I brought my face close to hers and whispered in her ear. Her thin shoulders near her chest trembled slightly in response.

“I love you so much…that I just don’t know what to do when I’m with you.”

Maybe she’ll find me pathetic. Maybe she won’t be able to empathize with how I feel. But that one sentence summed up all the problems that had been plaguing me. I’d never loved anyone as much as her, so all my previous experiences were useless, and I was left in the dark, not knowing what I should do. All this time, I had imposed a certain rule upon myself—that I do not mess anything up.

I gently grabbed her wrist and pulled it away from her eyes. Her face was red all over, and her expression was grim, but there were no tears in her eyes. I lay down next to her with her wrist in my hand and breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’m so glad I didn’t make you cry.”

“…Obviously. I’d never actually cry or anything.”

Looking at her face up close made her look more innocent and childlike than usual, and her faintly colored hair reflected the beams of light from above. I had once held the impression that she was “like an angel”, but now, I could confidently say that she truly was one. She’d shown me my flaws, given me courage, loved me with all her heart, and was a stubborn but still ridiculously cute girl. If this wasn’t what you’d call a miracle, then I don’t know what was.

“Don’t stare at me. It’s embarrassing.”

Perhaps embarrassed, she turned her back on me as soon as I let go of her hand. I really wanted to stare at her more, but I didn’t want to force her against her will either.

Instead, I gently hugged her slender back from behind. When she didn’t make any attempt to run away, I used my arms and pulled her into my embrace. My glasses were in the way, but I didn’t want to take them off just yet. I wanted to see her face clearly for as long as I could.

There was actually a line I’d been prepared to tell her when we reunited earlier today. It may have been a few hours late, but now I could finally tell her. It didn’t matter if she rejected me. I strengthened my resolve.

“Can I continue where I left off the other day?” I asked in a low whisper. She silently turned her head toward me. Her questioning eyes narrowed before eventually closing. I put my hand on her cheek and turned her head a little more towards me as I gradually brought my lips closer to hers… My heart was racing, and my chest felt like it was about to explode.

Then, it happened. I had my first kiss with my first girlfriend. It took a few more twists and turns than I’d expected to get here, but none of that mattered now. Her lips were soft and warm, and moister than I expected, vividly imprinting into my mind that this was real.

Moments later, a thin tongue timidly poked its way in between my teeth. I greeted it with my own. Our two tongues started off slow and reserved before gradually becoming more heated and intense. I didn’t know if I was doing it right. But her lips stayed firmly planted on mine, so I just kept on going, albeit clumsily.

Who knew how long we’d been at it before she finally withdrew her tongue and released her lips from mine, a pant leaking from her mouth. “Haaah…” My first kiss with a girl had turned into a mind-melting French one. I lingered on its aftertaste for a while before I opened my eyes. There, I found Kitaoka with a vacant, dazed look in hers. Her underwhelming reaction put me down a little. But still…

“That was… incredible…”

I didn’t know how Kitaoka felt about it. But for someone like me who has lived his entire life without a girlfriend, that kiss was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was as if my happiness, luck, joy, and every other positive emotion possible were cranked to the max.

However… I knew that there was in fact something else that would feel even better than this, because I had my primal instincts and some extra knowledge. What would it feel like to experience something even more incredible than kissing when kissing alone could make me feel like this? I desperately wanted to know. I wanted to know the answer to that right here and now.

I tightly wrapped my arms around her stomach and pulled her towards me. Embraced by my arms, her body shrank back a little. Then, from her stomach, I carried my arms up toward her supple regions. As if possessed, I began rubbing them with my hands. Sure, they possessed a certain feel to them that was unlike anything I’d ever felt before…but because of the thick fabric of clothing she was wearing, I couldn’t really experience it fully. I want to know how they really feel. That was what my instincts were screaming at me.

Is it okay for me to do this…?

I pulled down her zipper, watching closely to see how she reacted. I saw that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. A narrow, vertical cleavage peeked out. With nervous, trembling hands, I finally unclasped the zipper, and slowly opened up her chest.

“Nnn…”

Her upper body was now fully exposed. Her round and firm bulges were so white that the veins below were visible, and their peaks were reminiscent of a white, peachy hue. Her narrow waist also helped to further emphasize the size of her breasts. I felt something welling up from deep within my body as I muttered to myself, “This body is criminal.”

Unable to suppress my curiosity, I pinched her sensitive spots. As I teased her hard and pointed parts, her breaths slowly came out more and more heated. In between her pants, she whispered to me.

“Turn off… the lights…”

“Just a little more.”

She twitched a little when I turned her down. Of course, there was a reason behind it.

“I’ve always wanted to see you naked, Kitaoka.”

I had unknowingly been fantasizing about such things for a very long time. It may have started all the way from when we first became classmates…that is, I likely began to fantasize about her when we were first-years. Even when our relationship grew strained in the winter, she appeared frequently in my dreams.

“I’ve thought about it so many times that I wonder if I’m actually sane.”

I was truly a hopeless man. Would she still love me even after knowing this side of me?

“You idiot…”

Her voice was so soft that I could immediately tell she wasn’t angry at me. I laid her on her back and removed the sweatpants covering her legs along with her underwear. It seemed that her hoodie had fallen off the bed at some point. Now, she was fully naked, with nothing to cover her body.

She was someone I’d always longed for from the corner of the classroom. I had once given up the hope that I would ever be able to touch her or her heart. Now, she was exposing her entire body, naked as the day she was born, to me. It was even slimmer and softer than I had imagined. This nudity, beautiful yet alluringly seductive, lay completely bare before me. I felt like I would never tire of the sight. However…

“Come on, haven’t you seen enough…?”

She reached out and took off my glasses. I then stripped myself of all my clothes so that we could embrace each other directly, skin-to-skin. We were so close to each other that I could see her just fine despite my myopia.

We repeatedly kissed each other while stimulating each other’s sensitive parts… Holy crap. This feels so good, it’s like I’m in heaven. In fact, aren’t I holding an angel in my arms right now? Perhaps this really is heaven.

“Iijima…”

“Mmm?”

“I…love you too. I love you so much, it feels like I’m going crazy.”

Oh, God. I’d actually have an easier time believing this if someone told me I was dreaming.

The girl I loved had accepted me with tears of pain from having her first time taken. Of all the miracles this world had bestowed upon me on a whim, this must’ve been the happiest one yet.

I held up her body, which was now connected to mine, and stroked her back and head over and over until the pain eased.

“Ema.”

When I called her by her first name for the first time, I could feel the region where we were connected growing hotter. Her downcast face also began reddening, so much so that I could see it even in the dark. The expression she had right now was more precious than anything I’d ever seen from her before, and she was more precious to me than anything else in the world. But seeing the pain in her eyes saddened me, so I moved closer to her lips as if drawn to them.

Even if this was a dream, I didn’t want to forget this moment. I hugged her trembling body once more before I began moving, keeping that earnest wish of mine in my heart.

The sound of rustling clothes roused me from my sleep. Still in a trance-like state, I began to remember that I wasn’t sleeping alone, but together with someone next to me. Suddenly, I felt something warm touch me on my cheek. I wondered what she’d done to me…before I eventually broke into a grin in realization, still feigning sleep in the meantime.

Creak. The bed rattled loudly. I pretended to turn in my sleep and faced the direction where I’d heard the sound from. On the bedside sat an outdoor lantern used for mountain climbing. Thanks to this lantern, which I usually used for reading, I could see somewhat faintly and vaguely. She appeared to have reached for a plastic bottle that was below the bed, and was in the process of opening the lid to drink from it while still lying face-down. Even in this dim environment, I could tell that her side profile was pale.

This girl hadn’t been the experienced girl I once thought she was; during our act earlier, she seemed to be in so much pain, it hurt me just to watch her like that. A little blood also came out from her. I was surprised, but considering that she used to be extremely afraid of molestation on crowded trains, it was understandable.

As soon as she finished drinking, I took the opportunity to ask her.

“Hey…”

“What?”

“Is your body feeling okay?”

“Yup… I’m totally fine.”

Was she telling the truth? She had a bit of a stubborn streak in her, so I found it difficult to just take her words at face value.

Leaving that aside, the upper half of her body that was peeking out from the blanket seemed somewhat cold. Even though we’d just had our first time, I didn’t want to part from her so soon. When I turned over and hugged her thin waist, the smooth surface of her back greeted me with its cool touch.

As I let my skin rub against it to warm it up, the emotions I had felt earlier began to come rushing back. After lightly pinching her sensitive spot, I slid my hand in between her thighs.

“It’s true. You’re already getting wet.”

“Same goes for you. You’re already getting hard.”

Her slender fingers grabbed my member. It felt like I would come from that alone.

In the end, we made out until the break of dawn—By the time I reopened my eyes, it was already mid-noon. We had talked about going on a sightseeing trip yesterday, but now it seemed that it would no longer be possible to do so. We decided to save the trip for next time and relax in my apartment a little more for today.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.”

It was Kitaoka who left the bed first to wash off. I decided to stay here a little longer, savoring her lingering warmth and listening to the sound of running water.

Haah… What should I do…?

Though I say that, the fact of the matter is that I can’t do anything. Even I could tell that I was becoming a spineless, indecisive person in this relationship. And it wasn’t like these blissful times would continue forever. I knew I had to become more proactive, more decisive, but that was far beyond the abilities of someone deprived of romantic experience like me.

Before long, the sound of water came to a stop. It was replaced by a pleasant, mouthwatering smell wafting in from the kitchen.

“What are you making?” I asked as she returned to the room to lie down. “Well, I thought I’d make a rice soup (zosui) using yesterday’s leftovers. It’s cooking up right now.” She then began to clean up the room.

I knew I had to help…but the slightly cool air combined with the comfort of the mattress kept me stuck in place. Just gimme three more minutes, I thought as I shut my eyelids.

“Ahh!”

Suddenly, I heard a scream. I sat up, wondering what had happened as Kitaoka brought me something in her hand. “Here…” With my vision still fuzzy, I accepted the item.

Wait, is this…?

I had a bad feeling about this. I brought them closer to my eyes and confirmed my suspicions: they were my glasses.

Sheesh…

The frame was snapped in half, and the lenses were cracked as well, likely due to the sheer amount of force applied. I tried to hold the frame over my eyes to see if I could still use them, but my view was so distorted that it didn’t seem likely. Perhaps she had accidentally stepped on it while cleaning up. It was completely broken.

“No way I can use these now, huh…”

“Sorry…”

“No, it’s okay… What’s done is done.”

It was unintentional and nothing too serious. If anything, it was my fault for leaving it there. But…

“What now…? These are the only ones I have on hand…”

The metal frames I’d mainly used for school had been left behind at my parents’ house. I could ask my mother to bring them when she comes to attend my entrance ceremony the day after tomorrow, but the problem was what I’d do until then. It also didn’t help that I’d carelessly forgotten to restock on disposable contact lenses as backup.

That meant I’d be on my own for today or tomorrow… It was an extremely inconvenient situation to be in, seeing as I was still unfamiliar with both the city and my apartment. It was especially bad since for those of us with severe myopia, we were essentially blind without any sort of vision aid… Well, that was a bit of an overstatement, but you get the point.

I was at a loss as to what I should do when Kitaoka, for some reason, cheerfully chimed in.

“Then why don’t we go and buy some glasses later?”

“Huh?”

“While we’re at it, let’s get something that really looks good on you. I’ll help pick one out for you.”

Her unexpected offer stunned me into silence. Nevertheless, she continued on unfazed.

“It’ll be a pair you can use even when you go to your university. Of course, you can just retire those nerdy glasses of yours.”

…I’d heard snippets of it slip from her before, but it seemed like she really wasn’t a fan of my school glasses. I, however, had liked them very much, so I was a little saddened by our difference in opinion. But she did have a point. My old glasses didn’t really fit well with my casual attire, to say nothing of my school uniform.

I gave in and muttered, “Okay, I guess.” In my blurry vision, I almost felt like I saw her smiling happily.

I took a quick shower and wolfed down a bowl of rice porridge made with overnight broth (the flavors had had time to settle, which made the porridge quite tasty. Of course, I added an egg in there, too). Meanwhile, Kitaoka searched for a nearby glasses store.

Apparently, there was a popular store that offered a flat price for frame and lens bundles in the station building we visited yesterday, so we decided to go there.

The temperature outside was pretty cold as expected, so we put on heavy jackets and headed out.

“Watch out for the step.”

She led me by the hand onboard a bus heading in the direction of the train station. Although I said I had poor vision, I could actually discern my surroundings to some extent; in the end, however, I decided to let her guide me anyway because she seemed really eager to do so.

“Hmm, so it’s on the third floor here.”

It seemed this was the building we were looking for. We took the elevator up and headed for the glasses store.

As soon as we arrived, I tried on every single pair of glasses that were out on display.

“What do you think about this one?”

“I’m pretty sure there are comedians out there who look like that.”

“What about this? Does it slip off the nose?”

“Ah, yeah. It doesn’t seem to hold if I look down.”

“This part around the ears kinda bugs me.”

“Hmm, I guess it isn’t really a good fit, huh.”

We exchanged our thoughts on every new pair I tried. She nominated a number of other pairs, but I couldn’t really see them very well, so I eventually decided to purchase the one she told me was the best.

After I took a vision test, I was given an invoice to fill in, which Kitaoka did on my behalf because, again, I couldn’t see well. I wonder if this was what people were referring to when they called someone “efficient”.

I’d asked for thinner lenses instead of the regular ones, and surprisingly they didn’t charge me any extra fee. I had to be picky about those kinds of things because I would be using these every day, so in that regard, I was really lucky.

Also, we ended up splitting the bill 50-50 again. At first, she’d wanted to pay the entire amount since she felt responsible for breaking it, but it didn’t feel right to me since I was the only one who’d be using the glasses. I refused her money and told her I didn’t need it, but she too stubbornly refused to back down. Eventually, after some negotiation, we agreed on a 50-50 split.

After about an hour’s worth of waiting, the new glasses were ready. We moved to a nearby fast food restaurant, and I put them on. Her happy smile was clearly visible through the lenses.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about. You look good.”

“Really?”

“Yup. They’re way better than your last pair.”

I’d found these glasses perfect, too—not too big and just the right size—but it turns out that was because these were actually made for women. Upon closer inspection, I found polka dots on the inner side of the frame, which was a little too cute for my liking, but I could tell I’d get used to them with time.

“Hey, Kitaoka…”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll make sure to take good care of these.”

Even though I’d paid for half of it myself, it felt like this was my very first tangible present from her. She propped herself up on one elbow and grinned happily.

“Don’t go stepping on it, all right?”

As a matter of fact, her words reminded me of an incident back in junior high when I’d stepped on my glasses and accidentally broke its bridge.

“…And I’ll try my best not to leave it on the floor.”

She narrowed her eyes happily and said, “Good idea.”

We chatted over coffee for a while, but as time went on, her eyes fell on her phone screen more and more frequently, and with it her smile became more and more scarce. After several more iterations of this, she finally muttered slowly.

“I have to clock in for my part-time job tonight.”

I replied with a flat, half-hearted “Oh.” She gave me a forced smile.

“…So, I guess I’ll have to leave soon.”

I knew I would eventually hear those words from her, but still, I couldn’t help but be saddened by them.

“Looks like we made it on time.”

Standing in front of the ticket gate, Kitaoka muttered to herself as she looked at the electronic bulletin board overhead. She was going to take the Shinkansen on her way home, and it was fortunate that she didn’t have to wait in line since she had reserved a seat.

Last time I had been the one being sent off, but this time it was the other way around. I was horrified at my own selfishness when I almost had the horrible thought that it would be better if the train had just stopped.

An announcement rang out, informing of an approaching Shinkansen train. I bought a platform ticket and went down to the platform with her.

Suddenly, something white fluttered down. She looked up at the sky and muttered, “Oh, it’s snowing.” A single flake of snow also landed on my newly bought lenses. Soon, however, it disappeared, faster than I could strain my eyes to see its crystals.

“Well, I’ll see you later. I really enjoyed our time together.”

She was smiling, but I couldn’t tell if it was a forced one or a genuine, heartfelt one.

“Thank you for these.”

I thanked her once more as I pointed to my glasses. In response, she stuck out one of her fingers at me.

“You better be wearing those the next time we meet.”

“Yeah… I’m sure these are the only ones I’ll be using from now on.”

My high school glasses had helped me a lot back then, but the ones I had now were lighter and fit better. Plus, it was a lot less expensive than the one I’d bought before. It was amazing how far technology and the industry had come. I was nothing but impressed.

It’d been so long since my vision had been so clear; even reaching all the way to the corners of my view. The world looked more vivid than ever before. It was as if I had been reborn in a new world.

But sometimes…such incredible beauty can be painful, I thought as I looked at the person in front of me.

The bullet train arrived at the platform. But it felt like there were so many things I still hadn’t had the chance to convey to her yet. Are you really okay leaving things like this? Won’t you regret just sending her off like that? These frustrations all but melted away before I could voice them out loud. As the door opened, Kitaoka slowly raised her right hand and waved.

“See you.”

“Yeah.”

She got into the car and continued waving at me from the window seat. I, too, waved back until I could see her no more. Once the train disappeared into the distant landscape and I could no longer hear its sound, I finally walked away from the now empty platform.

The whole thing still felt so surreal to me.

With my mind still dazed, I got on the bus, walked for a while, and arrived at my apartment. I unlocked the door and took off my shoes. I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I lay down on the large bed in my room and sprawled across the mattress alone, when an overwhelming feeling of emptiness came over me.

Nothing had changed from when I left. The table, the bed, the cushions, and the half-filled mug I had drank from were just as I’d left them. But now she was gone.

It was the first time I’d brought a girl into my room. It was the first time I’d made a meal and eaten it with someone. It was the first time I had an argument with her since we became lovers. And, it was the first time we’d slept together. So many firsts had happened to me in just one day, and they drastically changed me as a person.

You were just here a while ago, yet this room now feels so much emptier without you.

‘Iijima~’

I wondered when I’d be able to see that smile of hers again. Not knowing that only further increased the sense of loss I felt. Perhaps she too had felt the same way when I left her that day.

Then why had I come here? I once again felt regret over the decision I’d made.

“…Well, I guess…there’s no use crying over spilt milk now…” I muttered to myself. What’s done is done. I can’t change the past. There are things in life that I have to accept even if I don’t want to; surely this is one of them.

Still, I couldn’t bear the crushing loneliness I felt right now, so I decided to go out again, even though I’d just gotten home. Going to a lively place with many people should take my mind off all this. I sat up and slipped my arms through the jacket which I’d just taken off.

Before leaving, I lightly cleaned the room; replaced the sheets with fresh, new ones; and put them in the washing machine with the clothes I had just changed out of, when the intercom at the front door rang. I peeked through the peephole to see who it was.

What?! There were two people standing outside my door who looked very familiar…or should I say, they looked exactly like “those two”. Startled, I rushed over and opened the door. When I did, a cheerful voice rang out.

“‘Sup!”

Carrying a large backpack and suitcase was Katsuya, who walked in the door with a big smile on his face and his right hand raised in greeting.

“You kept sending me messages about how bored you were, Yassan. It made me feel bad for you, so here I am!”

And standing impatiently behind him was…

“Ahh, I’m beat. …Yo, Messhi. It was sooo cold outside. And I’m starvin’. Can you make me something warm?”

“Even you, Tamu…?”

“Yup, s’been a while.”

She lazily smiled. I couldn’t believe it; my old classmates Katsuya Saito and Nanami Tamura were here.

Why? I was beyond surprised and was basically speechless, while Tamura put her luggage down on the floor and flatly explained to me.

“You see, me and Peyoung here are using Seishun 18 tickets to go on a tour of obscure stations.”

“I sent you a photo yesterday, y’know? I thought you’d notice.”

Now that he mentioned it, I did remember being sent an image that looked like a special train ticket. I didn’t reply to him because I didn’t understand what it meant, but I should’ve at least asked him, “What’s that?” Sudden visits really weren’t good for my heart.

“This place made for a great ‘bonus stage’ of sorts, y’know? And since your place was close by, we thought, ‘Why not come by and visit?’”

“The two of you…?”

“Don’t worry. We’ve already gotten permission from Asuka.”

“Asuka-chan adores Tamu-san, you see. ‘I’m so jealous of you, Katsuya-kun. I want to go traveling with Big Sis Tamu, too~!’ was what she said.”

It seemed Katsuya’s girlfriend had a lot of trust in Tamura. Of course she would. After all, I didn’t think that anything improper would happen between these two, either. And the fact that she hadn’t sent me any messages until she arrived, aside from some riddles, must have been because she wanted to enjoy watching my reaction. That’s just the kind of person she is. But…

“Yup. I’d say the room’s big enough for the three of us to sleep here.”

It seemed like they were planning to stay here for the night. I have to say, the fact that this happened just after Kitaoka left was truly fortunate. If it’d been a little earlier, they might have run into each other at the station, or worse, here. The thought made me shiver a little.

But leaving Katsuya aside, Tamura is still a girl. What should I do…? Suddenly, she looked at me and smirked.

“Don’t go pouncing on me, okay?”

“I won’t.”

When I bluntly refuted her, Katsuya joined in on our conversation.

“It’d basically be suicide if you tried to attack her. It’s one hundred percent impossible.”

“Don’t talk about people as if they’re monsters. You two just don’t work out enough.”

“But you told me that even during your studying for the entrance exam, you did 100 high-intensity sit-ups a day, 200 push-up squats, and even lifted 15 kg dumbbells on the side of your desk during your free time. How can weak, scrawny boys like us compete with a monster of a human being like you?”

Tamura seemed very proud and smug at his words. No wonder she had a lean, toned body. I had serious respect for her.

Well, leaving that aside, I guess Katsuya’s here, too, so there shouldn’t be a problem… I allowed them to stay the night at my place, but not without reminding them to keep the place clean.

Afterward, Tamura suggested that the three of us go on a day-trip to a bathing facility to take a hot spring bath, which we did. On the way home, we bought a ton of discounted side dishes at the supermarket before returning to the apartment.

As our banquet-like dinner was nearing its end, Tamura suddenly looked at the time.

“Hey, we’re gonna continue our journey to the next prefecture tomorrow, so both of you, quit your yappin’ and head to bed early ‘cos you’re going to have to get up at 5:30.”

“Okayyy.”

“Wait, me too…?”

My mutter was met with Tamura’s casual reply.

“Obviously. Don’t be such a downer. As a former member of the Local Geography Research Club, don’t you think you should try and learn each and every area’s tradition and geography? Huh? Or do you have some kind of prior commitment?”

“Well, no…”

“Good. I know you love taking pictures of trains, so I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun. Oh, don’t forget to charge your camera first.”

I gave a wry smile at Tamura’s one-sided way of talking.

This overbearing pair had forcefully brought me along with them, but I was glad I wasn’t lonely anymore. I was grateful to have such good friends.

After some discussion, it was decided that Tamura would sleep alone on the bed and us two boys would be using sleeping bags on the floor (Katsuya initially suggested that the both of us sleep together on the bed, but I rejected the idea and said, “Stop messing around.”)

Tamura let down her tied-up hair as each of us lay down in our respective spots. After turning off the lights, we listened to Tamura’s orders and stopped talking for the night.

Before long, they fell fast asleep. I secretly checked my smartphone.

…She should be finished with her part-time job by now.

I still hadn’t gotten word from her on whether she’d arrived safely or not. But it was already late at night, and she must’ve been exhausted from traveling and working at her job with no breaks in between. I decided to sleep for now and check on her tomorrow when things had settled down.

My eight-car train rattled its way down the track. It was already close to midnight, but the city landscape outside the window was still lively and bustling. The familiar sight made me feel that I was finally home.

For the past five hours, I’d been busy toiling at my part-time job. I’d managed to keep a hold of myself during that time, but as soon as I got off my shift, I found myself distracted by my thoughts.

My mind couldn’t help but think back to the person I’d left earlier this noon. It was strange. I’d almost never been aggressive toward other members of the opposite sex, and I had an especially severe aversion to being touched by others. And yet, last night, I barged into his house, stayed the night there, and even made him sleep with me… Geez, I can’t believe I did that.

“Ema…”

He’d called me by my first name once, and in a very husky voice. Just remembering it made my body heat up and sent a numb, electrifying feeling from deep within me that reached all the way to my mind and clouded it.

I was really erotic last night, wasn’t I…

No, but if that’s the case, then the same thing could be said about Iijima, too. Normally, he would have this “I’m not interested in women” look on his face, so it was a huge shock when he told me, “I’ve always wanted to see you naked.” Had he been thinking about such things every time we walked home together? Also, he kept on kissing me and teasing me for such a long time… I don’t really know if he was good or bad at the act, but being attacked so thoroughly and aggressively like that made me feel like something had awakened in me, just slightly. Damn that closet pervert, I cursed in my heart.

I can’t believe he was hiding his true nature like that. Nobody at school probably knew about this side of him.

Come to think of it, that was the first time I’d seen him without his glasses. His face wasn’t anything remarkable, but it was still pretty decent. Also, the glasses we picked out together looked good on him, and I think he looked pretty handsome. A small part of me wanted to brag about him to everyone, but I think I’ll keep it secret for a little longer.

I wonder what he’s doing now…

I checked the smartphone in my hand again. No new notifications had arrived. This was probably the umpteenth time I’d wondered the same thing and checked my phone since I left him.

This loop of having my hopes raised only to have them dashed a second later continued as the train entered the city where I lived. It had just departed from the final stop before my station, when my phone briefly vibrated.

“Ah…!”

Could he be telepathic? Unfortunately, I was proved wrong when it turned out to be a message from someone else. But when I read the contents of the message, I grew a little excited.

Yup, it’d be faster to say this directly than to type out a few short sentences. I decided to call them later.

I got off at my station, went through the ticket gate, and called them as I walked down the street to my house.

“Hey, it’s been a while~. I got your message~.”

From the other side of the phone, I heard a cheerful “Thanks. How are you doing?”

It’d been a long time since I’d talked to Kumiko on the phone like this. I knew how she was doing because I’d received word from my old junior-high friends, but because we were both busy studying for our entrance exams, we hadn’t personally spoken with each other since the cultural festival.

Her message read: “I heard they just released a special episode for that drama, but it didn’t air here. Do you have it recorded?”

I replied: “Of course I do,” and added that I had the entire series saved on my disk, so I could lend it to her if she liked.

“Oh, yeah, how’s it like in Hiroshima? Have you tried the okonomiyaki there?”

I quickly switched topics. I’d actually used her message as an excuse to call her because I wanted to talk to her to clear up my mind.

“I mean, the okonomiyaki’s good, but did you know they have a secret specialty? It’s their eels (anago)? In fact, I just went to have some with my visiting parents and it was really good. I wished you were here to try it, too.”

“Eel (anago)?” I asked.

“Yes, Masuo-san’s colleague, Anago-san,” she replied.

Her ridiculous joke cracked me up, and I burst into laughter.

“Well, I just got back from my trip to Yamagata. It was really cold there. And still snowing, too.”

“…Yamagata?” she asked curiously.

I wonder why she sounded so intrigued? When I answered “yes”, her voice took on a more suggestive tone.

“Were you perhaps visiting Iijima-kun?”

“Huh?”

“You see, Iijima-kun told me the other day that he got accepted to a university in that region, and that he’d be moving there.”

I was struck speechless at her accurate remark. I had let my guard down since I thought her being from a different high school meant that she wouldn’t notice. But what surprised me more than that was…

“When did he tell you?”

I had no idea that he and Kumiko were still in touch with each other. What did she mean ‘the other day’? At the very least, it couldn’t have happened before his results had been announced, right? Then didn’t that mean they’d talked just recently?

While I was evidently shaken, Kumiko replied in a flippant tone.

“I think it was about a week ago? We went to a Scosho concert together, you know?”

“What the hell? I haven’t heard anything about that.”

It was all so shocking that I’d accidentally used a harsh tone with her. From what she’s saying, they must’ve talked in person rather than on the phone. And they even went to a concert together? Two people who share an interest in the same band, going to a concert together? That’s a pretty huge event, isn’t it? Why was I kept in the dark about this until just now??? All these mysteries frustrated me to no end.

“…So he didn’t tell you.”

“Yes. He said nothing at all, even when I was there yesterday. Nothing about you, nothing about Scosho, nada. Could he have done it on purpose…?”

He told me things about his sister; things about traffic lights; and other trivial things. Why didn’t he tell me about Kumiko? Did he have something to hide?

I was on the verge of falling into an endless pit of suspicion and doubt, when Kumiko’s giggle reached my ears.

“‘Even when I was there yesterday,’ you say? So you were with him.”

“Ah.”

“Oh right, when we were at the concert, Iijima-kun told me that things were ‘a little complicated with Kitaoka-san’. Looks like you’ve already made up.”

I could practically hear a “ROFL” at the end of her sentence. Kumiko was a sharp girl, so she had likely inferred what our relationship was like if I was “there yesterday (until today)”

So, now that I knew the truth, I was faced with a crucial decision to make…either play dumb and feign ignorance, or confront him about it.

“Woah, now this is what you call an unexplored area! I’m so glad we came here! This place’s seriously got charm!”

“The Sea of Japan! The roaring waves! I can practically feel the suspense!”

“I know, right?! I can just picture a criminal being cornered by a police inspector right there!”

After having taken a lengthy train ride, we got off at a station that ranked highly on the list of “Japan’s Most Unexplored Stations.” We admired the run-down station building for a while before we left and walked down a highway. There, we stumbled upon a spectacular view of waves breaking on some craggy rocks.

The pair next to me squealed noisily at every minor detail as I tried to concentrate on capturing the scenery with my camera. When I raised the shutter speed really high, the waves came out looking like those in the woodblock print The Great Wave of Kanagawa, a part of Katsushika Hokusai’s Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji.

While I was engrossed with taking pictures, Katsuya suddenly asked me a question about something he’d seemingly just remembered.

“Oh right, Yassan. When did you buy those glasses?”

“Huh? Oh, just yesterday.”

Since he didn’t ask anything like who I bought it with, I gave him an honest answer. “Hmm…” Katsuya hummed and nodded deeply without asking any further questions.

I decided to check the pictures I’d taken. Ooh, this one’s pretty good… I went through each picture and adjusted their exposure and focus. Meanwhile, Katsuya turned towards Tamura and, with his head held high, gave her a salute.

“Inspector Tamura, I’ve confirmed that the suspect is indeed guilty!”

“Well done, Detective Peyoung. Time to get a confession out of him.”
“Roger that, chief!”

An inspector the superior of a detective? Leaving aside the fact that their setting was somewhat questionable, it seemed like they were doing some sort of strange roleplay. Those two never change, huh… I looked on warmly when Katsuya suddenly moved in front of me, blocking my field of view.

“Yassan. Aren’t you hiding something from us?”

“Uh…”

My heart constricted in sheer surprise. Of course I knew what he was asking about.

He pressed on with the questioning in a tone identical to those in detective dramas.

“…You had two people’s worth of mugs, teacups, and chopsticks in your apartment. Your bowls and other utensils were all washed, meaning they were just used. You definitely had someone in your room before we came over, didn’t you?”

His spiel finally made me realize. This roleplay of theirs was them putting me on trial. A cold sweat broke out on my back upon this realization as Tamura took over.

“That’s not all. The braised carrots in your fridge? At first, I thought you’d made those, which kinda impressed me at first, but then I realized it was more likely someone special made them for you, right?”

“We could tell from the get-go that something was off about you, Yassan. You were very flustered when you opened the door, and it just felt like you didn’t take our visit very well. It was natural; your girlfriend had just been there, so you were worried that we’d uncover traces of that.”

They’d hit the nail on the mark, but I felt like the situation could still be salvaged. I shook my head and replied.

“Nah… There’s no way.”

“Yassan, why don’t you just fess up already?”

Katsuya sounded exasperated and fed up. With a theatrical scowl on his face, he moved over and made a show of whispering to Tamura as if to keep me from overhearing.

“Inspector Tamura, as a matter of fact, I discovered conclusive evidence in the suspect’s closet yesterday…”

Now that he mentioned it, I remembered I’d stored tissues in there, along with a certain something I’d bought with it. Oh God. I tried to stop him, but Tamura responded with a curious look on her face.

“What did you find? Okamoto condoms?”

“Nope, Sagami ones. Also, the box was already unsealed, and several of its contents had been used.”

“Don’t just snoop around somebody’s home!”

I’d let him stay at my place, only for him to repay me by searching through my home like a low-life! Even if he’d noticed this “evidence”, wasn’t it an unspoken rule among men to just turn a blind eye to it? And Tamura! You’re a girl, so don’t play along with his dirty jokes so happily.

Unable to suppress my indignation, I raised my voice in anger. Despite this, he remained unfazed and calmly replied.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, you know. I was going to put my sleeping bag away, so I opened your closet and found your Gregory rucksack hung up inside. But the flap on top wasn’t closed tightly, so I accidentally caught a peek of what was inside.”

“I see, so you hid them inside an unused bag. I totally missed that.”

“Oh, and for the record, I didn’t count the exact amount missing from the box. All I did was shake it a little, and that clued me in on the box’s half-empty state, you see~.”

Hearing that now did nothing to console me. Katsuya and Tamura’s lack of tact was mostly to blame, but I also hated the fact that my carelessness was what got me tangled in this mess in the first place.

I crouched down on the rocky ground and clutched my head in my hands. Seeing me so blatantly distressed, Katsuya laughed heartily.

“So, who’s the mystery person? You must be dating them, right?”

“Err, well…”

I looked up at him. He grinned and pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

“You know, I found this inside the paper bag that came with your glasses…”

He slowly unfolded the piece of paper, smirking. And written on said piece of paper was…

Ahhh—!

I screamed out loud in my heart as a white wave of water rose from the sea behind me.

In the evening, I parted ways with the overexcited duo at the station and headed home, feeling somewhat drained.

As I made my way home by bus, I decided I’d definitely put my apartment in order tonight. Tomorrow, my mother would be coming to visit, so I had to make sure what the duo pointed out to me today was completely hidden away by then. In that sense, I guess I had to be grateful for my two rambunctious and nosy friends.

Almost as soon as I got off the bus, I received a call on my smartphone. The caller was… a person I had planned to call myself when I arrived home. My face naturally broke out into a smile.

I picked up the call as I walked home. On the other end of the phone, Kitaoka asked me in a somewhat languid tone.

“What were you up to today?”

“Ah… You know Katsuya and a girl who used to be in Class B called Tamura? In case you forgot, Katsuya’s a really close friend of mine. Those two came to visit me yesterday, and they just left some time ago.”

“Wait, yesterday? So they came after I left?”

“Yeah. After I saw you off at the station and returned home, I did some cleaning when suddenly the intercom rang. They didn’t even contact me beforehand, so I was just as shocked as you are.”

It was truly a bolt out of the blue. I reminisced and looked back upon how shocking that moment was again, while she muttered an astonished, “Wow…”

“Then I guess it would’ve been really bad if I’d stayed at your place a little longer, huh? So, did you have fun?”

“Well, if I had to say, I guess I did have fun, but…”

Her question was trivial, but I couldn’t lie to her on the spot, which made me phrase my answer vaguely. Seemingly having keenly sensed my indecisiveness, she asked.

“What’s wrong, did something happen?”

“No, well…maybe.”

“What do you mean ‘maybe’? C’mon, spill it.”

“……They found out we’re dating.”

“Huh?”

When Katsuya cornered me at the cliff earlier this noon, what he had in his hand turned out to be the warranty card for the glasses I had bought yesterday. Printed on it was the store my glasses were bought at, the model number of the lenses and frame, and the results of my eye test (used to determine the lenses’ strength). Lastly, it noted the date of purchase, yesterday’s date; above which was the name “Ms. Kitaoka” clearly written in small letters.

Tamura peered at the paper in Katsuya’s hand and gushed in astonishment.

“So I guess this means you went to buy a pair of glasses together with your girlfriend, but she accidentally wrote her own name when she was filling in the form, huh.”

Astute observation skills. She was spot-on. I’d actually noticed that the invoice had the wrong name on it, but the cashier didn’t say anything about it, so I left it as is.

“‘Kitaoka’… Are you aware of any women with this particular surname, Inspector Tamura?”

“Hrmmm… I have no idea. All I can say is that, although it isn’t that rare of a surname, it isn’t a very common one, either. I wonder if there’s anyone at our school who has that surname…”

Then, they both turned to me with the most mischievous of expressions on their faces. Begrudgingly, I stood up and heaved the biggest sigh of the year.

“Ugh, if you two already knew that much, couldn’t you have spared me the interrogation…?”

Katsuya had always probed me about this subject from way back then, and Tamura had also told me that she’d heard I was awfully close with her. Surely these two hadn’t forgotten those already.

With a huge grin on his face, Katsuya snuggled up to me and replied.

“Yup. But…I want to hear it straight from your mouth. ‘I love Ema.’”

“You idiot. There’s no way I’d say that.”

“But dayum, you seriously bagged a cute girl like her, huh Messhi. I don’t know what to say anymore.”

“Hey, hey, what nicknames do you call each other with?”

“Nothing special… Just ‘Iijima’ and ‘Kitaoka’.”

“I call BS. I bet you guys call each other with much more embarrassing nicknames. Something like ‘Kyun-kyun’ or ‘Ema-nyan’ maybe?”

“‘Kyun-kyun’ from ‘Yasu-kyun’, huh… Then wouldn’t it be better if his nickname for her was something like ‘Nyan-nyan’?”

While they excitedly indulged in their delusions, I decided to keep my mouth shut and leave them alone. Nevertheless, I ended up getting teased and bullied for the entire day over the whole fiasco.

…And that was how that ridiculous episode of my life came to an end. But I didn’t want to go into the details too much, so I gave her a short summary: The three of us went on a trip; they found out I had a girlfriend from traces of her in the room (I kept the part about the bag inside the closet and the glasses warranty card a secret); and finally, I confessed the truth to them.

“Hoooh. So, what did Katsuya-kun say next?”

“He said something along the lines of “Ah, I knew it.” Oh, but I don’t think those two will spread rumors or gossip about our relationship…”

Still, I wondered if she would get angry at me for telling them without her permission. I worried about her reaction, but instead received a surprising answer.

“The truth is, Kumiko also found out about our relationship yesterday.”

“What?!”

“I was on the phone with Kumiko last night. She first noticed that I’d gone over to stay at your place, then she kept persistently asking me for details. Eventually, she got so annoying that I ended up telling her we’ve been going out for a while now.”

Kumiko had also been very suspicious of my relationship with Kitaoka for a while, but I denied her accusations every single time. Now, however, she knew the truth—Everything had worked out in the end, and I had been lying to her the entire time. I subtly tried to ask about her reaction.

“Was Kumiko-san surprised?”
“Nope. She just said, “I see, I see~.” If anything, I’d say she took it surprisingly well.”

I was relieved to hear that. Well, that sounds just like the laidback Kumiko I know. I was all smiles when suddenly, her voice turned thorny.

“By the way, I heard that you went to a concert together with her. Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“Ah.”

Just from her tone, I could tell she was really upset. She still seemed to be very sensitive about being left out of things. I hurriedly tried to make an excuse.

“Umm, well, I’d thought it’d be weird to invite you to the concert of a band you didn’t really know well. Besides, back then we were still, y’know…”

I’d gone to the concert with Kumiko right before Kitaoka and I confessed our feelings for each other. At the time, I hadn’t expected our relationship to become what it was now, so I hoped she’d forgive me for going with one of her friends.

“I know. But I really just had to get it off my chest.”

“Sorry. I’ll keep you informed on everything from now on.”

After I earnestly apologized to her, she didn’t utter any more complaints. Instead, after some hesitation, she began to ask. “There’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while now.”

“…Iijima, do you actually prefer meeker and more docile girls?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, both Kumiko and the girl you walked home with that day fit into that category, right? Especially Kumiko. She’s someone you were able to talk to naturally from the moment you first met her, both of you share the same hobbies, and she’s a really nice girl, too. So I’ve been wondering if those kinds of girls are more of your type.”

…Isn’t it too early for her to start doubting me, especially when our intimate session lasted all the way until yesterday noon? I was about to tell her off and say, “Of course that’s not true,” when I suddenly remembered.

Kitaoka had long since been wary of my relationship with Kumiko; she’d sulked heavily when I told her I’d lent a DVD to Kumiko, and when she’d heard that we’d met at a cafe, she straight out asked me, “Are you guys dating?” Perhaps this had been her worrying over something happening between me and Kumiko. In other words, this was that, wasn’t it…?

“No, well, Kumiko-san is a good person.”

I had to give her credit where it was due. She was bright, clever, caring and beautiful. But nevertheless…

“But the only person I’ve ever had my eyes on is you.”

I was somewhat embarrassed to say that. Normally I wouldn’t do something like this, but because we couldn’t see each other over the phone, I managed to tell her my feelings.

I could hear Kitaoka gasp on the other end of the phone. I took care not to speak too fast out of embarrassment as I addressed the girl who was likely puffing her cheeks out in jealousy to the point of bursting.

“I’ve felt that way ever since the day I lent my sandals to you on the day of our summer camp.”

It all started when I looked back at her cowering figure from behind on a slope in the mountains. It took me a while to realize that the feeling I’d felt was love, but from that moment on, the one person who would always occupy the majority of my heart was her. Whether it be Kumiko’s suggestive gestures toward me, a passionate confession of love from a kouhai of mine, or an immense shock at a certain someone’s offhand remark; for better or worse, I always had her in my mind.

With a sulky, low tone, she replied.

“So did I. I’ve always had eyes for you since that day.”

I had always hoped it was true, but to hear straight from her mouth that she actually did feel the same way as me was a little embarrassing. Surely she too must’ve been blushing furiously at this moment. Her curt way of speaking only served to prove that she was in fact hiding her embarrassment.

Taking advantage of the fact that neither of us could see the other’s expression, I broke into a wide grin as I waited for her excuses.

“Actually, wouldn’t you have been the weird one if you hadn’t liked me back then? Would you normally be so kind to someone who’s ‘just a classmate’?” she questioned.

“Who knows.”
“‘Who knows?’ Geez, this is why you’re so unfair…”

The truth is, for past ‘me’, she wasn’t even someone who was “just a classmate”, she was the girl I hated the most in the entire school. Even I myself don’t know why I acted that way at that time. But maybe, just maybe, somewhere in a small corner of my mind, I had predicted that this kind of future would come from it.

“But y’know, I still feel like I kinda lost out on some things,” she started.

“Why?”

“Well, think about it. If we’d started dating earlier, we could’ve spent more time with each other. Doesn’t that frustrate you?”

I knew what she was trying to say. The both of us had already felt the same way about each other, so if just one of us had summoned up the courage a little earlier, we’d have had so much more memories of the time we spent together. We wouldn’t have so many of these sad, lonely feelings.

But—

“Don’t worry,” I stated in a rare display of confidence.

With her words just now, I finally formed an outline in my mind on what I’d wanted to convey to her yesterday when we parted.

“I’ll just have to make up for our lost time starting now.”

Both of us had extremely obstinate characters, hopelessly divergent paths, and had almost strayed so far that I’d thought we’d never see each other again, but we finally met in the middle as a byproduct of chance, each of us carrying the same feelings for one another. It was precisely because of this sad and painful time we’d spent in the past that I felt the present was that much more precious. If you thought about it that way, then we hadn’t “lost out” on anything at all.

“Will you really be able to make up for it?” she teasingly asked.

“Well, that’s what I plan to do. That said, we almost spent no time with each other during the second half of our third year, so it might take a really long time to do so.”

“…I’m fine with it, no matter how long it takes. It’s not like I have anything else to do anyways.”

“But you might get so bored of me one day that you won’t want to see me as much anymore. Are you really sure?”

“Didn’t I just tell you I’m fine with it? If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have dated someone like you.”

I almost dropped my phone the moment I heard that. “Someone like you,” she said. Her phrasing is as harsh as always. But, well, hearing her say, “No matter how long it takes,” really makes me happy… As I pulled myself together, she continued in a somewhat pouty tone.

“Never mind that; the real question is: are you sure you’re fine with someone like me, Iijima? I’m sure you know I can be selfish, insensitive, and pretty annoying, right?”

I almost dropped my phone again when I heard that. I didn’t think she had to put herself down like that, but I tended to be harsh on myself too, so I knew what it was like to just let a self-deprecating comment slip from your mouth.

So how would she want me to reply to her in a situation like this?

I imitated the way she replied to me and spoke.

“I told you I’m fine with you, didn’t I? In fact, I wouldn’t settle for any other girl than you.”

“I wouldn’t have dated someone like you.” “Are you sure you’re okay with someone like me?” Both of us were aware that we had many shortcomings and flaws, but surely it was because we were like that that we had been attracted to each other. I’d once thought she was someone impossible for me to fall in love with, but we were more similar to each other than I’d thought, at least in this regard. No matter how far apart we were, I could no longer see myself with any other girl.

So, together, we shall overcome lonely nights and unreasonable situations together. Even if we can’t be near each other, our feelings will always be with one another.

Let’s forever walk the long road ahead of us together.