Long Past Dawn

The moment I open my eyes I have no clue where I am. All I know is that there is white and the white is so bright and shadowless that it makes the room look like an infinite space; no floors, no walls, no ceiling. Nothing but dizzying white.

I don't know what's happening or where I am. All I know is that I have to focus, and I can do that, the rational part of me reasons.

I take a step in what I think is forward, and that's when the white all around me explodes into color and sound and life. My life.

Jikan on the beach her black hair silver under the moon. The pain of the wraith. Arguing with Alec in Olympus. Screaming at Artemis for calling herself my mother. Drinking and laughing with Eulalia, Anastasia, and Lyra. Training. Aranea telling me her story. Wonderwoman bringing me to Themyscira. Jikan's death. Jikan and me at Cadmus. Crazy red eye. Shopping with Stephen. My first fight with Black Canary. Dying and cutting my hair. Finding out the truth about Mom and Charlie. Meeting Wonderwoman and Batman for the first time. Almost getting run over. Running out of the house to get to school. Mom and Charlie. Me when I was small and used to climb the stairs like they were mountain rocks. Small me coloring on the walls and floor and everything but paper. A house I don't remember. Mom arguing with a man I can't see the face of. Plates and glasses being thrown to the floor. The man kicking me to the side. Hunger. Mom and the man not caring about small me.

It all pours out of me and onto every surface, taking something vital from me, something like blood or oxygen because my body and mind are shutting down more with every memory extracted from me.

And then the images start to blink out one by one by one, blotting out my life like screens being turned off. I sway on my feet and am unsure which way is up anymore. The white starts to spread, devouring my life slowly, and I feel my legs buckle beneath me. The images blink out and my heart skips a beat.

No.

The air and light are thinning. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to focus on the fact that gravity is telling me I'm still standing and not crumpled in a heap on the floor. I focus on the fact that this should only be a dream.

"Is it?"

Yes.

I open my eyes to find me when I was younger standing in front of me. My blonde hair the longest its ever been as it flows past my waist. My blue eyes blink back at me. I look to be about five or six at the most.

I feel light-headed and I gasp for air that doesn't seem to come.

"Why can't you just forget?" She asks me, her tone emotionless.

Because..... Because they're waiting for me. Images of Lyra, Eulalia, Anastasia, Stephen and everyone else flash through my mind, their voices anchoring me slightly.

"They?"

There's a ringing sound in my ears and suddenly I realize, I can't remember their faces anymore, I could a minute ago but now they're gone. I can only remember the fun we, their voices and their names but their faces are gone. Tears roll down my face as I realize I'm forgetting them.

"Who are they? What good have they done you?"

I... I can't remember... Their voices and names are all that's left... They feel no better than strangers to me... Why am I crying for strangers?

"They'll forget you. They already have."

The ringing gets louder and only their names are left. Names that have no meaning to me. I lift a hand to brush away the tears, I feel so sad but why?

"See? They're all gone now. They'll always leave us in the end."

Nothing is there. I wipe away tears, why am I crying? I... I can't remember why...

"Why are you crying, Dawn."

I look up at her, at me. What did you say?

Her mouth moves as if in slow motion as the next words come from her mouth, "I said, why are you crying, Dawn."

A memory flashes bright through my mind. I know nothing about it except that it changes everything. A girl whose name is lost to me flashes through my mind, the only thing I know is that she's dead, she's dead and she told me the very same words.

Suddenly my head is full of voices calling out my name.

I don't know who they are anymore but they are special to me. The memories may be gone but the voices still weigh heavy on my heart.

I feel my body float away as the feeling you have when you're just starting to wake up fills me. The white void gets dimmer and dimmer. The younger me seems to get further and further away as the feeling of waking up grows stronger.

She tilts her head slightly, "Are you leaving already?"

Yes. I have to go, people are waiting for me, I'm sorry.

"Don't say sorry when you don't mean it, it doesn't look good on you." She sighs slightly, "Well you'll come back one day, and when that happens you really will want to forget, then we can play together forever."

I don't say yes, I don't say no. Maybe.

Younger me smiles and nods and suddenly my consciousness rushes away from the place where I can't breathe and my life has blinked out and I have no memories.

I blink open my eyes to find I'm lying in the sand on the beach with the waves washing over my ankles. I swallow and cringe slightly at the iron taste of blood in my mouth. I must have bitten down on my cheek and it bled.

I roll over onto my back so I can a better look at where I am. Turns out I'm right by the rocks that Jikan was on, but now there's no sign of Jikan anywhere near the rocks, there's only me.

Having no idea for how long I've been out for I push myself up into a sitting position and wrap my arms around my knees in an attempt to warm up. Since right now, I'm cold, wet and have a lot of unanswered questions.

In front of me, I see the first light of the sun break the horizon and push away night's dark skies. But still up above me, I can see the last few stars twinkling before the light of the rising sun starts to dim them.

Ironic, I say to myself bitterly, Dawn waiting for dawn.

Back there I don't really know if it was a part of me speaking or Jikan. Sighing I push myself up and brush off the sand on me. Throwing my head back I watch the black turn to dark violet and, eventually, to a rosy pink color.

'What good have they done you?'

My mood sours slightly. "Bullshit," I mutter to myself as I watch the sun dye the ocean waters all different colors of red, orange and pink, "Complete and utter bullshit."