Mayo Chiki!

Chapter 3 - Five Seconds Before Smoking Slaughter!

“You’re back, Jirou.”

I returned to our room in the inn after taking a bath, when it was just Konoe waiting for me, wearing a yukata.

“Where are the others?”

“The young lady and the others most likely are still taking a bath. Since they’re a lot of girls, they must be talking a lot.”

“I see. But, I’m glad that we all got to stay here.”

“You’re right. I didn’t think you’d be able to persuade Dad like that.” Konoe muttered with a somewhat surprised tone.

After the appearance of that old fart, I somehow managed to stop him from dragging Konoe and Suzutsuki home. At the very end, we were about to beat each other’s faces in, but we managed to agree to a fair conclusion, and got permission to continue this trip.

“Good, right? I feel like the distance between me and that old fart shrunk as well, though sadly a bit too literal in that case. Not to mention that this feels like a school trip, so I’m having fun.”

We were all staying in the same room. Luckily, it was a fairly large room, but I wouldn’t have complained if Konoe and I stayed in a different room.

“…Yeah. Dinner was delicious as well.”

“You ate lots after all.”

“Wha…Of course not! Usami ate even more than me!” Konoe pouted aggressively.

Well, he’s not wrong. Since Masamune always ate bread with mayonnaise, a luxurious dinner at an inn must have been like she was in heaven. After seriously asking me ‘Hey…stupid chicken, how do you eat crabs?’, she turned into an eating machine.

“But, I’m really glad.”

“Eh?” I swallowed my breath.

Konoe slowly opened up the obi of his yukata, exposing his upper body.

“K-Konoe!?” I felt my heart skip a beat.

It felt like a thousand needles stabbed into my body. The opened yukata revealed his glossy hair, his slender shoulders, the graceful line his collarbone drew, his elegant chest below, and even his reddened cheeks—this was Konoe Subaru. The prince of our school was now blushing furiously, as he approached me on the tatami mats.

“Yeah, I really am glad…That I could be alone with Jirou like this…”

“K-Konoe…” I found trouble breathing.

In front of me was Subaru’s body, so beautiful and yet fragile like glass. It held a forbidden charm, making me worried that he would break with a single hug. Even his physique resembled a girl’s more than that of a boy. There, his slender arms wrapped around my body.

“H-Hey, they will come back soon.”

“It’s fine, we still have some more time…Just a bit more…” Konoe muttered like he was begging for something, and buried his head in my chest.

Our bare skin touched, and I felt his warmth. Our hearts beat mixed together to fill the room. In order to respond to his feelings, I carefully put my arms around his back.

“…J-Jirou.”

“Hm?”

“P-Please…hug me more tightly…”

“…Understood, Subaru-sama.”

“M-Moron! Don’t call me that!”

“You don’t like it?”

“I-It’s not that…it just feels so ticklish…”

“Should be fine then, right?”

“Urk…you’re such a bully…!” Konoe’s faint resistance disappeared into the silence.

Just as he ordered me to, I tightly embraced him, to which he let out an adorable moan. Even while embracing him, I was worried about putting too much strength into my arms. I was worried about leaving marks like you’d do when walking along snow.

“…Jirou…” Inside my chest, he slowly raised his head.

Konoe’s facial features were at a distance close enough our breathing could touch. Not to mention his translucent eyes that looked only at me. His expression was filled with expectation, but also faint embarrassment.

“…Konoe.” I slowly closed the distance between us, while preparing myself.

“…Ah, wait.” Konoe seemingly realized something, and stopped me.

I stopped my preparations, to which Konoe slowly moved his crimson red lips—

“—You can keep your glasses on.”

“…Oh, right.” I moved my hands away from my glasses.

Really, what a blunder. I almost ruined it all. Konoe—really loves it when I wear glasses after all.

“…Subaru.” I gently called out his name, and put my lips on his—

 

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! What are you doing, Senpai!?”

Inside a room of the hot spring inn, I had just finished reading through the notes that were left behind on the desk, when I heard Nakuru’s shocked voice behind me. I mean, that’s my phrase, you know.

“You wench! Explain yourself immediately!”

“E-Explain?”

“What is the meaning behind this erotic novel of me and Konoe!?”

After finishing dinner and coming out of the bath, nobody was in our room. I thought I might as well relax a bit and wait for them, only to find this notebook on the desk that said ‘Secrets’ on it. I do feel bad for just looking at it without her permission, but this is just…you know. I should have expected as much. The writing was pretty cute at least.

“An erotic novel!? Don’t you dare call it that way, Senpai!”

“It’s not wrong, is it.”

“It’s a documentary novel that used Senpai and Subaru-sama as material!”

“It’s not even a documentary!”

“You violently invaded a maiden’s secrets!”

“And you disregarded my basic rights as a human being!”

“Urk…it can’t be helped, Nakuru will properly explain herself. That is the love novel that Nakuru was working on recently, called ‘Glass Memories’, and the manuscript of the 13th volume…”

“That’s not the explanation I was hoping for!”

I wanted to know why you’re even writing this! Also what do you mean by 13th volume!? Has this been going on for so long!?

“Thanks to your help, GlassMemo has been getting a lot of great reviews.”

“Don’t give it an abbreviation!”

“By the way, even Nakuru’s mother loved it.”

“You let your mother read this thing!?”

“Mom is the type of person who understands.”

“I don’t want to be understood!”

What…a shock this is. I knew that Nakuru was using me and Konoe as some material for her stuff, but seeing the real deal is making me depressed.

“Also, I don’t even talk that way. The monologues are different, like it’s a different person.”

“We’ll just make that reader’s service. Nakuru is still in the middle of writing, so she can fix it later.”

“In the middle…”

Makes sense why the situation felt odd. She probably is planning on using this trip as an endless supply of material.

“The story at the beach is different as well. Why did me and that old fart fight each other?”

“Eh, that’s not necessarily wrong, right? Subaru-sama’s father was defeated back at the beach after all.”

“You’re not wrong…Also, what happened to that old man anyway?”

“He was drinking whisky at the bar on the first floor, crying to himself.”

“…I somehow feel bad now.”

What happened at the beach must have been a harsh shock for him. Thanks to that however, all of us could stay here at the inn. That’s right, today at the beach, a fierce Konoe Subaru vs Konoe Nagare battle happened. It was a reinstallment of the previous fight they had, just the summer break arc version.

×

“Hey, do you know who this is?”

In front of the beach house, Suzutsuki asked Konoe with a somewhat cold voice.

“Wha…” The old man’s cool attitude vanished elsewhere, as he looked at his master in shock.

Ignoring him however, Konoe and Suzutsuki continued their conversation.

“Young…No, Kana-oneechan, what are you talking about?”

“Hmm, maybe you don’t remember him because he never left any impression. This person is Konoe Nagare, and is the butler of my father.”

“…Huh, I see.”

“By the way, he is also your cousin Subaru’s father. They might be related, but they don’t really resemble each other.”

“K-Kanade-ojousama? Just what are you talking about…?” The old man was shaken.

…Suzutsuki Kanade is a terrifying being, I yet again realized. To think she would use this situation to shake off the old man who came to take them back. Then again, this was also necessary to hide the fact that Takanashi Punyuru is actually Konoe Subaru. Masamune and Kureha weren’t saying anything for a while now, confused at the situation. Nakuru was still frozen on her end.

“S-Subaru? What is going on? Can you explain it to me in a way that I understand?”

“A-Ahaha, I don’t quite get what you’re talking about, Konoe-san.”

“Konoe-san!? Why are you calling me that way!? Why are you using polite language towards me!?”

“I-It’s not weird at all. Even if we are relatives, we rarely ever met. It’s much more rational to address you that way.”

“Urk…!”

“Fufu, that’s right. This girl might look like your own son, you can’t act too friendly with her. You’re not related by blood after all.”

“……!”

After a bit of thinking time, the old man came up with a hypothesis of his own, saying something like ‘Did they suffer from memory loss…?’. Old man, wake up. Your adolescent daughter is just rejecting you.

“Subaru! Remember! I’m your Dad!”

“N-No, get away from me!”

“Don’t worry! I remember everything! We can go home and watch old videos together! We can go from the first time you called me ‘Papa’ all the way to you trying hard to eat bell peppers!”

“…! I’m scared, Kana-oneechan! Some random person is harassing me!”

“Random person!?”

“Nagare, calm down. You’re scaring Punyuru.”

“Punyuru!? Who!?”

“Kana-oneechan, that person is weird…Is he always acting like this with children? If so, then I’m sure Subaru must be sick of him by now.”

“Gaha!?”

“Yes, you are right. He talked to me about it before. Apparently he tried to take baths with him even after entering high school. Not to mention with blood-shot eyes.”

“N-No way! Taking a bath together is a means of communication.”

“…Gross.”

“Geho!?”

“Are you not aware that you are raising a child that has just entered their adolescence?”

“Ugh!?”

Beneath the mid-summer sun, the old man staggered back and forth after receiving several lethal blows. That’s master and butler for you, they’re giving the old fart an endless two-hit combo. It’s like I’m watching two sushi chefs absolutely going ham on those fish.

“S-Subaru, I beg you, let’s go back together. Just convince the young lady…” The old man was pleading with tears in his eyes.

His expression was filled with panic and despair, like he was begging for his own life. However…

“…No.”

This was probably meant to deal the most damage to the person who attempted to forcefully drag them home. Konoe…No, Takanashi Punyuru directly rejected her old man. And, stabbed a knife into his chest.

“Stop this already. If not… I will call the police, okay?”

×

Alright, end of flashback. Thanks to Suzutsuki’s support, the Konoe Family’s quarrel ended in a one-sided crushing defeat for the old man. Denied by master and daughter, the old fart said ‘At least let me join you as a guardian…’, and joined us for this trip. I bet that he came here under the orders of Suzutsuki’s father, but he apparently gave up on bringing them back for now.

On a side note, we introduced Kureha’s group as people who came to support our elopement, and the old man as an enemy who tried to take us back. Our supporters were welcomed warmly with some luxurious dinner, whereas the old man got some fast food, and was basically bullied away. Even I’m starting to feel bad for this guy now.

“…Hm?”

There, I realized something. How did that old man even find out where we are? The people working at this inn should not have leaked anything. Did they put some tracking device on them? No, they wouldn’t go so far with their own master. Basically…it might be related to the reason they ran away from home?

I’m not as dubious as Masamune, but something’s fishy with this trip. We’re talking about that rich lady after all, so saying that she didn’t want to go overseas, or that she did this to help me…that seems to be some pretense, and that she’s hiding another reason behind that. I don’t know what that is, but Konoe seems hesitant to tell me.

Well, I won’t be able to unravel it myself, so I’ll just stand by and watch.

“Even so, you changed the situation at the beach way too much.”

“But…a brawl would be much more spicy, right?”

“Spicy?”

“Roars of rage, flying fists, glasses ramming against the other, a battle to the death. And then, the long-awaited glasses x glasses…”

“Shut up, or I’ll forcefully make you.”

“Eh? N-No way…this is the part where you go ‘Ready for a deep kiss?’, you know…”

“That’s not what I meant!”

Maybe I really should make her shut up. I mean, glasses x glasses…? She’s probably swimming in a sea of rotten ideas in her head. I really wish she’d come back to the world of normal living.

“Unya…Nakuru is sorry.” Nakuru apologized.

Despite being in the handicrafts club, she sure is weak. In the eyes of the world, that might be normal, but there’s Kureha and Masamune after all.

“It can’t be helped. Nakuru will accept your punishment to make up for her sins.”

“Punishment?”

“Now! Do whatever you want with Nakuru’s body!”

“Don’t phrase it in a way that would invite misunderstandings!”

“Huh? Would you prefer if Nakuru did whatever she wanted with your body instead?”

“No! Also, how did you even arrive at that!?”

“Eh? Well, in Nakuru’s novels, Senpai is always…Huehuehue. Apologies, forget I said anything.”

“I know full well what you were trying to say!”

“Either way is fine! You could even have me take a bath in a boiling hot coke filled tub!”

“I don’t want to make you physically suffer, okay!”

Oh yeah, she said that she was bad with carbohydrates back at the school festival. Even if she tells me that anything is fine…Her breasts…Wait no, going for a straight ball is definitely the wrong way. That’s why I should…

“……Cat ears.”

“What?”

“Ah, well, I was curious because I saw you wear it at the beach before. What are they about?”

“! Ah, that…”

For some reason, Nakuru put her hands on the cat ears and lowered her head. Eh? What kind of reaction is that? They’re not the real deal, right?

“……”

On a whim, I reached for those cat ears.

“…No…” I ignored that faint attempt of rebelling, and touched those cat ears.

Oh, they’re accessories, huh. Well, I guess they’re a type of fashion like this.

“Ah…nya…S-Senpai, no…” Nakuru’s face distorted in embarrassment.

Still, this sensation could become a habit, it just feels so soft on my palms…

“…Hmpf. So you’re back, Jirou.”

Hearing that voice, I froze up, and turned towards it. Immediately, I was greeted by Konoe in her yukata appearance, carrying coffee milk in her hands which she probably just bought. By the way, she’s in her male butler mode. We made it so that Takanashi Punyuru went back to her family, and managed to smoothly switch them. If not, it’d be weird for the people at the inn after all.

“Ah, Subaru-sama, great timing.”

The second Nakuru saw Konoe, she flashed a truly unsettling smile, like she came up with a great idea. Where is that limitless energy coming from?

“W-What? Are you having some weird plans on making Konoe do something weird again?”

“Yes. If Nakuru is to get a punishment anyway, it’s better to at least enjoy herself.” With some oddly sinister statement, she took out a piece of paper with a weird illustration on it…

Wait, hold on a damn second!

“Wha…that’s!”

Seeing it, Subaru-sama was baffled all the same. What Nakuru held in her hand was undoubtedly a butler ticket. This ticket allows you to rent Konoe Subaru for a single order. Since I had used this back in April, I knew how it worked, and thus was terrified to see it in Nakuru’s possession.

“Fufu, this was actually a prize for the person who scored the most points during the last Subaru-sama Cult Quiz Contest at the school festival…But, Nakuru didn’t expect to receive something so wonderful.”

“…H-Huh. Good for you, I guess…” I calmly responded, but was sweating buckets in reality.

…How could this happen. To think she was the top player at that contest. Not to mention making a butler ticket the prize? This isn’t just the level of making someone strong even stronger, this is like you gave Oda Nobunaga a nuclear missile.

“Now then, what should Nakuru make you do~” Nakuru struck the thinking man’s pose., as she started thinking, only to raise her head with an ‘Ah, I know’, a light bulb popping up above her head. “Since we’re here already, how about Nakuru makes you help with her creative writing. Please read these lines out loud.” She said, and ripped the butler ticket in two.

This was the signal to start.

“Lines?”

“Yes, in these notes. Ahh, having them read by someone is quite embarrassing.”

“?”

Seemingly thinking that something was off, Konoe accepted the notebook from Nakuru, and read through the contents…only for her eyes to open wide in shock.

“Don’t joke with me! A-As if I could reenact such a lewd novel!”

“Ah, you only have to say the lines. Naturally, aimed at Senpai.”

“!?”

“Ohh? What’s wrong? Subaru-sama, you are Nakuru’s butler right now, aren’t you. If so, then you need to listen to Nakuru’s orders. Come on, start from there.” Nakuru pointed at a page with a grin.

“Urk~~~!” Subaru-sama started blushing furiously, and bit her lip.

“…J-Jirou.”

“Subaru-sama, louder.”

“…! J-Jirou..P-Please…h-h-h-hug me more tightly…”

“And this is where you heard Senpai’s sweet whispering.

“~~~! M-Moron, don’t call me that!”

“Subaru-sama gets asked if he hates it, but he actually doesn’t.”

I-It’s not that…it just feels so t-t-t-ticklish…”

“And, with even more embarrassment.

“Urk…You’re such a b-bully..!”

“This is the climax, so go all out.”

“Urgh…J-Jirou.”

Maybe she got a bit too into it, but Konoe gently raised her eyes from the script, and looked up at me with dampened eyes.

“……!” I subconsciously averted my gaze.

I mean…you know? It’s not intentional, but I’m feeling like I understand the feelings of the me inside the novel. After all…I really want to hug her right now…

“Now, continue. This phrase emphasizes Subaru-sama’s feelings, as he finds himself inside the arms of his beloved person, being spoiled like a child.”

“~~~!”

“Come on, say it!”

“…A-Ah, w-w-wait…your glasses…”

“The glasses?”

“T-The glasses…D-Don’t…”

“…Don’t?”

“Don’t…don’t…don’t…! Unyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Unable to bear with it any longer, Butler-kun screamed. Or rather, she collapsed. After screaming, she threw the script like she was at the Major Baseball League, right outside the window.

“Ahhh! Don’t leave Nakuruuuuu!”

Without any build-up, Nakuru jumped after the notebook, right outside the window. She was screaming something like ‘I can fly!’ right before doing so, but I know how humans admire birds and their ability to fly. She managed to catch the notes mid-jump, and flashed an angelic smile—as she disappeared from our field of view. R-Rather…did she fall?

“…Huh?”

Wait, on which floor was this room again? It at least wasn’t the first floor, so maybe…the second? I feel like she’d probably suffer from an impact like she was hit by a car. But, she should be fine. I lived through getting run over by a truck, so she’ll probably come back with some comedy manga trope along the lines of ‘Aha, Nakuru didn’t actually jump~!’ or something like that. Yeah, that must be it. I can only believe that to be the case.

“Jirou, do you mind checking for her safety?”

Urk…

“Also, please burn that notebook. To me, that book is more dangerous than the Dea*h Note.” Konoe said as she looked towards the window.

I mean, I’m more than surprised you even know about that manga, but why do I have to be the one to go?

“Come on, hurry up and go!” Subaru-sama said without looking at my face.

…Hm? Don’t tell me…

“Are you too embarrassed to look at my face right now?”

“…!”

I seemed to have hit the mark, because Subaru-sama was panicking, her eyes wandering all over the place. Well, I can’t blame her. After being forced to read that kind of stuff, you’d be embarrassed to be around the guy.

“W-Who cares about that! Just hurry up and go!” She scolded me.

Still a bit hesitant, I agreed. I didn’t want to make her any more angry than this after all.

“…But, it is a bit regrettable.”

Suddenly, I heard this voice behind my back.

“If at least, a bit further…” I heard Konoe’s faint mutter, but since I didn’t understand what she meant by that, I ignored it and left the room.

“Nii-san, do you have a moment?”

Right when I left the room, my little sister called out to me. Or more accurately, she put my head in a headlock. Ahhh, my head! My skull is going to crack! And my gynophobia is activating! Goosebumps!

“Hurry up and come over here.” Kureha said as she literally dragged me along.

We arrived at an empty room, directly located next to ours. Since we rented this entire inn, no guests but us were currently in this inn after all. Making it here, Kureha finally released me. I think she just finished her bath, because her hair was still a bit wet.

“Yup, this should be fine. Huh? What’s wrong, Nii-san, why are you so out of breath?”

“…You really don’t know?”

“Practicing the Lamaze technique1?”

“I have no plans for childbirth at the moment, so no.”

“Then why? Shouldn’t this be no big deal for you?” Kureha smiled innocently.

Well, it’s not like I’m gasping for air, so it’s fine.

“So, what do you want? I’m a bit busy myself right now.”

I really don’t want to be involved in that girl’s death. Even worse if that notebook turns into some kind of memento. Imagine the police going ‘She was carrying this notebook right before she died. The contents of it is a novel in progress…’, or something like that. My life would be over.

“…Yeah, but…I have something important to talk about as well.” Kureha looked at me with a rarely serious expression. “Nii-san, does your heart race faster when looking at my body?”

“……” My head hurts.

What is my little sister asking me?

“H-Hey! Don’t make that kind of face! I’m being serious here!” Kureha pouted.

Even if you say that…I don’t think she’s asking in the incestous way, so maybe just simply regarding her charm as a girl? But, where did that come from…

“Listen, we girls all took a bath just now.” Kureha spoke up.

Ahh, I figured they were all taking one together.

“So then…I saw everyone’s naked bodies…”

“Ahhh…”

I get what she’s playing at. Basically, she’s worried that her own growth can’t compare to the girls around them. Well, she does look more like a loli after all.

“Onee-sama has the body of a model after all, Usamin-senpai might be a bit more slender around the area, but still has beautiful breasts, and NaruNaru…” Speaking that far, Kureha suddenly went quiet.

Yeah, her only hope as a fellow first-year student was Nakuru, and yet she was betrayed…

“What should I do, Nii-san…Will I always stay like this…?” Kureha muttered with a dejected tone.

…Urgh, she’s actually crying for real now. She was letting out hics and sniffs, as large grains of tears ran down her cheeks.

“H-Hey, don’t just start crying.”

“Wahh…Hic…Y-Yeah, sorry…” Kureha wiped away her tears. “But, I’m sure that Konoe-senpai likes bigger ones. I don’t want him to hate me…”

“He wouldn’t hate you just because of that.”

After all, she’s crossdressing as a guy. She probably doesn’t even look at them.

“Since we’re on a trip together, I was hoping to use this as a chance to close the distance between us…”

“Chance?”

“…Yeah. Like, showing how weak and fragile of a girl I am to make him conscious of me.” Kureha took out a can of juice from somewhere. “I was thinking of holding this, and saying ‘Ahh, I can’t open the lid. Oh, Senpai, could you open this for me~’ while I looked up at him. That makes every guy easy, right?”

“It’s as meta as it can get.”

Also, there exists no single can of juice you can’t open. Use your strength to impress her at least.

“If this succeeds, then Konoe-senpai will invite me with ‘Kureha-chan, let’s sleep together tonight’, and our night adventure will begin…”

“Calm down, my little sister. Tonight, we have the observant guardian old fart here as well.”

“B-But, there’s a lot of rivals! See Usamin-senpai and NaruNaru. They’re both members of his fanclub.”

“They’re both?”

Does she not know that Masamune left the fanclub?

“Not to mention…they’re both in the handicrafts club. There might be a time where we have to go all out.”

“Our school’s handicrafts club is as crazy as always, huh.”

I really feel like not knowing what they were doing would let me sleep easier at night. I mean, hunting bears in the mountains, doing survival training on a deserted island, and all that. Not to mention that they have an internal ranking according to what I heard during the school festival…

“If they act, then you stop them. You’re probably the top rank on the club’s internal ranking, right?”

She’s the oldest daughter of the Sakamachi Family after all. She’s been trained by Mom ever since she was a young girl, turning her into a little monster. I don’t know anybody who could win against her…

“…No, not really.” However, Kureha denied my assumptions. “I’m the third rank.”

“…What?”

“I’m third in the ranking. Last spring when we did the newcomer welcoming party, we had a ranking battle, and I ended up in third.”

“……”

…Seriously? Kureha is 3rd? Are you kidding me? There’s two people stronger than Kureha in the handicrafts club?

“Well, the ranking battle was pretty much a battle royale. I tried my best, but the two third-year Senpais were just on a different level. Not to mention…”

“Not to mention?”

“…No, that’s not important right now. I’d rather not remember.” Kureha changed the topic.

Eh, what’s up with that. Did something happen that induced some kind of trauma? How dangerous are those two Senpais? Rouran Academy’s handicraft club feels more like some fight club.

“Anyway, I just wanted to know if you think that I’m a charming girl, speaking from a boy’s perspective.”

“Even if you ask me that…”

“Please. I can only rely on you for that…”

“Hmmm…”

Charming, huh. I mean, she’s cute alright, but that face of hers is still young. Can’t say that she’s got a good style either. At worst, she looks like a middle school student. Only a small group of people would probably be interested in her body.

“Here, take a good look.”

As I was lost in thought, Kureha suddenly opened up the collar of her yukata, and…Now hold on, why is she suddenly taking off her clothes?

“K-Kureha!?”

She’s almost like Konoe in that erotic novel Nakuru wrote. Through the opening of the yukata, I could see adorable pink underwear with a glass marble design on it.

“Y-You! What are you doing!?”

“Eh, I mean, this would make it easier for you to see my body, right.”

“Because of such a simple reason!?”

“? Why are you panicking like that? I’m properly wearing underwear, right. We took so many baths together, this is nothing new, right?”

“Urk…”

Really? No, that’s definitely not it. Siblings in this world shouldn’t be so close. I always get beat up at home after all.

“C-Come on, Nii-san…what do you think?” Slightly embarrassed, Kureha asked me.

Her body was small to the point it was unreasonable that she was in high school. Her skin was as smooth as a raw egg, and a faint scent of shampoo drifted over towards me.

“………”

C-Calm down, me. This is my little sister, Sakamachi Kureha. She’s the little monster of my family. Ahh, that’s why. Normally I’m being used as a punching bag, so seeing her suddenly strip and embarrassed creates this gap which makes my brain go crazy.

“Nii-san…have a closer look.” While looking up at me, Kureha approached me like a kitten asking for food.

Stop it already, I beg you! I get it already, you’re plenty charming yourself, so don’t get any closer…!

“—W-What are you two doing?” I heard a baffled voice behind me.

Turning around, there stood Usami Masamune in a yukata of her own. She stared at me and Kureha in disbelief.

“U-Usamin-senpai! You’re wrong, this isn’t what you think this is!” Kureha panicked, and fixed her yukata.

…Thank god it’s the nasty rabbit at least. If Kureha just properly explains the situation, we will get off without any misunderstanding…

“I didn’t want to do this, but…Nii-san would not listen to me…”

“What are you sayiiiiing!?” I threw in a retort.

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

There, Kureha whispered close to me.

“I can’t help it! I can’t tell her that I was shocked to see their naked bodies in the bath!”

“I mean, I get it, but…”

Why do you have to phrase it that way then? You’re just worsening my image. Ahh, she’ll definitely get the wrong idea. I slowly returned my gaze towards Masamune…

“…Hm, I see.” Surprisingly enough, Masamune just let out a sigh, and nodded. “Anyway, Sakamachi. Why don’t you go back to the room, Nakuru was looking for you.”

“Eh? NaruNaru was?”

“I met her outside the bath just now. She fell out of the window just now. Luckily she doesn’t seem hurt, but she got some scratches, so she’d like some bandaids. You brought some with you right?”

“Y-Yes! Anyway, I’ll go back to the room!” Kureha seemed to be embarrassed, as she rushed outside.

…Eh? What’s this abruptness? I thought she’d chew us out.

“Stupid chicken, you should be more careful. Knowing that this was about you, you probably had a particular reason for that, but anybody but me would have definitely gotten the wrong idea.”

“…Why are you so calm?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“No reason? You’re blood-related, right? It’s not that weird if one of you was just wearing underwear.”

“Hm…”

She’s not wrong. At home, Kureha’s always wearing fairly loose clothes. Even when she’s coming out of the bath, she’s mostly wearing her underwear as she gulps down her milk. Maybe I’m just the weird guy for getting oddly conscious of her? Maybe it’s because of that novel that I was just feeling weird.

“That’s right, since you’re siblings—family, this much is normal.” Masamune spoke with full confidence. “More importantly, let’s go back to the room. Suzutsuki Kanade brought cards with her, so we’ll be playing daifugō. Though she apparently hates when I call it at.” Masamune complained, but took me with her.

Well, whatever. As long as she didn’t get any weird misunderstandings, it’s all okay.

“…Hm?”

There, a certain doubt popped up in my head. Why did Masamune come to the room next to ours after leaving the bath, and not the one we stayed at? I feel like it was a straight line there.

“…Did you mistake the room?”

“…!”

I just blurted out what popped up in my head, but I guess I hit the mark. Looking over, Masamune bit her lip in embarrassment.

“O-Of course not! I was actually looking for you!” She screamed in embarrassment, and let out a ‘Hmpf’.

And this time, after confirming it was the right room, she walked inside.

 

As expected, the night turned into a cards tournament. I mean, hearing about this, you might be screaming ‘I’ll kill you, damn normie!’, but reality is often disappointing. Because of Suzutsuki and Masamune not being able to stand each other, every card game turned into a bloody war. Betrayal, conspiracy, everything you could imagine. Of course, we weren’t actually betting money or anything. We’re benevolent high school students after all.

Thus, the passionate cards tournament ended at midnight. With that flow, we all went to bed. Or that was the plan, but…

“…I can’t sleep.” Amidst the darkness, I muttered with a quiet voice.

Can you blame me, there’s girls all over in this room. Suzutsuki said that ‘With two boys in this room, we’ll know if something bad happens’, which is why they’re all sleeping around me and Konoe. I’m feeling like I was sitting on a small boat, surrounded by alligators. With my gynophobia, this is getting close to torture. By the way, the old man is sleeping outside on the balcony.

He gave me a really sharp glare, but I wouldn’t mind if he took over for me. Because of all the playing around this afternoon, I already fell asleep before, but after around an hour, I woke up because of a nightmare where I was thrown into the ocean bound up by chains all for the enjoyment of the girls. Despite it being summer, I was drenched in a cold sweat.

“Damn it…”

I should probably take another bath and freshen up again if things are like this. I can’t sleep being this sweaty. Amidst the darkness, I carefully walked through the room. I couldn’t tell too well, but I think everyone was sound asleep. I slipped out of the room while trying my best to not wake up anybody.

“Damn, they really rented out this entire place.”

It might be a bit late for that, but I couldn’t help muttering these words in the face of the absolutely empty hallway. Thinking that it’s just us in this large inn was kinda odd.

“…Oh yeah, why did Suzutsuki even come here?” Maybe because of the silence around me, I talked to myself yet again.

I’ve been wondering about this for a while. Suzutsuki said that she didn’t want to go on a trip overseas. But, whether it’s overseas or in Japan, she’s still on a trip, so what’s the difference? Not to mention that apparently it was a reason that was hard to tell me. How did the old fart even find us here in the first place?

“Hmm…Gonna think about it in the bath.” While muttering to myself, I reached the men’s bath.

As expected from this luxurious inn, the hot spring was as bourgeois as you could expect. Not to mention there’s two types. One large bathroom, and one open-air bath.

“…Alright.”

I took off my clothes in the changing room, and put them into the clothes basket. Just to make sure, I took a towel with me. If I don’t hide my personal bits even at home, I can’t calm down. Then again, I’m alone right now. I wrapped the towel around my waist, and started humming. I might as well enjoy the open-air bath since I’m here already. Onwards to the hot spring, I opened the door—

“J-Jirou!?”

Right there, a shocked alto voice reached my ears. The sky was filled with stars, and showered by their light was an oddly familiar face.

“Ko…Konoe!?”

That’s right, there stood Konoe Subaru. She was undoubtedly present in the open-air bath.

“W-Why are you here!?”

This is the men’s bath…Ah, right. She’s technically acting as a boy right now. She can’t exactly use the women’s bath after all. If someone but Suzutsuki found her there, the secret would be out. Also, don’t tell me…

“Were you waiting for this timing?”

“…!?”

Hearing my words, Konoe growled. Guess I was right. I bet the card games got in her way. Since there was no other moment of chance for her, she probably slipped out while we were all sleeping.

“Why are you here, Jirou! You should be sleeping right now!”

“Well, I happened to wake up.”

“Wha…Also, didn’t you already take a bath! I was always waiting to finally get a chance!”

“E-Even if you say that…”

“Not to mention…because of the sea water, my hair…”

“Ahh, that’s why you were rushing to take a bath, huh. You could have just told me, I would have stayed away if I knew.”

“B-But…”

“But?”

“Knowing it’s you, you probably would have tried to take a peek, right?”

“Why!?”

“The young lady told me that ‘All men are horny wolves’.”

“She’s the only wolf here!”

…Wait, why am I just normally talking with Konoe! Confirming the situation, Konoe Subaru stood in front of me, revealing a lot of her white skin, and her faintly red cheeks. Her hair was still a bit drenched from the water. Since entering the bath with a towel would be bad manners, she was not covered by anything…

“~~~! S-Stop looking! Just hurry up and get out!” Konoe embraced her body as she sank deeper into the water.

For some reason, her gaze even evaded me…Wait, I forgot. I’m wearing only a towel right now.

“S-Sorry to get in your way!” I reflexively apologized, and took a U-turn.

Alright, no bath for tonight. The sweat isn’t that big of a problem. In fact, I feel exhausted, so I should be able to sleep soon enough. With these thoughts, I put my hand on the changing room’s door, when…

“—Hm? Is someone in there?”

Through the door, I heard a husky voice. A voice that I would rather not remember, but knew too well—Konoe Nagare. For some reason, Konoe Subaru’s father appeared.

“……”

…Calm down, Sakamachi Kinjirou. Analyze the situation. If I go back now, I’ll run into the old man, and he’ll be faced with his beloved daughter…which then would result in a misunderstanding that I was taking a bath with Konoe! We’re talking about that helicopter parent, if he finds out about this, I’m dead meat. I’ll be the victim of a planned assassination. Even if I surrender, I’ll be killed. I might be forced to cut my belly like in the old Edo period.

“…! Jirou, hurry up over here!”

Konoe must have sensed the danger of the situation, or didn’t want me to be killed by her own father, as she beckoned me over to the open-air bath. No other choice, huh. We should work together in order to get out of this situation.

“Konoe, can you hide behind my back?”

While hopping into the hot water, I sat as far away as possible from the door. Since I have wider shoulders than Konoe, it’d be best if she sat right behind me. Luckily, a lot of steam covered the area as well.

“Yeah, it should be fine as long as I keep everything but my head in the water…!” Konoe said, as she put her back against mine, sinking deeper into the water.

Eeek, this is going to activate my gynophobia again! But, letting out a nosebleed here is too dangerous, so I somehow need to hide it…!

“So it was you, shitty brat.”

The door opened, and the old man set foot onto the open-air bath. He at least was wearing a towel around his waist.

“Y-Yeah. What are you doing here so late? It’s midnight.” I tried my best to deal with the symptoms of my gynophobia, and answered.

However, my goosebumps would not stop the entire time. They were running along my skin non-stop.

“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night, and saw that your futon was empty, so I figured you might be taking a bath, which is why I came here.” The old man wiped his glasses to clear it off the fog glued to it.

Judging from that, he didn’t realize that Konoe’s futon was empty. If he did, I would probably be dead by now.

“The thing is, I actually wanted to talk with you.” The old man spoke up with an oddly serious expression.

…? I wonder what it is. Maybe about this trip? Perhaps he can tell me what’s going on with this whole elopement mess…

“What relationship do you have with my daughter?”

I almost fell over in the bath hearing that question.

“Hm? What’s that reaction for? Don’t tell me…did it already happen?!”

“Did what happen!?”

“Hm, what are you saying. You’re in high school, do you really need me to teach you sex ed right now?”

“…Rest assured, we’re just friends. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We’re just good classmates. Nothing more, nothing less.”

That is how things should stand, unless my estimation is wrong.

“Hmpf.”

For some reason, I heard a displeased voice behind my back. Konoe I beg you, just don’t talk right now. Would you have preferred if I called us good friends?

“Hm, that’s fine then. Well, knowing Subaru, I doubt something like this would happen.” The old man let out a satisfied sigh.

He’s as much of a helicopter parent as always. He sees some colors as soon as it’s about his daughter, almost like a chameleon.

“Guess I was just needlessly worrying.”

“Needlessly worrying?”

“…Well, it just seemed like Subaru was looking forward to school more and more recently.”

There, I felt Konoe twitch behind my back, only for her shoulders to start shaking.

“This has never happened before, so I was just a bit curious.”

“Huh. I guess you are worried after all.”

“Heh, of course. Which parent is not worried about their children? Not to mention that it’s Subaru. I mean, look how cute she is.”

Without waiting for my response, the old fart continued telling me stories of how Konoe was bitten by a puppy before, how she was scared of ghosts and snuck into his bed, how she said that she’d become Papa’s wife in the future once she’s grown up…and many more.

I think you should stop right there, old man. I don’t mind hearing more about this, but your daughter is reaching a limit. I’ve been hearing ominous ‘Kill…kill…kill’ muttering behind my back for a while now. Not like I can blame her, it’s mighty embarrassing to have your parents reveal past stories when you were a child.

“What do you think? Did you finally understand how cute my daughter is?”

“Yeah, I sure did.”

I also understand how hard she must have it. As soon as this battlefield here is done, Konoe will probably slaughter the old man without a moment’s hesitation. To think love could hurt you so much, it’s hard trying to raise a child, I bet.

“Well, that’s also why I can’t say anything with Kanade-ojousama running away from home.”

“……”

Hold on a second, why is that being brought up right now?

“Hm? Wait, you haven’t heard anything from the two?”

“I mean, Suzutsuki said that she didn’t want to go on that overseas trip with her parents.”

“Pretty much. However, there’s a particular reason for that.”

“Reason?”

The old man let out a sigh.

“—The death anniversary.” He declared.

“Death anniversary? Hold on…”

“That’s right, the death anniversary of Subaru’s mother. It’s the day after tomorrow. The trip overseas overlapped with that date. Since Kanade-ojousama would be travelling, that naturally meant Subaru, her butler, would have to tag along as well. That would mean she can’t go to visit her mother’s grave the day after tomorrow.”

“………”

“So far, she has visited her mother’s grave every year. If my job permits it, I do too. Well, since bringing back the young lady is pretty much impossible this year, I get to visit it myself this year.”

“Did you give up on taking them back already?”

“The main family just contacted me, saying they cancelled the trip. I know it must have cost them some other important business too. Really, what a moody master I have.” The old man sighed as he shook his head.

That means he really is just tagging along as our guardian for this trip, huh.

“Ah, one more thing I wanted to ask. How did you know we were here?”

I don’t think that Suzutsuki would just leak our destination anywhere. He must have found us by using some other tracking move.

“It’s simple. It could only be here. Remember? The day after tomorrow is the death anniversary.”

“The day after tomorrow…”

I see. So there’s not much time anymore. Thinking of Suzutuski’s plan, the goal of coming all the way out here for this whole elopement nonsense…

“Exactly. The grave of her mother is close to this inn. That’s why the young lady chose to hole up in here.”

“Don’t tell me…when she said that Konoe’s family was living close-by today at the beach…”

“It’s the truth mixed in with a lie. The Takanashi Family lives around here, and she sleeps in the grave close to it.”

“……”

So that’s why she made up the lie of the elopement. In reality, Suzutsuki set up this plan for the sake of her own butler. Damn it, at least tell me about that. Am I the only one left out again? How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me…Maybe there was a reason she couldn’t tell me? But, that at least cleared up a lot of doubts.

“……”

No, not yet. Something is still off. Why is her mother’s grave at the Takanashi Family? Konoe’s family had been butlers for generations. I’m sure that Konoe’s mother must be a member of the Konoe Family as well. Then, why was she not allowed in the Konoe Family’s grave? Is that the reason why nobody could tell me the truth?

“I’ll be leaving now.”

“Hm? Pretty fast alright.”

“Yeah, I simply wanted to ask about your relationship with Subaru. Tomorrow we’ll go to the beach, and at night waits the summer festival. As your guardian, I need to be fresh for those events.” He left behind these words, and returned to the changing room.

…Finally saved. That took care of one battlefield. I was oddly focussed on my conversation with the old man, I didn’t even feel much about my symptoms. Also, I feel like Konoe was trying to be considerate, and tried not to touch my back too much.

“Konoe, it’s okay now.” I called out to the person behind my back, to which I got back a faint ‘…Yeah’.

I was about to turn around, purely out of reflex, and stopped myself. If I did that now, I’d definitely end up with a nosebleed.

“Also, the goal of this trip was to visit your mother’s grave?” I tried to not make things too awkward as I asked.

I bet they really had me tag along to fix my gynophobia, but the elopement was to deceive the inn.

“So, why didn’t you tell me?”

“T-That’s…”

I wonder why. Konoe suddenly grew silent, so it really must be a reason that’s hard to tell.

“J-Jirou, can we talk about that later?”

“Hm? Why?”

“T-The thing is…I’ve been holding back this entire time…”

“……”

The…toilet? I imagined Konoe fidgeting nervously behind my back. Not to mention in her birthday suit…Wait, stop. Don’t imagine that. That’s taking things too far.

“H-Hurry up and leave then. The old man should be gone by now. I’ll turn my back towards you, so don’t worry about me seeing anything.”

“Urk…Y-Yeah, sorry.” I felt Konoe move behind me.

I heard it’s bad if you hold back for too long after all. There was a toilet in the changing room, so she should make it in—

“—Hey, shitty brat.”

However, across the changing room door, I heard an awfully cold and yet passionately aggressive husky voice.

“W-What, you’re still here?” I asked as calmly as I could manage.

…This is bad. I have an awful feeling about this situation.

“Well, I just wanted to ask something.”

“H-Huh, alright. Fire ahead.”

For some reason, his tone sounded much more aggressive than before. Like he’s fuming despite having left the bath. But, I couldn’t ask why that was, since I was terrified.

“…Well, I was just wondering. I found this casket with a yukata and female underwear in it, mind telling me who this belongs to?”

“……”

…It’s over. Because there were lots of caskets in that changing room, I must have overseen it on my way in. I feel like something similar happened back during Golden Week, right. Before it was my little sister, and now it’s that old man. Imma be honest, I don’t feel like I can get out of this, alright.

“—Let me ask you.” Beneath the starry summer sky, the old man asked his question—and began this trial. “Does this belong to you?”

“Y-Yeah. I was actually into that sort of stuff…”

“Huh, quite the odd interest to have. You were wearing such cute underwear?”

“W-Well, it just calms me down, you know~ It’s like doing a popular diet.”

“Oh yeah, my daughter has the same underwear.”

“Eh!? R-Really, what a coincidence!”

“Oh, there’s male underwear in another basket over here.”

“That!? Ah…that’s what I put on my head! I wanna take the world by storm! It just refreshes my head!”

“Hahaha, don’t worry, my head couldn’t be more refreshed.”

“H-Huh, glad to hear that.”

“—Shitty brat.”

“W-What do you want, old fart.” I returned the question, to which the old man stayed quiet for a moment.

“Today…will be your death anniversary.”

The door shot open, and the old man came dashing towards me with blood-shot eyes. He sure changed quickly, because he was wearing his yukata.

“You shitty braaaaaaaaaaat! M-Mixed bathing!? Not to mention with Subaru…with my own daughter!?”

“C-Calm down, it was an accident!”

“No excuses! I will delete all memories from your rotten brain!”

“You’re going to kill me in the process!”

“Don’t you worry! I’ll rob your eyeballs from you, and rewatch everything you’ve seen for myself tonight!”

“What the hell happened to you?!”

It seems like the fact that her daughter was bathing with another man was so much of a shock it made him go bat-shit crazy. He was throwing curses at me, closing in…

“…!?”

The second he leaped through the steam and into the bath, his expression was distorted in shock. Suddenly, something jumped between me and the old man.

“Gyah!?”

Konoe’s beautiful jumping uppercut stabbed directly into the old man’s lower jaw, sending him flying, and slamming into the ground. He didn’t get up again.

“T-Thanks a bunch, Konoe! You saved—” I wanted to give her my gratitude, only to stop mid-sentence.

“Kya!” Konoe let out an adorable shriek.

Konoe Subaru’s glossy hair was wet, droplets of water on her delicate arms and legs. Her skin was colored in a charming red. Her beautifully shaped collarbone and healthy breasts were in plain sight, as well as her adorable belly. Subaru-sama in her birthday suit stood right there. How do I say this…what a sight.

“…!?”

Immediately after, I felt killing intent approaching my cranium with a roundhouse kick. It was a flustered Konoe’s counterattack. Normally, I would have been able to defend myself, as we’ve been training a lot together as of late. I might have even been able to evade it. However, I couldn’t.

“Guha!?”

The intense impact slammed right into my skull, and slammed me to the ground. Even so, I had no regrets. My consciousness was starting to fade, and yet one thought stayed with me until the end.

“…Ah.”

I’m so glad to be alive.

1 A childbirth technique developed in the 1940s

Chapter 3 - Five Seconds Before Smoking Slaughter!

“You’re back, Jirou.”

I returned to our room in the inn after taking a bath, when it was just Konoe waiting for me, wearing a yukata.

“Where are the others?”

“The young lady and the others most likely are still taking a bath. Since they’re a lot of girls, they must be talking a lot.”

“I see. But, I’m glad that we all got to stay here.”

“You’re right. I didn’t think you’d be able to persuade Dad like that.” Konoe muttered with a somewhat surprised tone.

After the appearance of that old fart, I somehow managed to stop him from dragging Konoe and Suzutsuki home. At the very end, we were about to beat each other’s faces in, but we managed to agree to a fair conclusion, and got permission to continue this trip.

“Good, right? I feel like the distance between me and that old fart shrunk as well, though sadly a bit too literal in that case. Not to mention that this feels like a school trip, so I’m having fun.”

We were all staying in the same room. Luckily, it was a fairly large room, but I wouldn’t have complained if Konoe and I stayed in a different room.

“…Yeah. Dinner was delicious as well.”

“You ate lots after all.”

“Wha…Of course not! Usami ate even more than me!” Konoe pouted aggressively.

Well, he’s not wrong. Since Masamune always ate bread with mayonnaise, a luxurious dinner at an inn must have been like she was in heaven. After seriously asking me ‘Hey…stupid chicken, how do you eat crabs?’, she turned into an eating machine.

“But, I’m really glad.”

“Eh?” I swallowed my breath.

Konoe slowly opened up the obi of his yukata, exposing his upper body.

“K-Konoe!?” I felt my heart skip a beat.

It felt like a thousand needles stabbed into my body. The opened yukata revealed his glossy hair, his slender shoulders, the graceful line his collarbone drew, his elegant chest below, and even his reddened cheeks—this was Konoe Subaru. The prince of our school was now blushing furiously, as he approached me on the tatami mats.

“Yeah, I really am glad…That I could be alone with Jirou like this…”

“K-Konoe…” I found trouble breathing.

In front of me was Subaru’s body, so beautiful and yet fragile like glass. It held a forbidden charm, making me worried that he would break with a single hug. Even his physique resembled a girl’s more than that of a boy. There, his slender arms wrapped around my body.

“H-Hey, they will come back soon.”

“It’s fine, we still have some more time…Just a bit more…” Konoe muttered like he was begging for something, and buried his head in my chest.

Our bare skin touched, and I felt his warmth. Our hearts beat mixed together to fill the room. In order to respond to his feelings, I carefully put my arms around his back.

“…J-Jirou.”

“Hm?”

“P-Please…hug me more tightly…”

“…Understood, Subaru-sama.”

“M-Moron! Don’t call me that!”

“You don’t like it?”

“I-It’s not that…it just feels so ticklish…”

“Should be fine then, right?”

“Urk…you’re such a bully…!” Konoe’s faint resistance disappeared into the silence.

Just as he ordered me to, I tightly embraced him, to which he let out an adorable moan. Even while embracing him, I was worried about putting too much strength into my arms. I was worried about leaving marks like you’d do when walking along snow.

“…Jirou…” Inside my chest, he slowly raised his head.

Konoe’s facial features were at a distance close enough our breathing could touch. Not to mention his translucent eyes that looked only at me. His expression was filled with expectation, but also faint embarrassment.

“…Konoe.” I slowly closed the distance between us, while preparing myself.

“…Ah, wait.” Konoe seemingly realized something, and stopped me.

I stopped my preparations, to which Konoe slowly moved his crimson red lips—

“—You can keep your glasses on.”

“…Oh, right.” I moved my hands away from my glasses.

Really, what a blunder. I almost ruined it all. Konoe—really loves it when I wear glasses after all.

“…Subaru.” I gently called out his name, and put my lips on his—

 

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! What are you doing, Senpai!?”

Inside a room of the hot spring inn, I had just finished reading through the notes that were left behind on the desk, when I heard Nakuru’s shocked voice behind me. I mean, that’s my phrase, you know.

“You wench! Explain yourself immediately!”

“E-Explain?”

“What is the meaning behind this erotic novel of me and Konoe!?”

After finishing dinner and coming out of the bath, nobody was in our room. I thought I might as well relax a bit and wait for them, only to find this notebook on the desk that said ‘Secrets’ on it. I do feel bad for just looking at it without her permission, but this is just…you know. I should have expected as much. The writing was pretty cute at least.

“An erotic novel!? Don’t you dare call it that way, Senpai!”

“It’s not wrong, is it.”

“It’s a documentary novel that used Senpai and Subaru-sama as material!”

“It’s not even a documentary!”

“You violently invaded a maiden’s secrets!”
“And you disregarded my basic rights as a human being!”

“Urk…it can’t be helped, Nakuru will properly explain herself. That is the love novel that Nakuru was working on recently, called ‘Glass Memories’, and the manuscript of the 13th volume…”

“That’s not the explanation I was hoping for!”

I wanted to know why you’re even writing this! Also what do you mean by 13th volume!? Has this been going on for so long!?

“Thanks to your help, GlassMemo has been getting a lot of great reviews.”

“Don’t give it an abbreviation!”

“By the way, even Nakuru’s mother loved it.”

“You let your mother read this thing!?”

“Mom is the type of person who understands.”

“I don’t want to be understood!”

What…a shock this is. I knew that Nakuru was using me and Konoe as some material for her stuff, but seeing the real deal is making me depressed.

“Also, I don’t even talk that way. The monologues are different, like it’s a different person.”

“We’ll just make that reader’s service. Nakuru is still in the middle of writing, so she can fix it later.”

“In the middle…”

Makes sense why the situation felt odd. She probably is planning on using this trip as an endless supply of material.

“The story at the beach is different as well. Why did me and that old fart fight each other?”

“Eh, that’s not necessarily wrong, right? Subaru-sama’s father was defeated back at the beach after all.”

“You’re not wrong…Also, what happened to that old man anyway?”

“He was drinking whisky at the bar on the first floor, crying to himself.”

“…I somehow feel bad now.”

What happened at the beach must have been a harsh shock for him. Thanks to that however, all of us could stay here at the inn. That’s right, today at the beach, a fierce Konoe Subaru vs Konoe Nagare battle happened. It was a reinstallment of the previous fight they had, just the summer break arc version.

×

“Hey, do you know who this is?”

In front of the beach house, Suzutsuki asked Konoe with a somewhat cold voice.

“Wha…” The old man’s cool attitude vanished elsewhere, as he looked at his master in shock.

Ignoring him however, Konoe and Suzutsuki continued their conversation.

“Young…No, Kana-oneechan, what are you talking about?”

“Hmm, maybe you don’t remember him because he never left any impression. This person is Konoe Nagare, and is the butler of my father.”

“…Huh, I see.”

“By the way, he is also your cousin Subaru’s father. They might be related, but they don’t really resemble each other.”

“K-Kanade-ojousama? Just what are you talking about…?” The old man was shaken.

…Suzutsuki Kanade is a terrifying being, I yet again realized. To think she would use this situation to shake off the old man who came to take them back. Then again, this was also necessary to hide the fact that Takanashi Punyuru is actually Konoe Subaru. Masamune and Kureha weren’t saying anything for a while now, confused at the situation. Nakuru was still frozen on her end.

“S-Subaru? What is going on? Can you explain it to me in a way that I understand?”

“A-Ahaha, I don’t quite get what you’re talking about, Konoe-san.”

“Konoe-san!? Why are you calling me that way!? Why are you using polite language towards me!?”

“I-It’s not weird at all. Even if we are relatives, we rarely ever met. It’s much more rational to address you that way.”

“Urk…!”

“Fufu, that’s right. This girl might look like your own son, you can’t act too friendly with her. You’re not related by blood after all.”

“……!”

After a bit of thinking time, the old man came up with a hypothesis of his own, saying something like ‘Did they suffer from memory loss…?’. Old man, wake up. Your adolescent daughter is just rejecting you.

“Subaru! Remember! I’m your Dad!”

“N-No, get away from me!”

“Don’t worry! I remember everything! We can go home and watch old videos together! We can go from the first time you called me ‘Papa’ all the way to you trying hard to eat bell peppers!”

“…! I’m scared, Kana-oneechan! Some random person is harassing me!”

“Random person!?”

“Nagare, calm down. You’re scaring Punyuru.”

“Punyuru!? Who!?”

“Kana-oneechan, that person is weird…Is he always acting like this with children? If so, then I’m sure Subaru must be sick of him by now.”

“Gaha!?”

“Yes, you are right. He talked to me about it before. Apparently he tried to take baths with him even after entering high school. Not to mention with blood-shot eyes.”

“N-No way! Taking a bath together is a means of communication.”

“…Gross.”

“Geho!?”

“Are you not aware that you are raising a child that has just entered their adolescence?”

“Ugh!?”

Beneath the mid-summer sun, the old man staggered back and forth after receiving several lethal blows. That’s master and butler for you, they’re giving the old fart an endless two-hit combo. It’s like I’m watching two sushi chefs absolutely going ham on those fish.

“S-Subaru, I beg you, let’s go back together. Just convince the young lady…” The old man was pleading with tears in his eyes.

His expression was filled with panic and despair, like he was begging for his own life. However…

“…No.”

This was probably meant to deal the most damage to the person who attempted to forcefully drag them home. Konoe…No, Takanashi Punyuru directly rejected her old man. And, stabbed a knife into his chest.

“Stop this already. If not… I will call the police, okay?”

×

Alright, end of flashback. Thanks to Suzutsuki’s support, the Konoe Family’s quarrel ended in a one-sided crushing defeat for the old man. Denied by master and daughter, the old fart said ‘At least let me join you as a guardian…’, and joined us for this trip. I bet that he came here under the orders of Suzutsuki’s father, but he apparently gave up on bringing them back for now.

On a side note, we introduced Kureha’s group as people who came to support our elopement, and the old man as an enemy who tried to take us back. Our supporters were welcomed warmly with some luxurious dinner, whereas the old man got some fast food, and was basically bullied away. Even I’m starting to feel bad for this guy now.

“…Hm?”

There, I realized something. How did that old man even find out where we are? The people working at this inn should not have leaked anything. Did they put some tracking device on them? No, they wouldn’t go so far with their own master. Basically…it might be related to the reason they ran away from home?

I’m not as dubious as Masamune, but something’s fishy with this trip. We’re talking about that rich lady after all, so saying that she didn’t want to go overseas, or that she did this to help me…that seems to be some pretense, and that she’s hiding another reason behind that. I don’t know what that is, but Konoe seems hesitant to tell me.

Well, I won’t be able to unravel it myself, so I’ll just stand by and watch.

“Even so, you changed the situation at the beach way too much.”

“But…a brawl would be much more spicy, right?”

“Spicy?”

“Roars of rage, flying fists, glasses ramming against the other, a battle to the death. And then, the long-awaited glasses x glasses…”

“Shut up, or I’ll forcefully make you.”

“Eh? N-No way…this is the part where you go ‘Ready for a deep kiss?’, you know…”

“That’s not what I meant!”

Maybe I really should make her shut up. I mean, glasses x glasses…? She’s probably swimming in a sea of rotten ideas in her head. I really wish she’d come back to the world of normal living.

“Unya…Nakuru is sorry.” Nakuru apologized.

Despite being in the handicrafts club, she sure is weak. In the eyes of the world, that might be normal, but there’s Kureha and Masamune after all.

“It can’t be helped. Nakuru will accept your punishment to make up for her sins.”

“Punishment?”

“Now! Do whatever you want with Nakuru’s body!”

“Don’t phrase it in a way that would invite misunderstandings!”

“Huh? Would you prefer if Nakuru did whatever she wanted with your body instead?”

“No! Also, how did you even arrive at that!?”

“Eh? Well, in Nakuru’s novels, Senpai is always…Huehuehue. Apologies, forget I said anything.”

“I know full well what you were trying to say!”

“Either way is fine! You could even have me take a bath in a boiling hot coke filled tub!”

“I don’t want to make you physically suffer, okay!”

Oh yeah, she said that she was bad with carbohydrates back at the school festival. Even if she tells me that anything is fine…Her breasts…Wait no, going for a straight ball is definitely the wrong way. That’s why I should…

“……Cat ears.”

“What?”

“Ah, well, I was curious because I saw you wear it at the beach before. What are they about?”

“! Ah, that…”

For some reason, Nakuru put her hands on the cat ears and lowered her head. Eh? What kind of reaction is that? They’re not the real deal, right?

“……”

On a whim, I reached for those cat ears.

“…No…” I ignored that faint attempt of rebelling, and touched those cat ears.

Oh, they’re accessories, huh. Well, I guess they’re a type of fashion like this.

“Ah…nya…S-Senpai, no…” Nakuru’s face distorted in embarrassment.

Still, this sensation could become a habit, it just feels so soft on my palms…

“…Hmpf. So you’re back, Jirou.”

Hearing that voice, I froze up, and turned towards it. Immediately, I was greeted by Konoe in her yukata appearance, carrying coffee milk in her hands which she probably just bought. By the way, she’s in her male butler mode. We made it so that Takanashi Punyuru went back to her family, and managed to smoothly switch them. If not, it’d be weird for the people at the inn after all.

“Ah, Subaru-sama, great timing.”

The second Nakuru saw Konoe, she flashed a truly unsettling smile, like she came up with a great idea. Where is that limitless energy coming from?

“W-What? Are you having some weird plans on making Konoe do something weird again?”

“Yes. If Nakuru is to get a punishment anyway, it’s better to at least enjoy herself.” With some oddly sinister statement, she took out a piece of paper with a weird illustration on it…

Wait, hold on a damn second!

“Wha…that’s!”

Seeing it, Subaru-sama was baffled all the same. What Nakuru held in her hand was undoubtedly a butler ticket. This ticket allows you to rent Konoe Subaru for a single order. Since I had used this back in April, I knew how it worked, and thus was terrified to see it in Nakuru’s possession.

“Fufu, this was actually a prize for the person who scored the most points during the last Subaru-sama Cult Quiz Contest at the school festival…But, Nakuru didn’t expect to receive something so wonderful.”

“…H-Huh. Good for you, I guess…” I calmly responded, but was sweating buckets in reality.

…How could this happen. To think she was the top player at that contest. Not to mention making a butler ticket the prize? This isn’t just the level of making someone strong even stronger, this is like you gave Oda Nobunaga a nuclear missile.

“Now then, what should Nakuru make you do~” Nakuru struck the thinking man’s pose., as she started thinking, only to raise her head with an ‘Ah, I know’, a light bulb popping up above her head. “Since we’re here already, how about Nakuru makes you help with her creative writing. Please read these lines out loud.” She said, and ripped the butler ticket in two.

This was the signal to start.

“Lines?”

“Yes, in these notes. Ahh, having them read by someone is quite embarrassing.”

“?”

Seemingly thinking that something was off, Konoe accepted the notebook from Nakuru, and read through the contents…only for her eyes to open wide in shock.

“Don’t joke with me! A-As if I could reenact such a lewd novel!”

“Ah, you only have to say the lines. Naturally, aimed at Senpai.”

“!?”

“Ohh? What’s wrong? Subaru-sama, you are Nakuru’s butler right now, aren’t you. If so, then you need to listen to Nakuru’s orders. Come on, start from there.” Nakuru pointed at a page with a grin.

“Urk~~~!” Subaru-sama started blushing furiously, and bit her lip.

“…J-Jirou.”

“Subaru-sama, louder.”

“…! J-Jirou..P-Please…h-h-h-hug me more tightly…”

“And this is where you heard Senpai’s sweet whispering.

“~~~! M-Moron, don’t call me that!”

“Subaru-sama gets asked if he hates it, but he actually doesn’t.”

I-It’s not that…it just feels so t-t-t-ticklish…”

“And, with even more embarrassment.

“Urk…You’re such a b-bully..!”

“This is the climax, so go all out.”

“Urgh…J-Jirou.”

Maybe she got a bit too into it, but Konoe gently raised her eyes from the script, and looked up at me with dampened eyes.

“……!” I subconsciously averted my gaze.

I mean…you know? It’s not intentional, but I’m feeling like I understand the feelings of the me inside the novel. After all…I really want to hug her right now…

“Now, continue. This phrase emphasizes Subaru-sama’s feelings, as he finds himself inside the arms of his beloved person, being spoiled like a child.”

“~~~!”

“Come on, say it!”

“…A-Ah, w-w-wait…your glasses…”

“The glasses?”

“T-The glasses…D-Don’t…”

“…Don’t?”

“Don’t…don’t…don’t…! Unyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Unable to bear with it any longer, Butler-kun screamed. Or rather, she collapsed. After screaming, she threw the script like she was at the Major Baseball League, right outside the window.

“Ahhh! Don’t leave Nakuruuuuu!”

Without any build-up, Nakuru jumped after the notebook, right outside the window. She was screaming something like ‘I can fly!’ right before doing so, but I know how humans admire birds and their ability to fly. She managed to catch the notes mid-jump, and flashed an angelic smile—as she disappeared from our field of view. R-Rather…did she fall?

“…Huh?”

Wait, on which floor was this room again? It at least wasn’t the first floor, so maybe…the second? I feel like she’d probably suffer from an impact like she was hit by a car. But, she should be fine. I lived through getting run over by a truck, so she’ll probably come back with some comedy manga trope along the lines of ‘Aha, Nakuru didn’t actually jump~!’ or something like that. Yeah, that must be it. I can only believe that to be the case.

“Jirou, do you mind checking for her safety?”

Urk…

“Also, please burn that notebook. To me, that book is more dangerous than the Dea*h Note.” Konoe said as she looked towards the window.

I mean, I’m more than surprised you even know about that manga, but why do I have to be the one to go?

“Come on, hurry up and go!” Subaru-sama said without looking at my face.

…Hm? Don’t tell me…

“Are you too embarrassed to look at my face right now?”

“…!”

I seemed to have hit the mark, because Subaru-sama was panicking, her eyes wandering all over the place. Well, I can’t blame her. After being forced to read that kind of stuff, you’d be embarrassed to be around the guy.

“W-Who cares about that! Just hurry up and go!” She scolded me.

Still a bit hesitant, I agreed. I didn’t want to make her any more angry than this after all.

“…But, it is a bit regrettable.”

Suddenly, I heard this voice behind my back.

“If at least, a bit further…” I heard Konoe’s faint mutter, but since I didn’t understand what she meant by that, I ignored it and left the room.

“Nii-san, do you have a moment?”

Right when I left the room, my little sister called out to me. Or more accurately, she put my head in a headlock. Ahhh, my head! My skull is going to crack! And my gynophobia is activating! Goosebumps!

“Hurry up and come over here.” Kureha said as she literally dragged me along.

We arrived at an empty room, directly located next to ours. Since we rented this entire inn, no guests but us were currently in this inn after all. Making it here, Kureha finally released me. I think she just finished her bath, because her hair was still a bit wet.

“Yup, this should be fine. Huh? What’s wrong, Nii-san, why are you so out of breath?”

“…You really don’t know?”

“Practicing the Lamaze technique1?”

“I have no plans for childbirth at the moment, so no.”

“Then why? Shouldn’t this be no big deal for you?” Kureha smiled innocently.

Well, it’s not like I’m gasping for air, so it’s fine.

“So, what do you want? I’m a bit busy myself right now.”

I really don’t want to be involved in that girl’s death. Even worse if that notebook turns into some kind of memento. Imagine the police going ‘She was carrying this notebook right before she died. The contents of it is a novel in progress…’, or something like that. My life would be over.

“…Yeah, but…I have something important to talk about as well.” Kureha looked at me with a rarely serious expression. “Nii-san, does your heart race faster when looking at my body?”

“……” My head hurts.

What is my little sister asking me?

“H-Hey! Don’t make that kind of face! I’m being serious here!” Kureha pouted.

Even if you say that…I don’t think she’s asking in the incestous way, so maybe just simply regarding her charm as a girl? But, where did that come from…

“Listen, we girls all took a bath just now.” Kureha spoke up.

Ahh, I figured they were all taking one together.

“So then…I saw everyone’s naked bodies…”

“Ahhh…”

I get what she’s playing at. Basically, she’s worried that her own growth can’t compare to the girls around them. Well, she does look more like a loli after all.

“Onee-sama has the body of a model after all, Usamin-senpai might be a bit more slender around the area, but still has beautiful breasts, and NaruNaru…” Speaking that far, Kureha suddenly went quiet.

Yeah, her only hope as a fellow first-year student was Nakuru, and yet she was betrayed…

“What should I do, Nii-san…Will I always stay like this…?” Kureha muttered with a dejected tone.

…Urgh, she’s actually crying for real now. She was letting out hics and sniffs, as large grains of tears ran down her cheeks.

“H-Hey, don’t just start crying.”

“Wahh…Hic…Y-Yeah, sorry…” Kureha wiped away her tears. “But, I’m sure that Konoe-senpai likes bigger ones. I don’t want him to hate me…”

“He wouldn’t hate you just because of that.”

After all, she’s crossdressing as a guy. She probably doesn’t even look at them.

“Since we’re on a trip together, I was hoping to use this as a chance to close the distance between us…”

“Chance?”

“…Yeah. Like, showing how weak and fragile of a girl I am to make him conscious of me.” Kureha took out a can of juice from somewhere. “I was thinking of holding this, and saying ‘Ahh, I can’t open the lid. Oh, Senpai, could you open this for me~’ while I looked up at him. That makes every guy easy, right?”

“It’s as meta as it can get.”

Also, there exists no single can of juice you can’t open. Use your strength to impress her at least.

“If this succeeds, then Konoe-senpai will invite me with ‘Kureha-chan, let’s sleep together tonight’, and our night adventure will begin…”

“Calm down, my little sister. Tonight, we have the observant guardian old fart here as well.”

“B-But, there’s a lot of rivals! See Usamin-senpai and NaruNaru. They’re both members of his fanclub.”

“They’re both?”

Does she not know that Masamune left the fanclub?

“Not to mention…they’re both in the handicrafts club. There might be a time where we have to go all out.”

“Our school’s handicrafts club is as crazy as always, huh.”

I really feel like not knowing what they were doing would let me sleep easier at night. I mean, hunting bears in the mountains, doing survival training on a deserted island, and all that. Not to mention that they have an internal ranking according to what I heard during the school festival…

“If they act, then you stop them. You’re probably the top rank on the club’s internal ranking, right?”

She’s the oldest daughter of the Sakamachi Family after all. She’s been trained by Mom ever since she was a young girl, turning her into a little monster. I don’t know anybody who could win against her…

“…No, not really.” However, Kureha denied my assumptions. “I’m the third rank.”

“…What?”

“I’m third in the ranking. Last spring when we did the newcomer welcoming party, we had a ranking battle, and I ended up in third.”

“……”

…Seriously? Kureha is 3rd? Are you kidding me? There’s two people stronger than Kureha in the handicrafts club?

“Well, the ranking battle was pretty much a battle royale. I tried my best, but the two third-year Senpais were just on a different level. Not to mention…”

“Not to mention?”

“…No, that’s not important right now. I’d rather not remember.” Kureha changed the topic.

Eh, what’s up with that. Did something happen that induced some kind of trauma? How dangerous are those two Senpais? Rouran Academy’s handicraft club feels more like some fight club.

“Anyway, I just wanted to know if you think that I’m a charming girl, speaking from a boy’s perspective.”

“Even if you ask me that…”

“Please. I can only rely on you for that…”

“Hmmm…”

Charming, huh. I mean, she’s cute alright, but that face of hers is still young. Can’t say that she’s got a good style either. At worst, she looks like a middle school student. Only a small group of people would probably be interested in her body.

“Here, take a good look.”

As I was lost in thought, Kureha suddenly opened up the collar of her yukata, and…Now hold on, why is she suddenly taking off her clothes?

“K-Kureha!?”

She’s almost like Konoe in that erotic novel Nakuru wrote. Through the opening of the yukata, I could see adorable pink underwear with a glass marble design on it.

“Y-You! What are you doing!?”

“Eh, I mean, this would make it easier for you to see my body, right.”

“Because of such a simple reason!?”

“? Why are you panicking like that? I’m properly wearing underwear, right. We took so many baths together, this is nothing new, right?”

“Urk…”

Really? No, that’s definitely not it. Siblings in this world shouldn’t be so close. I always get beat up at home after all.

“C-Come on, Nii-san…what do you think?” Slightly embarrassed, Kureha asked me.

Her body was small to the point it was unreasonable that she was in high school. Her skin was as smooth as a raw egg, and a faint scent of shampoo drifted over towards me.

“………”

C-Calm down, me. This is my little sister, Sakamachi Kureha. She’s the little monster of my family. Ahh, that’s why. Normally I’m being used as a punching bag, so seeing her suddenly strip and embarrassed creates this gap which makes my brain go crazy.

“Nii-san…have a closer look.” While looking up at me, Kureha approached me like a kitten asking for food.

Stop it already, I beg you! I get it already, you’re plenty charming yourself, so don’t get any closer…!

“—W-What are you two doing?” I heard a baffled voice behind me.

Turning around, there stood Usami Masamune in a yukata of her own. She stared at me and Kureha in disbelief.

“U-Usamin-senpai! You’re wrong, this isn’t what you think this is!” Kureha panicked, and fixed her yukata.

…Thank god it’s the nasty rabbit at least. If Kureha just properly explains the situation, we will get off without any misunderstanding…

“I didn’t want to do this, but…Nii-san would not listen to me…”

“What are you sayiiiiing!?” I threw in a retort.

Visit readlightnovel.me for extra chapters.

There, Kureha whispered close to me.

“I can’t help it! I can’t tell her that I was shocked to see their naked bodies in the bath!”

“I mean, I get it, but…”

Why do you have to phrase it that way then? You’re just worsening my image. Ahh, she’ll definitely get the wrong idea. I slowly returned my gaze towards Masamune…

“…Hm, I see.” Surprisingly enough, Masamune just let out a sigh, and nodded. “Anyway, Sakamachi. Why don’t you go back to the room, Nakuru was looking for you.”

“Eh? NaruNaru was?”

“I met her outside the bath just now. She fell out of the window just now. Luckily she doesn’t seem hurt, but she got some scratches, so she’d like some bandaids. You brought some with you right?”

“Y-Yes! Anyway, I’ll go back to the room!” Kureha seemed to be embarrassed, as she rushed outside.

…Eh? What’s this abruptness? I thought she’d chew us out.

“Stupid chicken, you should be more careful. Knowing that this was about you, you probably had a particular reason for that, but anybody but me would have definitely gotten the wrong idea.”

“…Why are you so calm?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“No reason? You’re blood-related, right? It’s not that weird if one of you was just wearing underwear.”

“Hm…”

She’s not wrong. At home, Kureha’s always wearing fairly loose clothes. Even when she’s coming out of the bath, she’s mostly wearing her underwear as she gulps down her milk. Maybe I’m just the weird guy for getting oddly conscious of her? Maybe it’s because of that novel that I was just feeling weird.

“That’s right, since you’re siblings—family, this much is normal.” Masamune spoke with full confidence. “More importantly, let’s go back to the room. Suzutsuki Kanade brought cards with her, so we’ll be playing daifugō. Though she apparently hates when I call it at.” Masamune complained, but took me with her.

Well, whatever. As long as she didn’t get any weird misunderstandings, it’s all okay.

“…Hm?”

There, a certain doubt popped up in my head. Why did Masamune come to the room next to ours after leaving the bath, and not the one we stayed at? I feel like it was a straight line there.

“…Did you mistake the room?”

“…!”

I just blurted out what popped up in my head, but I guess I hit the mark. Looking over, Masamune bit her lip in embarrassment.

“O-Of course not! I was actually looking for you!” She screamed in embarrassment, and let out a ‘Hmpf’.

And this time, after confirming it was the right room, she walked inside.

 

As expected, the night turned into a cards tournament. I mean, hearing about this, you might be screaming ‘I’ll kill you, damn normie!’, but reality is often disappointing. Because of Suzutsuki and Masamune not being able to stand each other, every card game turned into a bloody war. Betrayal, conspiracy, everything you could imagine. Of course, we weren’t actually betting money or anything. We’re benevolent high school students after all.

Thus, the passionate cards tournament ended at midnight. With that flow, we all went to bed. Or that was the plan, but…

“…I can’t sleep.” Amidst the darkness, I muttered with a quiet voice.

Can you blame me, there’s girls all over in this room. Suzutsuki said that ‘With two boys in this room, we’ll know if something bad happens’, which is why they’re all sleeping around me and Konoe. I’m feeling like I was sitting on a small boat, surrounded by alligators. With my gynophobia, this is getting close to torture. By the way, the old man is sleeping outside on the balcony.

He gave me a really sharp glare, but I wouldn’t mind if he took over for me. Because of all the playing around this afternoon, I already fell asleep before, but after around an hour, I woke up because of a nightmare where I was thrown into the ocean bound up by chains all for the enjoyment of the girls. Despite it being summer, I was drenched in a cold sweat.

“Damn it…”

I should probably take another bath and freshen up again if things are like this. I can’t sleep being this sweaty. Amidst the darkness, I carefully walked through the room. I couldn’t tell too well, but I think everyone was sound asleep. I slipped out of the room while trying my best to not wake up anybody.

“Damn, they really rented out this entire place.”

It might be a bit late for that, but I couldn’t help muttering these words in the face of the absolutely empty hallway. Thinking that it’s just us in this large inn was kinda odd.

“…Oh yeah, why did Suzutsuki even come here?” Maybe because of the silence around me, I talked to myself yet again.

I’ve been wondering about this for a while. Suzutsuki said that she didn’t want to go on a trip overseas. But, whether it’s overseas or in Japan, she’s still on a trip, so what’s the difference? Not to mention that apparently it was a reason that was hard to tell me. How did the old fart even find us here in the first place?

“Hmm…Gonna think about it in the bath.” While muttering to myself, I reached the men’s bath.

As expected from this luxurious inn, the hot spring was as bourgeois as you could expect. Not to mention there’s two types. One large bathroom, and one open-air bath.

“…Alright.”

I took off my clothes in the changing room, and put them into the clothes basket. Just to make sure, I took a towel with me. If I don’t hide my personal bits even at home, I can’t calm down. Then again, I’m alone right now. I wrapped the towel around my waist, and started humming. I might as well enjoy the open-air bath since I’m here already. Onwards to the hot spring, I opened the door—

“J-Jirou!?”

Right there, a shocked alto voice reached my ears. The sky was filled with stars, and showered by their light was an oddly familiar face.

“Ko…Konoe!?”

That’s right, there stood Konoe Subaru. She was undoubtedly present in the open-air bath.

“W-Why are you here!?”

This is the men’s bath…Ah, right. She’s technically acting as a boy right now. She can’t exactly use the women’s bath after all. If someone but Suzutsuki found her there, the secret would be out. Also, don’t tell me…

“Were you waiting for this timing?”

“…!?”

Hearing my words, Konoe growled. Guess I was right. I bet the card games got in her way. Since there was no other moment of chance for her, she probably slipped out while we were all sleeping.

“Why are you here, Jirou! You should be sleeping right now!”

“Well, I happened to wake up.”

“Wha…Also, didn’t you already take a bath! I was always waiting to finally get a chance!”

“E-Even if you say that…”

“Not to mention…because of the sea water, my hair…”

“Ahh, that’s why you were rushing to take a bath, huh. You could have just told me, I would have stayed away if I knew.”

“B-But…”

“But?”

“Knowing it’s you, you probably would have tried to take a peek, right?”

“Why!?”

“The young lady told me that ‘All men are horny wolves’.”

“She’s the only wolf here!”

…Wait, why am I just normally talking with Konoe! Confirming the situation, Konoe Subaru stood in front of me, revealing a lot of her white skin, and her faintly red cheeks. Her hair was still a bit drenched from the water. Since entering the bath with a towel would be bad manners, she was not covered by anything…

“~~~! S-Stop looking! Just hurry up and get out!” Konoe embraced her body as she sank deeper into the water.

For some reason, her gaze even evaded me…Wait, I forgot. I’m wearing only a towel right now.

“S-Sorry to get in your way!” I reflexively apologized, and took a U-turn.

Alright, no bath for tonight. The sweat isn’t that big of a problem. In fact, I feel exhausted, so I should be able to sleep soon enough. With these thoughts, I put my hand on the changing room’s door, when…

“—Hm? Is someone in there?”

Through the door, I heard a husky voice. A voice that I would rather not remember, but knew too well—Konoe Nagare. For some reason, Konoe Subaru’s father appeared.

“……”

…Calm down, Sakamachi Kinjirou. Analyze the situation. If I go back now, I’ll run into the old man, and he’ll be faced with his beloved daughter…which then would result in a misunderstanding that I was taking a bath with Konoe! We’re talking about that helicopter parent, if he finds out about this, I’m dead meat. I’ll be the victim of a planned assassination. Even if I surrender, I’ll be killed. I might be forced to cut my belly like in the old Edo period.

“…! Jirou, hurry up over here!”

Konoe must have sensed the danger of the situation, or didn’t want me to be killed by her own father, as she beckoned me over to the open-air bath. No other choice, huh. We should work together in order to get out of this situation.

“Konoe, can you hide behind my back?”

While hopping into the hot water, I sat as far away as possible from the door. Since I have wider shoulders than Konoe, it’d be best if she sat right behind me. Luckily, a lot of steam covered the area as well.

“Yeah, it should be fine as long as I keep everything but my head in the water…!” Konoe said, as she put her back against mine, sinking deeper into the water.

Eeek, this is going to activate my gynophobia again! But, letting out a nosebleed here is too dangerous, so I somehow need to hide it…!

“So it was you, shitty brat.”

The door opened, and the old man set foot onto the open-air bath. He at least was wearing a towel around his waist.

“Y-Yeah. What are you doing here so late? It’s midnight.” I tried my best to deal with the symptoms of my gynophobia, and answered.

However, my goosebumps would not stop the entire time. They were running along my skin non-stop.

“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night, and saw that your futon was empty, so I figured you might be taking a bath, which is why I came here.” The old man wiped his glasses to clear it off the fog glued to it.

Judging from that, he didn’t realize that Konoe’s futon was empty. If he did, I would probably be dead by now.

“The thing is, I actually wanted to talk with you.” The old man spoke up with an oddly serious expression.

…? I wonder what it is. Maybe about this trip? Perhaps he can tell me what’s going on with this whole elopement mess…

“What relationship do you have with my daughter?”

I almost fell over in the bath hearing that question.

“Hm? What’s that reaction for? Don’t tell me…did it already happen?!”

“Did what happen!?”

“Hm, what are you saying. You’re in high school, do you really need me to teach you sex ed right now?”

“…Rest assured, we’re just friends. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We’re just good classmates. Nothing more, nothing less.”

That is how things should stand, unless my estimation is wrong.

“Hmpf.”

For some reason, I heard a displeased voice behind my back. Konoe I beg you, just don’t talk right now. Would you have preferred if I called us good friends?

“Hm, that’s fine then. Well, knowing Subaru, I doubt something like this would happen.” The old man let out a satisfied sigh.

He’s as much of a helicopter parent as always. He sees some colors as soon as it’s about his daughter, almost like a chameleon.

“Guess I was just needlessly worrying.”

“Needlessly worrying?”

“…Well, it just seemed like Subaru was looking forward to school more and more recently.”

There, I felt Konoe twitch behind my back, only for her shoulders to start shaking.

“This has never happened before, so I was just a bit curious.”

“Huh. I guess you are worried after all.”

“Heh, of course. Which parent is not worried about their children? Not to mention that it’s Subaru. I mean, look how cute she is.”

Without waiting for my response, the old fart continued telling me stories of how Konoe was bitten by a puppy before, how she was scared of ghosts and snuck into his bed, how she said that she’d become Papa’s wife in the future once she’s grown up…and many more.

I think you should stop right there, old man. I don’t mind hearing more about this, but your daughter is reaching a limit. I’ve been hearing ominous ‘Kill…kill…kill’ muttering behind my back for a while now. Not like I can blame her, it’s mighty embarrassing to have your parents reveal past stories when you were a child.

“What do you think? Did you finally understand how cute my daughter is?”

“Yeah, I sure did.”

I also understand how hard she must have it. As soon as this battlefield here is done, Konoe will probably slaughter the old man without a moment’s hesitation. To think love could hurt you so much, it’s hard trying to raise a child, I bet.

“Well, that’s also why I can’t say anything with Kanade-ojousama running away from home.”

“……”

Hold on a second, why is that being brought up right now?

“Hm? Wait, you haven’t heard anything from the two?”

“I mean, Suzutsuki said that she didn’t want to go on that overseas trip with her parents.”

“Pretty much. However, there’s a particular reason for that.”

“Reason?”

The old man let out a sigh.

“—The death anniversary.” He declared.

“Death anniversary? Hold on…”

“That’s right, the death anniversary of Subaru’s mother. It’s the day after tomorrow. The trip overseas overlapped with that date. Since Kanade-ojousama would be travelling, that naturally meant Subaru, her butler, would have to tag along as well. That would mean she can’t go to visit her mother’s grave the day after tomorrow.”

“………”

“So far, she has visited her mother’s grave every year. If my job permits it, I do too. Well, since bringing back the young lady is pretty much impossible this year, I get to visit it myself this year.”

“Did you give up on taking them back already?”

“The main family just contacted me, saying they cancelled the trip. I know it must have cost them some other important business too. Really, what a moody master I have.” The old man sighed as he shook his head.

That means he really is just tagging along as our guardian for this trip, huh.

“Ah, one more thing I wanted to ask. How did you know we were here?”

I don’t think that Suzutsuki would just leak our destination anywhere. He must have found us by using some other tracking move.

“It’s simple. It could only be here. Remember? The day after tomorrow is the death anniversary.”

“The day after tomorrow…”

I see. So there’s not much time anymore. Thinking of Suzutuski’s plan, the goal of coming all the way out here for this whole elopement nonsense…

“Exactly. The grave of her mother is close to this inn. That’s why the young lady chose to hole up in here.”

“Don’t tell me…when she said that Konoe’s family was living close-by today at the beach…”

“It’s the truth mixed in with a lie. The Takanashi Family lives around here, and she sleeps in the grave close to it.”

“……”

So that’s why she made up the lie of the elopement. In reality, Suzutsuki set up this plan for the sake of her own butler. Damn it, at least tell me about that. Am I the only one left out again? How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me…Maybe there was a reason she couldn’t tell me? But, that at least cleared up a lot of doubts.

“……”

No, not yet. Something is still off. Why is her mother’s grave at the Takanashi Family? Konoe’s family had been butlers for generations. I’m sure that Konoe’s mother must be a member of the Konoe Family as well. Then, why was she not allowed in the Konoe Family’s grave? Is that the reason why nobody could tell me the truth?

“I’ll be leaving now.”

“Hm? Pretty fast alright.”

“Yeah, I simply wanted to ask about your relationship with Subaru. Tomorrow we’ll go to the beach, and at night waits the summer festival. As your guardian, I need to be fresh for those events.” He left behind these words, and returned to the changing room.

…Finally saved. That took care of one battlefield. I was oddly focussed on my conversation with the old man, I didn’t even feel much about my symptoms. Also, I feel like Konoe was trying to be considerate, and tried not to touch my back too much.

“Konoe, it’s okay now.” I called out to the person behind my back, to which I got back a faint ‘…Yeah’.

I was about to turn around, purely out of reflex, and stopped myself. If I did that now, I’d definitely end up with a nosebleed.

“Also, the goal of this trip was to visit your mother’s grave?” I tried to not make things too awkward as I asked.

I bet they really had me tag along to fix my gynophobia, but the elopement was to deceive the inn.

“So, why didn’t you tell me?”

“T-That’s…”

I wonder why. Konoe suddenly grew silent, so it really must be a reason that’s hard to tell.

“J-Jirou, can we talk about that later?”

“Hm? Why?”

“T-The thing is…I’ve been holding back this entire time…”

“……”

The…toilet? I imagined Konoe fidgeting nervously behind my back. Not to mention in her birthday suit…Wait, stop. Don’t imagine that. That’s taking things too far.

“H-Hurry up and leave then. The old man should be gone by now. I’ll turn my back towards you, so don’t worry about me seeing anything.”

“Urk…Y-Yeah, sorry.” I felt Konoe move behind me.

I heard it’s bad if you hold back for too long after all. There was a toilet in the changing room, so she should make it in—

“—Hey, shitty brat.”

However, across the changing room door, I heard an awfully cold and yet passionately aggressive husky voice.

“W-What, you’re still here?” I asked as calmly as I could manage.

…This is bad. I have an awful feeling about this situation.

“Well, I just wanted to ask something.”

“H-Huh, alright. Fire ahead.”

For some reason, his tone sounded much more aggressive than before. Like he’s fuming despite having left the bath. But, I couldn’t ask why that was, since I was terrified.

“…Well, I was just wondering. I found this casket with a yukata and female underwear in it, mind telling me who this belongs to?”

“……”

…It’s over. Because there were lots of caskets in that changing room, I must have overseen it on my way in. I feel like something similar happened back during Golden Week, right. Before it was my little sister, and now it’s that old man. Imma be honest, I don’t feel like I can get out of this, alright.

“—Let me ask you.” Beneath the starry summer sky, the old man asked his question—and began this trial. “Does this belong to you?”

“Y-Yeah. I was actually into that sort of stuff…”

“Huh, quite the odd interest to have. You were wearing such cute underwear?”

“W-Well, it just calms me down, you know~ It’s like doing a popular diet.”

“Oh yeah, my daughter has the same underwear.”

“Eh!? R-Really, what a coincidence!”

“Oh, there’s male underwear in another basket over here.”

“That!? Ah…that’s what I put on my head! I wanna take the world by storm! It just refreshes my head!”

“Hahaha, don’t worry, my head couldn’t be more refreshed.”

“H-Huh, glad to hear that.”

“—Shitty brat.”

“W-What do you want, old fart.” I returned the question, to which the old man stayed quiet for a moment.

“Today…will be your death anniversary.”

The door shot open, and the old man came dashing towards me with blood-shot eyes. He sure changed quickly, because he was wearing his yukata.

“You shitty braaaaaaaaaaat! M-Mixed bathing!? Not to mention with Subaru…with my own daughter!?”

“C-Calm down, it was an accident!”

“No excuses! I will delete all memories from your rotten brain!”

“You’re going to kill me in the process!”

“Don’t you worry! I’ll rob your eyeballs from you, and rewatch everything you’ve seen for myself tonight!”

“What the hell happened to you?!”

It seems like the fact that her daughter was bathing with another man was so much of a shock it made him go bat-shit crazy. He was throwing curses at me, closing in…

“…!?”

The second he leaped through the steam and into the bath, his expression was distorted in shock. Suddenly, something jumped between me and the old man.

“Gyah!?”

Konoe’s beautiful jumping uppercut stabbed directly into the old man’s lower jaw, sending him flying, and slamming into the ground. He didn’t get up again.

“T-Thanks a bunch, Konoe! You saved—” I wanted to give her my gratitude, only to stop mid-sentence.

“Kya!” Konoe let out an adorable shriek.

Konoe Subaru’s glossy hair was wet, droplets of water on her delicate arms and legs. Her skin was colored in a charming red. Her beautifully shaped collarbone and healthy breasts were in plain sight, as well as her adorable belly. Subaru-sama in her birthday suit stood right there. How do I say this…what a sight.

“…!?”

Immediately after, I felt killing intent approaching my cranium with a roundhouse kick. It was a flustered Konoe’s counterattack. Normally, I would have been able to defend myself, as we’ve been training a lot together as of late. I might have even been able to evade it. However, I couldn’t.

“Guha!?”

The intense impact slammed right into my skull, and slammed me to the ground. Even so, I had no regrets. My consciousness was starting to fade, and yet one thought stayed with me until the end.

“…Ah.”

I’m so glad to be alive.

1 A childbirth technique developed in the 1940s