Long Past Dawn

Once I calm down a bit I get up and look around the room, cement flooring and brick on all three walls, the fourth wall is completely covered in shelving, the shelves seem to be made from some metal and behind them I can see more brick.

On the wall across the room from there's another door just like the one that leads out of the room, I walk over to that one and whisper 'open' like the first one it opens with a beep and the lights inside turn on, it's a bathroom, a toilet, a sink, a bath, and a separate shower.

I walk back out of the bathroom and the door closes behind me with yet another beep, the bed is on the middle of the wall across from the shelves, it's a pretty normal bed except that it's queen size, other than that the room is empty. I also notice that there's no light switch anywhere in the room but if it's anything like the doors then maybe I only need to say. "Lights."

In a second the whole room is plunged into darkness. One way to find out how the lights work I guess. "Lights."

The lights come back on. I want to sit down somewhere but I don't want to ruin the clean sheets on the bed because of my cuts..... I look down at my cuts, a piece of glass sticks out of one of them and I have half the mind to just pull it out right here but then I remember something.

"Now you have to remember, never pull something out of a cut, it just lets more blood flow out and if too much blood comes out then you can even die. Only take something out of a cut when you have someone there to keep you safe. Ok?' I had stepped on broken glass and it had stuck in my foot, it hurt so much but mom got it cleaned and bandaged, she also taught me that it's unsafe to leave a cut open.

I miss you, mom.

The stinging pain comes back to me. You know what? F*ck it. I pull the glass shard out, it's longer than I thought it was and there's both my fresh and dried blood on it, I bring it up so I can see it clearly and I catch my reflection in it, puffy, red eyes and tears stains that streak down my cheeks, it's not a pretty sight.

The weight of it in my hand is fairly light but to me, it feels heavy with memories. I lower it until the pointed edge is placed against my c.h.e.s.t. How easy would it be to push this through my heart? To end this pain?

But I can't do it. I know that no matter how much I'm put through I could never take my life, I'm too much of a coward to even try. But I can do this, I roll up my sleeve and Slash three deep cuts into it, not deep enough to kill but deep enough that I know will leave a scar, as soon as the glass shard touches my skin it breaks and my blood starts to flow out of the cuts. One cut for mom, one for Charlie and one for me.

For all the symbolism that this is supposed to show it damn hurts all right.

I look down at my other cuts, most have stopped bleeding and the blood has dried but some still are fixed on bleeding. I figure that since I can't even see the cuts on my back I should take Wonderwoman up on her offer and get them treated. I sigh, I don't necessarily want to go outside so they can see that I've been crying but I also don't want to bleed out on the floor. I notice that the blood is starting to drip onto the floor and I'm going to have to clean that up later and it's better that they get treated so they can stop bleeding, not to mention that the stinging pain will also stop.

I head out the door, but on my way out I notice how light headed I am. I really don't want to think about how much blood I've probably lost to make me like this.

I can feel the blood oozing down my arm and dripping off my fingers, not to mention the blood running down my back and legs. I must look like a wounded warrior returning from a battle right now.

I manage to stumble my way to the main area where I can see Wonderwoman waiting with an already prepared first aid kit.

When she sees me stumbling over she rushes over to help me. "How come you didn't come faster when it was this bad? Dawn, you're still bleeding for crying out loud! How much blood have you lost for you to get like this?!"

I don't reply, I just let her lead me to where the first aid kit is. Her gaze softens slightly after she sits me down on a stool, "Come on, show me your wounds now."

***

Almost an hour later all my injuries have been properly dressed and I feel like a mummy with all the medical gauze wrapped around my back, legs, and arm. I can still see Wonderwoman's face when she saw what I did to my arm.

I walk back to my room feeling a little less like a deflated pool float every second. I finally walk through the door and stuck on what to do next.....

Unpacking it is. I grab the duffle bag that's still on the bed and bring it over to the shelves. I pull out my clothes and fold them neatly on a shelf at the far left, then I pull out my sketchbooks and line them up on the shelf above the one that now has my clothes on it, then I pull out the spray paint, white, yellow and dark red, and put them next to the sketchbooks. I then grab all the stuff for the bathroom and walk over and put them in there, now all that's left is my art supplies and the picture. I walk back over to the duffle, some of the art supplies are loose and rolling around the bottom of the duffle while I was smart enough to grab the pencil case with all my other supplies in it, I quickly open the pencil case and stuff the other loose pieces that seem to be inhabiting the corners of the duffle before zipping the case shut and putting it up next to the spray paint and sketchbooks.

Now for the photo. I take the photo out with shaking hands and take it over to a shelf on the far right of the wall, I place it on the shelf so that it's almost right next to the door, I also notice the piece of glass lying on the floor where I left it, I pick it up and put it down next to the photo. I then go and put my duffle bag and stuff it on the shelf under my clothes and I'm done.

I look back on my andy work but it seems more like someone staying at a hotel for a few days and not someone living here. Not that I honestly care.

I go and lie down on the bed, immersed in my own thoughts. Only after I lie down do I realize just how tired I am. My eyes flutter closed and I'm plunged into a dark, hazy world of sleep.