Mayo Chiki!

Chapter 1 - Rabbit and Chicken

This might be a bit sudden, but have you ever seen a romcom? It can be in an anime, a drama, or a novel even. In my case, the first time I read a romcom was a shoujo manga I borrowed from my little sister. Of course, it’s not that I willingly read her manga or anything. Instead, when I was a brat, I could never go against my little sister.

Despite being brother and sister, despite being related by blood, there was a rift between us as deep as the Mariana trench. My classmates always voice their doubt about us even being siblings in the first place, but that’s probably because they don’t know much about her.

Well, deep down, she’s a good girl, and I guess that she just watched too many midnight anime or read too much sibling stuff. After all, despite being a young girl, she loved shounen manga, and whenever she barged into my room, she would borrow all sorts of manga from me, saying ‘What’s Onii-chan’s is mine as well!’…No, she pretty much stole it.

Naturally, that being repeated over and over, it would warrant for a rebellion or a coup d’état, but the me back then didn’t have the strength for that. Any half-baked resistance would be crushed. That is the iron rule of our Sakamachi Family. The weak devour the strong. My family environment pretty much was still stuck in the Jura age, creating cruel circumstances for me, who was weak.

That’s why, the best I could do was sneak into my little sister’s room like some rat, and steal the shoujo manga she had. Thinking about it now, I totally did it out of spite. Of course, my tyrant little sister immediately caught on to that, and brought down death penalty as my punishment. Sadly, this is the status in my family. Put frankly, I’m an endangered species about to go instinct. I’m like a lake ball trying to survive in Lake Akan.

This being the case, the first romcom I read was a shoujo manga I stole from my little sister. And, it was quite the orthodox romcom, with the girl bumping into the protagonist at a crossing with toast in her mouth, all of this within the first four pages. I still remember thinking ‘This is popular nowadays?’.

But, let’s move on to the main topic. The reason I’m talking about this—is the fact that such an orthodox romcom development happened to me. The time of year was the end of June. That hellish Golden Week ended, and as the asphalt sizzled from the early-summer sunshine—only a few days away until the important school festival—the entire school was living in excitement towards that upcoming summer break. This happened on a certain day.

Without any warning or preamble, I bumped into a girl on my way to school. Of course, this happened at a crossroad, and of course she had toast in her mouth—not to mention that she was actually pretty cute. Normally, one would be happy about this, right? This might just signal the beginning of a wonderful new love, or some nonsense that only happens in the world of 2D, but you could at least hope, right?

However, there was one giant problem about this. That girl…wasn’t walking to school. She was using a motorbike, and ran me over on my way to school.

×

“Kyaaaaa! Out of the waaaaay!”

Together with a loud shriek like that, my body soared through the sky. It was a traffic accident you could see everywhere. Not to mention that it involved a human body instead of another car.

As I was on my way to school, right at a crossroad in the living district, a rampaging motorbike sent my body flying.

“Gobuha!?” I let out a groan resembling a frog being crushed, and rolled along the asphalt like a bowling pin.

I mean, I didn’t act like a comedian during a live show on purpose. I just reflexively tried to soften the impact. After that, I raised my body, aching with pain.

“Urk…”

Ahh, that hurt. I seriously thought I was going to die. I confirmed the damage inflicted on my body. Seems like I got off with some light grazes. I go through worse every single morning thanks to Kureha’s practice. I really don’t want to suffer any needless injuries. Also, why does the handicrafts club need to do morning practice?

Well, I guess I’m pretty lucky to get away with these mild injuries after being run over. With these thoughts, I stood on both of my legs. What a sturdy body I have. I guess this is what I get for living through my hellish family environment. Thankfully I can get through this without another hospital visit…

“…Huh?”

Just when I thought that something was off, I realized that I lost my glasses. Did they fly off because of that impact just now? It’s not like my eyesight was exceptionally bad, but without a spare pair, it’d be pretty troublesome. I looked around in search of my glasses. There, I realized that this incident had become pretty big. I could see the bike flipped over in the corner of the crossroad, together with the toast, and—

“…Crap.”

The second I saw that, I subconsciously let out a groan. In the middle of this crossing, with arms and legs wide open, laid a girl wearing a familiar uniform.

“………”

This is bad. She looks like she’s on her deathbed…! With this hellish scene in front of me, I wanted to just walk away. Not to mention that her skirt got flipped up because of the accident, letting me see her slender yet plump thighs…This is seriously bad.

“…Um, hello?” I tried my best to not look where I shouldn’t be, and waited for a response.

However, as silence followed, I was getting close to giving up. That being said, I can’t leave her alone either. Not like the scene is secured either.

“…Alright.” I carefully approached my ears to her face, trying to check if she was still breathing.

However, it was hard to tell. Hence, I instead moved on to check her pulse with my hand on her neck. Waah, so warm. When I touched her soft skin, I could feel her heart beating even up to my fingers. Thank god, she’s still alive. I sighed in relief, but it’s not like I could keep touching that girl forever.

Otherwise, my gynophobia will activate. That’s right, this gynophobia of mine is another result of my twisted family environment. Touching or being touched by a girl could literally kill me. If I stay too close to a girl for too long, my nose will start bleeding.

“…Hm?” I slapped my cheeks to get back to my senses, when I looked at the girl again, and realized.

Somehow…this girl is hella cute, isn’t she? She had styled her wavy hair in two long twintails. Adding to her lively impression through her hairstyle, she had faint crimson colored lips, with long eyelashes. She was about the average size of a girl her age, about in the middle of Suzutsuki and Konoe. Her physique lets me guess that she’s the sporty type of girl. The same image was seen on her slender legs, covered by about knee-high long socks. Mm…the gap between the wild design and uniform is just…

“Mguh…”

“Woah!?”

When a faint breath escaped the girl’s lips, I subconsciously jumped backwards. Right after, the girl’s eyes opened. She possessed lifted eyes, resembling a cat’s. Just from looking at her, she seemed pretty strong. After blinking a few times, the girl raised her body.

“Hm…I…ouch…”

“Hey, you okay?”

From the looks of it, she wasn’t injured in any way, but I was worried that she might have hit her head. After all, her helmet landed in the corner of the crossing as well.

“Y-Yeah…I’m fine…” She spoke that far, only to suddenly end up silent.

…? I wonder why she’s looking so awkward while being silent. Maybe she’s hurt after all? The silence continued for a few more seconds.

“Oh no…that person must have died for sure…”

I was about to let out a shocked ‘What?’ in the face of that reaction. She completely ignored me, and continued with a heavy tone in her voice.

“I…hit that person…What should I do…I need to call 110 right now…”

“………”

Oh my goodness, that girl thinks she killed me in that accident. Well, at least she’s properly worried about me. I guess despite her fierce outer appearance, she’s kind where it counts.

“I need to create a cover-up…Need to erase all the evidence before the cops come here…”

I take back what I said. This girl might have a cute face, but most definitely is pure evil. She thinks she hit some passersby. Maybe she really hit her head after all? Or she’s panicking. Either way, you should probably call 119 over 110. But, I should probably clear up the misunderstanding before that.

“Don’t think you need to worry about that.”

Hearing my words, the girl let out a confused ‘Eh?’, and rubbed her eyes one more time. After confirming her surroundings, she looked at me again.

“……!?” Immediately after, she grew pale.

She showed a frozen expression like she just saw a ghost. Her mouth opened and closed like a koi fish waiting to be fed, and her facial color changed like a traffic light to deep blue. In the midst of all of that, she let out groans along the lines of ‘Ah…ah, ah…’

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa!” She let out a scream like she encountered an exhibitionist in the middle of the street.

Of course, we were still in the middle of the residential district……Not good. I might have just worsened the situation. What if she caused a panic here? The neighbours would think I tried to assault her, and arrest me.

“C-Calm down. I’m not some ghost.” I called out to her in an attempt to clear up the misunderstanding.

As a result of that, the girl moved backwards to the wall of the street, letting out another shriek as she sank to the floor.

“Nooooo don’t come any closer! Monster! You monster!”

“Hey! Why do you have to be so cruel about this!”

Why do I have to be called a monster by someone I only just met. Also, my Mom or little sister are even more of a monster than me, alright.

“How? Why are you alive? I ran you over at full speed…”

“So you were aware of it…”

“I was planning on stepping on the brakes, but mistook them for the gas pedal.”

“Makes sense why I couldn’t hear the sounds of any brakes when you hit me!”

Was she actually planning on killing me from the very start? Did someone record this by any chance, so that I can use this as evidence in court? Then again, it’s crazy how I managed to get out of this with barely any injuries. Maybe training my body recently was the right decision after all. Ever since that incident during Golden Week, I’ve been regularly training with Kureha and Konoe in that underground arena.

It’s been a while since I was training this much after Mom left, so I guess I was getting back a lot of endurance. Of course, I still always lose against my sparring partner.

“What the hell is going on with your body? Are you actually human?”

“You’re pretty rude, huh. My body’s just a bit more robust than the average person’s.”

“Robust?”

“Yeah, I was run over by a truck last month, but was discharged from the hospital three days later.”

“……” She narrowed her eyes with a dubious gaze.

……Hey now, what’s that reaction for. Don’t look at me like I’m some alien.

“…So, what’s your name?”

I mean, if she was forced into an ambulance, I at least should know her name. Also, in case we need to take this to court as well.

“…Eh?” However, the girl awkwardly averted her eyes at my question. “W-Why would you ask for that?”

“…? I mean, we at least should know our names, right? Is that such a problem? Not to mention that you’re from Rouran as well, looking at your uniform.”

“……~~~!” She let out an awkward groan.

Following that, she unwillingly moved her plump lips…

“…Yamada.”

“Huh?”

“Yamada. That’s my family name.”

“…Huh. So, what about your given name?”

“Lucy.”

“Lucy Yamada!?”

“What’s your problem? It’s a good name, right?” She let out a confident breath, and glared up at me.

Lucy Yamada, huh…Yeah, that’s gotta be fake. There’s no Japanese person who has such a cool name. Clearly, she doesn’t believe me at all. Was I acting that suspicious? I feel like she’s needlessly careful around people, almost like a wild rabbit.

“Come on, you hit me with your bike, I think I at least deserve that.”

“It’s your fault for not dodging. Also, can you stop with the whole ‘You you you’ already?”

“Then tell me your real name.”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Then, what year are you in? That should be enough to tell me, right?”

“…Second. What about you? I won’t forgive you if you’re beneath me.”

“What a shame, I’m a second-year student as well. Though we seem to be in different classes.”

I would have realized if she was a classmate of mine. Our school has a lot of students after all, so I guess we really never even walked past each other. But, then…

“…Hm?”

The girl sat on the ground, her back to the concrete wall. Between her thighs I could see something all too familiar…Wait, those are my glasses.

“H-Hey…where are you looking!” She started blushing furiously, and pulled down her skirt.

As a result of that, the glasses escaped deeper into her skirt. Not to mention at a position that was hard to point out. Hmm, this ain’t good. She might step on them by accident. I really need them, so I can’t allow that to happen.

“W-What? Why are you staring at my skirt?”

“Well, something important to me is inside there…”

“Something important!?” The girl once again pulled down her skirt, and blushed even harder.

Hey now, I wasn’t lying. You’re protecting my one and only pair of glasses there.

“Y-You…What are you saying in the middle of the residential district…”

Hm? I mean, I want what’s inside your skirt.”

“Wha…”

“But, it’s hard for me to get, so could you grab it for me?”

“You’re telling me to take it off and give it to you!?”

“That’s right. Are you telling me to get it?”

I mean, as she said, we’re in the middle of the residential district. Are you telling me to stuff my hand in a girl’s skirt like this?

“B…B-But, even if you suddenly ask me that, I can’t…”

“What’s the problem? Should be easy, right?”

“Wha…easy…!?”

“Yeah, really easy. Even a kindergartener could do it.”

“You made a kindergartener do that!?” She screamed with an expression like she had seen the devil reincarnated.

What’s the big deal? There was a time I was too nervous about high school exams, and forgot my glasses, so Kureha had to bring them for me. If my little sister can do it, then a kindergarten child can do it even better.

“I mean, never had a kindergartner do it, but my little sister already did it before.”

“Wha…”

“She put them in her pocket, and brought them to the interview at the high school I was applying at.”

“Interview…high school…why there?”

“Eh? Because I need them for the interview??”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I can’t live without them. It’s much better than any good luck charm.”

“So…you gave that to the interviewer?”

“Huh? Why would I do that?”

What an awful bribe that would be. Of course, what I did…

“I put them on?”

“You put them on!?”

“Thanks to that, everything worked out.”

“That clearly should not have worked out!?”

“The interviewer even said ‘Where do they sell these? I want a pair myself’, you know…”

“Noooooooooooo!?”

“Anyway, I was really thankful to my little sister back then.”

“…B-But, she must have hated the idea of bringing that to you, right…”

“Maybe? I think she started blushing with a ‘I was really embarrassed while bringing that here, you know’, or something along those lines.”

“Of course she’d start blushiiiing!” She threw in a sharp retort.

What a wonderful retort that was. But, why? Kureha simply said ‘It’s embarrassing to come here when I’m not even taking the exam myself’.

“But, she forgave me with one piece of Garigari-kun.”

“With just that?!”

“Hm? You also want a Garigari-kun or something?”

“I-I don’t! I really don’t!”

“Alright then. Anyway, I got run over by you, right, so giving me them would be the least thing to do…But, if you’re that against it, I can just grab them myself, I guess.”

“~~~!” She started blushing all the way up to her ears, as tears formed in her eyes.

After another brief silence, seeming like she had accepted her fate, she reached for the inside of her skirt with quivering fingers…

“—I can’t…”

Right as she grabbed the hem of her skirt, she put down her hand. Why is this such a big deal? I was feeling a bit annoyed, when she continued with a meek voice.

“That’s why…you do it.”

“Wha?”

“I said you do it. I can’t…” She averted her gaze, visibly embarrassed.

……Um, what is this about? Just to make sure, I confirmed our surroundings. Luckily, only a cat was watching us.

“A-Are you sure? You’re not going to ask for money later?”

“Y-Yeah. Just hurry up and do it.”

F-For now, let me confirm the situation. Sitting in front of me was a girl. She’s wearing Rouran Academy’s uniform, with a pleated skirt. Her plump thighs created a small gap…

“……!”

C-Calm down me. What’s important is to get back the glasses. I most definitely am not thinking about anything lewd. In my head, the Indiana Jones theme was playing, as my hand approached the inside of the skirt.

“Bueh!?”

An impact shook my body. I was kicked, not to mention quite fiercely. The girl’s right leg had stabbed directly into my stomach.

“You…you, what was that for…”

That woman kicked me right in my solar plexus. Not to mention with the heel of her long boots. If I was just your run-of-the-mill guy, I would have collapsed immediately.

“Shut up, pervert! I was just playing with you! I was waiting for you to get closer so I could kick you, you never realized!? Who would let you take them off!”

“Take them off? What are you talking about? I only wanted…”

“S-Shut up! Die! Get kicked to death by me!”

“Hey, will you calm down alrea…Wah!?”

A barrage of kicks flew my way, fast enough to cut through the air. Those are some sharp kicks alright, is she actually using some martial arts skill?

“Cry! Scream! And then, die!”

“Gah, just calm down already! You’ll crush my glasses at this rate!”

While dodging the kick that aimed directly at my face, I picked up the glasses on the ground…That was careful, she almost destroyed my precious glasses.

“…The hell is that?”

I heard a dumbfounded voice. Looking over, the girl stared at me and my glasses in shock.

“Don’t tell me, that’s what you’ve been wanting this entire time?”

“Hey now…that’s what I’ve been telling you. What did you think I was talking about anyway?”

“Urk…” The girl blushed again, and pulled down her skirt.

Just what is that girl imagining…Also, it’s annoying that I don’t know her name.

“…Can’t help it.”

Guess I have to be the one to introduce myself first. I let out a sigh, and slowly put on my glasses. Right after…

“—Ah.”

For some reason, the girl pointed at me and my glasses, her expression once again different from before. It’s like she ran into someone she knew in the center of town.

“…? What, you know me or something?”

Since I always keep on my glasses at school, she probably couldn’t recognize me without them. Not to mention that she probably is still under a bit of a shock after having run me over like that.

“…Yep, I sure do…Really, why did I not realize.”

It happened in the blink of an eye.

“!?”

Another kick flew my way. Not to mention a very aggressive high kick. Her right leg shot towards me, perfectly landing on my jaw.

“Gah…!?”

Like the strings had been cut, I lost all strength in my hips.

“……!”

…Ho crap. Pink. I saw pink. That cherry blossom pink-colored fabric had an adorable ribbon on it.

“……”

…No, wait a second. This isn’t what you think it is. It’s not that I’m shocked to see her wear such cutesy underwear or anything, I actually had plenty enough time to dodge that attack, but this peek of what I shouldn’t be seeing just robbed all my focus from me, which is why I couldn’t evade that kick.

“…Wait, this isn’t the time to explain myself!” I retorted on my own stupidity, and fell backwards on staggering legs.

My field of view shook, as the impact pulled on my fading consciousness. And yet again I have to emphasize, this is all because of her kick, and most definitely not because I saw her panties.

“Huh. That was pretty easy. I expected a bit more from her Onii-chan.”

“…Wha?”

Onii-chan? Does she…know Kureha? I tried my best to ask this question out loud, only to find that high boot stomping right onto my abdomen as I had fallen backwards on the ground.

“Guho!?”

All the air was pushed out of my stomach…Not good. This isn’t just some joke, I will actually die. Not to mention that in this position, I could barely not look inside her skirt. Instead, I got a perfect view of her slender leg covered by the boot, and…Wait, what am I thinking in this situation…!

“Really…it’s unbelievable. How did you…” While grinding her foot on me, the girl spoke with a cold tone.

I could feel clear hate. And then…

“—Hey, tell me.” She gave me a doubtful gaze, as she looked down at me in disgust. “How did you…become friends with Subaru-sama?”

“Y-You…”

Who are you? As I was having this doubt fill my head, she had her twintails shake, and answered me.

“Fine, I’ll be kind enough to tell you. My name is—Usami.”

“…Usagi1?”

“…! U-S-A-M-I! Not Usagi! I’m not some rabbit!” She put more strength into her heel.

Urk…I can’t breathe. How could this happen…She’s going to awaken some weird new fetish inside of me at this rate.

“I’ll tell you again, so listen carefully. My name is…” The girl…No, Usami opened her mouth one more time. “Usami Masamune, a second year at Rouran Academy and a member of the handicrafts club.”

“……”

Let me start from the conclusion. The handicrafts club at our school really isn’t normal.

I saw the boot in my view, the heel floating in the air. Right as that came soaring down on my solar plexus again, those were my thoughts.

×

“Gyaaaaah!”

My consciousness returned. The second my eyes opened, my upper body shot up.

“…Ouch.”

A severe pain assaulted my stomach. When I pulled up my shirt…Wow, so many bruises. When I look at all these injuries, I can only accept that previous scenery as reality, and not just some nightmare.

“Damn it, that girl…”

Usagi…No, Usami Masamune, was it. That damn wench, stepping on me like she wanted to turn grapes into wine. Thanks to that, I almost got to meet my maker.

“…Jeez.” I let out a sigh in order to calm myself down.

More importantly…where is this? I was unsure where to find myself, and looked around…

“Jirou…are you okay?” An anxious alto voice reached my ears.

I directed my gaze towards the source of the voice, and found the face of a beautiful and handsome boy, possessing the facial features of an antique doll. On top of that, she wore tight pants with a waist, even a tight tailcoat on top of that. It’s a different uniform from what you would normally see at our school—namely, a butler’s uniform.

She is Konoe Subaru, the personal male butler of Suzutsuki Kanade, who is the single daughter of this school’s board chairman. The students call her ‘Subaru-sama’ like a prince. And right now, this very prince sat next to my bed on a chair, giving me a worried gaze.

“Konoe? Um, this is…”

“The infirmary.” Konoe responded with a calm voice.

Yeah, now that she mentions it, all these shelves with medicine and those two white beds, as well as that distinct scent of antiseptic solution. This definitely is the infirmary at our school. But, why am I here?

“I was shocked. When I walked to school, I found you collapsed at the side of the road. Leaving you there out cold would have been too cruel, so I carried you here.”

Ahh, I see. It seems like that Usami girl grinded me with her boot so much that I lost consciousness. Not like that doesn’t sound fishy at all.

“Jirou, were you run over by a car or something? I saw parts of a car close to you on the ground, so…”

“Well, something like that. I got hit badly, so I just lost consciousness…”

Well, it was a traffic accident. Can’t tell her that I got kicked by a girl to the point where I blacked out, though. I don’t have that kind of fetish.

“Sorry that you had to carry me all the way over here. But, I’m not hurt or anything from how things look. You know how tough my body is, right?”

“…Yeah. That’s fine and all…” Konoe awkwardly averted her gaze from me.

Hm? I feel like she’s acting a bit weird today. Normally, she’d have more of a sour look on her face. It’s almost like she’s super worried about me?

“…Say, Jirou, can I ask one thing?” Konoe seemed to have made up her mind, and opened her mouth. “When you were sleeping, you were screaming things like ‘Please forgive me, my Queeeeen!’…”

“!”

“Also, I heard something like ‘If you grind on me any more with that, you will open a dangerous door for meee!’, what’s that about?”

“……”

“In the end, you were just begging, saying ‘20.000 yen! I’ll give you 20.000 yen so please forgive me! Ah, urk, no moreeee…’. On top of that…”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I frantically interrupted Konoe’s words.

…Wow, it seems like I took more psychological damage from this incident than physical damage.

“I-It’s fine, I just had a nightmare is all.”

“Really? It looked like you were possessed by some evil spirit or whatever…”

“Don’t worry. I tend to have more nightmares lately.”

“You do!? Are you sure you’re not suffering from some mental sickness!?”

“No problems. I definitely did not awaken to some weird fetish like that.”

“…Hmm, well if you say so…The thing is, there was a bit of an incident in the residential district today.”

“An incident?”

Konoe nodded, and continued with a serious expression.

“Apparently, a girl was molested on the way to school.”

Immediately after I heard that, my back started to grow damp from the sweat. Those damn neighbours actually reported that!

“It caused quite a ruckus. A housewife nearby heard a girl’s screams, followed by a boy and a girl fighting.”

“H-Huh…that sounds rough…”

“I felt like this wasn’t related to you, so I brought you here, but…that was the right choice, wasn’t it?”

“Of course! There’s no way I’d put my hand into a girl’s skirt, you know!”

In my head, I was already thinking about how to change my route from and to school. I best avoid that part of the residential district for a while. There’s a high chance that place is crawling with police by now.

“More importantly, where’s Suzutsuki? She’s not with you?”

I tried to avoid the topic all-together, so I chose the best method. Konoe is heading to school with me as a means of observing me, but that wasn’t the case this morning. Then, that must mean Suzutsuki came to school with Konoe. Though, they probably got driven here.

“I came to look after you, but the young lady is still in class. Though, the first period is about to end.”

“Really. Well, I didn’t want to skip class, but at least Suzutsuki isn’t here, so it’s fine.”

I feel like our nurse Nakamoto-sensei isn’t here either right now, but she must be off to the staff office or something. As for the first period, I can just have Kurose show me his notes later…Well, if his handwriting is sufficable.

“…Hmpf.” I heard a displeased voice.

Looking over, Konoe had narrowed her eyebrows, giving me a dubious glance.

“Jirou, I’ve been wondering about this for a while, but…aren’t you avoiding the young lady a bit too much as of late?”

Twitch.

“I think it started right after Golden Week ended.”

Twitch.

“Ever since then, you started declining any kind of healing program that the young lady came up with, saying you had other plans or whatever. But, it’s not just that. You also tried to evade the young lady when you’re at school. Did something happen between the two of you?” When Konoe asked that question, her eyes narrowed.

In short, she’s not wrong. In reality, I have been avoiding Suzutsuki.

‘Sorry, I need to prepare to watch anime all night!’ I said, using a really weak excuse to avoid any recent treatment for my gynophobia. The cause of everything is the incident on the final day of Golden Week. After all, Suzutsuki Kanade—stole my first kiss.

“………”

…This is bad. Just remembering it makes me feel depressed. T-To think my first kiss had to be with that wench of a rich lady…Honestly speaking, it weighed me down quite a bit. No matter how I try to forget about it, there comes a time when I’m being reminded of the ending theme of Ki*eretsu Daihyakka2. It’s just a hallucination. But, it’s probably just a matter of time until some robot appears in front of me.

What’s worse than having my first kiss stolen…is that it had to be by Suzutsuki Kanade of all people. She definitely enjoyed making me suffer. I mean, I was giving it some thought, assuming that she might have a thing for me and all, but…that’s impossible. We’re talking about that Suzutsuki, you know.

She commits crime for fun. She must be having fun watching me suffer like that. And, I still think that this is going too far. An actual kiss just to torture me? You rich people have no worries at all, huh.

But…even I think that there’s a limit reached here. I can’t avoid her forever. That’s why, I’d like to think of some countermeasures, but…

“If there’s anything you’re having trouble with, I don’t mind listening.” Konoe must have guessed what I was thinking, and offered a helping hand. “After all, Jirou and I…are friends, right? Friends listen to each other’s problems.”

“Konoe…”

Man, she’s such a good person. Completely different from her master. My friend! Lend me your strength!

“But, I do have one condition.”

However, as if to betray my thoughts, the butler said with a natural tone.

“You have to listen to a request of mine.”

“…Hmm.”

So that’s how we’re doing things. That’s a bit unexpected. I thought that kind of thing was only a strength of Suzutsuki, but to think that even Konoe would ask for compensation. Then again, it must be something very important. As I was thinking about what it could be, Konoe took a deep breath, and then opened her mouth.

“…I want you to spend the day of the school festival with me!” With a bit of a clumsy representation, these were her words.

“…School festival?”

“Yeah, it’s right around the corner, right. I’ll listen to your problems, so I want you to walk around with me at the school festival.”

“I mean, I don’t mind, but…aren’t you gonna do that with Suzutsuki?”

They’re master and butler, and unlike a long time ago, ever since the incident in April, they’ve actually gotten along really well, even at school. Why not ask her then?

“The young lady will be busy during the school festival, as she is the class representative. They have to support the school festival execution committee, right?”

“Now that you mention it…”

Just as Konoe stated, the class representatives at our school have the duty to help in this execution committee. Basically, the two representatives decide on what the class offers during the school festival. On a side note, the male representative of our class is called Tamura, and we decided on a cosplay cafe as our attraction.

Since the girls will be wearing cosplays when serving the customers, it’s pretty maniacal of an attraction, and as you might imagine, the girls were protesting against this a lot. However, Tamura fought against this to his best ability, and even managed to grasp victory with a majority vote.

Naturally, the boys were treating him like Jesus reincarnated, but when one of them asked ‘Your impression with the girls will take a dip for the worse, you know? They’re already giving you cold stares’, Tamura delivered the unexpected coming-out with ‘It’s fine…I actually like that sort of thing’, which even had the boys confused on what to feel.

Thanks to that pervert…I mean, Tamura, our class decided on the cosplay cafe, and we’re currently preparing for that. Naturally, the representatives will be busy with organisational stuff even during the day of the event, but…

“Can’t you just use your relationship as butler and master as an excuse to be with her?”

“…Yeah, I said the same thing, but…” Konoe showed somewhat of a troubled expression in return. “The young lady told me not to worry about her, and enjoy the school festival. I know she must be considerate of me, but…”

“But?”

“I…don’t really know what it even means to walk around a school festival.” Konoe flashed a worried expression.

…So that’s what this is. Before this year’s April, before I found out the secret that Konoe actually was a girl, she didn’t have any friends at this school. At the same time, her relationship with Suzutsuki was still awkward. That’s why she’s completely lost now. If it’s just walking around the school festival, that’s no big problem.

“…What an idiot you are.”

She didn’t have to desperately ask me for that. We’re friends after all…Well, I guess she was worried that I’d say no exactly because we’re friends.

“Ain’t gotta worry like that. Let’s walk around together.”

“…Yeah, thanks. I’m sure…it’ll be a fun school festival.” Konoe’s expression lit up immediately after. “Alright, now it’s your turn, Jirou. What’s your problem?”

“…Well, I guess I have to tell you now. But, don’t be shocked, okay?”

“Rest assured. I am a butler, I won’t be surprised that easily.” Konoe puffed out her chest in confidence.

I mean, you’ll be shocked exactly because you’re a butler. After all, this is about me being kissed by your master. If anything, I’d be worried if you weren’t surprised in any way.

“What’s wrong? Just tell me, no need to hold back.”

“A-Alright…So, this about my first kiss—”

Rattle! Before I could even finish my sentence, Konoe shot up from her chair, her cheeks crimson red.

“Why…why is that a topic right now!?”

“I mean…Wait, do you know the details?” When I returned a question, Konoe started blushing even more furiously, and grew silent.

Don’t tell me, did Suzutsuki tell Konoe?

“Rather, why would you bring that up now…Wait, did the young lady!?”

That’s right, your master kissed me against my will. But, there’s no way I can tell her.

“Well…that’s about it. What you expected did happen. I was pretty shocked about it…” I tried to explain things as vaguely as possible.

For some reason, Konoe started panicking, her mouth opening and closing.

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

“I was surprised as well…A-After all, that was the first time…”

“I heard about that from her as well, but…was that true?”

According to Suzutsuki, that was her first kiss. But, I find it hard to believe. I feel like she’s got all the experience in the world…

“Don’t be ridiculous! O-Of course it was…!” Butler-kun denied my assumptions flat-out.

That is one hell of a menacing look. It’s almost like I was doubting her, and not Suzutsuki.

“But…why would you bring that up now…it’s been two months since…”

“Two months?”

That kiss happened last month, so it’s barely been one.

“But…it’s all your fault! T-That time couldn’t be helped!”

“You’re right. I didn’t run away after all, and what’s happened cannot be undone. But…it was my first time, you know?”

“Urk…that does make sense…”

“Right? If possible, I’d like to redo it, alright.”

Seriously, I’d love to be able to go back in time. With these thoughts, I let out a sigh.

“Wha…wha…” Konoe’s eyes shot open, looking at me like she had seen a ghost.

Is she okay? I feel like she’ll dislocate her jaw at this rate.

“Jirou…W-W-What did you just say?”

“Hm? I said that I’d love to redo it.”

“Really…?”

“Yeah, if possible, I’d like to do it right now.”

“Right now!?” Konoe raised a loud shocked voice.

Of course? After all, that was my first kiss, and even if that was the same for Suzutsuki, I want to get a second chance.

“But…even if you suddenly tell me now…Doing something so bold right here…”

“Right here? I mean, does it matter? It’s just the two of us here right now.”

We’re just talking about it. And, weren’t you the one who said you’d hear me out? Not like it’s anything bold either, I’m just telling you about my past trauma.

“It truly is just the two of us here right now, but…” Konoe grasped the bottom part of her uniform.

Hm? Why’s she so embarrassed now? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for advice after all?

“I mean, weren’t you the one who asked me to do it?”

“When did I say that!?”

“Just now…?”

“!? N-No! I…I just said that I would hear you out!”

See, you said it yourself. It’d be troublesome if you just quit mid-way of giving me advice. So, let me explain myself until the very end.

“I’ve already revealed everything to you, I can’t turn back now.”

“…!”

“So please, let me take this properly until the very end.”

“T-The very end!? Does that mean…”

“Of course, until I’m satisfied. I’ve been worried about it this entire past month.”

“~~~!”

For some reason, I could see steam rising from Konoe’s head. And, she stayed silent for a long moment.

“…A-Alright.” A voice about to disappear reached my ears. “But…going until the very end is a bit…I mean, we’re inside the school’s infirmary, so we never know when someone might be coming…And, I also have to mentally prepare myself…”

“…?”

Basically, she’s saying that we should move to another location? Hm, maybe she realized that this could turn longer than expected. Though, I don’t get what she’s on about with that mentally preparing stuff.

“That’s why…while we’re here, we’ll only go with…Mumble mumble.”

“Hm? Did you say something towards the end? I couldn’t clearly hear it.”

“Wha…I-It’s pretty obvious even without me having to say it out loud! Damn it…Jirou, you bully…” Konoe muttered with a faint voice.

—And then.

“…Mm.”

Slowly, she closed her eyes, like she was scared of something. At the same time, she pushed out her lips a bit…Hm? I feel like I somehow walked into some unfathomable development without knowing? It’s almost as if I could reach a secret ending if I kept walking this way…?

“Come on…If you’re going to do it, then…do it fast.”

“Huh? Do what?”

“~~~! I didn’t think you were that much of a twisted bastard!”

Konoe started tearing up, and pouted.

“I’m talking about…the kiss.”

“…Wha?”

“Don’t ‘Wha’ me! Do you still plan on playing dumb all the way…? Despite you telling me to do it…!”

“……”

…Oh crap. I don’t have any clue what’s going on here. How did things end up this way? Subaru-sama is right in front of my eyes, her lips in reach. So faintly red, almost like cherry blossoms…

“…Mm.”

Almost as if she couldn’t hold back anymore than this, with her reddened cheeks, she slowly approached, and leaned her body against mine—

“What are you two up to?” A dignified voice filled the infirmary.

When I turned towards the source, I spotted a beauty with long and glossy black hair, tied up into twintails, standing in front of the infirmary door. Just like Konoe, she wore a uniform distinctively different from our normal uniform. On top of possessing a dignified expression with fitting proportions on her body, she was also the real deal of a rich lady—Suzutsuki Kanade. She looked at me and Konoe, facing each other, and gave us somewhat of a cold gaze.

“Y-Young lady!? Y-You’re wrong! Jirou just forcefully…!” Dear butler-kun moved away from me at an alarming speed.

Hey, what do you mean by ‘forcefully’, huh? You were the one who suddenly brought up that kiss…

“Hmm, I see.” Suzutsuki closely inspected me, and approached us.

Urk, why is she so normal? An entire month might have passed since that incident, but I’m still not over it, alright.

“Well, I don’t particularly care what you are up to, but be mindful that as long as we are at school, you are a boy, so if someone other than me saw you, they might get the wrong idea.”

“Urk…M-My deepest apologies.” Konoe acted like a puppy that got scolded by its owner.

And then, she gave me a sharp gaze. Almost like she wanted to say ‘This is all your fault!’, I felt a severe amount of pressure in her eyes. No, what did I do?

“Good morning, Jirou-kun. This feels like it’s been a while since we’ve talked like this, right.” Suzutsuki moved to the side of the bed I was seated on, all the while keeping a gentle expression.

Don’t joke with me. Did you think I’d just stay calm about this, and let you talk?

“Alright, Konoe. I’ll be going back to the classroom.” I said, and got off the bed, heading to the door.

We’re talking about that rich lady. She’s probably planning on opening that wound in my heart even more. That’s why I decided to disengage any communication. Running is victory in this context.

“—No, I’m not letting you leave.”

Suddenly, Suzutsuki’s arms wrapped around mine…No, wrapped around my entire body, as she embraced me from behind.

“…!? Y-You!”

Gaaaah what is this woman doing! Did she anticipate me running away!?

“L-Let go!”

“Oh my, why should I?”

“Why…You know of my gynophobia, right!?”

“That’s right, and this is part of your treatment process.”

“Treatment process…!”

You’re clearly just out to torture me. Is she angry that I skipped out on the treatment program or something? That’s a bit too sudden though. Even Konoe was looking at us in shock.

“Ugh…!”

…Not good. I can feel the goosebumps all over my body, sweat drenching my shirt. My gynophobia is activating. Not to mention that with her arms on my body…I felt a strong softness hitting my back…!

“A-Alright, I get it! Just get away from me! I don’t want to faint again!”

Unable to handle it, I screamed while throwing my arms up, to which Suzutsuki gave a simple ‘Yes’, and moved her arms away…Huh? That was much easier than I would have expected.

“Huh…Jirou-kun, that’s quite the interest you have.” Suzutsuki spoke up with a dignified voice.

I turned around to look at her, to which I saw her hold a red plastic mass in her right hand…Wait, hold on. That’s my phone.

“Ah! Did you steal it after that tackle just now!?”

She’s done me in. That damn Devil Suzutsuki. I was wondering why she let me go this easily, but that’s because she already accomplished her goal in stealing my smartphone from my pants pocket, using it as a hostage. Still, that was some slick movement…or, I guess I just wasn’t paying attention.

“Now you won’t be able to escape.” She announced her victory with a proud tone in her voice.

Damn it…But, you haven’t beaten me yet! You might be a devil, but in terms of battle strength, you’re still just a girl! I can push you back with strength. I don’t want to use violence against a girl, but as long as I can get my phone back—

“…is probably what you are thinking, so excuse me. I went ahead and unlocked your phone.”

“!”

“Also, I changed your PIN.”

“!?”

“You’re quite careless, aren’t you. To think the PIN of your phone was actually your birthday.”

“………”

“On a side note, the wallet you had in your back pocket is over where. Oh my, you only have 580 yen on you right now?” Suzutsuki checked the contents of my wallet, which she carried in her left hand.

Naturally, while smiling like the devil. I give up. I’ll put up a white flag, so please don’t leak any of my personal information or the contents of my wallet any further than this. Also, please revert my PIN back to how it was before…

“Then, let’s have a talk. Once we’re done, you can have it all back.”

“…Yes, I understand, Suzutsuki-san.”

Please, can someone just figure out that woman’s weaknesses, and send all their research to my mail? I’ll pay you 580 yen for it. You might think it’s cheap, but this is all I have right now.

“…Also, what about classes? Don’t think the first period ended already.”

Looking over at the clock inside the infirmary, there was still some more time until recess. An honor student like Suzutsuki wouldn’t skip classes like this.

“First period has already ended. Then again, it wasn’t really a proper class.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because the teacher was on leave, it was self-study. Apparently they suddenly fell ill or something.”

Hm, lucky for me then. No reason to copy notes then, and I don’t get an earful for skipping.

“And about that, there’s one more thing I need to tell you two.”

“Something you need to tell us?”

“Yes. In fact—our attraction for the school festival was changed.”

“…Huh?”

…Hold on, what is this woman saying?

“I wanted to use that time effectively, so we turned it into a long homeroom. There, we had a lot of objections regarding the cosplay cafe.”

“H-Hold on a second! We had a lot of those before, but the majority vote won, right! And, what about Tamura!? There’s no way he would allow any change in the program like that…”

That’s right, Tamura’s a school festival execution committee member as well. Thanks to him, we overwhelmed the girls in a majority vote, and won the cosplay cafe fair and square.

“Ah, Tamura-kun, right.” Suzutsuki used the name of the pervert with an awfully cold tone. “—He died.”

“Tamuraaaaaaa!?”

“Just kidding. But, he was hospitalized, that is the truth.”

“Wha…Suzutsuki, was that your doing!?”

She might have sent some assassin to Tamura for all I know. After all, she’s crazy enough to kiss her classmate.

“You make me sound like some villain. This morning, Tamura-kun was hit by a car on his way to school. He’s not in grave danger, but he’ll stay hospitalized for a while.”

“T-The heck is up with that…”

Damn it, Tamura. Be a man! I was hit by a motorbike myself, and I’m at school right now. Your stock prices are taking a dip for the worse, you know.

“No worries. As the class president, I plan on properly fulfilling my job as the executive committee member even without him. As for the attraction itself, it won’t be that different from a normal cosplay cafe.

“Huh?”

What’s this about? The girls were against it, remember? As I was left bewildered, Suzutsuki’s lips moved up, as she formed a bewitching smile.

“We’ve decided to do—a boys cross-dressing cafe. Instead of the girls, the boys will have to take off their clothes.”

“Wha…”

Out of shock, I failed to properly use my mouth. How could this happen? Instead of being able to enjoy the girls cosplaying, it was decided that I had to be the one cosplaying. Not to mention that it had to be female clothes of all things…

“Um, young lady…” There, Konoe raised an uneasy voice. “D-Does that mean…that I have to cross-dress as well?”

“!”

Oh right, since the boys will be forced to cosplay, Konoe, who is always wearing male clothes, will have to dress like a girl as well.

“Yes, of course. That’s the reason I decided on this plan. Everyone wants to see you wearing female clothes.”

“…! A-Are you sure about this!?”

“About what?”

“I mean, Konoe’s a girl to begin with!”

“So, you don’t want to see her crossdress as a girl?”

“Urk…”

“Not to mention that I went out of my way to get…Ah, no, that was supposed to be a secret.”

“!?”

Now hold on there. I wanna see it. I really wanna see it now. After all, that cat-eared butler last month was plenty destructive already.

“I myself didn’t think things would turn so complicated. However, the majority vote decided it.”

“Majority vote…Weren’t the boys in the lead with at least two or three votes!”

In terms of sheer numbers, the boys won. Even without Tamura, they shouldn’t have been able to be overthrown this easily.

“What are you talking about? That’s why I overturned it.”

“…Wha?”

“After all, in terms of a majority vote—Two boys didn’t participate, remember?”

“!”

Ahhh, crap! I forgot that Konoe and I weren’t part of the vote! I bet Konoe must have voted for the boys as well, because she most definitely doesn’t want to wear female clothes…!

“Also, there’s no need to worry regarding Subaru’s case. You just have to support her so that nobody finds out that she actually is a girl. Didn’t you say so back during Golden Week?”

I mean, I might have said something along the lines of that, but the situation was clearly different from before. Right now, we’re talking about the entire school, not just my family. There’s way too many chances for her to be found out.

“How about you, Subaru? It’s a cosplay crossdressing cafe. You love cute clothes, right? It’ll give you a chance to try out all sorts of stuff.”

“Urk…”

“Not to mention that you can wear all the cute things you love in front of everyone.”

“Cute clothes…” The crossdressing butler hesitated, only to let out a loose ‘Ehehe’ laugh later.

That damn Devil Suzutsuki. She really knows how to win over her own butler. I didn’t think she’d use her butler’s interests for her goal. Still, the culture festival, huh. I don’t think I’ll have much time to enjoy it at this rate.

“It’s about time for the second period. Jirou-kun, you go ahead.”

“Hm? I don’t mind, but why? Do you plan on skipping classes or something?”

That’d be a bit odd. Or rather, the first time, I think. Never seen the honor students Konoe and Suzutsuki skip class before.

“We’re not skipping. In fact, this object had been in my shoe box this morning.” Suzutsuki said, and took out a pink envelope.

The heck is this? It feels like a really girly letter…

“This is actually a love letter.”

“Love…Wha, in this day and age!?”

“That’s right, I was called to an empty space during this recess. Of course, going alone is a bit too dangerous, so I’ll take Subaru with me.” Suzutsuki calmly explained.

It’s true that Suzutsuki is admired by pretty much every boy in this school, and she’s been confessed to a million times even during her first year, with all of them being shut down immediately, but…

“Say, Jirou-kun, what do you think?”

Suddenly, Suzutsuki turned towards me.

“What do I think…?”

“About this love letter. Do you think I should go there after all?”

“Hm? Of course. Also, you already decided on it, didn’t you?”

“………” Suzutsuki gave me a dubious gaze, and let out a sigh. “Then…what if I agreed?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, what if I went to meet that person, and agreed to their confession, what would you think?”

“……?”

Even if she suddenly asks me that, it’s hard to really comment. If anything, I feel bad for the guy who’ll end up dating that rich lady.

“…Nothing much. Just go out with them, then?”

Naturally, I couldn’t tell her the truth, so I just said something random to fit the mood. In response to that, Suzutsuki stayed quiet for a moment, and muttered a dejected ‘…I see’……Hm? Why’d she make it sound like she expected something else? Just my imagination maybe? I mean, it’s something you can’t fully see if you don’t pay close attention.

“Hey, Subaru.” Suzutsuki turned towards her butler. “What would you do? Imagine I went to meet that person, and that person forcefully kissed me?”

“!” I felt a cold sweat run down my back.

T-This woman, she’s asking that in the presence of the person she nonconsensually kissed last month.

“Kiss…forced on the young lady?” Konoe thought about it for a moment, only to respond with a serious expression. “I would have to kill them.”

“!?”

“No matter what their reason may be, I won’t forgive anybody who dares to defile the young lady like that.”

“…U-Um, Konoe-san. Isn’t there more of a peaceful solution…”

“What are you talking about, Jirou. No matter who the other person may be, assaulting the young lady in such a fashion deserves a death sentence.” The butler said, while puffing out her chest covered with the corset.

My entire body started quivering in fear like I was the epicenter of a magnitude 8 earthquake. Of course, the source of it was that violent butler over there.

“Fufu, thank you, Subaru. How reliable. Leaving that aside, Jirou-kun? Are you okay? Your face looks quite pale, maybe you should drink some medicine?”

“……”

“I wouldn’t mind helping you drink mouth-to-mouth.”

“Wha?!”

When I was shocked, Suzutsuki’s lips relaxed a bit, and she whispered a teasing ‘Just kidding’. This woman…She’s doing this on purpose. She’s trying to scare me by pushing the conversation into that direction. Damn it, terrorising my heart like that. What did I do to deserve all of your anger?

“So then, see you later, Jirou-kun. Once I’ve rejected the confession, we’ll be coming to the classroom.” After returning my phone and wallet, Suzutsuki took Konoe with her, and left the infirmary.

“…Jeez.”

Well, I have nothing to do but go to class, I guess. I got up from the bed, and moved my body. Yep, everything’s looking fine so far. If anything, being kicked by that girl hurt far more than getting run over.

“Damn it…that nasty Usagi.” I spit a complaint in the empty infirmary.

All of this is her fault because she ran me over with her bike.

“Hm? Oh right, it wasn’t Usagi, it was Usami.”

Well, same thing. I doubt I’ll ever talk with her again. More importantly, the second period is about to begin, I need to hurry back to the classroom.

“—Who’s nasty?”

Without a warning, a sharp and cold voice stabbed into my ears. The source of the voice stood close to the door, the girl that most definitely had run me over this morning.

“Also, it’s Usami, not Usagi. How many more times do I have to tell you?”

That’s right, it was Usami Masamune. With a bothered expression, the girl walked into the room, arms crossed. And, after closely inspecting me, she spoke up.

“Come with me, Sakamachi Kinjirou. There’s something important I need to talk with you about.”

“……”

Well, it probably isn’t a confession, huh.

Chapter 1 - Rabbit and Chicken

This might be a bit sudden, but have you ever seen a romcom? It can be in an anime, a drama, or a novel even. In my case, the first time I read a romcom was a shoujo manga I borrowed from my little sister. Of course, it’s not that I willingly read her manga or anything. Instead, when I was a brat, I could never go against my little sister.

Despite being brother and sister, despite being related by blood, there was a rift between us as deep as the Mariana trench. My classmates always voice their doubt about us even being siblings in the first place, but that’s probably because they don’t know much about her.

Well, deep down, she’s a good girl, and I guess that she just watched too many midnight anime or read too much sibling stuff. After all, despite being a young girl, she loved shounen manga, and whenever she barged into my room, she would borrow all sorts of manga from me, saying ‘What’s Onii-chan’s is mine as well!’…No, she pretty much stole it.

Naturally, that being repeated over and over, it would warrant for a rebellion or a coup d’état, but the me back then didn’t have the strength for that. Any half-baked resistance would be crushed. That is the iron rule of our Sakamachi Family. The weak devour the strong. My family environment pretty much was still stuck in the Jura age, creating cruel circumstances for me, who was weak.

That’s why, the best I could do was sneak into my little sister’s room like some rat, and steal the shoujo manga she had. Thinking about it now, I totally did it out of spite. Of course, my tyrant little sister immediately caught on to that, and brought down death penalty as my punishment. Sadly, this is the status in my family. Put frankly, I’m an endangered species about to go instinct. I’m like a lake ball trying to survive in Lake Akan.

This being the case, the first romcom I read was a shoujo manga I stole from my little sister. And, it was quite the orthodox romcom, with the girl bumping into the protagonist at a crossing with toast in her mouth, all of this within the first four pages. I still remember thinking ‘This is popular nowadays?’.

But, let’s move on to the main topic. The reason I’m talking about this—is the fact that such an orthodox romcom development happened to me. The time of year was the end of June. That hellish Golden Week ended, and as the asphalt sizzled from the early-summer sunshine—only a few days away until the important school festival—the entire school was living in excitement towards that upcoming summer break. This happened on a certain day.

Without any warning or preamble, I bumped into a girl on my way to school. Of course, this happened at a crossroad, and of course she had toast in her mouth—not to mention that she was actually pretty cute. Normally, one would be happy about this, right? This might just signal the beginning of a wonderful new love, or some nonsense that only happens in the world of 2D, but you could at least hope, right?

However, there was one giant problem about this. That girl…wasn’t walking to school. She was using a motorbike, and ran me over on my way to school.

×

“Kyaaaaa! Out of the waaaaay!”

Together with a loud shriek like that, my body soared through the sky. It was a traffic accident you could see everywhere. Not to mention that it involved a human body instead of another car.

As I was on my way to school, right at a crossroad in the living district, a rampaging motorbike sent my body flying.

“Gobuha!?” I let out a groan resembling a frog being crushed, and rolled along the asphalt like a bowling pin.

I mean, I didn’t act like a comedian during a live show on purpose. I just reflexively tried to soften the impact. After that, I raised my body, aching with pain.

“Urk…”

Ahh, that hurt. I seriously thought I was going to die. I confirmed the damage inflicted on my body. Seems like I got off with some light grazes. I go through worse every single morning thanks to Kureha’s practice. I really don’t want to suffer any needless injuries. Also, why does the handicrafts club need to do morning practice?

Well, I guess I’m pretty lucky to get away with these mild injuries after being run over. With these thoughts, I stood on both of my legs. What a sturdy body I have. I guess this is what I get for living through my hellish family environment. Thankfully I can get through this without another hospital visit…

“…Huh?”

Just when I thought that something was off, I realized that I lost my glasses. Did they fly off because of that impact just now? It’s not like my eyesight was exceptionally bad, but without a spare pair, it’d be pretty troublesome. I looked around in search of my glasses. There, I realized that this incident had become pretty big. I could see the bike flipped over in the corner of the crossroad, together with the toast, and—

“…Crap.”

The second I saw that, I subconsciously let out a groan. In the middle of this crossing, with arms and legs wide open, laid a girl wearing a familiar uniform.

“………”

This is bad. She looks like she’s on her deathbed…! With this hellish scene in front of me, I wanted to just walk away. Not to mention that her skirt got flipped up because of the accident, letting me see her slender yet plump thighs…This is seriously bad.

“…Um, hello?” I tried my best to not look where I shouldn’t be, and waited for a response.

However, as silence followed, I was getting close to giving up. That being said, I can’t leave her alone either. Not like the scene is secured either.

“…Alright.” I carefully approached my ears to her face, trying to check if she was still breathing.

However, it was hard to tell. Hence, I instead moved on to check her pulse with my hand on her neck. Waah, so warm. When I touched her soft skin, I could feel her heart beating even up to my fingers. Thank god, she’s still alive. I sighed in relief, but it’s not like I could keep touching that girl forever.

Otherwise, my gynophobia will activate. That’s right, this gynophobia of mine is another result of my twisted family environment. Touching or being touched by a girl could literally kill me. If I stay too close to a girl for too long, my nose will start bleeding.

“…Hm?” I slapped my cheeks to get back to my senses, when I looked at the girl again, and realized.

Somehow…this girl is hella cute, isn’t she? She had styled her wavy hair in two long twintails. Adding to her lively impression through her hairstyle, she had faint crimson colored lips, with long eyelashes. She was about the average size of a girl her age, about in the middle of Suzutsuki and Konoe. Her physique lets me guess that she’s the sporty type of girl. The same image was seen on her slender legs, covered by about knee-high long socks. Mm…the gap between the wild design and uniform is just…

“Mguh…”

“Woah!?”

When a faint breath escaped the girl’s lips, I subconsciously jumped backwards. Right after, the girl’s eyes opened. She possessed lifted eyes, resembling a cat’s. Just from looking at her, she seemed pretty strong. After blinking a few times, the girl raised her body.

“Hm…I…ouch…”

“Hey, you okay?”

From the looks of it, she wasn’t injured in any way, but I was worried that she might have hit her head. After all, her helmet landed in the corner of the crossing as well.

“Y-Yeah…I’m fine…” She spoke that far, only to suddenly end up silent.

…? I wonder why she’s looking so awkward while being silent. Maybe she’s hurt after all? The silence continued for a few more seconds.

“Oh no…that person must have died for sure…”

I was about to let out a shocked ‘What?’ in the face of that reaction. She completely ignored me, and continued with a heavy tone in her voice.

“I…hit that person…What should I do…I need to call 110 right now…”

“………”

Oh my goodness, that girl thinks she killed me in that accident. Well, at least she’s properly worried about me. I guess despite her fierce outer appearance, she’s kind where it counts.

“I need to create a cover-up…Need to erase all the evidence before the cops come here…”

I take back what I said. This girl might have a cute face, but most definitely is pure evil. She thinks she hit some passersby. Maybe she really hit her head after all? Or she’s panicking. Either way, you should probably call 119 over 110. But, I should probably clear up the misunderstanding before that.

“Don’t think you need to worry about that.”

Hearing my words, the girl let out a confused ‘Eh?’, and rubbed her eyes one more time. After confirming her surroundings, she looked at me again.

“……!?” Immediately after, she grew pale.

She showed a frozen expression like she just saw a ghost. Her mouth opened and closed like a koi fish waiting to be fed, and her facial color changed like a traffic light to deep blue. In the midst of all of that, she let out groans along the lines of ‘Ah…ah, ah…’

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa!” She let out a scream like she encountered an exhibitionist in the middle of the street.

Of course, we were still in the middle of the residential district……Not good. I might have just worsened the situation. What if she caused a panic here? The neighbours would think I tried to assault her, and arrest me.

“C-Calm down. I’m not some ghost.” I called out to her in an attempt to clear up the misunderstanding.

As a result of that, the girl moved backwards to the wall of the street, letting out another shriek as she sank to the floor.

“Nooooo don’t come any closer! Monster! You monster!”

“Hey! Why do you have to be so cruel about this!”

Why do I have to be called a monster by someone I only just met. Also, my Mom or little sister are even more of a monster than me, alright.

“How? Why are you alive? I ran you over at full speed…”

“So you were aware of it…”

“I was planning on stepping on the brakes, but mistook them for the gas pedal.”

“Makes sense why I couldn’t hear the sounds of any brakes when you hit me!”

Was she actually planning on killing me from the very start? Did someone record this by any chance, so that I can use this as evidence in court? Then again, it’s crazy how I managed to get out of this with barely any injuries. Maybe training my body recently was the right decision after all. Ever since that incident during Golden Week, I’ve been regularly training with Kureha and Konoe in that underground arena.

It’s been a while since I was training this much after Mom left, so I guess I was getting back a lot of endurance. Of course, I still always lose against my sparring partner.

“What the hell is going on with your body? Are you actually human?”

“You’re pretty rude, huh. My body’s just a bit more robust than the average person’s.”

“Robust?”

“Yeah, I was run over by a truck last month, but was discharged from the hospital three days later.”

“……” She narrowed her eyes with a dubious gaze.

……Hey now, what’s that reaction for. Don’t look at me like I’m some alien.

“…So, what’s your name?”

I mean, if she was forced into an ambulance, I at least should know her name. Also, in case we need to take this to court as well.

“…Eh?” However, the girl awkwardly averted her eyes at my question. “W-Why would you ask for that?”

“…? I mean, we at least should know our names, right? Is that such a problem? Not to mention that you’re from Rouran as well, looking at your uniform.”

“……~~~!” She let out an awkward groan.

Following that, she unwillingly moved her plump lips…

“…Yamada.”

“Huh?”

“Yamada. That’s my family name.”

“…Huh. So, what about your given name?”

“Lucy.”

“Lucy Yamada!?”

“What’s your problem? It’s a good name, right?” She let out a confident breath, and glared up at me.

Lucy Yamada, huh…Yeah, that’s gotta be fake. There’s no Japanese person who has such a cool name. Clearly, she doesn’t believe me at all. Was I acting that suspicious? I feel like she’s needlessly careful around people, almost like a wild rabbit.

“Come on, you hit me with your bike, I think I at least deserve that.”

“It’s your fault for not dodging. Also, can you stop with the whole ‘You you you’ already?”

“Then tell me your real name.”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Then, what year are you in? That should be enough to tell me, right?”

“…Second. What about you? I won’t forgive you if you’re beneath me.”

“What a shame, I’m a second-year student as well. Though we seem to be in different classes.”

I would have realized if she was a classmate of mine. Our school has a lot of students after all, so I guess we really never even walked past each other. But, then…

“…Hm?”

The girl sat on the ground, her back to the concrete wall. Between her thighs I could see something all too familiar…Wait, those are my glasses.

“H-Hey…where are you looking!” She started blushing furiously, and pulled down her skirt.

As a result of that, the glasses escaped deeper into her skirt. Not to mention at a position that was hard to point out. Hmm, this ain’t good. She might step on them by accident. I really need them, so I can’t allow that to happen.

“W-What? Why are you staring at my skirt?”

“Well, something important to me is inside there…”

“Something important!?” The girl once again pulled down her skirt, and blushed even harder.

Hey now, I wasn’t lying. You’re protecting my one and only pair of glasses there.

“Y-You…What are you saying in the middle of the residential district…”

Hm? I mean, I want what’s inside your skirt.”

“Wha…”

“But, it’s hard for me to get, so could you grab it for me?”

“You’re telling me to take it off and give it to you!?”

“That’s right. Are you telling me to get it?”

I mean, as she said, we’re in the middle of the residential district. Are you telling me to stuff my hand in a girl’s skirt like this?

“B…B-But, even if you suddenly ask me that, I can’t…”

“What’s the problem? Should be easy, right?”

“Wha…easy…!?”

“Yeah, really easy. Even a kindergartener could do it.”

“You made a kindergartener do that!?” She screamed with an expression like she had seen the devil reincarnated.

What’s the big deal? There was a time I was too nervous about high school exams, and forgot my glasses, so Kureha had to bring them for me. If my little sister can do it, then a kindergarten child can do it even better.

“I mean, never had a kindergartner do it, but my little sister already did it before.”

“Wha…”

“She put them in her pocket, and brought them to the interview at the high school I was applying at.”

“Interview…high school…why there?”

“Eh? Because I need them for the interview??”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I can’t live without them. It’s much better than any good luck charm.”

“So…you gave that to the interviewer?”

“Huh? Why would I do that?”

What an awful bribe that would be. Of course, what I did…

“I put them on?”

“You put them on!?”

“Thanks to that, everything worked out.”

“That clearly should not have worked out!?”

“The interviewer even said ‘Where do they sell these? I want a pair myself’, you know…”

“Noooooooooooo!?”

“Anyway, I was really thankful to my little sister back then.”

“…B-But, she must have hated the idea of bringing that to you, right…”

“Maybe? I think she started blushing with a ‘I was really embarrassed while bringing that here, you know’, or something along those lines.”

“Of course she’d start blushiiiing!” She threw in a sharp retort.

What a wonderful retort that was. But, why? Kureha simply said ‘It’s embarrassing to come here when I’m not even taking the exam myself’.

“But, she forgave me with one piece of Garigari-kun.”

“With just that?!”

“Hm? You also want a Garigari-kun or something?”

“I-I don’t! I really don’t!”

“Alright then. Anyway, I got run over by you, right, so giving me them would be the least thing to do…But, if you’re that against it, I can just grab them myself, I guess.”

“~~~!” She started blushing all the way up to her ears, as tears formed in her eyes.

After another brief silence, seeming like she had accepted her fate, she reached for the inside of her skirt with quivering fingers…

“—I can’t…”

Right as she grabbed the hem of her skirt, she put down her hand. Why is this such a big deal? I was feeling a bit annoyed, when she continued with a meek voice.

“That’s why…you do it.”

“Wha?”

“I said you do it. I can’t…” She averted her gaze, visibly embarrassed.

……Um, what is this about? Just to make sure, I confirmed our surroundings. Luckily, only a cat was watching us.

“A-Are you sure? You’re not going to ask for money later?”

“Y-Yeah. Just hurry up and do it.”

F-For now, let me confirm the situation. Sitting in front of me was a girl. She’s wearing Rouran Academy’s uniform, with a pleated skirt. Her plump thighs created a small gap…

“……!”

C-Calm down me. What’s important is to get back the glasses. I most definitely am not thinking about anything lewd. In my head, the Indiana Jones theme was playing, as my hand approached the inside of the skirt.

“Bueh!?”

An impact shook my body. I was kicked, not to mention quite fiercely. The girl’s right leg had stabbed directly into my stomach.

“You…you, what was that for…”

That woman kicked me right in my solar plexus. Not to mention with the heel of her long boots. If I was just your run-of-the-mill guy, I would have collapsed immediately.

“Shut up, pervert! I was just playing with you! I was waiting for you to get closer so I could kick you, you never realized!? Who would let you take them off!”

“Take them off? What are you talking about? I only wanted…”

“S-Shut up! Die! Get kicked to death by me!”

“Hey, will you calm down alrea…Wah!?”

A barrage of kicks flew my way, fast enough to cut through the air. Those are some sharp kicks alright, is she actually using some martial arts skill?

“Cry! Scream! And then, die!”

“Gah, just calm down already! You’ll crush my glasses at this rate!”

While dodging the kick that aimed directly at my face, I picked up the glasses on the ground…That was careful, she almost destroyed my precious glasses.

“…The hell is that?”

I heard a dumbfounded voice. Looking over, the girl stared at me and my glasses in shock.

“Don’t tell me, that’s what you’ve been wanting this entire time?”

“Hey now…that’s what I’ve been telling you. What did you think I was talking about anyway?”

“Urk…” The girl blushed again, and pulled down her skirt.

Just what is that girl imagining…Also, it’s annoying that I don’t know her name.

“…Can’t help it.”

Guess I have to be the one to introduce myself first. I let out a sigh, and slowly put on my glasses. Right after…

“—Ah.”

For some reason, the girl pointed at me and my glasses, her expression once again different from before. It’s like she ran into someone she knew in the center of town.

“…? What, you know me or something?”

Since I always keep on my glasses at school, she probably couldn’t recognize me without them. Not to mention that she probably is still under a bit of a shock after having run me over like that.

“…Yep, I sure do…Really, why did I not realize.”

It happened in the blink of an eye.

“!?”

Another kick flew my way. Not to mention a very aggressive high kick. Her right leg shot towards me, perfectly landing on my jaw.

“Gah…!?”

Like the strings had been cut, I lost all strength in my hips.

“……!”

…Ho crap. Pink. I saw pink. That cherry blossom pink-colored fabric had an adorable ribbon on it.

“……”

…No, wait a second. This isn’t what you think it is. It’s not that I’m shocked to see her wear such cutesy underwear or anything, I actually had plenty enough time to dodge that attack, but this peek of what I shouldn’t be seeing just robbed all my focus from me, which is why I couldn’t evade that kick.

“…Wait, this isn’t the time to explain myself!” I retorted on my own stupidity, and fell backwards on staggering legs.

My field of view shook, as the impact pulled on my fading consciousness. And yet again I have to emphasize, this is all because of her kick, and most definitely not because I saw her panties.

“Huh. That was pretty easy. I expected a bit more from her Onii-chan.”

“…Wha?”

Onii-chan? Does she…know Kureha? I tried my best to ask this question out loud, only to find that high boot stomping right onto my abdomen as I had fallen backwards on the ground.

“Guho!?”

All the air was pushed out of my stomach…Not good. This isn’t just some joke, I will actually die. Not to mention that in this position, I could barely not look inside her skirt. Instead, I got a perfect view of her slender leg covered by the boot, and…Wait, what am I thinking in this situation…!

“Really…it’s unbelievable. How did you…” While grinding her foot on me, the girl spoke with a cold tone.

I could feel clear hate. And then…

“—Hey, tell me.” She gave me a doubtful gaze, as she looked down at me in disgust. “How did you…become friends with Subaru-sama?”

“Y-You…”

Who are you? As I was having this doubt fill my head, she had her twintails shake, and answered me.

“Fine, I’ll be kind enough to tell you. My name is—Usami.”

“…Usagi1?”

“…! U-S-A-M-I! Not Usagi! I’m not some rabbit!” She put more strength into her heel.

Urk…I can’t breathe. How could this happen…She’s going to awaken some weird new fetish inside of me at this rate.

“I’ll tell you again, so listen carefully. My name is…” The girl…No, Usami opened her mouth one more time. “Usami Masamune, a second year at Rouran Academy and a member of the handicrafts club.”

“……”

Let me start from the conclusion. The handicrafts club at our school really isn’t normal.

I saw the boot in my view, the heel floating in the air. Right as that came soaring down on my solar plexus again, those were my thoughts.

×

“Gyaaaaah!”

My consciousness returned. The second my eyes opened, my upper body shot up.

“…Ouch.”

A severe pain assaulted my stomach. When I pulled up my shirt…Wow, so many bruises. When I look at all these injuries, I can only accept that previous scenery as reality, and not just some nightmare.

“Damn it, that girl…”

Usagi…No, Usami Masamune, was it. That damn wench, stepping on me like she wanted to turn grapes into wine. Thanks to that, I almost got to meet my maker.

“…Jeez.” I let out a sigh in order to calm myself down.

More importantly…where is this? I was unsure where to find myself, and looked around…

“Jirou…are you okay?” An anxious alto voice reached my ears.

I directed my gaze towards the source of the voice, and found the face of a beautiful and handsome boy, possessing the facial features of an antique doll. On top of that, she wore tight pants with a waist, even a tight tailcoat on top of that. It’s a different uniform from what you would normally see at our school—namely, a butler’s uniform.

She is Konoe Subaru, the personal male butler of Suzutsuki Kanade, who is the single daughter of this school’s board chairman. The students call her ‘Subaru-sama’ like a prince. And right now, this very prince sat next to my bed on a chair, giving me a worried gaze.

“Konoe? Um, this is…”

“The infirmary.” Konoe responded with a calm voice.

Yeah, now that she mentions it, all these shelves with medicine and those two white beds, as well as that distinct scent of antiseptic solution. This definitely is the infirmary at our school. But, why am I here?

“I was shocked. When I walked to school, I found you collapsed at the side of the road. Leaving you there out cold would have been too cruel, so I carried you here.”

Ahh, I see. It seems like that Usami girl grinded me with her boot so much that I lost consciousness. Not like that doesn’t sound fishy at all.

“Jirou, were you run over by a car or something? I saw parts of a car close to you on the ground, so…”

“Well, something like that. I got hit badly, so I just lost consciousness…”

Well, it was a traffic accident. Can’t tell her that I got kicked by a girl to the point where I blacked out, though. I don’t have that kind of fetish.

“Sorry that you had to carry me all the way over here. But, I’m not hurt or anything from how things look. You know how tough my body is, right?”

“…Yeah. That’s fine and all…” Konoe awkwardly averted her gaze from me.

Hm? I feel like she’s acting a bit weird today. Normally, she’d have more of a sour look on her face. It’s almost like she’s super worried about me?

“…Say, Jirou, can I ask one thing?” Konoe seemed to have made up her mind, and opened her mouth. “When you were sleeping, you were screaming things like ‘Please forgive me, my Queeeeen!’…”

“!”

“Also, I heard something like ‘If you grind on me any more with that, you will open a dangerous door for meee!’, what’s that about?”

“……”

“In the end, you were just begging, saying ‘20.000 yen! I’ll give you 20.000 yen so please forgive me! Ah, urk, no moreeee…’. On top of that…”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I frantically interrupted Konoe’s words.

…Wow, it seems like I took more psychological damage from this incident than physical damage.

“I-It’s fine, I just had a nightmare is all.”

“Really? It looked like you were possessed by some evil spirit or whatever…”

“Don’t worry. I tend to have more nightmares lately.”

“You do!? Are you sure you’re not suffering from some mental sickness!?”

“No problems. I definitely did not awaken to some weird fetish like that.”

“…Hmm, well if you say so…The thing is, there was a bit of an incident in the residential district today.”

“An incident?”

Konoe nodded, and continued with a serious expression.

“Apparently, a girl was molested on the way to school.”

Immediately after I heard that, my back started to grow damp from the sweat. Those damn neighbours actually reported that!

“It caused quite a ruckus. A housewife nearby heard a girl’s screams, followed by a boy and a girl fighting.”

“H-Huh…that sounds rough…”

“I felt like this wasn’t related to you, so I brought you here, but…that was the right choice, wasn’t it?”

“Of course! There’s no way I’d put my hand into a girl’s skirt, you know!”

In my head, I was already thinking about how to change my route from and to school. I best avoid that part of the residential district for a while. There’s a high chance that place is crawling with police by now.

“More importantly, where’s Suzutsuki? She’s not with you?”

I tried to avoid the topic all-together, so I chose the best method. Konoe is heading to school with me as a means of observing me, but that wasn’t the case this morning. Then, that must mean Suzutsuki came to school with Konoe. Though, they probably got driven here.

“I came to look after you, but the young lady is still in class. Though, the first period is about to end.”

“Really. Well, I didn’t want to skip class, but at least Suzutsuki isn’t here, so it’s fine.”

I feel like our nurse Nakamoto-sensei isn’t here either right now, but she must be off to the staff office or something. As for the first period, I can just have Kurose show me his notes later…Well, if his handwriting is sufficable.

“…Hmpf.” I heard a displeased voice.

Looking over, Konoe had narrowed her eyebrows, giving me a dubious glance.

“Jirou, I’ve been wondering about this for a while, but…aren’t you avoiding the young lady a bit too much as of late?”

Twitch.

“I think it started right after Golden Week ended.”

Twitch.

“Ever since then, you started declining any kind of healing program that the young lady came up with, saying you had other plans or whatever. But, it’s not just that. You also tried to evade the young lady when you’re at school. Did something happen between the two of you?” When Konoe asked that question, her eyes narrowed.

In short, she’s not wrong. In reality, I have been avoiding Suzutsuki.

‘Sorry, I need to prepare to watch anime all night!’ I said, using a really weak excuse to avoid any recent treatment for my gynophobia. The cause of everything is the incident on the final day of Golden Week. After all, Suzutsuki Kanade—stole my first kiss.

“………”

…This is bad. Just remembering it makes me feel depressed. T-To think my first kiss had to be with that wench of a rich lady…Honestly speaking, it weighed me down quite a bit. No matter how I try to forget about it, there comes a time when I’m being reminded of the ending theme of Ki*eretsu Daihyakka2. It’s just a hallucination. But, it’s probably just a matter of time until some robot appears in front of me.

What’s worse than having my first kiss stolen…is that it had to be by Suzutsuki Kanade of all people. She definitely enjoyed making me suffer. I mean, I was giving it some thought, assuming that she might have a thing for me and all, but…that’s impossible. We’re talking about that Suzutsuki, you know.

She commits crime for fun. She must be having fun watching me suffer like that. And, I still think that this is going too far. An actual kiss just to torture me? You rich people have no worries at all, huh.

But…even I think that there’s a limit reached here. I can’t avoid her forever. That’s why, I’d like to think of some countermeasures, but…

“If there’s anything you’re having trouble with, I don’t mind listening.” Konoe must have guessed what I was thinking, and offered a helping hand. “After all, Jirou and I…are friends, right? Friends listen to each other’s problems.”

“Konoe…”

Man, she’s such a good person. Completely different from her master. My friend! Lend me your strength!

“But, I do have one condition.”

However, as if to betray my thoughts, the butler said with a natural tone.

“You have to listen to a request of mine.”

“…Hmm.”

So that’s how we’re doing things. That’s a bit unexpected. I thought that kind of thing was only a strength of Suzutsuki, but to think that even Konoe would ask for compensation. Then again, it must be something very important. As I was thinking about what it could be, Konoe took a deep breath, and then opened her mouth.

“…I want you to spend the day of the school festival with me!” With a bit of a clumsy representation, these were her words.

“…School festival?”

“Yeah, it’s right around the corner, right. I’ll listen to your problems, so I want you to walk around with me at the school festival.”

“I mean, I don’t mind, but…aren’t you gonna do that with Suzutsuki?”

They’re master and butler, and unlike a long time ago, ever since the incident in April, they’ve actually gotten along really well, even at school. Why not ask her then?

“The young lady will be busy during the school festival, as she is the class representative. They have to support the school festival execution committee, right?”

“Now that you mention it…”

Just as Konoe stated, the class representatives at our school have the duty to help in this execution committee. Basically, the two representatives decide on what the class offers during the school festival. On a side note, the male representative of our class is called Tamura, and we decided on a cosplay cafe as our attraction.

Since the girls will be wearing cosplays when serving the customers, it’s pretty maniacal of an attraction, and as you might imagine, the girls were protesting against this a lot. However, Tamura fought against this to his best ability, and even managed to grasp victory with a majority vote.

Naturally, the boys were treating him like Jesus reincarnated, but when one of them asked ‘Your impression with the girls will take a dip for the worse, you know? They’re already giving you cold stares’, Tamura delivered the unexpected coming-out with ‘It’s fine…I actually like that sort of thing’, which even had the boys confused on what to feel.

Thanks to that pervert…I mean, Tamura, our class decided on the cosplay cafe, and we’re currently preparing for that. Naturally, the representatives will be busy with organisational stuff even during the day of the event, but…

“Can’t you just use your relationship as butler and master as an excuse to be with her?”

“…Yeah, I said the same thing, but…” Konoe showed somewhat of a troubled expression in return. “The young lady told me not to worry about her, and enjoy the school festival. I know she must be considerate of me, but…”

“But?”

“I…don’t really know what it even means to walk around a school festival.” Konoe flashed a worried expression.

…So that’s what this is. Before this year’s April, before I found out the secret that Konoe actually was a girl, she didn’t have any friends at this school. At the same time, her relationship with Suzutsuki was still awkward. That’s why she’s completely lost now. If it’s just walking around the school festival, that’s no big problem.

“…What an idiot you are.”

She didn’t have to desperately ask me for that. We’re friends after all…Well, I guess she was worried that I’d say no exactly because we’re friends.

“Ain’t gotta worry like that. Let’s walk around together.”

“…Yeah, thanks. I’m sure…it’ll be a fun school festival.” Konoe’s expression lit up immediately after. “Alright, now it’s your turn, Jirou. What’s your problem?”

“…Well, I guess I have to tell you now. But, don’t be shocked, okay?”

“Rest assured. I am a butler, I won’t be surprised that easily.” Konoe puffed out her chest in confidence.

I mean, you’ll be shocked exactly because you’re a butler. After all, this is about me being kissed by your master. If anything, I’d be worried if you weren’t surprised in any way.

“What’s wrong? Just tell me, no need to hold back.”

“A-Alright…So, this about my first kiss—”

Rattle! Before I could even finish my sentence, Konoe shot up from her chair, her cheeks crimson red.

“Why…why is that a topic right now!?”

“I mean…Wait, do you know the details?” When I returned a question, Konoe started blushing even more furiously, and grew silent.

Don’t tell me, did Suzutsuki tell Konoe?

“Rather, why would you bring that up now…Wait, did the young lady!?”

That’s right, your master kissed me against my will. But, there’s no way I can tell her.

“Well…that’s about it. What you expected did happen. I was pretty shocked about it…” I tried to explain things as vaguely as possible.

For some reason, Konoe started panicking, her mouth opening and closing.

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

“I was surprised as well…A-After all, that was the first time…”

“I heard about that from her as well, but…was that true?”

According to Suzutsuki, that was her first kiss. But, I find it hard to believe. I feel like she’s got all the experience in the world…

“Don’t be ridiculous! O-Of course it was…!” Butler-kun denied my assumptions flat-out.

That is one hell of a menacing look. It’s almost like I was doubting her, and not Suzutsuki.

“But…why would you bring that up now…it’s been two months since…”

“Two months?”

That kiss happened last month, so it’s barely been one.

“But…it’s all your fault! T-That time couldn’t be helped!”

“You’re right. I didn’t run away after all, and what’s happened cannot be undone. But…it was my first time, you know?”

“Urk…that does make sense…”

“Right? If possible, I’d like to redo it, alright.”

Seriously, I’d love to be able to go back in time. With these thoughts, I let out a sigh.

“Wha…wha…” Konoe’s eyes shot open, looking at me like she had seen a ghost.

Is she okay? I feel like she’ll dislocate her jaw at this rate.

“Jirou…W-W-What did you just say?”

“Hm? I said that I’d love to redo it.”

“Really…?”

“Yeah, if possible, I’d like to do it right now.”

“Right now!?” Konoe raised a loud shocked voice.

Of course? After all, that was my first kiss, and even if that was the same for Suzutsuki, I want to get a second chance.

“But…even if you suddenly tell me now…Doing something so bold right here…”

“Right here? I mean, does it matter? It’s just the two of us here right now.”

We’re just talking about it. And, weren’t you the one who said you’d hear me out? Not like it’s anything bold either, I’m just telling you about my past trauma.

“It truly is just the two of us here right now, but…” Konoe grasped the bottom part of her uniform.

Hm? Why’s she so embarrassed now? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for advice after all?

“I mean, weren’t you the one who asked me to do it?”

“When did I say that!?”

“Just now…?”

“!? N-No! I…I just said that I would hear you out!”

See, you said it yourself. It’d be troublesome if you just quit mid-way of giving me advice. So, let me explain myself until the very end.

“I’ve already revealed everything to you, I can’t turn back now.”

“…!”

“So please, let me take this properly until the very end.”

“T-The very end!? Does that mean…”

“Of course, until I’m satisfied. I’ve been worried about it this entire past month.”

“~~~!”

For some reason, I could see steam rising from Konoe’s head. And, she stayed silent for a long moment.

“…A-Alright.” A voice about to disappear reached my ears. “But…going until the very end is a bit…I mean, we’re inside the school’s infirmary, so we never know when someone might be coming…And, I also have to mentally prepare myself…”

“…?”

Basically, she’s saying that we should move to another location? Hm, maybe she realized that this could turn longer than expected. Though, I don’t get what she’s on about with that mentally preparing stuff.

“That’s why…while we’re here, we’ll only go with…Mumble mumble.”

“Hm? Did you say something towards the end? I couldn’t clearly hear it.”

“Wha…I-It’s pretty obvious even without me having to say it out loud! Damn it…Jirou, you bully…” Konoe muttered with a faint voice.

—And then.

“…Mm.”

Slowly, she closed her eyes, like she was scared of something. At the same time, she pushed out her lips a bit…Hm? I feel like I somehow walked into some unfathomable development without knowing? It’s almost as if I could reach a secret ending if I kept walking this way…?

“Come on…If you’re going to do it, then…do it fast.”

“Huh? Do what?”

“~~~! I didn’t think you were that much of a twisted bastard!”

Konoe started tearing up, and pouted.

“I’m talking about…the kiss.”

“…Wha?”

“Don’t ‘Wha’ me! Do you still plan on playing dumb all the way…? Despite you telling me to do it…!”

“……”

…Oh crap. I don’t have any clue what’s going on here. How did things end up this way? Subaru-sama is right in front of my eyes, her lips in reach. So faintly red, almost like cherry blossoms…

“…Mm.”

Almost as if she couldn’t hold back anymore than this, with her reddened cheeks, she slowly approached, and leaned her body against mine—

“What are you two up to?” A dignified voice filled the infirmary.

When I turned towards the source, I spotted a beauty with long and glossy black hair, tied up into twintails, standing in front of the infirmary door. Just like Konoe, she wore a uniform distinctively different from our normal uniform. On top of possessing a dignified expression with fitting proportions on her body, she was also the real deal of a rich lady—Suzutsuki Kanade. She looked at me and Konoe, facing each other, and gave us somewhat of a cold gaze.

“Y-Young lady!? Y-You’re wrong! Jirou just forcefully…!” Dear butler-kun moved away from me at an alarming speed.

Hey, what do you mean by ‘forcefully’, huh? You were the one who suddenly brought up that kiss…

“Hmm, I see.” Suzutsuki closely inspected me, and approached us.

Urk, why is she so normal? An entire month might have passed since that incident, but I’m still not over it, alright.

“Well, I don’t particularly care what you are up to, but be mindful that as long as we are at school, you are a boy, so if someone other than me saw you, they might get the wrong idea.”

“Urk…M-My deepest apologies.” Konoe acted like a puppy that got scolded by its owner.

And then, she gave me a sharp gaze. Almost like she wanted to say ‘This is all your fault!’, I felt a severe amount of pressure in her eyes. No, what did I do?

“Good morning, Jirou-kun. This feels like it’s been a while since we’ve talked like this, right.” Suzutsuki moved to the side of the bed I was seated on, all the while keeping a gentle expression.

Don’t joke with me. Did you think I’d just stay calm about this, and let you talk?

“Alright, Konoe. I’ll be going back to the classroom.” I said, and got off the bed, heading to the door.

We’re talking about that rich lady. She’s probably planning on opening that wound in my heart even more. That’s why I decided to disengage any communication. Running is victory in this context.

“—No, I’m not letting you leave.”

Suddenly, Suzutsuki’s arms wrapped around mine…No, wrapped around my entire body, as she embraced me from behind.

“…!? Y-You!”

Gaaaah what is this woman doing! Did she anticipate me running away!?

“L-Let go!”

“Oh my, why should I?”

“Why…You know of my gynophobia, right!?”

“That’s right, and this is part of your treatment process.”

“Treatment process…!”

You’re clearly just out to torture me. Is she angry that I skipped out on the treatment program or something? That’s a bit too sudden though. Even Konoe was looking at us in shock.

“Ugh…!”

…Not good. I can feel the goosebumps all over my body, sweat drenching my shirt. My gynophobia is activating. Not to mention that with her arms on my body…I felt a strong softness hitting my back…!

“A-Alright, I get it! Just get away from me! I don’t want to faint again!”

Unable to handle it, I screamed while throwing my arms up, to which Suzutsuki gave a simple ‘Yes’, and moved her arms away…Huh? That was much easier than I would have expected.

“Huh…Jirou-kun, that’s quite the interest you have.” Suzutsuki spoke up with a dignified voice.

I turned around to look at her, to which I saw her hold a red plastic mass in her right hand…Wait, hold on. That’s my phone.

“Ah! Did you steal it after that tackle just now!?”

She’s done me in. That damn Devil Suzutsuki. I was wondering why she let me go this easily, but that’s because she already accomplished her goal in stealing my smartphone from my pants pocket, using it as a hostage. Still, that was some slick movement…or, I guess I just wasn’t paying attention.

“Now you won’t be able to escape.” She announced her victory with a proud tone in her voice.

Damn it…But, you haven’t beaten me yet! You might be a devil, but in terms of battle strength, you’re still just a girl! I can push you back with strength. I don’t want to use violence against a girl, but as long as I can get my phone back—

“…is probably what you are thinking, so excuse me. I went ahead and unlocked your phone.”

“!”

“Also, I changed your PIN.”

“!?”

“You’re quite careless, aren’t you. To think the PIN of your phone was actually your birthday.”

“………”

“On a side note, the wallet you had in your back pocket is over where. Oh my, you only have 580 yen on you right now?” Suzutsuki checked the contents of my wallet, which she carried in her left hand.

Naturally, while smiling like the devil. I give up. I’ll put up a white flag, so please don’t leak any of my personal information or the contents of my wallet any further than this. Also, please revert my PIN back to how it was before…

“Then, let’s have a talk. Once we’re done, you can have it all back.”

“…Yes, I understand, Suzutsuki-san.”

Please, can someone just figure out that woman’s weaknesses, and send all their research to my mail? I’ll pay you 580 yen for it. You might think it’s cheap, but this is all I have right now.

“…Also, what about classes? Don’t think the first period ended already.”

Looking over at the clock inside the infirmary, there was still some more time until recess. An honor student like Suzutsuki wouldn’t skip classes like this.

“First period has already ended. Then again, it wasn’t really a proper class.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because the teacher was on leave, it was self-study. Apparently they suddenly fell ill or something.”

Hm, lucky for me then. No reason to copy notes then, and I don’t get an earful for skipping.

“And about that, there’s one more thing I need to tell you two.”

“Something you need to tell us?”

“Yes. In fact—our attraction for the school festival was changed.”

“…Huh?”

…Hold on, what is this woman saying?

“I wanted to use that time effectively, so we turned it into a long homeroom. There, we had a lot of objections regarding the cosplay cafe.”

“H-Hold on a second! We had a lot of those before, but the majority vote won, right! And, what about Tamura!? There’s no way he would allow any change in the program like that…”

That’s right, Tamura’s a school festival execution committee member as well. Thanks to him, we overwhelmed the girls in a majority vote, and won the cosplay cafe fair and square.

“Ah, Tamura-kun, right.” Suzutsuki used the name of the pervert with an awfully cold tone. “—He died.”

“Tamuraaaaaaa!?”

“Just kidding. But, he was hospitalized, that is the truth.”

“Wha…Suzutsuki, was that your doing!?”

She might have sent some assassin to Tamura for all I know. After all, she’s crazy enough to kiss her classmate.

“You make me sound like some villain. This morning, Tamura-kun was hit by a car on his way to school. He’s not in grave danger, but he’ll stay hospitalized for a while.”

“T-The heck is up with that…”

Damn it, Tamura. Be a man! I was hit by a motorbike myself, and I’m at school right now. Your stock prices are taking a dip for the worse, you know.

“No worries. As the class president, I plan on properly fulfilling my job as the executive committee member even without him. As for the attraction itself, it won’t be that different from a normal cosplay cafe.

“Huh?”

What’s this about? The girls were against it, remember? As I was left bewildered, Suzutsuki’s lips moved up, as she formed a bewitching smile.

“We’ve decided to do—a boys cross-dressing cafe. Instead of the girls, the boys will have to take off their clothes.”

“Wha…”

Out of shock, I failed to properly use my mouth. How could this happen? Instead of being able to enjoy the girls cosplaying, it was decided that I had to be the one cosplaying. Not to mention that it had to be female clothes of all things…

“Um, young lady…” There, Konoe raised an uneasy voice. “D-Does that mean…that I have to cross-dress as well?”

“!”

Oh right, since the boys will be forced to cosplay, Konoe, who is always wearing male clothes, will have to dress like a girl as well.

“Yes, of course. That’s the reason I decided on this plan. Everyone wants to see you wearing female clothes.”

“…! A-Are you sure about this!?”

“About what?”

“I mean, Konoe’s a girl to begin with!”

“So, you don’t want to see her crossdress as a girl?”

“Urk…”

“Not to mention that I went out of my way to get…Ah, no, that was supposed to be a secret.”

“!?”

Now hold on there. I wanna see it. I really wanna see it now. After all, that cat-eared butler last month was plenty destructive already.

“I myself didn’t think things would turn so complicated. However, the majority vote decided it.”

“Majority vote…Weren’t the boys in the lead with at least two or three votes!”

In terms of sheer numbers, the boys won. Even without Tamura, they shouldn’t have been able to be overthrown this easily.

“What are you talking about? That’s why I overturned it.”

“…Wha?”

“After all, in terms of a majority vote—Two boys didn’t participate, remember?”

“!”

Ahhh, crap! I forgot that Konoe and I weren’t part of the vote! I bet Konoe must have voted for the boys as well, because she most definitely doesn’t want to wear female clothes…!

“Also, there’s no need to worry regarding Subaru’s case. You just have to support her so that nobody finds out that she actually is a girl. Didn’t you say so back during Golden Week?”

I mean, I might have said something along the lines of that, but the situation was clearly different from before. Right now, we’re talking about the entire school, not just my family. There’s way too many chances for her to be found out.

“How about you, Subaru? It’s a cosplay crossdressing cafe. You love cute clothes, right? It’ll give you a chance to try out all sorts of stuff.”

“Urk…”

“Not to mention that you can wear all the cute things you love in front of everyone.”

“Cute clothes…” The crossdressing butler hesitated, only to let out a loose ‘Ehehe’ laugh later.

That damn Devil Suzutsuki. She really knows how to win over her own butler. I didn’t think she’d use her butler’s interests for her goal. Still, the culture festival, huh. I don’t think I’ll have much time to enjoy it at this rate.

“It’s about time for the second period. Jirou-kun, you go ahead.”

“Hm? I don’t mind, but why? Do you plan on skipping classes or something?”

That’d be a bit odd. Or rather, the first time, I think. Never seen the honor students Konoe and Suzutsuki skip class before.

“We’re not skipping. In fact, this object had been in my shoe box this morning.” Suzutsuki said, and took out a pink envelope.

The heck is this? It feels like a really girly letter…

“This is actually a love letter.”

“Love…Wha, in this day and age!?”

“That’s right, I was called to an empty space during this recess. Of course, going alone is a bit too dangerous, so I’ll take Subaru with me.” Suzutsuki calmly explained.

It’s true that Suzutsuki is admired by pretty much every boy in this school, and she’s been confessed to a million times even during her first year, with all of them being shut down immediately, but…

“Say, Jirou-kun, what do you think?”

Suddenly, Suzutsuki turned towards me.

“What do I think…?”

“About this love letter. Do you think I should go there after all?”

“Hm? Of course. Also, you already decided on it, didn’t you?”

“………” Suzutsuki gave me a dubious gaze, and let out a sigh. “Then…what if I agreed?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, what if I went to meet that person, and agreed to their confession, what would you think?”

“……?”

Even if she suddenly asks me that, it’s hard to really comment. If anything, I feel bad for the guy who’ll end up dating that rich lady.

“…Nothing much. Just go out with them, then?”

Naturally, I couldn’t tell her the truth, so I just said something random to fit the mood. In response to that, Suzutsuki stayed quiet for a moment, and muttered a dejected ‘…I see’……Hm? Why’d she make it sound like she expected something else? Just my imagination maybe? I mean, it’s something you can’t fully see if you don’t pay close attention.

“Hey, Subaru.” Suzutsuki turned towards her butler. “What would you do? Imagine I went to meet that person, and that person forcefully kissed me?”

“!” I felt a cold sweat run down my back.

T-This woman, she’s asking that in the presence of the person she nonconsensually kissed last month.

“Kiss…forced on the young lady?” Konoe thought about it for a moment, only to respond with a serious expression. “I would have to kill them.”

“!?”

“No matter what their reason may be, I won’t forgive anybody who dares to defile the young lady like that.”

“…U-Um, Konoe-san. Isn’t there more of a peaceful solution…”

“What are you talking about, Jirou. No matter who the other person may be, assaulting the young lady in such a fashion deserves a death sentence.” The butler said, while puffing out her chest covered with the corset.

My entire body started quivering in fear like I was the epicenter of a magnitude 8 earthquake. Of course, the source of it was that violent butler over there.

“Fufu, thank you, Subaru. How reliable. Leaving that aside, Jirou-kun? Are you okay? Your face looks quite pale, maybe you should drink some medicine?”

“……”

“I wouldn’t mind helping you drink mouth-to-mouth.”

“Wha?!”

When I was shocked, Suzutsuki’s lips relaxed a bit, and she whispered a teasing ‘Just kidding’. This woman…She’s doing this on purpose. She’s trying to scare me by pushing the conversation into that direction. Damn it, terrorising my heart like that. What did I do to deserve all of your anger?

“So then, see you later, Jirou-kun. Once I’ve rejected the confession, we’ll be coming to the classroom.” After returning my phone and wallet, Suzutsuki took Konoe with her, and left the infirmary.

“…Jeez.”

Well, I have nothing to do but go to class, I guess. I got up from the bed, and moved my body. Yep, everything’s looking fine so far. If anything, being kicked by that girl hurt far more than getting run over.

“Damn it…that nasty Usagi.” I spit a complaint in the empty infirmary.

All of this is her fault because she ran me over with her bike.

“Hm? Oh right, it wasn’t Usagi, it was Usami.”

Well, same thing. I doubt I’ll ever talk with her again. More importantly, the second period is about to begin, I need to hurry back to the classroom.

“—Who’s nasty?”

Without a warning, a sharp and cold voice stabbed into my ears. The source of the voice stood close to the door, the girl that most definitely had run me over this morning.

“Also, it’s Usami, not Usagi. How many more times do I have to tell you?”

That’s right, it was Usami Masamune. With a bothered expression, the girl walked into the room, arms crossed. And, after closely inspecting me, she spoke up.

“Come with me, Sakamachi Kinjirou. There’s something important I need to talk with you about.”

“……”

Well, it probably isn’t a confession, huh.