Long Past Dawn

I can't sleep. Too many things are keeping me awake.

'Dawn, you're going down a dark path.'

I roll onto my back and try to fall asleep, even if it would be a feverish fit of sleep.

'It doesn't feel like a happy three-person family is living here, it feels more like a dollhouse.'

"What the hell do you know..." I mutter as I try my left.

'Dawn, I am your mother.'

I sit up and sigh before slipping out of bed. I need air, now.

I slip on my shoes and am careful not to wake the sleeping Iferis on my bed, in her small form of course.

Heading nowhere and anywhere I wander in any direction for a while before taking a path down to the beach. Maybe the sound of the waves will help calm me down.

I walk down the wet sand, the grains sticking under my feet and between my toes. A white wave washes over my feet and I shiver at the cold water.

I slowly start to move faster and faster until I'm running down the beach.

The feeling of the sand beneath me seems to ground me, even if only a little. In its own way, it almost feels like I'm flying, my feet a steady drum on the wet sand. I don't know anything about what's happened these past few weeks, Gods, parents, powers I can't control… I don't know anything about that sort of thing, but running. Now that was something I'd been doing since day one, which is a strange thought when looking back since this all started when that man bumped into me, or maybe it started before that, who knows.

My complicated and twisted thoughts slowly start to unravel as I run across the sand until all I can think of is the thump of my heart in time with the drum of my feet.

None of it matters anymore, just like the seafoam out on the ocean these thoughts will be gone by morning without even a memory left behind. I tell myself this knowing full well it's a lie.

Questions I don't have answers to start to fill my head. I come to a stop right in front of a pile of rocks on the beach and a naturally formed sea bridge has diverged from the cliff face. I toss my head back and raise my hands to cover my eyes.

Just what the f.u.c.k is going on? I need answers. I need answers to the questions that circle my mind even in sleep. I need answers to the questions that don't let me sleep.

"I think you already have the right answers, you just need to figure out what the right question is," A voice says, coming from in front of me. I bring my hands down from my face and look in shock to see where the voice came from.

It's Jikan. Sitting calmly on the rocks is Jikan, the moonlight only seems to make her skin paler and her hair a silver color. She looks heavenly but the darkness in her eyes almost makes her seem more like a devil. But either way, she's dead. She can't be here.

"Why are you here," I say as I look at her faint silhouette outlined by the moonlight.

"Hello, Dawn. We're long overdue for a chat." Her words are soft and bounce off the soft rock surrounding us. Her voice is cold and lifeless like the water washing over my feet.

"Jikan," My voice is stern and even I can tell it cuts through the night air like a blade. "Why are you here."

"You left me inside a grave."

I flinch at her words slightly as the cold wind bites into me, "Why should I trust you?"

"Oh, Dawn..." She shakes her head and my guard goes up, "You act like you trust people but do you really?"

"What?" What is she saying? That's not an answer, and who are they?

"Well, they're everyone. You, me, your so-called friends." She sighs slightly, the sound is unnatural and unnerving, "Why can't you see it?"

I swallow and realize my pulse is quickening and I'm shaking, "Because there's nothing to see."

"Oh but there is," She sounds thoughtful, though I'm not sure any emotion would really fit her, "There's a whole world you just can't seem to see. Open your eyes, Dawn."

"There is nothing to see." I grit my teeth and emphasize every word.

"You'll have to see it, Dawn." Jikan turns to look out over the ocean, "I'm not the only one out there, someone else is coming too. Someone else who won't be as easy as me."

I don't say anything as the wind grows and wh.i.p.s around me. It picks up sand that rushes like razor blades pat my feet.

"You can always use me, you know. If you get stuck when they come because I know you will. Your so-called friends will always leave you but me, I've always been here for you Dawn."

"Why… Why do you keep coming back? What do you want from me?"

"You left me. You left me when I needed you most." Jikan says as if she's remembering it and I flinch slightly, "But of course, I was the one that was stupid and went and got taken back by Cadmus. Say, Dawn, do you know what Cadmus means? What Cadmus is?"

I shake my head. I don't, I don't seem to know much anymore.

"Cadmus was the founder and first king of Thebes in Greek mythology. Cadmus sowed in the ground the teeth of a dragon he had killed. From these sprang a race of fierce armed men, called Sparti." Jikan's eyes seem to flash in the moonlight and I feel a shiver travel down my spine. "And maybe you could say I'm no better than the Sparti, but you Dawn. Oh you, you are so very different. Didn't you ever wonder why I was so much weaker than you?"

I didn't... I always thought it was just age...

"Oh, Dawn. Open your eyes already, do you think if it was simply age Cadmus would only have made me so young. They wanted a weapon Dawn, and they would do anything to have it."

"You are a weapon to them. You are what they want."

I don't want to hear this... The wet feeling of a tear rolling down my cheek surfaces and I realize that I'm starting to cry. Jikan doesn't miss it, "Why are you crying, Dawn."

It's not a question. It's a statement.

"I-" The words don't seem to form without a tremble in them, "I need to go back now."

Jikan smirks, "And what? Tell them you were talking to a dead girl who you killed? Or will you lie? Either way, they'll hate you for it when they find out."

"N-no they're not like that..." Images of Anastaisa, Lyra, and Eulalia flash across my mind. They're not that type of people, right? They wouldn't hate me.

"You are so naive. No matter how much you try, they'll still hate you, maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but one day they will. One day they all will."

No no no no no no... I don't believe her. She's doesn't know them as I do. But... Do I know them? They've known each other probably all their lives but as for me... What am I to them? Some rarity from far away? The new girl who needs some friends? Maybe Hippolyta put them all up to this just like when she got Lyra to get me settled in.

Doubt starts to form in my mind, like a vine that has taken root. A weed that is slowly strangling my mind, and I just can't seem to kill it.

"Once a bond comes unraveled there's no saving it, it's better to cut it off before it strangles you, as a person too." Her voice sounds sweet and mellow but at the same time it brings back memories of dark rooms and broken promises.

"Are they like that...? Will they hate me...?" My mind seems to be floating somewhere else as Jikan's words start to settle in. Will they hate me?

"You might just be starting to get it, one day they'll all hate you. Because that's what you do, you always end up hurting someone. But as for me, I know you, I'll never hate you, because we need each other. It doesn't matter if it's only for a day, you can always use me and I'll gladly oblige. Because we both know how broken we are." Jikan stands up and the wind blows her dress and hair in a way that almost makes it seem like actual silver.

"No," I say as I step back from the girl who should be dead and six feet under, "No, no, no, no… I'm not broken. I'm not broken!"

I shout the last part feverishly. I can't be broken, I won't be broken. I won't let them know about the nightmares, or how scared I am. I just can't.

"Oh Dawn," Jikan says with a shake of her head, "None of us changes over time, we only become more who we are."

My breathing comes out ragged and I don't know what to do, it all feels like a dream I can't wake up from. No, not a dream. Definitely not a dream, a nightmare. Jikan titles her head slightly and I clench my fist, "Aren't you tired of lying to yourself?"

I hear the tinkling of a bell from behind me and turn to see where it came from, no ones behind me and there's no sign of a bell on the dark sand. Then what did I hear?

I turn back and Jikan is right in front of me, I jump slightly at how fast she was able to cover the distance in such a short time.

"Sleep Dawn. Sleep and forget it all." The sound of the bell is back again, it's calming. My head feels foggy and heavy. Jikan lifts a hand to my cheek and the ice-cold touch of it only makes the feeling worse. "Forget."

My vision starts to spin and I feel the world tilting and I don't feel myself falling until my body hits the sand with a thud.

I'm just so tired.....

My vision blacks out and the last thing I see is Jikan looking down at me with the moon high above her giving her an unearthly halo.

I fall into a deep, dark and completely black void.