Kimi ni Koi wo Suru Nante, Arienai Hazu Datta

“Thank God the weather’s clear today.”

Sitting beside me on a long seat, Kitaoka watched the passing scenery through the window in front of us.

Last evening, the weather forecast had predicted a downpour of rain today. However, although the winds were rather strong, the sky was still pretty clear, though not as much as yesterday’s. The air was hot, and several of the cherry blossoms near my house were starting to bloom. That said however, weather like this tends to result in flowers releasing lots of pollen into the air, which, even after taking medication, isn’t very friendly to a hay-fever sufferer like me.

Soon after I’d arrived home yesterday, Kitaoka sent me a message via my phone number that we’d exchanged that day. “What time will you take the train tomorrow?” it read.

I counted backwards from the time my bullet train would depart and from there, sent her the approximate I’d be taking the subway. Soon, I received a reply. “Alright, I’ll accompany you half-way to my part-time job.”

We then discussed the specific train and train car we’d book tickets for before I turned in for the night. The next day, I went to the station and boarded the train we’d decided on, where I safely managed to find Kitaoka.

On the way, we made small talk: speculating about the weather at my new place and such. Before long, we arrived at the terminus, Chiba station.

Kitaoka’s part-time job was at a restaurant in the station’s vicinity, and today it seemed she was going to be working the day shift and night shift.

Right beside the platform we’d arrived on was Track 4, the track upbound trains ran on. It would take roughly forty minutes for one to reach the Shinkansen’s starting station, Tokyo Station, which was further up the line. I checked my watch and found that the next train would arrive in approximately seven minutes.

I wanted to ride a train car that wasn’t crowded, so I moved to the opposite end of the long platform. Perhaps wanting to accompany me until the last possible moment, she, too, followed me as if it was natural.

With the spring breeze blowing through her long hair, she looked up at me and spoke.

“Sorry, this is the most I can go since it’s almost time for my part-time job.”

“No, it’s okay. Thank you.”

Albeit coincidentally, I was glad to have been able to see her one last time. If she hadn’t come here today, who knows when I would be able to see her again. She did tell me yesterday on our way home that she wanted to visit me at least once next spring break, but naturally that meant it would take up time and money. As such, I couldn’t find it in me to tell her, “Please do.”

An announcement rang out, notifying of an arriving train. Soon, it slid into the platform followed by a strong gust of wind.

The doors opened, and just as I’d expected, there were few people in this car. This station being the starting point of the line may have also played a role.

“That was fast.”

“Yeah. But there’s still some time left before it leaves, so…”

I tried to squeeze the words out, but my voice came out feebly. As I awkwardly slurred my words, another announcement came through; this time to announce that the train would be departing shortly.

“Time for me to go, I guess.”

I waved my hand, ready to board the train when suddenly, the straps on my backpack were pulled from behind.

Confused, I turned around and saw that they were being tightly held onto by the girl behind me. Her expression was sulky, and her head was hung low.

“What is it?”

“Hey, are you really leaving?” she asked in a tone as pouty as her expression.

I meekly nodded my head. It was too late for her to try and keep me from leaving. After all, she had never said anything to that effect until now. Why had she chosen this late a point in time to tell me?

Confused, I tilted my head to the side. Her reply came in a voice so quiet, one might’ve thought she was talking to herself.

“…You could at least give me a ki…”

I couldn’t catch the last part of her sentence, but based on the circumstances, I could hazard a good guess as to what she was trying to say.

I immediately felt my face flush a crimson red. She was asking me to kiss her.

Of course, I had always wanted to do it with her for a long time. However, although the platform and the train may have been scarce with people, the thought of kissing each other in broad daylight was still too embarrassing for me. The hurdle was much higher than when Kumiko had asked me the same a while back. But turning down such a tempting offer from my cute girlfriend wouldn’t be right, either. I had to decide quickly; otherwise, I would miss the train. What should I do…?

After a few seconds of earnest deliberation, I finally came to a decision. I turned to Kitaoka and placed my hand on her slender shoulders.

She lightly lifted her chin and closed her eyes. I moved my hands from her shoulders and placed them on her small cheeks, cupping them with my hands. I brought my face right in front of hers.

Then, I gently pressed my bulky lips against her exposed forehead, courtesy of the wind.

Unable to bear the embarrassment any longer, I quickly pulled away. She immediately shouted in protest, holding the area around her forehead.

“What?! There?!”

“Sorry! Any more will have to wait for next time!”

Hopefully she’d let me off with this. Her lips were too high a hurdle for my heart to clear.

No sooner had I entered the train to run away than the doors closed.

There were plenty of empty seats, but I stood near the doors for a while and looked out the window. My eyes met Kitaoka’s on the platform, and I gave her a small “bye-bye” wave.

She, too, waved back at me and smiled bashfully. However, her eyes slowly began to warp in sadness.

Soon, the train began moving. Her smile faded away, and her lonely silhouette started growing distant. Eventually, it disappeared from view, but even then, I remained fixed at the doors, rooted in place.

I looked slightly up, where the soft, blue sky stretched in all directions.

It should’ve been the perfect weather for my departure, yet for some reason I felt so sad and heart-broken as the desire to scream in anguish welled up from within me.

I’d finally learnt that the girl I’d loved for so long reciprocated my feelings. I should’ve been the happiest I’d ever been over the past 18 years I’d lived so far.

Slowly, I was growing further and further away from the platform where I’d always met with her. A place I’d desperately looked forward to every week, filled with cheeky banter, laughter, and breathtaking memories. The thought that those days would never come back was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever felt in my life.

“I miss you…”

I muttered the words she’d told me at the park yesterday. It didn’t really register in my mind at the time, but now I keenly shared her sentiment.

My regrets began piling up. Maybe I should’ve said sweeter words to her. Maybe I should’ve hugged her tighter.

Springtime had come once again. I faintly remembered the various events that unfolded this same season three years ago.

At first, I thought she was a cute girl. But then, I came to realize that she was an unpleasant girl. And now…

…I love her. More than anything else in the entire world.

I’m certain the feelings I have for her are endless. There will be various hardships I will have to overcome in the future, after which I will become an adult. And amidst it all, my feelings for her will remain for a very, very long time. With this premonition in mind, I sniffled my nose loudly, allergic to the warm spring air.